Beside You Ch. 22: Forget Me Too

Chapter Twenty-Two: Forget Me Too

Collin pulled up at a small restaurant.

The sign by the door said 'Rachel's Place.'

"It looks nice," I said.

It wasn't in the most fantastic shape. I knew most places with the best food didn't look like a five-star restaurant.

I was already excited.

Then it hit me. Maybe a little harder than I would have liked it to.

This is a date.

This is an actual date.

I glanced over at Collin as he got out of the car.

I took a deep breath before I got out too.

"I know it doesn't look like much," Collin stated, "But their pasta is amazing."

I had a feeling that this place would be good.

"I look forward to trying some," I admitted.

He grinned at me.

He waited for me to reach the sidewalk so that we could walk to the door together.

It was sweet.

He held the door open for me, and I thanked him.

The smell of something amazing hit my nose.

What is that?

"Hey there," a woman greeted, "Just a minute."

Collin nodded before grinning at me again.

"What?" I asked awkwardly.

"Nothing," he said, "I'm just glad you said yes."

In a weird way, so was I.

"It's off to a great start so far," I said.

"Yeah?" he asked, "Then I'm glad."

I found myself grinning back at him.

"Just the two of you?"

I turned to see a woman holding menus in her hands.

"Yeah," Collin said, "Just us."

"This way," she said.

Collin gestured for me to go first, so I did.

The woman led us not too far from the door. In front of her was a two-person table.

She placed a menu in front of each spot.

I was getting nervous.

"I will be back in just a minute to get your drink orders," she said, "My name is Sandra. I'll be your server tonight."

"Thank you," I said.

"Thank you," Collin said almost in unison.

Sandra walked away, and Collin and I took our seats.

"Anything sound good?" he asked.

We've only been looking at our menus for a few minutes, but I was lost.

I felt so uncultured.

The only pasta I could say I knew was spaghetti.

I mean, I knew what some basic pasta noodles were called, but that was the extent of my pasta knowledge.

"I'm not sure," I said.

My eyes glanced over some of the pictures.

There was a massive burger with a lot of things thrown in it, and it made me think of Gus.

"Anything you recommend?" I asked.

Collin looked at his menu again a little awkwardly.

"I'm not sure what kind of things you'll like," he admitted.

He lifted the laminated paper to shield himself from my prying eyes.

Was it normal to think someone was so adorable?

"It's good to try new things," I said.

He lowered the menu just a little so that I could see his eyes.

"Yeah?" he asked.

I nodded, "Some things you need to try to know if you'll like them."

"That makes sense," he said.

"So," I said, "What is your favorite pasta here?"

"I haven't tried them all," he said.

"That's not what I asked you," I said.

He opened his mouth to speak, but a voice interrupted.

"Sorry about that," Sandra said, smiling slightly, "What can I get the two of you to drink?"

Collin stared at me as if waiting for me to go first.

"Cherry Coke," I said, "Thank you."

She nodded, writing it down on a small pad of paper.

"And for you?" she asked Collin.

"Dr. Pepper," he said, "And if it's okay, I think we're ready to order."

Oh, are we?

Sandra wrote down his choice of drink, "Go ahead."

"Two creamy garlic Penne," he said, "Please."

"Garlic bread?" she asked.

Collin's eyes went to me again.

"Yes please," I said.

"Will that be all?" she asked.

I nodded.

"Yes," Collin said, "Thank you."

"Alrighty," Sandra said, "I'll be right back with your drinks."

She walked away after taking our menus.

I couldn't help but giggle.

"What?" Collin asked.

I could see the concern on his face, and it only made me laugh a little harder.

"What?" he asked again, "Did I do something?"

"Nothing wrong," I stated, "I've just never had someone order food for me like that."

"Oh," he said awkwardly, "I'm sorry about that."

I shook my head, "Don't be. It was sweet."

I could see a slight pink tint to his cheeks.

This boy can blush.

"I'm glad you aren't mad," he admitted.

I was going to keep to myself that this was my first fancy date.

Michael was my first date ever.

