Beside You Ch. 12: The Show Must Go on

Chapter Twelve: The Show Must Go on

I don't think any of us got very much sleep.

Gus spent the night in the bathroom, and Michael kept knocking on the adjoining door to use ours. We unlocked it so he would stop waking either of us up.

Once we all finally got to sleep, alarms started to go off.

I was the first to shower, Benny was next. I wasn't sure who went first in their room, but by the time Benny and I were dressed, so were they.

I put on the green dress and the flats that matched.

The top of the shoulders was netted, so were the sleeves and the top of my breasts.

The rest of the dress was solid, and as far as I could tell, no other open areas or tears.

I wore the black capris under the dress, they ended just below my knee.

Under the dress, I wore the bathing suit, even though I wasn't sure I would go in the pool.

I placed my stuff into my backpack, as well as the sandals she got me.

Benny was in blue like she usually was.

Her midnight blue dress ended just above her knees, and like me, she wore her black bathing suit under her dress.

Her dress puffed out a little at the bottom.

The sleeves were short, they covered only a small part of her shoulders, but it made a slight V at her chest. A thin strap went above the V across her chest to connect to the sleeves. The dress was tight at her stomach.

She wore the matching flats. Midnight blue on the top and light blue on the bottom.

"What do you think?" she asked me.

I could tell that she was nervous because she kept messing with her school identification bracelet.

"You look beautiful," I said, "Your rack looks good too."

At the word rack, Gus nearly rushed into the room.

"You look stunning," Gus said to her.

She smiled shyly at him.

"What do you think of the dress I picked out for Ren?" she asked.

He looked at me, and I felt self-conscious.

"You look good, Ren," he nodded.

"Thank you," I said.

He looked like he tried to dress up a bit.

He wore beige dickie shorts.

He was wearing brown two-strap sandals, so he didn't have that little plastic piece between his big toe and his second toe.

His shirt is dark gray, with olive green short sleeves.

"Are you guys ready?" Michael asked as he walked into the room.

He looked at both of us. I was surprised that he didn't say anything about either of our dresses.

I don't know why I expected him to wear anything other than black, but that was what he was wearing.

He was wearing black shorts, and I was pretty sure that was a black ring on his middle finger.

"Can I put this stuff in your bag?" Michael asked me.

I nodded as I held my bag out to him.

It looked like a pair of swim trunks and a black undershirt. The swim trunks were surprise, surprise, black. I couldn't make out what the other thing was, maybe another shirt. It looked blue, black, and I am pretty sure that I see some orange too.

He was also wearing sandals, only his were black leather. They looked like the classic kind.

His shirt was actually kind of cute. I half expected him to wear something insulting.

It took me a minute to register that his shirt wasn't actually black, it was dark blue.

In white letters, it said, 'Service human do not pet.'

"Really?" I asked him.

He followed my eyes to his chest, "I've been really into shirts that express my inner feelings."

This boy.

I took my backpack from him.

"I'm ready then," I said to him.

"Are you guys ready?" he asked as he looked at Gus and Benny.

He must have figured they were because Gus opened the main door so that we could leave.

"You have your room keys?" Gus asked.

Benny nodded before patting her backpack.

"I got mine," Michael said.

"I got mine," I said.

"And we're out of here," Gus said.

I followed them out the door and to the car.

++++++++++

I swear I never would have guessed Benny was loaded.

The houses we passed were massive, and I don't mean just big or three stories high, I mean full-on mansion houses.

A ten-minute drive separated every house, I couldn't even fathom how far that was to walk.

"Ren," Michael said from in front of me, "Can you please breathe? You're freaking me out."

When I exhaled, I didn't realize I was holding my breath.

My lungs kind of hurt.

"She is freaking out," Gus said.

"Ren," Benny said, "You have to calm down, it's going to be fine."

"Don't listen to her," Gus said, "The first time I met her parents, I should have been more terrified than I already was."

"Not helping," Michael said.

"Oh," Gus said, "I forgot."

I was starting to feel a little dizzy. This wasn't really happening, was it?

