Beside You Ch. 5: Gone

Chapter Five: Gone

It was Thursday, and I already had an unnecessary amount of anxiety over the uniforms.

I had put it on today for school, and I was far too nervous for comfort.

Benny was putting her uniform on, so I took the opportunity to use her full-length mirror.

I stared back at myself, and I frowned.

My uniform looked strange on me. I wore the pink flats with a pink skirt and a white button-down short-sleeved shirt. I didn't want to wear the matching pink tie, but I didn't really have a choice. I was told I had to wear the silver bracelet. It had my name and my school ID number on it.

The skirt ended a little above my knees, but unless it was to my ankles, it would feel too short for me.

I had to wear the identification bracelet outside of school too, just in case something happened to me. The number for the school was on the underside of it, as well as my name.

Even though I was frowning about the uniform, I knew that I would have to wear it all day, every day.

The only thing that kept coming to mind other than the ghastly thing I was wearing, was that I actually had a day pass today, and I was going to use it.

I was still studying my reflection in my uniform when I heard Benny curse under her breath.

"What is it?" I asked her.

"These damn uniforms," she hissed.

I turned around to see her in her second uniform.

It was a dress. Uniform one consisted of a skirt and a button-up shirt, and uniform two had a dress. Uniform three was a short skirt to wear during fitness.

"These things in no way, shape, or form are sexy."

She looked good, though.

The dress was pale pink, with pink flat shoes. The same bracelet was around her wrist.

"I knew the uniforms were going to be ridiculous," she groaned.

We both pretty much knew that they were going to be, but we have to wear them anyway.

"We should head out," Benny said, "Class is about to start."

I nodded before grabbing my bag.

"I feel like I belong in a cartoon," Benny stated, "Then at least I would have an excuse to feel this stupid."

I turned to smile at her.

"You're going to be fine."

She looked uneasy.

"We'll get through it," I said, "We have to."

She hesitated before nodding.

Benny was quick to grab her bag, then we were out of there.

++++++++++

I am pretty sure today sucked.

This morning I was so optimistic, and I was going to grin and bear it, but today sucked.

The constant snarky remarks and pissy attitudes only managed to work my nerves.

I know I wasn't completely optimistic, I worried, but I felt better once I saw Benny in her uniform. It made me feel brave.

I sat through Home Economics with Benny, and we were both too irritated to talk about it.

She was really growing on me, and I feel like I was meant to come here to meet her. I never knew anyone like her before.

It's been maybe a week, and she was already my best friend.

All three of them were, but to them, I might just be the new girl.

I made a face when the bell rang. I had been enjoying our mutual silence.

She turned to me and smiled weakly, "I'll see you later."

I nodded at her, and I stood up to head to Fitness.

I went into the bathroom after grabbing my clothes from my locker, and I changed in there.

Today I didn't get to take it easy. I had to run around the field twice for extra credit. The first one was mandatory. The second was extra credit. To think I actually got to take it easy all week.

What bullshit that was.

I could always use the extra credit, and it didn't hurt me to run a second one. The other kids were running three or four laps.

I walked my second lap, and I just felt like I was in a daze. I thought about the mini-golfing on Saturday, and I just kept wondering how much fun it was going to be.

Not too long after I got done with my second lap, I could hear the sound of laughter.

I glanced up to see a few girls laughing and pointing in my direction.

"She won't even change in the locker room," one said.

"What is her deal?" another one asked.

I felt the need to roll my eyes but decided against it.

I sat down in my usual spot and sighed. I couldn't wait to leave campus. I could have a break from some of these judgmental bitches.

I pulled my phone from my pocket to see if I had any messages, but there were none.

I turned to look through the black gate, and I could see Michael smoking a cigarette with a few other people around him.

There was a girl with long blonde hair at his side, and he was definitely ignoring her. I just pulled my phone back out of my pocket, and I initiated the first text.

To: Michael - 'Howdy.'

I turned back to face the locker room, and I waited for my phone to buzz.

This time he didn't respond as fast as he usually does.

I turned around to see him pull his phone out, and the girl next to him grabbed it.

Good thing I didn't say anything weird.

He snatched the phone away from her. She tried to move back to put a little space between her and Michael, but I watched as she fell over, and part of me felt bad for the poor girl.

He used the grass under him to put out his cigarette, and he typed on his phone.

I turned away from him.

