Beside You Ch. 29.5: Crazy

Chapter Twenty-Nine Point Five: Crazy

Michael:

I always looked forward to winter.

Right now, winter could fuck right off.

My shoulder was fucking killing me.

It wasn't the only thing.

My gaze remained where Ren just stood.

I wanted to pull her through the bars and dive into her warmth.

The memory alone was enough to get a rise out of me.

I tried to fight the groan.

My dick hurt.

Any longer with her touching me would have been bad.

I glared down at my useless arm.

Even jerking off would be difficult.

After thinking about it for a minute, I realized I didn't have to rub one out myself.

It wasn't too late. I knew a place.

++++++++++

This is stupid.

Why was I even trying to get laid right now?

I shouldn't settle.

I didn't want a random fuck.

It was a little weird that I felt a bit guilty too.

It's not like I can help it.

Sometimes my dick had a mind of its own.

Right now, I wasn't so sure my dick was the one in the lead.

There were plenty of good looking girls at the bar tonight.

I just didn't want any of them.

I tried talking to a few of them, but the more we spoke, I lost interest.

Normally I could be indifferent, but not tonight.

The one I wanted was locked away.

My mind drifted to what I asked her to do.

It was too much for her.

I already knew she wouldn't do it.

Despite knowing that, I was still a bit disappointed.

Then again, maybe knowing she finger fucked herself might drive me a little insane.

Damn it.

I'm horny just thinking about it.

I picked up my glass just to down it.

What if she texted me and I didn't hear it?

Maybe that's it.

I awkwardly reached into my pocket to pull my phone out.

Stop.

Why was I doing this to myself right now?

It's been too long already.

I placed the device face down on the countertop.

"Can I get another one?" I asked the woman behind the bar.

She picked up the bottle of scotch and poured just a little.

It was barely a quarter full.

"Little more," I said.

She splashed a bit more in.

This was irritating.

"More than half," I said, "Please."

She looked skeptically at me for a minute before finally filling my glass to the halfway mark.

"Thank you," I said.

She kept her eyes on me.

It wasn't lust.

She didn't trust me.

It was written all over her face.

I pulled my wallet out to slap down forty dollars just so she would fuck off.

She took the money and walked to the other end of the bar.

A buzzing sound startled me.

My eyes lingered on the face-down phone.

Was it mine?

It's probably Gus trying to find out where I am.

My eyes wouldn't move.

What if it wasn't him?

Damn it.

My hand raised to reach for the phone, but I redirected it to the glass.

I drank it all.

It burned.

I didn't care much for the taste either.

My hand picked up my phone next.

I pressed the screen to see a new text notification.

It had to be Gus.

I felt a bit disappointed until I went to the messages.

New text from Ren.

Oh.

Fuck.

I glanced around the room awkwardly before opening the message.

From: Ren – 'Sorry, it took me a little longer. I had to find a place to be alone for a bit.'

My eyes scanned her words several times before I could even think of a response.

I wanted to pry.

How many fingers did she put in?

How many times?

Did she think of me?

Did she feel good?

Slowly I typed out my response.

To: Ren – 'How did it feel?'

Then as I really thought about it, I was curious where she went.

I saw the bubble at the bottom.

She's replying.

It felt like minutes passed as I waited to receive her response.

When my phone finally buzzed, barely a minute had passed.

From: Ren – 'You made me feel good.'

I had finally managed to calm it down, only to have it up again and probably twice as hard.

I frowned at the message despite my obvious excitement.

Looks like I'll be taking matters into my own hands later.

Well, one hand at least.

To: Ren – 'Did I?'

I didn't realize how hard I was biting the inside of my bottom lip until I had to take in a deep breath.

Her response was quick.

From: Ren – 'You did.'

Shit.

I wish I could have seen it.

I could still see her from the other night.

Fuck, she came so hard.

I knew exactly how to respond.

To: Ren – 'Next time I want to hear it.'

I do.

Her desperate moans were like music to my ears.

It felt stupid to keep denying this attraction.

This was a terrible idea.

She deserves better than me.

Why won't she believe me?

My attention went back to our messages.

I won't let her believe me.

The things I say and do are so contradictory. No wonder she's confused.

Another text pulled me from my thoughts.

From: Ren – 'Next time, I'd prefer if you were the one touching me.'

I had to shut my eyes for a second.

My dick responded to her words.

Another text made me open my eyes.

From: Ren – 'Goodnight Michael.'

My head tilted slightly at her final message.

It was probably the best move.

I wasn't sure if I could keep myself in check.

She must have known.

To: Ren – 'Goodnight.'

To: Ren – 'Sleep well.'

It was strange to think that another person besides Gus and Benny might know me.

No.

Until she knew the truth, she wouldn`t really know me at all.

Why was I even thinking about this?

Fuck this. I'm too fucking tired.

Maybe I should think about heading back now.

I wasn't looking for someone to fuck around with anymore.

Besides, my dick hurts, and I'm tired.

A glass being set beside me nearly made me jump.

I glanced beside me to see a girl with short white-blonde hair.

Her eyes were so fucking green they glowed.

Fuck, maybe I really am tired.

I'm seeing shit now.

"You don't deserve her, you know."

I turned to glare at her.

"What was that?" I asked.

