Beside You Ch. 19: Power

Chapter Nineteen: Power

Benny's alarm went off, scaring me.

"Sorry," she said.

I laid there staring up at the ceiling.

Even though I slept, I felt exhausted.

Maybe everything from yesterday was catching up with me.

Or maybe it just never leaves, and all of it just keeps piling on.

That feels more like it.

"I feel shitty," Benny sighed.

I felt that.

"Sorry," she said, "I'm sure you feel a thousand times worse."

A thousand?

I felt like I actually had to think about that.

"Probably not a thousand," I said.

She stared at me, "I didn't expect you to actually think about it."

I could hear the worry in her tone.

I smiled slightly at her.

"I'm okay," I admitted, "Though I think that's because of you and Gus."

"I'm glad that we were able to help," she admitted, "No one should go through something like that alone, or at all, really."

She wasn't wrong.

Nobody should have to go through that.

No one should subject you or anyone else to that kind of treatment.

So what if you were big. If that isn't your type, move on.

Why do people have to bully you because you're different?

I thought the whole point was to prove yourself to be an individual.

"Hey, Ren."

I looked over at Benny again. I didn't realize that my gaze was wandering.

"Yeah?"

"We do love you," she said earnestly, "Just so you know."

"I know," I said, "And I love you guys too."

She glanced at her closet before she got up.

It's Friday, and to be honest, I was a little nervous and excited about tomorrow.

"And," she said once she was at her closet, but she didn't turn to look at me, "I'm sorry about Michael."

I felt myself frown.

I didn't know what I even expected from him.

Human decency, maybe?

He wasn't all bad.

I just wish that he was more honest. Or I was less blind.

It's clearly been established that I have feelings for the worst people.

"Ren?"

I glanced up at Benny to see her already fully dressed.

"Are you okay?" she asked, "Really?"

I nodded.

It wasn't something I had to think about.

If Steven tried to come near me or talk any more shit, Gus was going to fuck up his day.

It was nice to know that I had people like that.

Everything is so different.

All of this is different.

I got up to get myself dressed.

I wore the uniform skirt and my white button-up.

"Benny," I said once we were both ready to leave the room.

She gave me her full attention, and that alone was enough to make my heart swell.

"My name isn't actually Ren," I admitted.

She looked at me a little confused, "That's okay."

I was waiting for her to ask, but she didn't.

She was waiting for me to be ready to tell her.

I held my hand out to her.

"Bethany Harris," I said with a grin, "My name is Mayren Graham."

Her hand gripped mine tightly, "Nice to meet you, bestie."

What did I do to deserve her?

++++++++++

I didn't realize how often I searched for Michael.

My eyes went to the gate separating us a little too much.

I wasn't sure how to feel about everything.

Michael chose to believe Steven.

That is his right, I guess.

Doesn't make him less of a fucking jerk.

Now that I really thought about it, I haven't checked my phone since yesterday.

What if he tried to apologize?

Would that change anything?

I frowned.

Did I want to subject myself to that?

Was it so wrong to hope that the boy I think I love is sorry for fucking up?

I shouldn't love someone that can hurt me like that.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket to check, but it was dead.

I forgot to plug the damn thing in.

Why am I this way?

I glared at the device when I heard the whistles.

My last class is over.

Thank god. I can go back to the room and charge my phone.

I changed back into the pink skirt before heading back to my room.

Benny intercepted me like she usually does.

She didn't grin like normal.

Was everything alright?

She made a face, and when she opened her mouth to speak, nothing came out.

"Benny," I said softly, "What is it?"

"Steven is in the ER."

She said it so quietly I barely even heard her.

"What?" I asked, "Since when?"

"Last night," she said.

"Who…" I gasped, "Who put him there?"

She bit her bottom lip.

"Is Gus okay?" I asked.

She nodded, "Gus is fine."

So then it was Michael.

"Michael?" I asked, "Is he alright?"

She nodded.

"What happened?" I asked.

"I'm not sure exactly," she admitted, "Gus texted me about an hour ago."

"But it happened last night," I stated, "Why are we only finding out about this now?"

Her gaze locked with mine.

"Let's go to the room," she said.

I followed her, and I felt myself shaking.

Once we were in the room and the door was shut, she started to cry.

I started to panic even more.

"What?" I asked as I wrapped my arms around her, "What happened?"

She tried to calm herself down, but that took a little bit.

I held her while she struggled to even her breathing.

"Gus didn't want to bother us," she said, "I'm so fucking mad."

He didn't want to bother us?