I felt myself frown.

He needed to not occupy my thoughts as much as he did.

I was on a date with a nice guy.

"Is everything alright?" Collin asked.

I nodded quickly, "I was just thinking about something."

"Was it something bad?" he asked.

"It wasn't bad," I said.

"Whatever it was made you frown," he said softly.

I glared at him.

"This is just my face," I stated, "It does that a lot."

He just stared at me.

It made me feel a little bad about what I just said.

I understand that he is just trying to be nice, but I don't know how much of that I can handle right away.

It says more about me than it does about him.

He should know just how fucked up I really am.

If anything more were to happen between us, then he deserves to know.

I just can't bring myself to tell him.

"I like it better when you smile," he said, "So it bothers me when I see you looking unhappy."

I wasn't sure what I was supposed to say to that.

He had no control over how I felt about anything.

Despite the sweet words that left his mouth, I felt irritated.

Is this what happens when I think about Michael?

He hurts me and then ruins everything.

I just let him.

I needed to forget about him.

I needed to forget about how he made me feel.

I needed to be stronger, for myself.

"I'd like to smile more too," I admitted, "I just wish it was that easy."

"I get that," he said, "I'd rather you be honest than pretend to feel a way you don't."

I only nodded.

I hated having to pretend too. It was exhausting in the end.

"How about you?" I asked, "Do you pretend?"

He smiled, but I could tell it wasn't genuine.

"I do," he admitted.

"Are you pretending right now?" I asked.

"Right now?" he asked, "No."

"That's good to hear," I said.

Sandra walked up to the table and set our drinks in front of us.

"Your food will be done soon," she said.

She left the way she came.

Collin just stared at me.

It was different than before.

His gaze felt a little more intense.

"Are you feeling alright?" I asked.

He only nodded.

It was feeling awkward now.

I glanced at the table, trying to find a blemish in the dark wood.

"I'm sorry," Collin mumbled, "I didn't intend for tonight to be heavy. I wanted you to have fun."

I met his eyes, but he was quick to avert his gaze.

"I can handle serious," I stated.

"I think you've been through enough of that this week," he said, "With… well, you know."

I nodded.

"That doesn't mean other people don't deserve to be taken seriously," I stated.

"I know," he said, rubbing the back of his head, "But it just doesn't feel right."

"I'm not made of glass," I said, "And I do appreciate that."

"Fair," he said, "But I can't help how I feel either."

"That's fine," I said, "That doesn't mean we can't enjoy our date though, right?"

He smirked, "I would very much like to enjoy my time with you."

"Then quit making it weird," I said, "Let's just pretend tonight that none of that happened."

"Are you sure?" he asked, "I don't want to accidentally say something that might bother you."

"I'm sure," I stated, "And if you do say something I don't like, I will tell you. Okay?"

He nodded.

"And you do the same," I stated, "If I say something you don't like, let me know."

"Okay," he said, "I like that."

"On a more serious note," I said, feeling my stomach hurt, "Where is our pasta at?"

He grinned, and I could see his mood getting lighter already.

++++++++++

I sat in the car while Collin headed to the party.

"How is your stomach?" he asked.

"Full," I admitted, "Is it normal for your sides to hurt after eating so much?"

He laughed, "I'm sure that will pass soon."

"I hope so," I said.

Dinner was nice.

Probably a little nicer than I deserved.

Collin did most of the talking, trying to keep things light.

He was good at telling goofy jokes when things got quiet.

He wasn't lying about the pasta. It was amazing.

It was so good, I hurt myself trying to finish it.

This is what I get for not having any self-control.

I didn't realize that Collin parked the car until he spoke.

"You ready?"

I glanced over at him before looking at the line of cars in front of us.

"We're here?" I asked.

"We are," he confirmed.

My nerves went into overdrive.

"Come on," he said, "Let's go."

I hesitated before getting out of the car.

"I can't wait to show off how amazing my date looks," he said, grinning at me.

"Jokes on you," I said, "My date looks better."

"Agree to disagree," he said.

"Hmm," I pretended to think, "No."

