Beside You Ch. 18.5: Your Sake

Chapter Eighteen Point Five: Your Sake

Michael:

I felt sick.

It felt like I had tar in my stomach.

What the fuck?

The words Gus said to me kept ringing in my ears.

'Get the fuck away from me.'

Little did he know.

I was shaking with anger.

I was far worse than they thought that I was.

That wasn't something that I could deny.

I didn't deserve any of them.

I could barely hear Collin as he tried to call after me.

There was no way I could stay there. I couldn't hear the rest of it.

I was going to find Steven.

My shoulder fucking hurt, but that didn't stop me from pulling my phone out of my back pocket.

I scrolled through the contacts before finding the name I was looking for and pressing the call button.

It rang four times before he answered.

"Yo," Steven said, "What happened?"

He sounded like he was in too good of a mood.

It irritated me.

You did that shit to her, and you're acting like nothing.

"Where are you?" I asked.

I didn't give away how badly I wanted to smash his face into a brick wall.

"How did it go?" he asked, "Was Gus mad I didn't show?"

"Bit of an understatement," I said, "He wants to kick your ass."

"That's fucking stupid," he laughed, "Mayren must have done a number on him too."

My whole body tensed. I knew what he was about to say before he even said it.

"You think she fucked him too?" Steven asked.

The genuine curiosity in his voice made my skin crawl.

If I wasn't already convinced he lied, I would have known then.

Gus would never stray, and Ren wouldn't do anything to hurt us.

My body stopped walking, and I felt like I might actually puke.

Why was I so convinced by Steven's bullshit? Ren wasn't like him.

She wasn't like me.

She deserved better.

"I still can't believe you hit that," Steven said, "I didn't think she was the type to go through guys like that."

"I didn't either," I said.

I felt numb.

"You still gonna stay with her?" he asked.

I wasn't expecting that to come out of his mouth.

"You know that shit doesn't bother me," I said, "A girl can fuck whoever she wants."

"Even if it's your best friend?" he asked, "Eskimo brothers."

I had to grit my teeth so that I didn't snap at him.

"Whatever," Steven said, "Your dick, your problem."

My feet started to move again.

I walked with a determination I wasn't sure I had in me.

My destination right now was the front gate.

"Where did you say you were?" I asked.

"Oh," Steven said, "I just left the arcade by the mall."

I nodded, even though he couldn't see me.

"Want to meet up at the liquor store near the doughnut shop I showed you before?" I asked.

"Sure, why not?" he asked, "We drinking?"

"I could use a fucking drink," I admitted.

"You never change Mikey," Steven laughed.

Right.

I never change.

"See you in ten minutes," I said.

"Later," Steven said.

The phone went dead, and I had to stop walking again.

'Control yourself.'

I had to tell myself over and over again to keep myself together.

I was different than him.

I needed to believe that.

'When you want something, you don't always care who you hurt.'

I wished that that was a lie.

Why should I give a fuck about other people? All they do is demand more and more from you and then rip you apart.

I took in a deep breath before I walked through the front gate. I needed to walk to the motel to get my car.

I refused to let other people get to me. It was different

I didn't hurt people because it was fun.

They can't hurt me if I don't let them.

To love someone is to destroy them.

I won't do that.

I won't let that happen to me, not again.

Only two people in this entire world have been with me through it all.

Ren proved how flimsy our relationship really is.

Gus, forever the white knight.

Why was he so fucking mad at me?

Why did he have so much faith in her?

Why couldn't I muster that kind of faith in people?

Why was I so fucking broken?

I was tired of constantly asking myself why.

My car was in my sights.

It felt a little like I blinked, and I was at the driver's side door.

I pulled the door open and ripped the sling off my arm.

This fucking thing was annoying.

I tossed the dark blue fabric to the back seat before I sat in the driver's spot.

It felt like I was moving on autopilot.

I knew where I was going, and I knew that I had to keep myself calm.

If I wasn't calm, I'd probably hit him with my car.

That wasn't a bad idea, actually.

My head shook quickly.

No, calm the fuck down.

I was at the liquor store in a few minutes. I even got here before dipshit.

I got out of the car and made my way inside.

I knew the girl behind the counter, maybe a little too well.

"Hey Michael," she greeted.

"Hey," I said back.

"One of those days?" she asked.

If only she knew.

It's always one of those days.

It's really the only thing that quiets all the fucking noise.

"What's the poison today?" she asked.

That was an accurate word to describe it.

I honestly didn't care what I drank. Anything but tequila.

My eyes scanned the shelves, and I pointed to the bottle of Jack Daniel's, then to the Crown Royal.

"That all?" she asked.

I shook my head.