From: Michael - 'Long time no talk.'

I stared at the message, my heart beat faster involuntarily.

To: Michael - 'You seem to be having quite a bit of fun.'

I felt like a jealous idiot, but it was small talk, and it was all I really had in me.

I could clearly remember the last time we spoke and felt my cheeks grow red.

From: Michael - 'Does it really look that way? They only help pass the time.'

I made a face at the message.

It made me wonder if he really does seem to hate everybody.

So then why didn't he hate me?

To: Michael - 'Are you excited about Saturday?'

I knew I was, and I remembered what Benny said about him really wanting to mini-golf.

My phone buzzed, and I checked it.

From: Michael - 'I'm not sure excited is the right word, but I am looking forward to it.'

I smiled at his message. I realized too late that I used the word excited. Of course, he wouldn't use the word excited without it meaning something sexual.

To: Michael - 'You and I use the word excited in completely different ways.'

I turned around to look at him again, and everyone he was with is a little further away, and he was completely singled out.

From: Michael - 'If you want me excited, I can try.'

I made a face at the small screen.

To: Michael - 'Your version of excited or mine?'

From: Michael - 'Both.'

I frowned. I don't think I could handle another phone session with him. I would surely die.

I didn't know what to say, yeah, I would like to do it again but at the same time, I didn't.

My phone buzzed before I had the chance to respond.

From: Michael - 'So how do you like the new uniform?'

I was glad that he changed the subject.

To: Michael - 'I don't particularly enjoy them.'

I glanced back at him, and he was laughing.

Why the hell was he laughing?

From: Michael - 'I've seen quite a bit of pink today, I thought you and Benny might be miserable.'

To: Michael - 'Well you sir are very right.'

The sweat pants I wore were dark gray, so I was able to tolerate the light pink short-sleeved shirt I wore.

Pink still wasn't my color. I just didn't like that it showed off the birthmark on my right arm.

From: Michael - 'I'm sure you look just fine.'

I made a face at the message.

The bell rang, and I was quick to put my phone back into my pocket.

I made my way to the locker room, and I dressed in the bathroom.

The girls were talking about random stuff, and most of them lagged because this is the last class for the day.

I headed for my room before stopping, it was 4:00 PM now, and the post office didn't stay open very late.

Should I change?

I shook my head quickly as I went into the room, and I left my bag on my bed before I grabbed my purse and made sure I had my day pass.

Once I made sure I had everything I needed, I left the room.

Benny knew I was going to leave campus after school, but I decided to text her to let her know that I was leaving.

To: Benny – 'I'm going to head to the post office before it closes, do you need anything while I'm out?'

I was at the front gate, getting glared at when I felt my phone go off.

I handed the man at the front gate my day pass, and he looked it over before handing it back to me. I stood behind him while he unlocked the gate and held it open for me to step through it.

"Thank you," I mumbled.

He simply nodded, and I walked out and took my phone out of my pocket.

From: Benny – 'Okay. I think I'm good until tomorrow, thanks :].'

I smiled at the small face at the end of her message. I went through my phone, and I saw I had another text message.

I pressed back on the phone and saw a number one next to the name 'Michael King.'

I made sure I was on the bus before I read it.

From: Michael – 'Do you guys also have to wear those stupid ID bracelets?'

I felt like an ass for not responding earlier.

To: Michael – 'Yeah, I kind of like them though. Do you have any weird uniform things?'

I realized I sounded like an idiot, but it was fine.

The bus was about to stop at the Town Square, and I felt my phone buzz again.

From: Michael – 'And here I was thinking I was being ignored. And yes, we have the ID bracelets too.'

I didn't see him wearing one before.

To: Michael – 'Did you guys just get them?'

I put my phone away once the bus stopped and I headed for the post office.

The only thing I could do was sigh.

Mom told me it was important that I got this.

A man held the door open for me once he walked out and I thanked him, he only nodded before walking away.

I walked up to the counter and told the woman my name, and she walked to the back.

I looked at my phone and saw another message.

Before I had the chance to read it, the woman came back and set the box on the counter.

I studied it, it wasn't very big, but I wouldn't exactly call it small either.

"This is for Ren Graham, right?"

She looked at the shipping address.

"Ren Graham," she nodded, "You attend that lady school and mail any bigger than an envelope can't be delivered there."

I nodded as I took the box into my hands, "Thank you."

She nodded and talked to the girl behind me.