"That wasn't really an option," he said, stopping at my side.

"I know," I stated, "I'm just a bit of an asshole."

"I can handle that," he said, "In fact, I welcome it."

"You say that now," I laughed, "You should see when…."

I had to stop myself before I said it.

You should see when Michael and I argue.

Thankfully I didn't.

"That bad?" he asked.

"No," I said, "It would just ruin the mood."

"Okay," he said, "I respect you not wanting to talk about it."

I couldn't help but smile.

"And I respect you respecting my not wanting to talk about it."

"I don't respect you picking on me," he said, "I find it too cute not to bully you back."

I found myself shaking.

Is this boy flirting with me?

I met his eyes, and he just grinned at me.

It wasn't like the ones before.

This smile had intentions.

"I am very much flirting with you, Red."

"O-Okay," I stuttered.

He chuckled, "Good, I want you nervous."

I glared at him.

We made it to the house, and I gasped.

The music could already be heard from where we parked, but I wasn't expecting this.

This was a big ass house.

Not as large as Benny's parents' house, but still bigger than I was used to.

"How do you even hear about parties like this?" I asked.

"Eh," he shrugged, "People talk."

No one I talk to, clearly.

We already had to raise our voices just so we could hear each other.

I followed him inside, and I was feeling far more self-conscious than I had been before.

These girls were wearing dresses so short I could see their butts.

I cocked my head to the side at one dress, and I frowned.

Was that a dragon tattoo on her ass?

"Want a drink?" Collin asked.

I thought about declining, but I nodded instead.

Liquid courage. I needed some of that shit.

Collin walked back with two red plastic cups.

"It's pretty much beer or water tonight," he stated.

"Beer is fine," I said.

He nodded before taking a drink.

I wondered if it was good. I took a drink too.

I could feel the bass vibrating the ground. It felt new and extraordinary.

"Oh shit," Collin said, "Michael is here."

I nearly spit my drink out.

"Are you alright?" Collin pat my back gently.

I nodded quickly and shrugged away from his hand.

I didn't even realize that we were headed towards him until we were right in front of him.

Michael looked at us with an irritated expression.

"Michael," Collin greeted, "What's up, man?"

Michael's eyes went from Collin to me, then at what I was wearing.

I didn't like it.

Well, mostly.

"She looks good, right?" Collin asked him.

He must have noticed Michael's eyes doing a once over on me as well.

"Right," Michael said flatly.

He doesn't have to be a dick about it.

He knows I look good.

At least, I did before I left.

"Don't be a dick," Collin said, "She looks good."

Michael just stared at me.

I hated the thought that crossed my mind.

Michael looked good tonight.

He wore all black, like usual.

Well, like usual, but not at the same time.

His plain black shirt was slimming. I could see the curves of his shoulders and his chest.

His face was still bruised, but that only made him look more attractive.

It gave off this mysterious tough guy vibe.

I glanced away.

This whole thing sucked.

I just wanted to enjoy my date with Collin.

Why did Michael have to be here?

Wait… He didn't know I was going to be here, did he?

I know he knew about my date, but this wasn't mentioned to him. Unless Gus spilled the beans.

Gus seemed like he was deliberately trying to make Michael Jealous before.

"You here alone?" Collin asked.

"No," Michael said.

Though he didn't elaborate further.

I couldn't hear what Collin said to him next, and honestly, I didn't care.

This was fucking painful.

I agreed to come out tonight so I didn't have to think about Michael. I needed to find someone who would be good for me.

This felt like a step backward.

I downed my cup and mumbled something about going to get another one.

Neither of them tried to stop me.

I saw a few people pumping their drinks from a metal can.

It was my first time seeing a keg in person.

I made sure to watch how they did it so I didn't make a fool out of myself.

When it was my turn, a guy with blue hair held his hand out for my cup.

"I got you," he said.

I just handed him my cup and watched him pump the beer into the red cup.

He handed it right back.

"Thank you," I said.

He only nodded before joining his friends.

That was a little weird, but it was nice to know that not everyone was a dick.