"He said it was because you went through so much yesterday he didn't want to worry you," she said, "And he thought that it would be too hard on me."

That wasn't fair.

"What is the point of being partners if he tries to shoulder everything by himself?"

I get why she is upset, but at the same time, I couldn't quite understand. I've never had someone want to hold the weight of the world for me.

"Neither one of us needs protecting," Benny said, "If something happens, I want to know."

She moved out of my arms, and I could tell that she was more on the angry side than the sad side.

She pulled her phone out of her bag, and I could see the determination on her face.

I could hear the ringing.

I decided to plug my own phone in while she talked to Gus.

At least, that is who I'm assuming she is calling.

"What?"

The voice that answered was not Gus.

"What the fuck did you do?" Benny demanded.

I heard the sigh from the other end.

"I don't have the…."

"The time?" she snapped, interrupting him, "You'll fucking make the time."

"Benny," I could hear the exhaustion in Michael's voice, "If you let me finish, I was going to say the patience."

"I don't care," she said, "What happened last night?"

"It doesn't matter," he said, "It happened."

"Michael," she said calmly, "Talk to me."

"I don't want to," he said flatly, "Talk to your fucking boyfriend."

The line went dead.

She stared blankly at the wall.

I watched her slowly drop the phone from her face to look at the screen.

She pressed on it again, but the phone just kept ringing and ringing.

"Ren," she said, "Can I see your phone?"

I glanced over at the device on the nightstand.

The battery was still very much dead.

"It's dead," I said, "I'm sorry."

I even held up the screen to show her.

All it showed was the battery on the screen with the charging symbol.

She frowned.

She went through her phone again.

I could hear the ringing again.

"Hello?"

This voice I didn't quite recognize.

"Hey Cuz," Benny said, "How are you?"

I could hear the bit of sarcasm in her tone.

"I guess I could be worse," he said, "What do you want?"

"Nobody is telling me what happened last night," she said, "I want you to tell me."

"Why?" he asked, "If they aren't, it's probably for the best."

I could see the anger on her face.

"Most likely," she said, "But you will tell me."

"Or what?" he asked, "You'll have Gus kick my ass?"

"No," she said calmly, "I'll beat the fucking hell out of you."

If I didn't know Benny, I would have been terrified.

She didn't usually take on that kind of tone.

Her anger was not something to mess with.

"What's so great about her?" Steven asked, "How can you guys defend that?"

"That?" Benny asked, clearly confused, "That what?"

"Mayren," Steven hissed, "She's fucking nobody, she's a fucking freak…."

"Shut your fucking mouth," Benny shouted, "You don't get to talk about her."

I felt myself shaking.

He didn't respond.

"She is perfect," Benny stated, "She doesn't have to change a single thing about herself, and fuck you for not seeing that."

I was going to cry.

Fuck, I felt the stinging already.

"So I was right then," Steven said, "The three of you are a thing?"

"What?" Benny snapped.

"She is fucking you and Gus," Steven spat, "Why else would anybody defend her?"

Benny laughed, and that was probably scarier than her yelling at him.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

"You're an idiot," she said, "Why do you care who she fucks?"

He didn't respond.

"You're that jealous of everyone else that comes in contact with her," she said, "You can't stand the idea of her being with anybody else?"

"Fuck you," Steven hissed.

"I'd rather fuck her," Benny said calmly, "You jealous piece of shit."

"She wishes I was jealous," Steven said, "I wish I never met that fat fucking cunt."

Benny took in a deep breath, "You are going to regret that."

"What?" he asked, "Fuck both of you."

"Tell me what happened, and I won't beat the fuck out of you the next time I see you."

"Yeah, right," he laughed, "Good luck with that."

"Awe," Benny said as if she was saying it to a child, "You poor baby, are you that scared of Michael and Gus?"

I could hear Steven on the other end. It sounded like someone was hitting their mattress.

"As if," he said after a minute, "If you want to find out, ask one of them."

"I'm asking you," she said.

"Clearly," he said, "And because they won't."

"Yeah," she said, "I'm pretty sure I already said that. Can we move on?"

"Why are all of you so fucking annoying?" he asked.

"It's part of the reason we all get along so well," she stated, "You were saying?"

"I wasn't."

"Then tell me who put you in the hospital," she said,

"They didn't even tell you that much?" Steven laughed, "They really must think that you're weak."

"Sure," she said, "Because I'm the one in the hospital right now."

"It was Michael," Steven stated, "Your boy has a temper problem."

"Yeah," Benny sighed, "We've been trying to work on that."