I stared down at the box and frowned.

Part of me didn't want to open it at all.

I wasn't ready to open it, so I just headed for the bus again. It wasn't that late, and it made me wonder if I was even ready to go back to campus yet.

No, of course, I wasn't ready to go back yet.

I looked around the parking lot, and I saw a Good Will store, and I found myself smiling. I hadn't been to one in a while.

I pulled open the door and headed to the books.

It was always strange to see what kind of books were here, there were always different genres, and some were in excellent condition while others weren't so much.

I glanced over the titles just to see which ones there were. None really caught my attention, so I just walked around.

Shoes, I didn't need any. Pants, I won't be able to wear any during school hours, so I didn't need any more. Maybe I could look for another white shirt?

I went to the clothes, and I looked at the white shirts they had, but again none really seemed to interest me.

My gaze left the small section of whites, and I saw the dresses.

Do I act like Saturday is a date, or do I just dress normally?

I didn't know, but it also didn't hurt just to look.

I stood in front of the semi-long line of dresses.

There were clearly prom dresses, cocktail dresses, and even costumes. I moved the dresses over, but I stopped once I saw something that was bright yellow.

I pulled the long dress from the rack, and I studied it.

It looked like a day gown. The material felt like it was meant to be pajamas.

I strangely wanted it. I nodded to myself, and I headed for the counter.

There were four people in front of me, so I decided to check my phone.

From: Michael - 'The bracelets are new, it's better than the ankle one.'

I frowned, he had to wear an ankle bracelet before?

To: Michael - 'An ankle bracelet sounds just as miserable as a bright pink school uniform.'

It was my turn to pay so again I sheathed my phone in my pocket. The current time 4:47 PM.

The man smiled warmly at me and rang up my ten-dollar dress.

"Can I get a bigger bag?" I asked him.

He looked at the box I was carrying and nodded as he pulled a bigger bag out to put the dress in.

I gave him my card before I put the box into the bag.

I had to show him my ID, and then I was out of there.

Instead of going back to campus just yet, I figured I would get something to eat, but I would have to take the bus again.

I waited for a few minutes at the stop once the tram pulled up, I was quick inside. The stop after this was the mall, and they had quite a few places to choose from.

I stood as I stared out the window, this thing needed more seats if it was going to have this many people on it.

The longer I stood, the more paranoid I felt, it was almost like someone was watching me. I didn't care much for this feeling.

I turned my head, and I heard a hiss behind me.

"Fucking pervert," I heard a voice growl.

I was quick to turn around, and I was surprised.

Michael snatched some guys' phone and looked at the screen.

"Michael?" I asked.

I was so confused. How long was he here? Why didn't he say anything sooner?

Most importantly, what the hell just happened?

He looked at me pissed off, and the man next to him was sweating bullets.

Michael stared at the phone screen, and his face nearly went red with anger.

The tram stopped, and Michael got off, not bothering to return the phone. The man didn't even try to take it back.

I rushed out to see him throw the phone on the floor and stomp on it.

"What the hell are you doing?" I demanded, "You just took that man's phone."

"What kind of a person cuts their own thighs?" he hissed.

I felt panic rise in my chest. How the hell did he know?

"Next time, wear a fucking pair of shorts," he growled.

Hold on a second... What?

"What the hell?" I demanded.

"That guy on the bus," Michael pointed at the empty space the tram used to be, "Slipped his phone under your skirt and took several pictures of your panties."

I made a face, I felt paranoid for a reason then.

I was mortified.

"I don't have any shorts," I admitted.

I always wore pants, sometimes I wore basketball shorts, but those were too big to wear under my skirt.

He looked angry, and I didn't know why he was angry. I was the one who was just violated. Twice.

"Let's go," he said.

I went blank.

"Go where?" I asked.

"To get you some fucking shorts."

I frowned. Why was he acting this way?

"Michael," I said.

He stopped, "That's unattractive, what the hell would possess you into thinking it was okay to fucking do that to yourself?"

I was angry this time. I wasn't possessed, I was depressed, I was sad, I was angry, and I needed something to get me through it.

I didn't kill myself, I just cut, and I regret it. So, I don't need to hear his stupid lecture.

"Ren," he seethed, "Why?"

I ground my teeth.

"When was the last time you cut yourself?"

"Why should it matter?" I hissed, "It's my body."