Of course, I know everybody wasn't a dick. It just felt that way sometimes.

As I walked back to where Michael and Collin stood, I noticed a girl clinging to Michael.

I stopped next to Collin and took another drink.

"Everything alright?" Collin asked.

I nodded.

"Michael," the girl whined, "Dance with me."

His eyes locked with mine, "Sure, let's go."

I could barely hear either of them, but I could read Michael's lips well. I had already been staring at them.

He led the girl away.

He hated when girls were clingy like that.

Why was he being so nice to her?

Was it because I was here?

I didn't want to waste my time thinking about him.

He made the choice.

He did.

He chose.

He chose wrong.

He should have chosen me.

I shook my head furiously before finishing my beer.

"Are you sure that you're alright?" Collin asked.

I nodded, "If we're going to dance, I'm going to need a drink."

He smirked, "Is that your way of asking me to dance?"

"Maybe," I said.

I walked into the kitchen again to fill my cup up for the third time.

Blue hair was standing in the kitchen with a guy that looked like his friend.

Collin pumped the keg this time to get my drink.

"I didn't take you for a big drinker," Collin said.

I shrugged, "Are you disappointed?"

He looked offended.

"Oh, the opposite," he said, "It's fucking hot."

He handed me my cup while he filled his own.

He thought it was hot?

Me slowly spiraling was attractive?

Maybe Collin wasn't in his right mind either.

I downed the beer, and I could feel it hit me.

"More please," I handed him my cup.

"Last one for a little bit," he said, "I may be okay with drinking, but you don't want to make yourself sick."

I nodded, "Okay."

He filled my cup again.

"Let's dance," he said, downing his own beer.

I nodded.

I was ready to get my groove on.

Collin led me to the dance floor.

I didn't know the pop song that was playing, but it had a great beat.

It vibrated the floor to the point I couldn't even make out the lyrics.

I can do this.

Collin turned my body so that I was facing him.

"Finish your drink," he said.

I finished half before handing it to him.

He looked inside before finishing it.

He leaned back to set the cup on a shelf.

It wasn't the only cup next to the small class figurines.

Different colored plastic cups covered the tops of every surface I could see.

Collin started to sway, and I didn't hesitate to follow his lead.

I didn't really have much dancing experience.

I probably looked silly.

Right now, I didn't care how I looked. That alone was exhilarating.

For a little while I even forgot about the boy who rejected me.

++++++++++

We must have been dancing like dorks for a few hours now.

I could barely feel the alcohol anymore.

I was having fun.

Collin wrapped his arms around me and spun me around.

I squealed.

I didn't want him to hurt himself from picking me up.

He grinned at me, "Thirsty?"

I nodded. He's been pretty consistent with making sure I was a little drunk.

I needed it to help me dance.

He set me down and headed towards the kitchen.

It was fucking hot in here. I realized I was sweating.

I glanced around to see which direction I could find a door.

A little bit of air might be nice right about now.

My gaze landed on the last person I wanted to see.

Well, at least in the condition he was in.

Michael slowly moved his hips against the girl he was dancing with.

They were totally dry humping.

I was beyond jealous.

I always heard about what Michael did. But, it was different to actually see it.

It felt like I had a lump in my throat.

I couldn't look away, and that made me feel worse.

She ran her hands up his sides, and he just stared down at her.

I could see the lust. I was ashamed to admit that I could feel it myself.

His mouth hung open as she touched him.

"Hey," Collin said.

I turned to look at him.

"Are you okay?" he asked, "You look a little green."

"Green?" I asked.

He leaned in closer before speaking again.

"Like you might be a little sick."

"It's pretty hot in here," I said, "Can we go outside for a minute?"

He nodded.

Collin held my hand and led me outside.

It made it easier to stay together in the sea of moving bodies.

Once we were outside, he released me.

I couldn't help but sigh. It felt so damn good.

"Better?" Collin asked.

I nodded, "So much better."

It took me a second to realize he was moving closer to me.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Nothing," he said, "Why?"