"You'll be fine," Michael said, "I'll be with you the whole time."

I had to breathe more before I nodded.

"Benny will have to talk to her mother," Michael smirked, "So Gus might be with us too."

Gus groaned, "Shut up."

Finally, Michael pulled into a driveway, and my jaw was very close to dropping.

"Damn, Benny," I said.

She smiled sheepishly, but I don't think she really cared about having money.

There weren't a lot of cars in the long U-shaped driveway, but we were now one of the vehicles parked in it.

When Michael turned the car off, everyone sat still.

Benny was the only one that opened her door, but she wasn't very fast to actually get out.

Gus was the first one to actually leave the car.

He stood by Benny's side and held his hand out to her.

"Come on, babe," he said, "We will be fine."

He sounded like he believed it.

She took his hand, and the two of them shut their doors behind them.

"Am I supposed to do something cheesy like that?" Michael asked.

It was funny to me that he was even asking.

I shrugged, "I think the only thing that mattered was the end result."

He opened his door and got out of the car.

I watched him lean forward and open my door.

I really wasn't ready to leave this car.

"Come on," he said, "They're waiting for us."

I wasn't sure if I could actually pretend to be his girlfriend, it sounded better as a plan. Now I actually had to do it?

It took a minute before I finally forced myself out of the car, and I grabbed my backpack.

He held his hand out to me, and I wasn't sure what to make of it. Did he want his stuff?

"I'm a little nervous myself," he said, "It will look convincing."

He didn't look at me as he said it. I was pretty sure his cheeks were a little flushed.

I shut my door and placed my right hand into his left one.

I didn't realize how cold my hands were until I met his warm ones.

"Jesus," he gasped, "Why didn't you tell me you were cold. I would have turned the heater on."

"I didn't really notice," I admitted.

"Here," he said, "Give me your backpack."

I hesitated before handing him the bag. He quickly pulled it over his shoulder.

"I think we could pass as a couple," he said.

I was too nervous to respond.

His hand tightened around mine.

It still felt strange, touching his bare skin with my discolored hand. It made me remember the first time his hand really touched mine.

I shivered at the thought.

"I told you, I won't leave you alone."

I met his eyes, and I was thankful for the deep blue distraction.

"Okay."

We met Benny and Gus at the front door, and Benny gave us a thumbs up.

I felt sick. Was this normal?

Why did I feel like I was meeting my girlfriend's parents?

Michael's thumb moved over my wrist, and my nerves went into overdrive.

I was pretty sure I was shaking now.

"You aren't making this easy," Michael said into my ear.

"I'm sorry," I gasped.

Neither was he. His warm breath on the side of my neck made me shudder.

Benny pulled the door open, and I had to shut my eyes.

"Welcome home, Miss Bethany."

I opened my eyes to see an older man in a suit.

"I told you, Thomas," she said in a stern voice, "To call me Benny."

"Forgive me, Benny," he said with a polite nod, "You have been missed."

She grinned at him, "I missed you too."

He smiled at her before looking at the rest of us.

"I was informed that you would be arriving with Guests," he said, "I have towels ready, and bathing suits if any of you neglected to bring one."

"Thank you," Benny said, "But I made sure we came prepared."

"Excellent," he said before leading us towards the kitchen.

Everything was clean, and all the tabletops looked polished.

There were large paintings on almost every wall.

It felt like the color scheme of this house was cream colors and very light browns.

I was forced to stop when I saw a family portrait.

Benny was ahead with Gus and Thomas, but Michael stopped when I did.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

I nodded, but my gaze was on the large picture above the fireplace.

The room looked like a beige museum, and I was entirely out of place here.

"She was eleven when that picture was taken," Michael said, noticing where my eyes were.

Her hair was beautiful and long. Now she had almost none.

There was a beautiful woman above her with a smile that seemed warm, but at the same time didn't. The man above them looked genuinely happy, and a smile that was so wide I could see almost all of his teeth.

The boy at her side, he looked like his father, but he had the same cold smile of his mother.

All of them shared the brown-haired gene.

Only The older man seemed to have green in his eyes. The other three shared different shades of brown.