"How fucking childish," he growled at me "Have you already forgotten that we worry about you?"

Oh no, I could feel the tears again.

"I won't say anything to Benny," he said, "But you have to tell me when the last time was."

I stopped, and he was quick to turn around.

"Were you here?" he asked, "Or were you at home?"

I stared at his school uniform, and I felt empty.

The black dickies ended just over the laces of black Converse, and the long white sleeve shirt he wore had the sleeves folded up nearly to his elbows. He still wore his uniform black tie.

His black metal ID bracelet was in clear view now.

"Ren," he said.

"It was a few days before I left home," I admitted, "I got into a huge fight with my mom, and we both said horrible things to each other."

I know it wasn't a valid excuse, but cutting gave me a way to escape my mental pain.

He stared down at me.

I could see that he was trying not to get mad.

"Why are you even here?" I asked him, "I thought you couldn't leave campus yet?"

"It's Thursday," he stated, "I can leave now."

I nodded slowly.

"I'm still buying you shorts," he said, "Don't even try to get out of it."

"I can buy my own shorts" I tried not to shout.

"Too bad," he said before walking again.

I frowned, but I followed him.

"You have more baggage than I thought you did," he stated.

It irritated me that he felt it was necessary to say that.

"I'm clearly more damaged than you would think," I stated.

He didn't say anything this time.

I just followed him into the first clothing store we saw.

I found it kind of funny as I watched him walk through and scan the women's clothes. He looked very determined.

He walked up to me and held a pair of shorts to my waist.

I didn't care anymore. I just stood there like a shell.

He looked at me and made a face, "Go back to normal. I don't care much for this Ren."

I didn't move, I barely acknowledged that he spoke at all.

"I'm sorry," Michael said, "I understand more than you know, but stop acting like this."

He stood right in front of me, and his dark sapphire blue eyes stared back at me concerned.

Maybe this was the real me. That might explain why I was so tired all the time. Smiling like it was nothing, laughing like I wasn't in any pain.

"I don't want to see you like this," he stated.

I didn't feel anything right now, and it felt good. I was tired of feeling, and I just didn't want to deal with it all anymore.

He grabbed my face roughly with his right hand, and I flinched at the tight grip.

"Stop it," he hissed, "Or I'll do something you won't want me to do."

I just stared at him and tried not to let the pain bother me.

"I just want to sleep," I sighed "I'm so tired."

His expression changed, and his eyes went wide.

He dropped his hand, and he walked back to the rack of clothes.

He was getting tired of me too.

I think that feeling hurt far more than the grip he had on my chin.

I watched as he pulled almost every pair of shorts off the rack that were black or gray, and he went to another one.

What the hell was he doing?

A woman walked up to him and smiled. She was trying to get him to notice her.

He barely looked in her direction, and she touched his shoulder.

He said something I couldn't hear, and she walked off.

What did he say to her? Did he make her cry?

It didn't take long for her to come back, and she had a small cart with her.

Michael dropped the clothes in the cart and said something else to her.

She made a face.

He turned to look at me, and I felt strangely irritated with the girl he was near.

"Come on, Ren," he said to me.

I was a burden to him, he was going out of his way to help me, and I was being a brat.

My feet moved, even though my brain told me to stop.

I was next to him, and the woman looked confused.

"So this is your type now?" the girl asked, "She looks far more damaged than you."

Why? I felt this anger towards her, and it wasn't because she called me damaged, but because she said he was.

The blank expression I had before was gone. My gaze went to her, and I knew how I looked, I looked scary. The glare I shot at her made her look scared.

"Michael is not damaged," I seethed, "You are."

She looked pissed that I even tried to talk to her.

"What was that?" she hissed.

I was about to say something back, but I felt a hand close over mine.

"This is my type now," Michael stated, "Scary and damaged."

I looked at him, and he was smiling at me.

It was more of a smirk, the way his mouth angled.

My heart was beating like crazy.

"I guess two fucked up people deserve each other," the girl said, "You won't be this nice to her in a week, so just get over yourself, Michael."

I glared at the girl again. She was very close to getting hit.

"Say whatever you want," Michael stated, "This one is different."

I felt my body tremble at his words, and my hand began to sweat in his grasp.

"Go do what you do best," Michael said to her, "Find men who are willing to fund your drug addiction."

He pushed the cart with one hand, and I tried to take my hand away so it would be easier for him to maneuver the cart, but he squeezed my hand tight.

