Beside You Ch. 15: Move On

Chapter Fifteen: Move On

My entire body shook as we got back into the car.

I handed Michael back his card, but I felt so damn nervous and awkward.

Will he see what Benny made me buy?

I glanced nervously over at him, and he was looking at me like I was acting strangely. Of course I was acting strange! She made me buy a vibrator.

"Find anything interesting?" Gus asked.

The two boys had bought their items and left the store to leave Benny and me to our own devices. Literally.

I didn't answer, and I could feel both of their eyes on me.

There was no way I was going to tell them what I got.

"Leave her alone," Benny said.

"I'll tell her what I got," Gus shrugged.

She turned to glare at him, "You will leave her alone."

Gus frowned, but he glanced up at me quickly through the rear-view mirror.

I was quick to look away, but I ended up looking directly at Michael.

At first, he was looking out the window, but slowly he turned to meet my gaze.

I couldn't do it. I looked away from those dark blue eyes as fast as humanly possible.

"So, how far from campus?" Gus asked, looking at Benny.

She had her phone out and pressed the screen a few times before she finally answered.

"An hour and a half," she said, "We'll make it."

My gaze dropped to the black bag on the floor in front of me.

It didn't take long for me to feel my phone vibrating in my pocket.

I pulled the device out of the sweater Michael let me borrow earlier.

From: Michael – 'She made you buy a vibrator didn't she?'

My eyes went over the message, and I felt my face go red.

I didn't have the chance to reply. I received another message from him.

From: Michael – 'I figured she might do that. I made sure to get you something I know you'd use.'

I didn't have any words. I was afraid to look at him all over again.

My thumbs hesitated to respond.

To: Michael – 'What did you get?'

He replied fast, and I felt myself shiver. The air was up really high again, only this time I noticed.

From: Michael – 'For you, or for me?'

My fingers didn't let me think of anything else.

To: Michael – 'Both.'

I heard a low laugh next to me, and I turned to glare at him.

From: Michael – 'You'll just have to wait and see for yourself.'

I didn't want to feel his words anymore. I didn't want them to work like the magic they are.

The only way they would have been worse would be if they came out of his mouth.

My gaze went forward to land on Benny. She continued to stare at her phone as Gus drove.

"I know I haven't said anything yet," Benny said, "But I really appreciate you guys coming."

I just grinned at her.

Her eyes met mine through the mirror in front of her, and her smile widened.

Despite being treated badly by her mother, I was glad I came too. I got to spend time with them, and I learned a few new things about them.

Gus has a very reasonable fear of Benny's mother, one that I initially tried to dismiss just because he was the object of Benny's affection. Her mother is everything and more than what Gus tried to explain to me. Michael had a first love, and it just so happened to be Benny. I didn't really see that coming, and it makes me wonder if I'm blind or if he just hides his feelings really well.

My eyes went to the rear-view mirror to land on Gus, and I couldn't help but wonder. If I were Benny, would I have chosen Gus too?

It's not like he was a bad looking guy. I mean, Gus is a ruggedly handsome guy. Wow, I sound like an idiot just thinking it.

I let out a sigh before sneaking a peek over at Michael.

The two of them were just so different. The fact that I was even thinking about how different they were was silly. No one was really identical, right? Even twins were a little different. As far as appearances go, the two of them were both good looking guys. They looked like they belonged in two different worlds. Gus was a tough-looking guy, and that if you got in his face, he most certainly wouldn't take your shit. However, Gus was just a teddy bear in comparison to his appearance.

I looked over at Michael, making sure to do it with just my eyes.

The two of them really were opposites.

Michael had a prince like appearance, but he will never treat you like a prince would or should when you actually talk to him. Though I suppose you could call him a dark prince, but that is still a little if-ish.

Though I was pretty sure if the two of them were in a movie, Gus would end up being the knight that saves the princess while Michael plays the evil wizard that tries to steal her away.

At least that's what my brain is making me think right now, of all things in all places.

"Uh, Ren?" I heard Benny ask.

I looked up quickly.

I was lost in my thoughts. I had barely even heard her.

"Are you okay?" she asked me.

"Why wouldn't I be?" I asked her back.