I walked to the back to grab a twelve-pack of Corona.

I could see the concern on her face, but I ignored it.

She didn't even tell me the total. I already had a hundred-dollar bill out.

The door dinged behind me.

"Damn, you beat me here," Steven said.

Lauren handed me my change.

I only remembered her name because of the tag just above her tits.

"What are you getting?" he asked.

I indicated to the two glass bottles still on the counter and just slightly raised the box in my hand.

"Any complaints?" I asked.

"Nah," he shook his head.

Lauren put the bottles in a paper bag and pushed them towards me on the countertop.

"Have a nice day," she said.

It was a work smile, nothing more.

I held the Corona out for Steven to take it. I was working with only one good arm right now.

He actually looked at me like he was confused.

I wanted to smack him. Has he always been this fucking stupid?

After a second of me standing there, I just grabbed the paper bag.

Whatever, it didn't really matter. I deserved this pain.

"How bad was it really?" Steven asked once we got to the car.

I only arched my brow at him.

"The meeting with Gus," he said, "Did he say anything about trying to get me later?"

I pressed the trunk button on my keys.

At least he had the common sense to open it for me.

I set the box in the trunk before I shook my head.

"He didn't say anything about a raincheck?"

"Not that I stuck around to hear," I said.

I placed the bottles in the corner and used the box to hold them in place.

"You're sure?" he asked.

I couldn't help but smirk.

"Afraid Gus will beat your ass?" I asked.

"Dude," he said, "We both know he would."

He would. That wasn't even a question.

"The longer you avoid him, the more pissed off he'll be," I stated, "Maybe you should have just gone."

"You saying I shouldn't have listened to you?"

Did that really matter now?

In the end, it was what it was.

"Just don't be surprised if he doesn't go easy on you," I shrugged.

"Fuck," Steven frowned.

He actually sounded worried.

Good.

I wanted to see him get the fuck beat out of him.

We drove back to the motel.

Thankfully he had a different room.

Room 10 was off to the side, furthest from the street.

I parked the car, and he waited at the trunk.

My phone buzzed, and I had a feeling who it might be.

I wasn't sure I could talk to her right now.

The curiosity got the better of me.

I pulled my phone from my pocket once I got out of the car.

I was a little disappointed to see that the message wasn't from her at all.

From: Gus – 'Where did you run off to?'

I just returned my phone to my pocket and popped the trunk.

"What?" Steven asked, "You've got that salty face on."

I shook my head, "Gus is texting me."

"Oh," he said.

It looked a little like his skin paled.

"Don't worry," I said, "I ignored him."

He nodded, but I could see the relieved breath right after.

"How hard do you think he hits?" Steven asked.

I wanted him to shut the fuck up already.

Then it sort of made me realize, the more worried and stressed he was, the more he would drink.

The sooner he was drunk, the sooner I would get the answers I wanted.

"That's not something you ever want to find out," I said.

I made it sound like a joke.

His face paled.

Good.

"Grab the beer and lead the way," I said.

He stared at the box for a minute before grabbing it.

I was right behind him with the other bottles.

I made sure the trunk was shut, and the doors were locked before we got inside the room.

He set the box right on the small table.

"Do you think there is any way I can get out of it?" Steven asked.

I had to pretend to think about it.

"Benny is the only one that could talk him out of it," I stated.

He frowned, "Do you think she would take my side?"

It's funny that he would even ask that.

Benny loves Ren.

"I doubt it," I said, "The two of them are close."

He made a face, "How close?"

That surprised me, "What do you mean?"

"I mean, I get Gus fucking her," he said, "But Benny always struck me as the type to swing both ways."

I couldn't stop the glare directed at him.

"That's right," Steven chuckled, "You still pining for Benny?"

"No," I said.

It wasn't a lie either.

"Tell me you wouldn't want to see the two of them fuck," Steven said, "Though I'd like to see how much Mayren has changed."

I pulled the Crown Royal out of the bag and handed it to him.

"Since I know you so well," I said.

He took it, and just as I expected, cold or not, he opened it and took a swig.

He made a grossed out face.

"Be honest with me," Steven said, "Would you want to see Benny and Mayren scissor?"

I couldn't imagine it.

Not because I wouldn't want to see it, more because just the visual would be enough to get my dick hard.

"I wouldn't complain if they did," I shrugged.

He grinned before taking another swig of the whiskey.

It irritated me that I know that he was picturing it.

Benny was his fucking cousin.

Ren was… Ren wasn't his to think about.

"Don't say that shit to Gus," I laughed.

His face instantly changed, and he took another drink from the bottle.

This dumb bitch. He was making this way too fucking easy.

I walked over to the small fridge to put my Jack Daniel's in the freezer.