"You aren't getting away," he stated.

"I'm not going anywhere," I stated, "You can barely push the cart."

He looked at me before releasing my hand.

"Don't disappear like that again," he said.

I nodded slowly.

He began to walk again, and he stopped at dresses.

Why were we over here?

"Do you like dresses?" he asked.

I didn't really know.

"I'm not sure," I admitted, "I've never owned one, but I got one at the Good Will."

He turned to look at me "Let me buy one for you."

"You are already doing more than enough," I said.

"Please," he said, "Let me buy you a new one."

Why did he want to? Why wouldn't he just let me say no?

"W-What kind of dress?" I stuttered.

He walked forward and scanned the dresses, why did he want to buy me things? I could take care of it myself.

I was too busy wondering about it, that when he called my name, I didn't hear him.

"Ren?" he asked.

My head shot up, and he almost looked scared.

"Sorry," I smiled lightly, "Just got lost in my own mind."

He held out a short red dress. It looked like it would stop right above my knees.

"How about this one?"

I moved forward to touch the dress, and I smiled. It was definitely a beautiful dress.

"Should I try it on?" I asked.

He showed me another smile, and it had the same effect.

"Go for it," he said awkwardly, not meeting my gaze.

"Wait outside the dressing room so I can show it to you," I said before handing him my bag.

I felt happy, and I didn't want this feeling to go away.

I knew I was acting childish, but I couldn't help myself.

How often did I try on dresses? I really never owned one, and that in itself is just plain sad.

I walked into the dressing room stall, and I was quick to pull the clothes I had on, off. The skirt dropped, and I glared at the pink fabric as it laid there on the floor. I stepped in the red dress before pulling the side zipper up.

Michael grabbed the right size, which I thought was quite lucky.

I stepped out and saw him looking at his phone.

The girl who was supposed to be helping customers was trying to talk to Michael, and he made it quite apparent that he wasn't interested in her existence.

"Michael," I called.

He looked up at me, and he looked blank for a minute. I spun around to show him all of it, and I smiled wide. It was a lovely dress.

It made me feel beautiful. His eyes were glued to me, and the girl looked at me irritated.

It was a second later that I noticed her eyes running down my arm. I hated it when I got that once-over look from people. A look of revulsion was almost always right after.

Not from them. Benny hasn't looked at me like that.

He grinned back at me, "That's the one."

I went back into the dressing room and changed my clothes, and I made sure to put the dress back on its hanger.

Michael didn't look like my discolored skin bothered him in the slightest.

Once I was all set, I walked out, and the girl was still trying to talk to him. How shameless.

I walked up to the cart and folded the dress in half before placing it in the cart.

"Ready to go?" Michael asked.

"Didn't you hear me?" the girl asked.

"I heard you," Michael stated, "I just hoped that you would be smart enough to get the hint, but apparently not."

He pushed the cart forward, and I walked next to him.

"Girls hit on you a lot," I stated.

He didn't say anything.

"Michael?" I asked.

"I have some stuff to get at another store," he said, "Will you come with me?"

I nodded as I looked at him. He avoided looking directly at me.

He stood in line, and I watched as he checked his phone.

"Is everything alright?" I asked.

"Gus won't stop calling me," he sighed.

"So answer it," I said.

He shook his head.

What was up with him?

"Are you okay?" I asked.

He finally turned to look at me "I am in a strangely great mood. I just don't want to hear anything that might piss me off."

I smiled at him, and he frowned.

"What?" he demanded.

"I was just thinking something similar."

He looked away from me again, and he was next in line. I watched as he placed all the shorts on the counter, and the woman rang them up.

I watched as the price said $5.99 over and over until she scanned the dress.

The price of the dress was $69.99.

I gasped, "I don't need the dress." I said quickly.

The girl was about to take it off the computer, but Michael shook his head.

"I'm buying you the dress."

I felt this bad feeling in my stomach. I didn't want him to feel obligated just because I liked it.

He scanned his card, and we stood there while she bagged the clothing.

I didn't feel right, this didn't feel right.

He took the bags, and the feeling in my stomach only got worse.

Michael walked towards the exit, and I followed behind him.

"Michael," I said, "The dress was a lot, you didn't have to get it."

"Quit being stupid," he said plainly.

I looked at him, confused.