"You just look a little worried, is all," she said, making sure to turn to face me, even in her position in the passenger seat.

"I'm okay," I said.

"What were you thinking about?" she asked.

I glance ahead to Gus, who is also looking back at me. Then slowly, I look over to Michael, and he too is looking at me.

"Honestly?" I asked.

"Is it about your, uh," she looked down at the black bag at my feet.

I was quick to shake my head, "I was just thinking about dark wizards."

Though I wasn't sure why that came out of my mouth, I thought about dark princes. I was thinking about Michael.

They all burst into laughter, and I wasn't sure what to say.

Gus's laughter was louder than theirs, but he was also trying to calm himself down because he was driving.

Benny was laughing so hard she was actually slapping her thighs.

To think all this time, I thought it was just an expression.

Michael was laughing harder than the first time I saw a real genuine laugh come from him. He was even wiping at his eyes.

I just sat there waiting for them to calm down. It wasn't that funny, was it?

No, it really wasn't that funny.

They all slowly quieted, and I just stared forward with a smile on my face. I enjoyed their laughter, even if I couldn't laugh that hard.

++++++++++

Before I knew it, we were back at the campus in our room.

The weekend felt like a dream as I laid in bed, and I couldn't stop thinking about that kiss. It did happen, right? I was pretty sure he really leaned over me to kiss me.

I sat up in my bed, and I glanced over at Benny. She was sitting at her desk, talking to Gus on Skype again. I didn't hear Michael talking with them, and it made me wonder if he was using any of the toys he purchased.

I shivered at the thought.

To: Michael – 'What are you up to?'

I waited for several minutes, but there was no response. He must be asleep, and that made me frown a little. It was probably for the best, though.

I laid down and pulled my blanket over myself, and I laid on my side. I was facing the direction Benny was, and I didn't really care. I was tired, but part of me hoped that Michael was still awake. It was definitely better this way because I knew that anything he would say would wake up every single nerve in my body.

My eyes finally shut, and I was ready for sleep to claim me.

A low buzzing sound pulled me from my desire to sleep.

I pulled my phone to my face to check why my phone went off.

The screen only showed my background picture and the time, but there was no message. My eyes shut as I felt frustrated for anticipating a message from him. It has already been twenty minutes since I sent that message. If he intended to respond, he would have done it by now.

I sighed before setting the phone back down. It was probably just an email anyway. Nothing that couldn't wait until tomorrow.

Benny's whispers were barely understandable, but it didn't matter. She was being considerate of me trying to sleep.

I roll to my back, and I stare at the ceiling.

"Ren?" Benny asked.

I glance over at her.

"Can't sleep?" she asked.

I sat up and leaned against the headboard.

"Yeah," I sighed before smiling a little at her.

"Am I being too loud?" she asked.

I was quick to shake my head, "I can't really even hear you."

"Okay," she said before smiling at me.

"Keep talking, you two," I said loud enough for Gus to hear too, "I don't mind."

"Goodnight, Ren," I heard Gus through the computer.

"Goodnight," I said back to him.

I laid back down, this time facing away from them.

I pulled my phone up to check it one last time, even though I was sure there was nothing there.

Just like I called it, there was still the home screen and the time.

11:52 PM.

I sighed, feeling ridiculous. This was stupid that I was waiting for a response. It was late, and I just spent the whole weekend with him anyway. He probably needs a break from me.

That thought alone made me feel a little depressed, but it wasn't really important, and I knew that. There was always tomorrow.

My eyes shut again.

My body felt heavy after everything we've done this weekend. I don't know why I still thought about what happened when I was in the bathroom when Bailee spoke to me. Warned me, threatened me, I wasn't sure which.

What trauma had Michael been through?

It wasn't right that I kept thinking about it, but I found myself rolling over again to face Benny.

She smiled and laughed as she stared at Gus on the other side of the screen.

She was in love with him. There was no doubt. Did he have to watch this all the time? Is that why he doesn't really expect much for himself?

My phone buzzed again at the back of my head, and I frowned. It is probably another email.

I reach my arm over so that I can grab my phone to check it just in case.

I was prepared for disappointment, but his name appeared on my screen.