His eyes were locked with mine, and he kept coming closer.

I had this weird feeling in my stomach.

I wasn't sure if it was butterflies or not.

"I want to kiss you," Collin said.

He was right in front of me now.

I looked up at him. It hurt a little.

With as close as he was, I had to look straight up.

The height difference didn't help, but thankfully these heels did.

"Is that a yes?" he asked.

I wasn't sure.

Part of me wanted to want to kiss him.

"Okay," I whispered.

His eyes glanced down at my lips before meeting my eyes.

He slowly lowered his head to connect his lips to mine.

He kissed me softly and pulled back for a second to look at me.

I didn't protest, so he moved back in again.

This kiss was less of a test.

His lips pressed hard against mine.

I met his kiss with a soft one of my own.

I didn't open my mouth right away. I liked his needy kisses.

His lips went to the side of my mouth before landing dead center on my mouth.

"Open your mouth," he breathed.

I smiled, "What was that?"

"Open," he said, kissing me again.

"Ren."

My eyes flew open, and I stepped back.

Michael stood behind Collin, and he looked furious.

"Hey," Collin greeted, "What's up?"

"I'm taking Ren home," Michael said.

"No," Collin said, "I promised Benny and Gus I would look after her tonight."

Michael didn't look like he gave a single fuck. I wasn't even sure if he heard what Collin said.

"Ren," Michael said, "We're leaving."

"Michael," Collin said, "You don't have to worry about her. Go back and enjoy the party."

The glare Michael shot Collin sent chills down my spine.

"One less thing for you to worry about," Michael stated, "I'll take her back tonight."

Did I not have a say in all this?

Well, of course I wanted Michael to take me home.

He wouldn't do much more than that.

I drank the remainder of my cup and glared at Michael.

"Who said I was going anywhere with you?" I asked.

Michael looked surprised, but then he looked a little confused.

"I got her, Mike," Collin said.

"You've been drinking," Michael stated.

Collin laughed, "Haven't you been drinking too?"

Michael didn't look drunk, like, at all.

"I haven't had anything tonight," he said.

"Bullshit," Collin laughed as he nudged Michael.

Even I found that hard to believe.

Michael didn't like drunk Collin messing with him.

The expression on his face said it all.

He wanted to hurt Collin.

"It's okay," I said, "I'll go back with you."

Michael moved around Collin to stand behind me.

"Are you sure?" Collin asked me, "I thought we were having a good time."

"We were," I nodded, "We'll have to do this again."

"Really?" he asked.

He looked hopeful.

I nodded, "Goodnight, Collin."

"Sleep well, Red," Collin said, "Dream of good things."

It was nice to hear that.

"Drive safe," I said.

He only nodded in response.

I didn't move until I felt Michael's hand on my arm. It was a gentle way to lead me away, I guess.

Once we were far enough away, I stopped walking.

"What is your problem?" I demanded.

"My problem?" Michael growled, "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

I gasped.

I wasn't sure why. I was used to him talking like that to me.

"Nothing is wrong with me," I stated.

I stood there waiting for him to answer my question.

He just stood there staring at me.

I didn't do anything to deserve his pissy attitude.

"Your turn," I stated, "What is your problem?"

"You are," he growled, "Why the fuck are you even here?"

"Collin invited me," I stated, "Why am I your problem exactly?"

"Were you going to fuck him?" Michael demanded.

"What?" I hissed, "No!"

"He sure thought you were," he stated.

What? He did?

"No he didn't," I said, "You're just jealous."

He laughed. It was an unnecessary humorless laugh.

"You're fucking hilarious," he said.

"Not as funny as you."

"I'm not having this fight with you," he said, "I'm taking you back to campus so you can sober up."

"No," I snapped.

"Ren," he said, "Just get in the car."

He pointed to the white car not too far from where we were standing.

He looked tired.

It wasn't fair that he thought it was okay to tear me away from my date just because he was being a jealous bitch.

He was lucky my feet fucking hurt.

I followed Michael in a different direction from where he pointed.

His car was a little off to the side.