"Who is that?" I pointed to the boy next to Benny.

He looked at me and just shook his head.

"Did something bad happen?" I asked.

"He died," he said, "That is the last picture they were all together."

I stared at the picture, he looked around eighteen.

"What was his name?" I asked.

"Only if you promise not to ask Benny about him," he said.

"I won't," I nodded, "Unless she brings him up."

He nodded, but he seemed reluctant to tell me.

Did he actually just bite his lip?

"Brandon," he said after releasing his bottom lip.

I wanted to ask how he died, but I don't think it was any of my business.

"Mr. King," I heard Thomas behind us.

"Thomas," Michael said simply.

"Is this lovely lady with you?" he asked.

Why was I suddenly so damn nervous again?

I held out my hand to him, and he took it with a small laugh.

"Ren," I said.

"Wonderful to meet you, Ren," he said.

"Likewise," I said with a smile.

I felt Michael's hand slip from mine.

My hand tried to find him again, but I felt his arm go around my shoulders before he pulled me closer.

"Mrs. Harris will be thrilled," Thomas said, "This way, please."

I had to slip my hand around Michael's back so that I could walk properly.

"I'm warning you now," he said into my ear, "You grab or graze anything, expect payback."

I nodded quickly.

The heat from his breath made me shake.

"I take it back," he said, "This is going to be fun."

I knew why he said it. He thought I was fun to mess with. He needed to know that if he messed with me, I would mess with him right back.

"Michael," I heard a female voice, "Come hug me, boy."

His arm dropped, and I suddenly felt cold.

I turned to see who he was hugging, and I smiled at the older woman who messed up his hair.

"How are you?" she asked.

He smiled wide at her, "I'm okay."

Her eyes went to me, and I didn't have time to prepare for her embrace.

"Sweet girl," she said, "I'm Mrs. Sidney."

"This is Ren," Michael said, "My girlfriend."

It sounded a little strange coming out of his mouth.

Mrs. Sidney held me at arm's length away to study me.

"She is beautiful," she said, "But is she kind?"

I was standing right here.

"She is," he said to her.

My heart started to pound.

Was I beautiful, or was I kind?

Mrs. Sidney released me before touching my hair.

I wasn't sure what to make of her gesture.

"It's a compliment," Michael said, "She's a hugger and a hair toucher."

I couldn't help but smile at her.

"I remember the first time I fell in love," she said.

"Okay," Michael said before retaking my hand, "We still have to make ourselves known to the masters of the house."

"Only one today," Mrs. Sidney said, "Mr. Harris couldn't get out of work."

That made me feel a little better, but at the same time, worse.

The whole point was for me to meet Benny's parents.

Michael only nodded before leading me away.

Mrs. Sidney smiled behind us, and I felt a little better.

Before I had a chance to stare at the shiny kitchen, I was pulled outside.

The curtain stuck itself together once we were outside.

Were they magnetic? I wanted to touch them to find out, but Michael was dragging me somewhere else.

"My," I heard a deep female voice, "Look who it is."

His hand released mine before he was embraced by another woman.

This one seemed familiar, and I wanted to slap myself for not figuring it out sooner.

It was Benny's mother, only a little older than the portrait above the fireplace.

Benny was already by her mother's side, and Gus was at hers.

"Mom," Benny said, "I wanted to introduce you to my roommate, Ren."

The woman released Michael and moved a little to the side to get a look at me.

Michael didn't hesitate to slip his hand back in mine, and I was grateful.

"Hello Ren," she said, extending a hand to me.

I had to let go of Michael's hand to shake hers lightly.

Her gaze went to my hand, and I could see the odd look on her face.

She had a problem with my discolored hand touching her.

It was clear on her face.

"Ren, this is my mother," Benny said, "Bailee."

There are a lot of B names in this family.

"It's wonderful to meet you," I said before she slipped her hand out of mine.

Michael didn't make me search blindly for his hand. He took mine when I dropped it at my side.

"Does this roommate also happen to be the girl Michael is seeing?" she asked Benny.

"Yeah," Benny said.