"You not drinking?" he asked.

"Beer first," I said.

I opened the box and pulled one out to twist the top off.

I took a drink while I watched him still panic a little.

My phone went off again, and I frowned.

I pulled it out to see who it was.

From: Gus – 'Seriously, don't be a dick.'

I found myself laughing a little at that.

"What?" Steven asked.

I didn't even hesitate to tell him. It was only going to fuel the fire.

"Gus is wondering where I am," I said, "And he isn't letting up."

Steven took another drink.

Good, drink it up.

He sat down, not really by choice.

He stumbled back, and he ended up on the bed.

Maybe, I could ask him a few questions now.

"I'm curious," I said after a few minutes.

He stared back at me.

Light brown. They looked similar to Benny's eyes.

It was a selfish question, but I wanted to know. Even though I knew I shouldn't be asking him.

"How big was Mayren before?" I asked.

I felt guilty the second the words left my mouth.

He looked back at me, clearly a little surprised by my question.

"She was fat," he said, "Does it matter how big she was?"

Not really, but a part of me wanted to know.

I shrugged.

"She's still a little big now," Steven said, "But double that, no triple it."

I honestly couldn't picture it.

"Man, I wish I knew that she was here," he said, "I would have brought my old phone."

My ears perked up at that.

"Why?"

"I have some pictures," he said with a wicked grin.

I felt sick.

Pictures of what exactly?

"What kind?" I asked.

"Nothing sexy, unfortunately," he said, "She wouldn't let me take any."

Thank god for that.

"Then what kind?" I asked.

"I convinced her to go to a party once," he said, "She wore this bathing suit that was just disgusting."

My eye twitched at the last word.

"Be honest," I said, "Do you really hate the birthmark?"

He looked at me, and I could see it all over his face.

"Are you serious?" he asked, "It's repulsive."

He really is an idiot.

"Don't tell me that massive thing turns you on?" he chuckled.

I didn't even bother to lie.

"It does."

"You're seriously a freak," he laughed.

Does he know where it ends and where it begins?

I hated that he knows more about her than I do.

Wait.

It struck me hard. It almost felt like the wind was knocked out of me.

"You said her mom told you she was sent to fat camp?" I asked, "Is that all she told you?"

"It was just in passing," he nodded, "I was just wondering why she wasn't in school anymore."

She mentioned several times before about the bullying. He should have known that might be the reason.

"Was she really bullied?" I asked.

I didn't need confirmation on that. I believed her.

"Oh dude," he laughed, "You have no fucking idea."

The fact that he didn't deny it surprised me. I expected him to downplay it, at least.

"There was one time a group of girls took her clothes after P.E," he said, "They held the doors open for anyone that wanted to come in and see her."

What? It felt a little like I was dropped into a tub of ice.

"Back at our school, the girls were forced to shower after P.E," he said, "She actually told me that the other girls didn't want to shower with her in there."

"And you didn't do anything?" I asked.

It took a lot for me to even get the words out. I felt this heavy feeling in my gut that felt a lot like acid.

"Why?" he asked, "That was her problem."

"You really are a fucking asshole," I hissed.

I couldn't even keep it in. I blurted it before I even thought the words.

He laughed like he thought this was guy talk.

"Being near her was social suicide," he said, "If it weren't for the bet, I wouldn't have gone anywhere near her."

I had to bite my tongue. I wanted to throttle him.

I remembered what she said to me when I asked about her notebook.

"I know it wasn't a real date," she smiled lightly, "But I had a good time, and I thought it was a good first date, so thank you."

I remember her avoiding looking at me after she said it.

I glanced over at Steven.

"So you never took her out on a date?" I asked, "Even though you fucked her?"

He laughed, louder than I thought was necessary.

"Didn't you hear what I just said?" he asked, "Just being seen with her was social suicide."

"I heard you," I said.

"Why are your panties in a bunch?" he asked, clearly amused, "You have no idea what that monster looked like before."

I wanted to break the bottle in my hand over his head.

It took everything in me not to.

"Calm down Mikey," he slurred, "Have a drink."

I had to ask him. I had to know before I lost it.

It was stupid of me to be here alone with him.

I pulled my phone out to text Gus. I should have told him sooner.

To: Gus – 'My motel, room 10.'

"Did you actually fuck her?" I asked.

He laughed, "You tell me, you said you fucked her."

I set the bottle down, and I walked until I was right in front of him.

"Steven," I said as calmly as I could manage, "What did you do?"

His gaze met mine, and I could see the challenge in his eyes.

"Before or after she said no?" he asked.

My vision blurred.

The only thing I remember was grabbing him by the front of his shirt and connecting my fist to his face.