This driveway was a little weird. It was almost a U shape, but it had a regular driveway up each side of the house.

Michael was parked at the front of the left driveway.

I thought the white car he pointed to was his.

Now I felt stupid.

I sat in the passenger seat and crossed my arms after I took my shoes off.

I was pissed off, and my buzz was going away.

Michael sat in the driver's seat.

I sat there glaring forward. I was waiting for him to start the car so we could leave.

"Are we going anytime soon?" I asked after a few minutes of sitting there in silence.

I heard a click, and I glanced over at him.

His seat reclined, and he groaned.

"You have got to be kidding me," I said.

"We're going to have to wait a minute," Michael stated.

"You're joking," I said, "For what?"

He moved uncomfortably in his seat.

My eyes wandered down, and I felt my entire body flush.

"I just need a minute," he said, "I can't do anything like this."

My eyes locked on the bump in his pants.

Oh god.

What the fuck?

I glanced up at his face.

He looked like he was in pain.

Was it the bruises too? His arm had to still be messed up too.

My body shuddered.

"Michael?"

"Just," he groaned, "Give me a minute, please."

I don't think I could wait another minute. Not with him like that.

This was not safe.

He had to know how badly I wanted him.

Was this just a big 'fuck you' to me?

I found myself moving before my brain could register what I wanted to do.

I was over the center console and on his seat.

He flinched when he realized I was climbing over.

"Ren," he gasped, "What the fuck are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" I asked.

He sat up, and I dropped my weight onto his lap.

His gaze went down, and he groaned again.

"I see you're having a difficult time," I said, quiet enough for him to barely hear.

"Ren," he said, "Stop it."

"I'm not doing anything," I stated, "I'm just sitting here."

He finally looked up to meet my eyes.

I took his face into my hands, and I didn't hesitate to kiss him.

He didn't fight me.

His lips met my hungry kisses.

His tongue tasted mine slowly before he sucked gently.

I moaned into the kiss.

His right hand gripped my thigh, and I ground myself down onto him.

He moaned long.

His fingers dug hard into my skin.

It hurt, but it felt good at the same time.

It felt a little like I didn't have any control over my own body. I just moved.

My hands slowly went down his neck.

We didn't break our kiss once.

He tasted sweet, and I felt like I was starving. Starving for his mouth. His tongue.

His everything.

The rough kisses stopped, and he kissed me so slowly it made me ache.

He placed a light kiss over my top lip, then on my bottom lip.

My body quivered.

I could feel the hardness between us, and I wanted it.

I didn't know what the fuck to do with it, but I didn't care.

His right hand gripped my chin, and I couldn't stop the whimper that escaped me.

"Ren," he whispered.

He kissed me softly.

"Michael," I whispered.

I felt his thumb on my bottom lip.

"Mayren," he said.

My eyes shot open to meet his dark blue ones.

He pulled me closer to him with his left arm.

He forced my back to arch.

"Careful," I said, "Your arm."

He dropped back onto his seat, letting me go in the process.

Huh?

"What the fuck are we doing?" he asked.

His right hand rubbed at his face.

I was able to move myself up just a little with him lying back like that.

He flinched, and I didn't even have time to react.

I blinked, and I was shoved out of the car.

"Fuck," he groaned, "Why didn't you stop?"

My hands and knees stung.

I picked my hand up to see blood and gravel.

"You shoved me out of the car," I gasped.

"You were on top of me," he said. It sounded like he was nearly out of breath.

I moved to sit on the ground. I glared up at him.

I could feel the blood already running down my knee.

His eyes went to my legs, and I could see a bit of regret.

"I…" he frowned, "I'm sorry."

"You didn't have to shove me out of the car," I stated, "Words work just fine."

"I told you to stop."

He wasn't serious, was he?

"You kissed me back!"

"You were on top of me," he said, "What else was I supposed to do?"

"If you would have stopped me…." I didn't have the chance to finish.

"Do you not know what the word stop means?"

I honestly couldn't believe what I was hearing.

I know I should feel guilty.

He could have stopped me if he really wanted to.