She looked at me but didn't say anything.

Her expression said more than enough.

She was judging me. Quite openly.

Well, that didn't help what little confidence I had.

Bailee smiled, "Now that you're here, eat something."

Her smile didn't seem even the slightest bit genuine.

Michael didn't stay, he pulled me back into the house.

His grip on my hand was tight, but I didn't care enough to let his hand go.

He led me through a few rooms before pulling open a door. He pushed me in first.

I was a little scared, but the first thing he did was sit on the floor with his back against the door.

Were we in the bathroom?

I looked around. It was not a bathroom.

The room was white. The carpet was white, the only two chairs in the room were white, even the tank being held by dozens of fish was white.

"She already knows," Michael said, "One look at you, and she fucking knows."

I made a face. What was wrong with the way I looked? Well, other than the obvious.

"Benny fucked up," he said, "The second I saw you in that dress, I knew this wasn't going to work."

That was not a very nice thing to say.

"What the hell is wrong with the way I look?" I demanded.

He looked up at me, "What color is your dress?"

I looked down, "It's green."

I didn't understand. What did the color of my dress have to do with anything?

Wouldn't everybody be more worried about my birthmark?

"So?" I asked.

"Gus," he said, "Gus is green."

"I don't understand what that has to do with me," I said.

He growled before hitting his head against the door.

"Michael," I gasped, "I don't understand."

He shook his head slowly as he stared at the floor.

"This might mean drastic measures."

"Drastic measures," I repeated, "Why?"

"We might have to stoop to cheesy flirting," he said before making a face.

I didn't understand why Gus was green and what that had to do with me wearing green.

I didn't get why Michael was freaking out at all.

"Michael," I said, "How do you know?"

He looked up at me, "We'll have to try it."

I was confused as he got to his feet.

"Try what?" I asked.

"It might not make a difference," he said just above a whisper, "She knows about a lot of the girls I've been with."

"Cheesy flirting might work," I said.

He nodded slowly.

"We'll all be eating, right?" I asked, "We can start with a little shy flirting. Look at me when I'm not looking, and I'll do the same."

He made a face before running his hand through his hair.

I got distracted. When Michael ran his hand through his hair, it showed his whole face.

I looked away so that I could think properly.

Damn it, why was she not convinced? Why did he think that?

I wasn't sure what else to do, I was never good at this.

"Could it be so wrong to just be ourselves?" I asked him, "And don't act all clingy and in love?"

"I don't know," he said, "Benny and Gus were always like that."

He had no idea what to do either.

"Neither of us knows how to do this," I stated, "Should we abort the plan?"

"Let's try acting like ourselves," he stated, "But don't get mad if I say anything harsh, try to say something back to me like you usually do."

I nodded slowly.

"We also need to get you out of that fucking dress," he said.

I shook my head quickly, "I don't have anything else."

"Didn't you bring a bathing suit?" he asked.

"Benny bought me one," I said, "But it doesn't cover my legs."

He looked like he forgot about my legs.

"I thought that might happen," he said, "I brought another pair for you."

"You did?" I asked strangely.

His eyes met mine, "I did."

Silence passed between us as we just stared at each other.

I cleared my throat when I felt like I could barely breathe.

"That undershirt," I said, "To cover you?"

He nodded, but his eyes looked away from me.

"I would say we should change now," he said, "But we need to wait for the others, we don't want to be the only ones walking around in our bathing suits."

I nodded.

He didn't know I was already wearing mine.

"We should go out there," I said, "We've been in here for a while."

"That's another thing that could help us," he said.

"Help us, how?" I asked.

"We could act like we snuck away to fuck," he stated, "Maybe if we mess up your hair a little."

I held my hands up to keep him from touching my hair.

"No," I said, "We can do the fixing our clothes and making sure they're on correctly, but don't mess up my hair."

"Should I leave my pants open?" he asked.

I didn't like this idea at all.

"Maybe if I take off the capris," I said.

"No," he said this time, "Forget it."

"Michael, Ren?"

It was Mrs. Sidney. I was sure of it.