"He might even be bipolar," Steven said, "One minute he's wailing on me, then he's crying like a fucking bitch."

She looked at me like she didn't believe him.

This must be the real Steven.

How did I not see it before?

"You should have seen his face," Steven laughed, "When he realized who I made that bet with in the first place."

I felt my blood run cold.

"What bet?" Benny asked,

I don't know if she remembered that part from yesterday.

"The bet to fuck a virgin," he stated.

Benny's eyes went wide as she stared at me.

"Michael bet I couldn't fuck a virgin," he laughed, "Who would have thought that the very same little virgin would find her way to you guys?"

The bet was Michael?

My legs felt a little wobbly.

I sat on my bed as I stared at Benny.

"Then you clearly lost that bet," she stated, "Because you didn't."

"Well yeah," he said, "And thank fuck for that, she was repulsive."

What changed? He was so adamant about the fact that he did have sex with me.

"Steven," Benny said, "That's two."

"But that wasn't the last time Michael and I fought yesterday," he said.

He ignored her warning.

"How many times then?" she asked.

"Eh," he said. I could hear him humming as he thought about it, "Three times."

Benny opened her mouth, but he interrupted her.

"No, sorry," he said, "Just two."

He didn't give her the chance to respond before he spoke again.

"It's hard to keep track, maybe because of the concussion."

"Being an asshole doesn't help either," Benny stated.

"Don't you want to know the reason for the second fight?" he asked.

"Is it not because of Ren?" she asked.

"Well, at first, yes," he said, "He didn't like me calling her a fat cunt either."

"Three," Benny stated.

"I forgot how emotional Michael is," he said, ignoring her again, "It's easy to forget how he ended up at that school in the first place."

Benny glanced over at me again.

I could see her hesitation. She wanted to protect Michael, and that was okay.

If she didn't want me to hear something, it would suck, but I understand.

"See, I knew he had a fucked up childhood," Steven stated, "Honestly, when I said it, I was just fucking with him. I didn't expect him to freak out the way he did."

"I'm sure you weren't just messing with him," Benny stated, "You know what triggers him."

"Sometimes," he admitted, "I started by calling Mayren more names, but Gus held him back."

Benny stood there silently, waiting for him to get on with it.

"But he didn't actually snap until I said those two little words," Steven said.

I could hear the satisfaction in his tone.

Two little words? That was it?

Even Benny looked confused.

'Fuck you' was the only two-word combo I could think of that might piss him off.

I was stumped.

"What did you call him?" I could hear the hesitation as Benny asked.

Steven chuckled, "Are you sure you want me to repeat them?"

Benny stared at me.

"Is little Mayren there listening?" he asked, "Wait, I didn't mean little."

"What did you call him?" I asked.

I could hear him clapping on the other end of the line.

"Oh, how upset he'd be if you knew," he said, "How much do you even know about him, Mayren?"

"I told you before," I said, "I know what I need to know."

"I guess," he said, "Do you even have any ideas as to what two words could set him off so violently?"

It was strange. I knew so little about him, but two words did finally come to mind.

Your mom.

"You could just tell me," I stated, "Nothing says you have to keep playing the role of the piece of shit that you are."

"I get that," he said, "But it's much more fun my way."

"Then what?" I asked, "Destroy him with two little words?"

"It doesn't mean much if he doesn't know that you know," he admitted, "But that's not really the point."

"What's the point then?" I asked, "He beat you up, so now your feelings are hurt?"

"He didn't just beat me up," he hissed.

"Who fucking cares?" Benny asked, "What did you call him?"

"He broke my fucking leg," he sounded genuinely hurt, "He didn't have to keep going, but like the hurt little boy he is, he didn't stop."

"Sounds like he isn't the only hurt little boy," I said to Benny.

"Right?"

"If that's how the two of you are going to be," he snapped, "Then fuck off."

Benny actually stood there waiting for him to hang up on her.

I think we were both thinking the same thing.

He didn't end the call.

"An answer for an answer then," Steven said.

What could he possibly want to know?

"What's your question?" Benny asked.

"Not you," Steven said, "Mayren."

"Okay," I said awkwardly, "What?"

"Did you and Michael really…" he stopped, "Did you…."

I frowned.

"Steven," I said, "Spit it out."

It was kind of funny. I used to be so scared of him.

If I wasn't scared, I was smitten.

Both versions of me never spoke to him like this before.

Neither one of them would ever imagine I'd have this kind of strength in me today.

"Did you actually fuck Michael?" he asked.