He didn't have to shove me out of the fucking car.

"You really want me to stop?" I asked.

I felt the lump in my throat again.

This was it.

I couldn't anymore.

One more rejection, and I would be free.

"How many times do I have to say it?" he asked.

It felt like this thread in me was cut.

I felt empty.

I felt wrong.

"Fine," I breathed.

I got to my feet, and I headed back to the house.

"Where are you going?" Michael stopped me.

"Back to the party," I stated.

"Ren," he said, "I'm taking you back to campus. Now."

"No," I said firmly, "You can go alone."

"I'm not letting you go back in there," he said.

"Why not?" I asked, "You don't want me. Collin does."

I could see the anger twist his expression.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he growled, "Why are you so desperate to get fucked?"

"I don't want anyone else, Michael," I felt the lump only get bigger, "I want you."

He glared to the side.

"Just leave me alone," I tried to pull my hand free from his grasp.

"How can you be so fucking stupid?" he asked so quietly I almost didn't hear him.

"I don't know," I said flatly.

"Two broken people don't work," he said, "I can't feel the way you do."

I just stood there and stared at him.

I think he was expecting me to argue with him.

"That's not what I was asking for," I stated.

I know mentally that he can't, or won't.

It didn't change how I felt.

"You really have no idea what you're asking for," he said.

"You've made yourself pretty clear," I said, trying to shake his grip again, "Let me go."

"Stop it," he pleaded, "Just let me take you back to campus."

"No."

"Ren," he sighed, "Stop being a pain in the ass."

"You have no right to stop me," I said, "You're free now. I won't bother you anymore."

He looked lost.

"Ren," he said.

"No!" I screamed, "You're free. I won't bother you anymore."

"Stop it," he pleaded.

"Just forget about me," I said, "And I'll forget about you too."

His grip on my wrist tightened.

"I thought we were friends," he said.

"You're the one that made that hard," I stated, "No matter what I did, or what I said, you either pushed me away or made me think you wanted more."

"We can talk about this later," he said, "Just get in the car."

"No," I pulled at my arm, "I told you already. You're free."

"Stop," he said.

"You're free," I felt my eyes starting to sting, "I won't bother you anymore."

"Stop fucking saying that!" he growled, "If I wanted to be free of you, I would have been already."

My eyes met his again.

"I'll only hurt you," he said, "I'm trying to help you."

"That isn't up to you," I slapped his hand hard.

He finally let me go.

"It's simple," I said, "Either I go with you, or I go with Collin."

"What do you think I'm trying to do?" he hissed, "I'm trying to take you back to campus."

"No," I said, "The motel."

"No," he hissed.

"Then leave," I said.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked, "How many times do I have to warn you?"

I turned, and I walked right up to him.

He stumbled back a little once I was right in front of him.

"I have the right to make my own mistakes," I stated, "You're the only one who cares if you become one."

He just stared back at me, clearly baffled.

"It's you," I said, "No matter how badly I don't want it to be. It's you."

"You can't be serious," he breathed.

"So," I said, "If you don't fuck off right now, I'm going to start screaming."

He looked hurt. I just didn't care.

He was so wrapped up in the idea of hurting me that he wouldn't even try.

"Ren," he pleaded, "Stop this."

I glared at him, "You really don't believe me, do you?"

I took in a deep breath, but he was quick to cover my mouth.

"Fine," he said, "You win."

I win?

This didn't feel like a win.

"You have the right to make your own mistakes," he said, "That's fair."

Really?

"But what you aren't considering is the lives of the people around you," he said, "You're fucking selfish."

I slapped his hand away from my face.

"You're the fucking selfish one," I shoved him, "You only care about yourself and your fucking dick."

He laughed, "But what about you? Right?"

"Yeah," I said, "What about me?"

He just glared at me.

"If you won't give me a chance, then at least let me try with someone else," I said, "Collin has been good to me."

"You know nothing about him," Michael said, "If you did, you wouldn't even talk to him."

"I feel like that says more about you than it does about me right now," I said, "You're the one that hangs out with him."