The door opened before either of us were ready to explain, but Michael was quick to press me to the wall before she saw up.

"There you are," she said, looking us both over, "Come eat."

He was pressed against me. His body heat felt good.

I hated this. I didn't like this situation at all.

I get that he wanted to make it look like we snuck away to do something inappropriate, but hell.

My body didn't want to leave his warmth, but I knew I needed to get away.

I managed to slip out from under him to follow her. I stopped to hold my hand out for his.

He looked a little surprised, but he extended his hand for me to take it.

Just because I wasn't ready to be pressed against a wall, doesn't mean I didn't enjoy holding his hand.

I didn't hold his hand like I had the first few times, I made sure to link our fingers together.

His hands were still warm. I would even say they are warmer now than they were earlier.

I already knew my hands were going to get sweaty, and he was going to have to pull his hand away to wipe his off.

We walked a little behind Mrs. Sidney until we reached the well-tended kitchen.

It was wiped clean. I couldn't even see any dust.

The kitchen was different shades of brown, with dark stainless-steel appliances.

It really was nice

We stood in the short line, and just like I feared, my hand was starting to sweat.

Michael looked at me.

"I'm sorry," I said before trying to pull my hand away.

His grip tightened, so I couldn't get my hand back.

Part of me wished that Benny or Gus were with us, but only part.

His hand loosened a little, but I didn't pull my hand away.

It couldn't have been just my hand that was sweaty now.

It was our turn to get food. That was when Michael finally released my hand.

His hand went right for a plate, not even to wipe his hand off.

I wanted to wipe mine off, but I didn't.

I grabbed a plate and followed behind him as we went through the small buffet at the counter. Different food was in pans just above different burners to keep it warm.

I wasn't sure if it was just me, but I went from feeling so nervous, and now I was starving.

Just seeing and actually smelling the food distracted me from my nerves.

I put a few things on my plate before following Michael to the large cooler at the end of the counter.

He didn't even ask what I wanted. He just grabbed the first two drinks he touched.

He led me to a table outside. It didn't have anyone at it, but it was a small four-person table.

Michael set his plate down before pulling out my chair.

"Thank you," I said.

He only nodded before sitting in the seat next to mine.

I pulled my chair forward a little, but he pulled my chair closer to him.

"Okay," I mumbled.

"We're being watched."

I knew not to look up, no matter how tempted I was.

I stabbed my plastic fork into what I believe was mashed potatoes.

"Have you seen Benny or Gus?" I asked him.

He shook his head, "I haven't seen them since we went into the house."

The chairs in front of us were pulled out, and I was relieved to see Benny and Gus.

I guess Michael wasn't looking up either.

"Hey," I said to them.

Gus looked exhausted already, and I couldn't blame him.

"You guys look good," Benny said, "She wasn't sure at first, but now I think she's convinced."

I felt relieved.

"What did you tell her?" Michael asked.

"Nothing really," she said, "Just that you guys have been together for a month, and that you fuck like rabbits."

Michael sighed before stabbing his fork into macaroni.

"Was that a bad thing?" Benny asked.

"It wasn't the best thing to come out of your mouth," Michael sighed.

"I couldn't say you haven't done it yet," she leaned in to whisper, "She would know right away I was lying."

"This whole thing is a mess," Gus stated, "This was a bad idea."

That was an understatement.

"I know," Benny said, "I'm sorry, maybe we should just call it off."

"You started the lie," I said, "We can say we broke up later, but right now is not a good idea."

She nodded.

It was terrible to lie to the people you loved, but there is a right time for it sometimes.

"We need to swim soon," Benny said, "I have to show off this new bathing suit."

Her eyes drifted to Gus, and he avoided looking at her.

"Did I mention show off my boyfriend's hot BOD?"

A small smile formed on Gus's face.

There was a loud splash behind us.

"Hurry up and eat," Benny said.

"Don't we have to wait thirty minutes?" I asked.

They all looked at me like I had four noses.

"That's a myth," Gus said.

"What is it like to be such a daredevil?" I asked him.

"Pain-free," he said, "It really is a myth, though."