It was a text message, and I was quick to open it.

From: Michael – 'Do you really want to know?'

His words went through me like ice. I was awake now against my will.

To: Michael – 'Tell me.'

I sent the message, and my mouth went dry. Why did just talking to this boy wreck me?

My phone went off again. This time it was more than one message.

From: Michael – 'Sometimes pictures are better than words.'

The other message was a picture, but that it was still loading.

I waited a good two minutes before I saw the picture. I made a face the second it showed up.

It was a pile of candy on a black comforter.

Why did I think that he was going to show me something else?

Was I a little disappointed? I was, but just a little. I was still glad that he had responded to my message at all.

To: Michael – 'It appears that someone has a sweet tooth.'

I found it a little funny. I didn't think that he liked candy much at all.

I looked back at the picture, and I noticed a small sliver of his leg at the side of the picture.

My brain drifted to obvious perverted thoughts, like one human eating candy off of another one.

My phone went off again. This time I was slower to react.

From: Michael – 'I always have cravings for something.'

I stared at the words, and a shiver ran through me. Before I could really think too much about a response, I texted him back.

To: Michael – 'I know what you mean.'

It hit me after I sent it. What exactly did I crave?

I stared up at the ceiling again. It was obvious what I craved.

From: Michael – 'Is there something that you crave right now?'

It was probably the dumbest question he could ask me right now.

To: Michael – 'And if I said yes?'

I was quick to glance over at Benny after I heard a laugh come from her and Gus.

"He didn't really, did he?" she asked, "He ate the whole thing?"

They made a few sounds, but the buzz of my phone pulled my attention away from their laughter.

From: Michael – 'Tell me.'

He said it back to me, and it was strange. I knew what he meant, but he didn't ask what I was pretty sure he was going to ask.

To: Michael – 'You know what I crave.'

I lost the paranoia I had over him showing off my messages. He didn't share a lot of his personal business with other people. I've seen it first-hand.

My phone went off again.

From: Michael – 'I believe you got a new toy for times like these.'

I heard his words in my head, and I was strangely disappointed by his response.

He usually didn't hesitate to say something he probably wasn't supposed to, but then again, maybe this was just that kind of response.

Maybe I was just hoping for a little more.

I found myself frowning at the idea.

I didn't really know what to say to his message. I, of course, wanted nothing to do with the device in the first place.

My phone remained in my hands while I thought of what I could say, but I kept on coming up blank. Instead, I just decided to tell him how I really felt about the idea.

To: Michael – 'Do you really think a toy should be the first thing inside of a person?'

I didn't want to use it, and I already knew what I wanted. I don't know why I was so damn adamant about it either.

It took another minute before my phone buzzed again.

From: Michael – 'You want the real thing?'

My body shook at his words. He already knew I did, so why was he acting so damn oblivious?

My thumbs idled over the letters, but my eyes remained on the words.

My response was being typed before I put much thought into it.

To: Michael – 'I thought I already made that pretty clear.'

My eyes went up to Benny, and she was saying goodbye to Gus.

Shit, that could only mean that she was signing out to go to bed.

She stood up, and her gaze met mine.

"You're still awake?" she asked.

I smiled sheepishly, "I'm tired, but I can't sleep."

She smiled knowingly at me, but she didn't really say much of anything. She laid down in her bed and pulled the blankets over her before letting out a satisfied sigh.

"Goodnight, Benny," I said to her.

"Night," she said back.

My phone buzzed, and I glanced over at her again to see if she heard it.

I could swear that she was already asleep.

From: Michael – 'You're not making this easy.'

I frowned at the message. I was very much aware that I was not making anything easy. I didn't want him easy. I wanted him… I had to shake my head quickly at the thought. What was the matter with me?

I could tell by his words that if I kept going, there was a high possibility of a fight or just plain silence.

So, I made it easier for both of us.

To: Michael – 'Goodnight Michael.'

I didn't hesitate to set my phone on the side of my pillow. I was ready to sleep.

My phone buzzed again as I settled into a comfortable spot. My eyes were quick to shut, and I didn't realize how quickly sleep was going to claim me.

++++++++++

I was used to waking up to a loud booming alarm. This was new to me.