I found myself laughing a little, "That's what you want to know?"

"Yes," he said, "Why him?"

I met Benny's gaze, and she was confused.

"Steven," I said calmly, "Do you really think you deserve to know that?"

He didn't respond.

"After all of this shit?" I asked.

"No," he said, "But an answer for an answer."

"I could lie to you," I stated.

"That's fine," he said, "I won't lie to you."

It was weird to hear him say that.

"I am still very much a virgin," I stated, "No thanks to you."

He chuckled, "I wasn't expecting that, to be honest."

I shrugged at Benny.

"If it means anything," he said, "Given the chance, he would fuck you without a second thought."

I laughed, "He won't get the chance."

Benny looked a little awkward.

"Your turn," I stated.

"He lost it when I called him a mamas boy," he said, "After all this time, you'd think he would be better."

"He doesn't like to talk about her," I stated.

"Aren't you curious?" he asked, "I could tell you."

"Of course I'm curious," I admitted, "But it doesn't mean anything unless he's the one to tell me."

Benny looked surprised.

"Despite him being a raging asshole," I stated, "He's my friend, and I won't let you hurt him."

"You're all fucking pathetic," Steven stated.

"Maybe," I shrugged, "But we're never going to be alone again."

"It's easy to say that now," Steven said, "Just wait until something happens, and you are at opposite ends."

"I think we're capable of disagreeing on something," I stated.

"You don't know them, Mayren," he said, "They never let anyone else stay in their group for long, you aren't the first, and you won't be the last."

He was deliberately trying to hurt me, and I wouldn't let him.

He's done more than enough.

"I don't expect to be the last," I admitted, "All three of them are such amazing people. More people will want to know them."

He laughed, "Add delusional to that long list of names for you."

"Should I capitalize it?" I asked.

There was a short silence.

"What?" he asked.

"The name I'm adding," I asked, "Did you want me to capitalize it?"

I heard a slight growl before Benny laughed.

"Fuck both of you," Steven said.

"Get well soon," Benny said, "Or don't, I don't really care."

He was mid-sentence when she hung up on him.

We both laughed once the call ended, and it was just the two of us.

It felt good to know I had a place here. I was going to defend it, and I didn't care who tried to get in the way of that.

My phone went off, letting me know that it was charged enough for me to actually go through it.

I looked over at the screen, and there was a text notification.

"I can't believe Steven actually thought he was going to win that," she grinned, "You, Mayren, are one tough cookie."

I smiled up at her.

"I'm serious," she said, "You've been through a lot, and you could have learned whatever you wanted to about any of us."

I just stared at her.

"But you didn't," she asked, "Why?"

"I meant what I said," I admitted, "I want that to come from you guys. It means more if you want me to know."

She grinned, and I could see the sadness there despite the toothy smile.

There was a peaceful silence, but I could tell that Benny wanted to say something.

I met her gaze, and she hesitated to actually say the words.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I meant it, you know," she said, "When I said that you were perfect the way you are."

She stared at me, and I knew she meant it.

My dumbass couldn't help the words that followed.

"Are we fucking?" I asked.

Both of us laughed a lot harder than we did the first time.

She threw a pillow at me, and it only made me laugh harder.

It hurt. Not the pillow, but the laughter.

"I can't believe he actually asked that," she said, "I can't believe he really thought it at all."

"Boy seems a little off," I nodded.

"Jealous much," she said, "He was so worried about anyone around you."

That was a little creepy to think about. After all of the shit he put me through, he didn't deserve to be jealous. Not one teeny tiny bit.

Benny stared at her phone, and I watched as she frowned.

"Is everything okay?" I asked.

"I'm not sure," she admitted, "It's my mother."

She showed me the screen, and it very clearly said that her mom was calling.

"What do I do?" she asked.

"Talk to her," I said, "She might know something you don't."

She nodded fiercely before answering.

"Hey mom," she greeted.

I was going to take advantage of this time to check my messages.

Part of me hoped that Michael texted me.

I just didn't know how I would feel once I actually laid eyes on his name.

Three unread messages.

I clicked on the messaging app, and the first name I saw wasn't Michael.

Collin sent me a text.

I looked at the time before I felt guilty. It was sent last night.

Under his name was the one I was scared to see.

Michael King, 2 unread.

I stared at both names, and it felt a little like I needed to choose.

It barely felt like a competition.

I clicked on the name I was more familiar with. The boy who currently had my heart, but didn't want it.