"If it meant seeing you with that kind of smile," he said, "And that happy, I would have spent much more on a dress."

I felt the red in my cheeks.

"Thank you," I said, not being able to meet his gaze, "Thank you."

"Wear it on Saturday," he said, "Tell Benny to dress up, and we'll have a real date night."

I felt myself smiling wide, "Okay."

"Do you own any heels?" he asked.

I glared at him, "We're done buying me things."

He didn't seem fazed, "What size shoe do you wear?"

"No," I said quickly, "I can buy my own shoes."

He didn't look like he wanted to discuss this.

"Either you try on shoes, or I buy every red and black pair I can find."

I made a face.

Why was he doing this?

"Let me spoil you today," he said, "I have more than enough money, so you don't need to worry about that."

I felt terrible when people did things for me, this wasn't any different. I didn't want him to dote on me even a little.

It made me feel like I was useless and that I couldn't do anything for myself. It also made me feel like a burden.

I don't want him to ever think I want him for his money, because that wouldn't be true.

I had to stop when I thought that. Did I want him?

We walked through the mall, and he pointed to the shoe store.

"Start looking for a pair of heels, I just need to grab something really quick from the store next door."

I looked at him for a minute. I nodded slowly and took some of the bags he had.

I walked into the shoe store, and immediately I was greeted by someone.

"Good afternoon," the man smiled wide, "Can I help you find anything?"

I made a face, "I'm just trying to find a cheap pair of heels."

He smiled wider, "What size?"

"I can look for them," I said.

The man frowned but nodded, "If you need any help, my name is Alex."

I smiled lightly. "Thank you."

"And you are?" he asked me.

I looked at him for a minute, this dude was going beyond the typical polite worker.

"Ren," I stated.

He moved a little closer to me, and I took that as my chance to walk away. This whole situation was a little too awkward for me.

My eyes wandered the sizes on the sides of the aisles. Once I saw the section I was looking for, I turned.

What color shoes should I wear?

I looked at the different color heels, and I picked up a black pair and checked the price.

I almost threw the box away from me, but I slowly put the shoe back in the box then back on the shelf.

I really didn't want to choose one.

"Ren?"

I looked up, hoping to see Michael, but it wasn't him.

Alex stood there a little awkwardly.

"Hey," I said.

"I noticed you in the eights, so I grabbed a pair I thought you might like."

I took the outstretched box, and I smiled lightly at him.

I pulled the lid off the box so I could get a good look at the shoes.

The heels were black and very shiny. I wasn't sure how to feel about them.

"Ren?" I heard a further voice call.

"Eight," I called back.

I watched as Michael turned down the aisle I was in.

Alex turned to see who came down.

"Michael," Alex said.

"Alex," Michael said.

"Uh, you guys know each other?" I asked.

"How is Benny?" Alex asked.

"Benny is none of your fucking business," Michael said simply.

"I see you changed types," Alex stated, "It's a shame, really. I planned on fucking her in the back room."

Michael looked irritated by what Alex said.

"I would have to cover that fucked up spot on her face first," he said, "That might make her a little hotter."

I made a face before I grabbed Alex by the back of his shirt to make him face me.

"Did I offend you?" he asked, amused.

I glared at the man, "If you wanted to fuck me, you should have said so."

He looked surprised before smirking at Michael.

Michael looked pretty mad.

"Really?" Alex asked, "Well, I do."

I grinned at him as I moved closer, as soon as I was right in front of him, I brought my knee up roughly against his groin.

He went down hard, and I glared at him on the floor.

"Don't talk about Benny, don't talk about Michael, don't talk about Gus," I spat "And shut the fuck up about me."

I looked up at Michael, and he looked surprised this time.

"Damn Ren," he said, trying not to smile, "I'm impressed."

I smiled sheepishly at him, "I've learned how to deal with guys like him."

"Guys like me?" Alex spat, "Michael is so much worse!"

I wasn't bothered by his accusation, "So I've heard."

Michael just stood there looking down at Alex.

I knelt down to smile at him. Of course, it wasn't a happy one.

"I don't like when people insult my friends," I said, keeping the same smile, "Would you like to find out what happens when I get really mad?"

Alex was quick to shake his head.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Alex hissed.

"It would be a shame if you broke that dick of yours," Michael stated.

Alex glared up at him, but Michael didn't look at him. He was scanning the shelf.

"I found a pair," Michael said, pulling the box from the shelf and handing it to me.