"You seem like the type of guy that hurts people without realizing it," she stated, "You're clearly texting a girl."

What the fuck?

"And how is what I'm doing your business?" I asked.

This cunt was pissing me off.

She sat on the stool next to me.

"There are other places you can sit," I stated.

"I know," she said.

Was she the type of girl that wanted to piss a guy off to get him to rage fuck her?

"I'm not into angry sex," I stated, "I'm already on my way out."

"Michael," the girl said, "I'm serious. Leave her alone."

I had to turn just so I could look at her.

I've never seen her before.

"Do I know you?" I asked her.

She didn't even spare me a glance.

"Have I done something to you?" I asked.

Maybe one of her friends.

I was used to being hated by proxy.

"You don't know me," she said, "But I am well aware of who you are."

Great.

"My name is Sunny," she stated, "And I don't think I can make myself any clearer."

"I don't deserve her?" I asked, "Who?"

Was she a friend of an old fuck?

I forgot how annoying this shit is.

I don't think I ever heard the name Sunny before either.

She turned to look me in the eyes.

Something was strange about her.

I had to be imagining things.

No one had eyes like that.

"Haven't you ever wondered why you are so drawn to her birthmark?"

Wait.

She's talking about Ren?

"What the fuck?" I hissed, "Who are you?"

The girl moved so that she could stand up.

What the fuck?

I moved to stand up too, but I felt dizzy.

What was going on?

The world swayed as Sunny walked away from me.

I had to grab onto the counter to hold myself up.

My gaze went to the drink she left behind.

It wasn't touched.

It was full.

It's a water glass.

Who the fuck was she?

What does she know about Ren?

I felt sick.

I needed to get out of here.

I needed to…

Wait, I needed to do what?

My mind went blank.

++++++++++

All I felt was pain.

"Wake up already," Gus said, "Dumbass."

I glared at him.

"You were fucked up last night," Gus stated.

I was?

"Do you remember coming back here?"

I had to think about it for a minute.

"Not really."

I was drawing a blank.

How did I get here?

Where did I even go last night?

I sat up to grab my phone.

Ren texted me back.

Why didn't I remember this?

I went through the messages, and I felt a cold sensation down my back.

All I could think about was her birthmark.

Did I do something to her?

Despite not remembering what happened last night, I had this heavy feeling of guilt in the pit of my stomach.

I glanced up at Gus.

"Did I say anything?" I asked.

He shrugged, "Not really."

That was a relief, at least.

"Hey," Gus said, "Everything is alright with you, right?"

My gaze dropped to my bad arm.

"Mostly," I stated.

"Seriously," he said, "What happened?"

I shook my head, "It's not like that."

He looked unconvinced.

"You clearly have no idea what condition you were in," he stated, "You were obliterated."

That didn't make any sense to me.

I don't usually drink like that.

Besides, yesterday wasn't a bad day.

Why would I get that fucked up?

There was no good reason.

Something felt wrong.

"Michael?"

I met his worried gaze.

"I'm sorry," I said, "I really don't remember."

No matter how hard I tried to recall what happened, only one thing came to mind.

You don't deserve her.

Where did that come from?

Haven't you ever wondered why you are so drawn to her birthmark?

Why did those words feel so heavy?

I was curious about that too.

Why do I find myself so drawn to her discolored skin?

Gus, in his uniform, reminded me that we had school today.

Maybe I could wait on those answers.

I had a feeling I wouldn't like the answers anyway.

"Hurry up," Gus said, "You goofed, now suck it up."

I frowned as I thought about getting ready for the day.

Damn it.

I didn't have a great feeling about today.

Maybe it's just because of the uncertainty?

Too many questions and not enough answers.

"Get up already," Gus sighed.

"Alright," I said, "You big baby."

"Yeah, sure," he huffed, "Says the one who needs to be babied. Bitch."

I couldn't help but laugh.

"Whatever," I said, "Bitch baby."

As I got up to get dressed, I felt anxiety crash into me.

What if I was going crazy?

What if I was starting to have hallucinations?

No.

My head shook as if I could shake the thoughts out.

That was the last thing I wanted.

I couldn't get sick like my mom.

I can't.

For some reason, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.

I was losing it.

I'm not crazy.

My eyes shut tightly.

I'm not.

"Michael?" Gus asked.

I turned quickly to glare at him.

"You try putting your pants on one-handed," I said.

"If you don't hurry up, you'll be late," he said, "I'll see you later."

I didn't even respond.

Once the door shut behind him, I found myself laughing.

This is what I deserve anyway, right?

My gaze went to my phone.

I couldn't put her through this.

If I really was losing my mind, I didn't want her to suffer with me.

I didn't want any of them to suffer.

If I really did lose myself, it wouldn't matter how different I wanted to be from my mother.

I won't know what I'm doing.

I would have zero control over the things I said or did.

Damn it.

I was dreading this.

I hoped this day would never come.

If I'm slowly going to lose my shit, I needed to set them free now.

I already felt sick just thinking about it.

I didn't want to be alone, but I couldn't hurt them the way she hurt me.

Maybe this is what real love felt like.

It felt a little too late to think about that.

It was painful.

I felt the sob in my throat before I couldn't breathe.

Please, don't let this be real.

Please don't be crazy.

Please, please…