From: Michael – 'I'm so fucking sorry. I don't know why I believed anything that came out of Steven's mouth. I'm sorry Ren. I'm so fucking sorry.'

I glanced under the first message to see the second, and it made me feel sick.

From: Michael – 'Please forgive me.'

My response was conditioned, and I knew that.

Years of abuse, and still, I let people hurt me.

I didn't even have to think as my thumbs wrote out a single word.

To: Michael – 'Always.'

I felt numb.

I pressed the back button, and I felt guilty. I forgot about Collin.

That boy clearly deserves better.

For some fucked up reason, he likes me.

I clicked on the message.

My eyes slowly went over the words. I felt something heavy settle in my stomach, and my eyes stung.

From: Collin – 'I think you're beautiful Red.'

More than anything, I was angry at myself.

I wanted to want the boy that was good to me.

It felt strange to think it, but maybe that's just how life worked.

What if I liked Michael because I deserved all of it?

My phone buzzed in my hand, and I clicked on the message.

Collin's name popped up.

From: Collin – 'I'm sorry if that was a little too much, I just thought you should know. Fuck what that other guy was saying about you.'

I wasn't sure what to say to that.

Was he worried that his first message freaked me out?

I smiled a little.

To: Collin – 'Don't be sorry. I'm sorry you were worried about that, my phone died and I just got some power to it.'

The bubbles popped up, and I felt nervous.

I saw the message before I felt the buzz.

From: Collin – 'Then I'll say it a hundred more times.'

My phone buzzed again, then again, then again.

From: Collin – 'You're beautiful Red.'

From: Collin – 'You're beautiful.'

From: Collin – 'Honestly, a man would have to be blind not to think you are.'

I couldn't help but smile painfully at the words.

To: Collin – 'To think, I almost thought you were going to copy and paste the same message 100 times.'

He responded back fast.

From: Collin – 'I could still do that if you want.'

My phone went off again before I even thought of a response.

From: Collin – 'It just didn't feel very sincere, unless I wrote them all out myself.'

To: Collin – 'Sometimes you only have to say it once.'

It was true, though.

Sincerity is important.

My phone buzzed again.

The feed with Collin didn't have a new message.

My stomach was in knots.

I pressed back to see who the message was from.

I had a text from Gus.

It surprised me a little, but I clicked on it.

From: Gus – 'Is Benny with you? She isn't answering my calls.'

It was definitely strange to get messages like these.

To: Gus – 'She's on the phone with her mom.'

To: Gus – 'Why? Is everything okay?'

My phone vibrated again after a few minutes.

From: Gus – 'Yeah, for now at least.'

From: Gus – 'I'm guessing you heard about last night?'

To: Gus – 'Yeah, I did.'

To: Gus – 'Steven sure likes to run his mouth.'

The response was faster than I was expecting.

From: Gus – 'How much did you hear?'

To: Gus – 'Enough.'

My phone went off again, and it wasn't from Gus.

Why was I so popular today?

It had to be Collin responding to my last message.

I pressed back, but the name at the top wasn't Collin.

I felt the knots again as I stared at Michael's name.

It had a mark next to it, letting me know I had an unread message.

I hesitated before opening the message.

From: Michael – 'Not everything should be easily forgiven. Even if they beg you for it.'

My phone buzzed again.

From: Michael – 'Be angry at me.'

My phone kept going off like I was getting a call, but I just saw message after message on the feed between Michael and me.

From: Michael – 'Hate me.'

From: Michael – 'Hate me more than I hate myself.'

From: Michael – 'You shouldn't forgive me.'

From: Michael – 'Hate me.'

From: Michael – 'Hate me already.'

From: Michael – 'I've hurt you before, I could do it again.'

I stared at the messages, and I could tell that he was spiraling.

He wanted me to hate him, but why?

My mind snapped back to what Steven said.

The Bet.

Michael was the one who made the bet in the first place.

I stared at the words, and it only made me feel nauseous.

Maybe I did hate him.

No, I should hate him.

I needed to do what was best for me, and he wasn't it.

I typed my response out, and I willed the guilt away.

To: Michael – 'Okay. Message received.'

My phone vibrated, and I knew it wasn't Michael.

Collin was the most recent message.

I opened the message, and I felt myself smiling again.

From: Collin – 'I'm very much looking forward to tomorrow night.'

From: Collin – 'Sleep well Red. Dream of good things.'

It was strange to hear.

I usually only heard people say goodnight or rest well.

Dream of good things.

I knew it in my mind already.

Right now, Collin was the right choice.

To: Collin – 'You too, dream of good things.'