I looked down at the red heels.

"Red?" I asked.

"Red is your color," he shrugged.

I couldn't help but smile, the shoes were shiny red, and I thought they fit quite well with the dress.

"Let's check out," Michael said.

"I should try them on first," I said.

"They fit," he stated.

I walked near the front, and I pulled the flat black shoe I wore off so I could try on the red heel.

He was right, it fit perfectly.

I looked up at him, how did he know?

The dress was a perfect fit, so were the shoes?

I narrowed my eyes at him.

I was in an aisle of size eight, so naturally, he would be able to guess my size.

I studied the box, and I saw the number 8 1/2.

What the hell?

"Ren."

I looked up to see him at the register. I quickly handed him the box.

The older man behind the counter brought up something about a sale, and Michael shook his head before thanking him.

We walked out with all the stuff, and I made a face when I actually stopped to look at all the bags.

My Good Will bag, two from the first store full of shorts and the dress, the shoe bag, and he had another one.

"What'd you sneak off for?" I asked.

He turned to shrug, "I just wanted to look at the lighters."

I glared at him.

"Are you hungry?" he asked.

I went blank. I was going to get food after I left the Good Will, how long had it been?

I nodded.

He smiled, "Subway?"

I nodded again.

We headed for a place to sit, and we set the bags down.

"Same as last time?" he asked.

"Yes, please," I smiled.

He nodded before he walked off.

I sat down, and I decided to check the time.

6:24 PM.

Well crap.

Under that, I could see the missed call from Benny.

I unlocked my phone before calling her.

"Are you alright!" Benny shouted.

"I'm alright," I said, "Are you okay?"

She sighed, "You worried me. I even had Gus try to call Michael to see if he's seen you."

I smiled as I looked up at Michael, pointing at the different ingredients.

"He's here," I said, "I ran into him on the bus, and he asked if I would shop with him."

She was silent.

"Benny?" I asked.

"I was just thinking," I heard her laugh, "You should probably hang up before he sees. We'll talk when you get back. Bye!"

She spoke so fast I didn't have the chance to say anything.

I stared blankly at the screen.

"What is it?"

I looked up to see Michael.

"It was Benny," I said.

"Is everything alright?" he asked, setting my food in front of me before sitting down.

"She was worried about me," I said, "I was only supposed to go to the post office, so she expected me back sooner."

He nodded, "That explains why Gus was blowing up my phone."

I nodded.

He pulled something from his pocket and set it on the table.

I looked at the red metal lighter. It had barely visible red stars all over it.

I picked it up to open it.

"I think it was a good find," Michael stated.

"It's very pretty," I said, shutting it and placing it back on the table.

"I thought so too," he said, taking it into his left hand. He opened the lid and then flicked his wrist to let the momentum shut it. I couldn't help but notice the scar on his hand.

It was between his left index and middle fingers. It almost went passed his knuckle.

He put the lighter in his pocket and brought his attention to his food.

There were a few minutes of silence as we ate.

"So if I'm going to wear heels, does that mean that we aren't going to go mini-golfing?"

He looked up at me, still chewing, and I couldn't help but chuckle.

"Of course we are still going to golf," he said after swallowing, "The heels are just for after."

I nodded slowly, "Okay."

I took another bite, and I couldn't help but wonder.

"So, are you guys going to dress up too?"

"Your mouth is full," Michael stated.

I frowned. It wasn't like I just chewed and talked; I moved the food to the side of my mouth first.

I chewed faster before I spoke again.

"So are you?"

"Should we?" he asked.

"Well, if Benny and I are," I said, "Yeah."

"Alright," he said, "I'll tell Gus that pants are mandatory."

I didn't mean pants, I thought with a frown.

He laughed, "I know what you meant, fancy men clothes."

I nodded.

"Do I have to wear a tie?" he asked, looking down at the tie on his chest.

"You don't have to wear a tie," I said, "Just treat it like a date."

"I don't dress up for dates," he stated.

I stared at him, "Why not?"

He avoided my gaze, "Are you trying to ruin the mood?"

I frowned, "I was just wondering."

"I don't treat the girls I fuck," he stated, "With them, the relationship is literally just sex."

I shrugged, "Okay."

He stared at me.

His gaze was starting to make me shake.

"I was expecting you to get mad and insult me."

I looked up to finally meet his eyes.