Benny was shaking me, and I was quick to sit up in a panic.

"What happened?" I asked.

"School," she said.

I could tell how tired she was, and I felt bad that she had to wake me up.

My body moved mechanically as I got myself dressed and ready to go for the day.

Thankfully it was freezing today, so I had an excuse to wear sweatpants under my skirt instead of the usual shorts.

I had my bag in my hand, and I grabbed my phone. I made sure to check the time.

It read 6:57 AM.

Right underneath, it said that I had a message from Michael.

I unlocked my phone to read the message.

I read over the earlier topic of our conversation until I saw the last thing he sent.

From: Michael – 'And here I thought we were talking about how badly you want me.'

I made a face at the message.

I made sure to respond before I walked out the door.

To: Michael – 'We were, but I sensed a fight in the near future.'

I walked with Benny to get breakfast, and the start of my day seemed like it might get better.

++++++++++

Rain poured violently outside, and I listened as thunder cracked across the sky.

I loved thunder and lightning. I knew most people were terrified of the sound, but it was just something that happened along the way.

It wasn't every day that I enjoyed a day like this. The weather was wonderful, and it put me in such a great mood.

I was surprised that since I last spoke to Michael, he still hadn't responded back to my text message. He was usually pretty on top of that kind of stuff, even if it did annoy me.

My gaze wandered to the gate separating me from him. I pulled my phone out of my pocket to check to see if I had a message from him.

The sound of thunder tearing across the sky averted my attention from the device. I put my phone back into my pocket and smiled a little to myself while a few girls screamed and tried to hide in the small gym. I made sure to stare up at the sky to see if there were any signs of lightning.

Light shot through the sky, and I couldn't help but gasp. The streak of light made my day even better.

My gaze remained on the sky to watch the show, but I was forced inside by the coach. Ramirez, I think. I just wasn't sure.

I frowned once I was indoors and unable to see the lightning, but the booming thunder made several girls scream every time they heard it.

"Relax ladies, it's just a little bit of thunder," the coach said with obvious amusement.

I sat down as far away from everyone as I could manage, and I pulled my phone out of my pocket to see if Michael responded.

The screen only showed me the time. Still no message.

It's been hours since I sent that message. What the hell?

I went to the last text I sent because I was about to send another one.

To: Michael – 'What's up?'

I found myself staring at my phone, hoping that he will respond soon.

Thunder roared again, and it felt like the ground quaked beneath me.

I was quick to look around to see if it was just me that felt the ground shake, but I think everybody else was too focused on everything else around them. The girls were laughing about something now, and I suddenly felt alone.

My gaze dropped back to my phone, and to my surprise, I could see the little bubble letting me know that he was writing me back.

I stared at the dots lingered, but then they disappeared.

I didn't receive a message, and I frowned.

Then the dots appeared again, and then I received a notification.

From: Michael – 'Alright.'

I found myself glaring at the single word.

Well then, part of me wanted to just ignore it, but then the other part of me really wanted me to just say to hell with it and be a dick.

It took me barely a few seconds before I decided which part of me won. I found myself responding.

To: Michael – 'And here I thought we were going to talk about how badly you wanted me.'

I grinned, satisfied with my response, but then the feeling of guilt and regret curled in my stomach.

Damn it, I had already sent it.

I began to feel sick and worried that I just messed up.

My phone buzzed, and I was too nervous to answer it.

I knew I needed to relax and just look at it. It was my fault that he needed to respond at all.

My hand tightened around my phone before I looked at it.

From: Michael – 'You got jokes huh?'

Part of me felt relieved, but then again, he never denied it. He didn't confirm it either.

To: Michael – 'That wasn't a no.'

Was it just me, or did my rational thought just fly out the window whenever I spoke to him?

I shook my head and felt my phone buzz again.

From: Michael – 'Here I was thinking that it would naturally be implied.'

What an ass.

To: Michael – 'Okay, I'll remember that for next time.'

When do I reach the point where I just give up on the idea of him and me together? Was I okay with just being friends?

What if whoever I end up with just doesn't do it for me?

I needed to figure out what I really wanted, and to hear once and for all from Michael if the two of us could ever really happen. So, I was going to ask, I just need to find the right time.