"I'm not fucking him," he stated.

"Do you want to?" I asked.

"Are you joking?" he hissed.

"No," I said, "If you aren't jealous of them, then you're jealous of me being with them."

"That's a real fucking knee slapper you got there," he said, "Really fucking funny."

I didn't even bother pretending to laugh.

"Fuck you," he spat.

I was numb right now.

I wanted to feel hurt by his words. I just couldn't.

I hated not feeling anything.

I hated this.

Right now, he was making me hate myself more than I have in a while.

He shouldn't be able to do that to me.

I wasn't this person.

"Fine," I said, "Take me back to campus."

He stared at me, and I think he could tell that something was wrong.

"Ren?" he asked.

I didn't respond. I just got in the back seat.

"Say something," he said.

I shut the door and pulled my seatbelt on.

"I hate when you do this shit," he growled.

I met his eyes.

"You think I don't?" I asked, "Take me back, then leave me alone."

"Is that what happens if I take you back?" he asked, "You'll pretend I don't exist again?"

"No," I stated.

"You're lying," he said.

"Am I?" I asked.

He sat in the front seat and shut the door before hitting the steering wheel with his hands.

The horn went off a few times.

"You're such a fucking child," he growled once his fists dropped.

I didn't have it in me to argue.

"Do I mean that little to you?" he asked.

Rage was boiling in me. It was canceling out the numbness.

"Do I mean so little to you?" I whispered, "You can't even bother to give me a chance."

"You think I don't know awful I am?" he asked, "I'm not a good person."

"I don't care if you are or not," I stated.

"You will," he said, "You aren't the first. You won't be the last."

"Good to know, I guess," I said, turning my attention out the window.

He didn't say anything, and neither did I.

He started the car, and he headed towards school.

I felt sick.

It felt like acid was burning me away from the inside out.

It only got worse the closer we got to campus.

My body was shaking.

Was this really how it ended?

I guess his bullshit philosophy was right.

To love someone so much and to not be loved back or enough, kills you.

Is this what dying felt like?

I know I was going to be mortified over how dramatic I am later.

This felt wretched.

I could see the black gate, and I had to will the tears away.

I would wait until I was alone.

Then, and only then could I finally let myself mourn the loss of him.

I watched as he kept on going.

Where the fuck was he going?

"Fine," he mumbled, "If this is really what it takes, then fine."

I was angry all over again.

"Stop the car," I said, "Let me out."

"This is what you wanted, right?" he snapped, "You want to fuck me."

I wanted to punch him.

Once I was done crying like a fucking baby.

"Let me out," I said.

"I will once we get to the motel," he stated.

I pulled his left ear hard.

"Fuck," he hissed.

He stepped hard on the brakes making us stop so hard my face hit the back of the headrest.

"This is what you fucking wanted?" he said.

He didn't have to sound so disgusted.

I smacked the side of his face.

"What the fuck?" he hissed, "Stop hitting me."

"Stop acting like being with me is the most disgusting thing in the world," I choked out.

"You're fucking kidding," he glared at me through the rearview mirror.

He really thought so little of me?

Did he pity me this whole time?

Did Benny ask him to be nice to me?

Was any moment I had with him genuine?

"You're the one that's practically blackmailing me to fuck you," he said, "You don't get to be upset."

I just shook my head.

"You can shake your head all you want," he started driving again, "That is precisely what you're doing."

The idea of being wanted by another person must be a foreign concept to him.

I was done.

I couldn't do this anymore.

Why did I feel a single thing for him?

He was a monster.

I couldn't hold it in. The tears just poured down my face.

"And of course you're fucking upset," he sighed, "You don't get your way, so you fucking cry."

I wanted to get as far away from him as possible.

My gaze went to the handle of the door, and I pulled it before pushing open the door.

The alarm blared, and Michael slammed on the brakes.

"Are you fucking kidding?" he demanded.

I didn't even wait to hear him out this time.

I couldn't.

I sprinted as fast as I could away from him.

"Ren!" he shouted, "Fuck!"