Crawling Depression

"Dépression rampante"

11-25-19

It's all coming back,

And it's coming fast

The cold dark feelings of unhappiness, and loneliness, and sadness , and everything in between

Are all crawling up my spine

Making its way down my arms and legs

Like I'm the puppet and it's controlling me but it seems that it won't let go of me

no matter how much I fight back

It keeps coming when I don't expect it and refuses to let me be

It leaves me felling drained like I'm a hollow shell just roaming around with no purpose

And I don't know if god has heard my prayers lately or not because they haven't seemed to have been working the last few years

I've had a friend or two tell me that I should see someone

Like a therapist

Or a doctors for antidepressants

But I don't think that I've been able to come to terms with what's happening in my head so instead I write

I write till I cannot anymore

Till the pain In my hand makes me forget about whatever this felling is

Because I'm to scared to go and tell someone that I need help

I have trained my self to believe that I don't need help and that I can deal with things myself and I'm just to busy distracting myself anyway with other things

Like Throwing myself in to sports like cheer

Like Throwing myself into sports like track

And Like Throwing myself into sports like basketball

And yes I know People say that the more athletic you are the less likely you are to have depression

but I know that's not true cuz if it was I wouldn't be here right now

writing this poem to myself in my room trying to distract myself from the world around me That seems that hate me so much

for no reason other than taking up to much space on this earth for just being happy for once

For trying to be myself

For breathing this air

For being alive just like every other person on this planet

In our solar system

In this galaxy

In this universe, even

But I keep writing

And I keep running

And I keep breathing

Even when I fell like I've had enough with this world I keep going

But it's hard to remember that sometimes

That's why it keeps coming back

Time and time again

I can't escape it no matter how hard I try