My phone went off again, and I didn't hesitate to check it.

From: Michael – 'You really should.'

Alright, I guess now was as good a time as any.

To: Michael – 'Got any plans this week?'

Okay, I couldn't do it.

From: Michael – 'When don't I?'

Alright, smartass.

To: Michael – 'Anything fun?'

From: Michael – 'None that concern you.'

Well then, I guess he is in the mood to be a dick.

To: Michael – 'Alright then, have fun with that.'

"Alright," the coach yelled, "Go get dressed. The bell is about to ring."

I was thankful for that actually, but I didn't want to change my clothes.

The bell rang before I was dressed, so I took my sweet ass time to finish.

When I got back to the room, Benny wasn't there, and I frowned.

I sat on my bed and shut my eyes, trying to decide if I needed to lie down or not.

A low sound made me open my eyes and then look around.

"What the hell is that sound?" I asked myself out loud.

I stood up and tried to follow the sound, but then I saw Benny's computer was on, and there was an indicator that a call was coming in.

Gus's name and picture were clear on the screen.

He and Benny talk regularly, so he would know if she was in the room or not.

I shrugged. If it was Gus, why wasn't I answering it?

There was no hesitation as I took a seat at Benny's desk, and then I pressed accept.

The face staring back at me was not Gus's, and it wasn't Michael's either.

"Uh," I said awkwardly, "Hello?"

The boy smiled.

"Red," he said, and his smile widened.

"It's Ren, actually," I frowned.

I know this guy's face. I knew that I knew.

Michael's friends, from Marty's… Collin!

"Why are you calling from Gus's Skype?" I asked, not bothering to beat around the bush.

"I asked nicely," he said with a grin.

Smiles like that had intentions.

"Alright," I said, "Is it Benny you were trying to reach?"

He shook his head, "I was actually hoping to talk to you."

"Me?" I asked, confused, "Why?"

"I wanted to see if you were interested in going to a party with me," he said, "On Saturday."

"I don't know," I said.

Then my conversation with Michael ran through my head. He basically told me to fuck off and look for someone else to like. So why not Collin?

"This Saturday?" I asked to make sure.

He was quick to nod, "I can pick you up and everything."

"Can I think about it?" I asked him.

"Sure," he looked a little let down by my answer.

"You can, however, have my number," I said, typing it into the messenger.

"Awesome," he said, typing my number into his phone.

I received a message soon after.

From: Collin – 'Hey Red'

"And there is mine," he said, "Just text me when you decide."

"Okay," I said, "Thank you for the invitation."

"Anytime, Red."

"Ren," I corrected.

"Oh, I know," he said, "But I'm going to keep calling you Red."

"And if I tell you to stop?" I asked.

"Sorry," he said, "Red suits you, and once the nickname is given, it stays."

I made a face at him before he grinned at me and disconnected the call.

That was a little weird.

I actually got asked out, didn't I? That wasn't a dream?

The door opened, and Benny walked into the room with a grin on her face.

"Michael's friend is going to call you on Skype," she said excitedly, "Just wait a few minutes."

I glared at her, "You're a couple minutes late, actually."

She frowned, "What did you say?"

"I'm going to think about it."

She looked like she wanted to smack me, "He is totally cute, Ren."

"I mean, I'm not going to argue with you there. I just don't know if I want to go to a party with him."

"I suppose that's fair," she shrugged.

"I got his number, though," I smiled at her.

"You sneaky girl, you," she smiled and elbowed me.

I didn't really know how to respond to that, so I just kept smiling at her.

"I hear he is a bit of a playboy, but Gus says that he is actually a nice guy," she said, "So if you want him to be your first, then I approve."

I nearly choked, Collin? My first? No.

Then again, it wasn't that ridiculous of a thought, though, was it?

Maybe I just wasn't ready to be liked like that by anybody.

"I could still introduce you to my cousin," Benny stated.

I didn't want to talk about her cousin anymore.

Why did it feel like she was pushing him on me?

I glanced over at her.

"Sorry," she said quickly, "I know you already said no,"

I nodded slowly.