He didn't want me to get mad.

"I'm not mad," I sighed, "It isn't fair for me to get mad at you over stuff like that."

Of course, on the inside, I was irritated, and maybe just a little bit jealous.

"Maybe I want you to get mad," he stated.

I felt the red increase in my cheeks.

"Why would you want me to be mad?" I asked.

"Say that you don't want other girls to touch me," he said, "Say that you want me to want you instead."

I made a face as my body shivered under his gaze.

"W-Why would I say something like that?"

"I don't know," he shrugged before going to his food.

What the hell?

I looked up at him, and he just looked at his food as he ate.

Did he think he could buy sex from me?

It was starting to hurt, I kept thinking that.

He only wanted to sleep with me. He thought being kind to me would make my legs open, didn't he?

"Is that why you were so adamant about buying me things today?"

He looked at me, first confused, then angry.

I felt hurt more than anything.

His glare only became more intense.

"What do you think?"

I didn't know what I thought.

"I didn't want you to buy me anything," I stated, "So if you bought me the dress, thinking that I would sleep with you. That would really hurt my feelings."

"I don't have a one-track mind Ren," he stated, "I don't only think about ways to get myself off."

I felt worse.

"If something ever were to happen between us," he said, "It would be because you begged me to."

I was angry now. This time jealousy was not the cause.

He was the one that didn't want this mood ruined, and he goes and obliterates it.

"Are you done shopping?" I asked him.

I didn't want him to see how pissed off I was.

Why would I beg him for anything?

It wasn't going to happen.

I didn't want to be another name on his 'fucked' list.

"Yes," was all he said.

I folded up the half of my sandwich I didn't eat.

I put the sandwich on top of the box I got from my mother.

He looked like he was still eating, so I might as well open the damn thing to avoid feeling like this.

I pulled the box from the bag, and I set it in from of me on the table.

He looked up to see what I was doing.

I tried to rip the tape off, but every time I tried, only a little came off before it tore.

Michael stood up as he took something from his pocket, and I watched as the knife tore through the tape, and he made sure to cut the tape on the sides too.

He folded the blade until it looked like a simple credit card. Could knives really do that?

"Thank you," I mumbled as I watched him sit back down.

I pulled the flaps open, and I stared at the different letters, folded up drawings, and another box.

The first one I grabbed was a postcard.

It looks like they are on vacation.

I felt mad at them. While they were off having fun, I was being punished. The next one I grabbed was a letter.

I scanned the letter quickly before I saw the words 'I'm pregnant' and not too long after 'cleaned out your room for the new baby.'

I willed myself not to feel as I kept reading 'all your stuff was put into storage.'

Damn it.

I closed the letter, and I dropped it back in the box. I was too angry to read anymore. Was angry even the right word? I felt hurt more than anything.

"Bad news?"

I looked up at Michael, and to be honest, I had forgotten where I was just now.

I took the envelope out and handed it to him, "You tell me."

I was passed the point of caring what he thought about me, he would eventually find out I was even more damaged. At least he would know part of the reason why.

He took the paper and read through it. His expression changed the more he read through the letter. First, it was curiosity, then he just looked pissed off.

"This is from your mother?" he asked.

He spoke with quiet anger, nothing like I had seen from him before. His anger has always been evident and loud.

He put it back into the box with a frown.

I nodded as I reached into the box, and I pulled out a photo.

It was of the ultrasound.

Is she trying to hurt me?

Michael stood behind me to see what I was looking at.

"That's cruel," he stated.

It was, but she had to know that I would always forgive her. Even if I was hurt as badly as I was.

I placed the picture back into the box, and I saw the storage key.

She wasn't kidding?

I stared blankly into the box before I grabbed the small wrapped box inside.

It had a green bow on it.

I pulled the paper off, and I smiled at the small notebooks.

There was a small card on top of them.

'Please forgive me.'

I sighed before muttering, "Always."

I felt hands tightly grab my shoulders.

"Are you kidding?"

I was feeling empty again, and I didn't want him to see it.

"Ren?" he asked.

I couldn't respond.

He pulled my chair back so he could see my face.

"You said you wouldn't do it again," he said, "Snap out of it."

"I'm sorry," I murmured.

Or at least I think I did.

++++++++++

To be honest, I don't remember how I got back to campus after that, but I found myself in a dark room. The bed under me wasn't very comfortable, but I felt so tired.