"I mean, don't get me wrong, I know that he can be a real douche," she said, "But he is, unfortunately, hot."

Was that really all that mattered?

I didn't care how hot he was. From what I've already heard, he's a real dick head.

Then again, the guy I like now was an asshole too. Sometimes.

I was thankful that it didn't happen that frequently.

Would I classify Michael as a bad guy though?

No, but he really did tend to be an asshole more often than not lately.

Benny grinned at me a little awkwardly.

"I'll stop asking," she said, "But from what I know about Collin, he isn't a bad guy."

He didn't seem like a bad guy, but something just felt wrong.

It was strange to say yes to a date with a guy while I was interested in another one.

Even if the one I wanted didn't want me back.

Was that thought supposed to make me a little depressed?

"If he ever hurts you, Gus and Michael will kick his ass," Benny said fiercely, "We got you."

I smiled at her, not sure what it actually came out as.

She frowned a little at me, "There is nothing wrong with taking your time and thinking it over."

I found myself grinning at her words.

"What?"

"That is some quality friend advice," I said seriously.

"Shut up," she huffed.

It still surprised me when I thought about her being my best friend.

There was still so much about her that I didn't know.

She was already a massive part of my life.

They all were. How did I survive this long without them before?

"What is it?" she asked seriously, "You look like you're thinking hard about something."

Damn her selective perceptiveness.

I showed her a massive toothy grin.

"I'm just glad to be here with you guys."

They helped me forget.

He helped me forget.

It frustrated me that I did this to myself.

I had to really ask myself why I felt the way I did about Michael.

Sure he was nice to me here and there, but why?

"We're glad to have you here too."

She could only speak for herself, though.

I believed her.

"Well," she said, "If you don't go to that party, we should do something."

I nodded, "Sounds good to me."

She grinned.

A quiet beeping sound pulled her attention away from me towards to computer.

"It's Gus," she said with an obvious amount of excitement.

I watched her take a seat at her desk and accept the video call.

"Hey," he said the second he appeared on the screen.

"Hey," she said back.

"So?" Gus asked, "What did she say?"

Benny huffed, "She told him maybe, but still gave him her number."

I frowned.

"Really?" Gus asked, "I was sure that she'd say yes."

"Oh well," Benny shrugged, "In the end, it's up to her."

"Is Ren there?" Gus asked.

Benny turned to look at me.

"I'm here," I said before moving into the camera's view.

"Was there any particular reason you didn't want to go out with Collin?" he asked.

I shrugged, "I'm not really one for parties."

"What if the two of you did something else?"

Why did it seem like Gus was pushing this harder than Benny?

"What is with you two?" I asked.

Gus looked a little surprised, "What do you mean?"

"I was asking her why she didn't want to, and made sure to tell her how nice of a guy he is."

Gus frowned, "He's not a bad guy, but he is here just like the rest of us."

It honestly slipped my mind where they were.

A school for juveniles.

"So," I said, "You want me to like Collin?"

"Sort of," Gus said, "He isn't exactly my first choice for you, but he's up there."

This strange feeling came over me.

I wasn't sure what it was, but it felt good. I felt loved.

"Who's your first choice?" I asked.

Why was I even asking?

Gus only shook his head.

His eyes on me made it feel like he knew more than what he was telling.

Does Michael talk to Gus about the stuff we've done?

Then wouldn't Benny know?

I glanced over at her, but she was just smiling at Gus.

I was torn.

Michael was making it pretty clear that he didn't want things to change between us.

Collin is a nice guy, and he is interested.

Gus approves.

Benny approves.

I trust them.

It felt strange to trust another person with a decision like this.

I felt like it needed to at least try.

I tried with Michael. I want to keep trying, but he just won't let me.

If anything, I should at least think about giving Collin a real chance.

If I don't feel the same way that he does, then that is that.

I know Michael and Gus will look out for me.

It still felt strange to hear those words.

I had a pretty good feeling that if he hurt me, Benny wouldn't be afraid to throw hands.

This was a feeling I was afraid to get used to.

What would I do if I was alone again?

I didn't want to dwell on that.

For now, I needed to make up my mind.

Move on, or keep chasing after a boy who already told me to give up?