I didn't doubt that. It was probably an excuse to get children to settle down after a meal. The parents just didn't want to chase their children around right after eating.

It took a few minutes for us to finish our food. To my surprise, Michael took my plate to the trash.

He really was putting on a show, wasn't he?

"You need to go change," Benny said to me, "Tell Michael too."

She stood up and just pulled the zipper of her dress down before dropping it to the ground.

Gus had to avoid looking at her, but he did pretty much the same thing. He wore his swim trunks under his beige shorts.

Gus's swim trunks were camouflage, with a thick black line going around his waist.

Benny's bathing suit, however, holy hell.

That is not the kind of bathing suit you wear when you are spending time with your parents.

The black fabric made a large V down the front and back of her body. The only thing holding it together were the small thin straps on her sides and over her chest.

She looked sexy as hell in that thing.

"Go," she said once she noticed me staring.

I smiled lightly at her before I stood up.

My gaze searched the crowd of people until I saw Michael. He was talking to one of the other guests.

I'll just let him talk, and I'll change.

I took my backpack with me and made my way into the house.

Mrs. Sidney was standing by the counter with a broad smile on her face.

"Hi," I said.

"Hello, dear," she greeted back.

"Where can I change?" I asked.

She turned on her heels and led me down the hall.

"You can change in here," she said.

It was a bit down the hallway, not too far from the room Michael snuck me away to earlier.

"Thank you," I said before she walked off.

I opened the door, and this time it really was a bathroom.

It was light blue, and the windows were stained glass, to look like clouds in the sky.

The tile on the floor was white, and the bathtub at the end of the room was big enough to fit three grown men.

There was a light knock on the door.

I opened it to see who it was, thinking maybe Michael was looking for me.

Bailee stood on the other side, with that same smile on her face.

Just seeing it made me feel cold.

"Do you need to use the bathroom?" I asked, ready to vacate.

"Oh no," she laughed, "I wanted to talk to you for a minute, alone."

"Okay," I said.

It took a minute of us standing there before she spoke.

"I understand that you and Michael are serious?" she asked.

I nodded slowly.

"Then you must know everything," she said.

I shrugged, "I don't know everything, but I'd like to think I know him pretty well."

"You two are obvious," she said, "Michael doesn't date."

"He didn't date," I corrected.

"He doesn't," she said flatly, "He never has."

I just stared back at her.

"He can't love you."

"Probably not," I said, "But we're working on that."

It was strange how easily I could lie when it came to him.

"You don't look like his usual type," she said as her eyes went over my birthmark.

It hurt a little to be judged so openly by her, but I was used to it. I just wished that Benny's mother was different.

"He doesn't really have a type," I said.

"He doesn't usually go for girls so," she stopped before letting out a small laugh, "Your size."

I felt my nails dig into my palms as I clenched my fists together.

"I suppose big girls need love too," she said, "Has he said he loves you yet?"

The audacity of this woman.

"Not yet," I said, "Michael is a tough nut to crack."

"Yes, well," she said, "Surely you know about his feeling for my daughter?"

Who didn't? He was kind of a jerk to her.

I nodded.

"Then, you know she'll always be his first and only love."

I nearly threw my hands up, I wanted to rewind this entire conversation.

He didn't love Benny like that.

I shook my head, "He doesn't feel that way about her."

Bailee looked at me as if she felt sorry for me, but I didn't understand why she was feeling anything.

Michael did not have a thing for Benny, he couldn't. Not with Gus.

I felt light-headed, but I didn't allow myself the luxury of passing out.

We just stared at each other until she smiled lightly.

"I'm not sure if you knew this little fact about trauma children," she said, "But they always attach to someone. In this case, Michael attached himself to Bethany."

I wasn't sure what to say to that, I didn't know that Michael was considered as a 'trauma' kid.

"That's why I push for the two of them to be together," she stated, "Michael is a good boy. My daughter just has yet to see passed that brute, Gus."

I held my hand up quickly to let her know she needed to stop.

"Gus is not a brute," I stated, "He is kind to her, they have the type of love a girl can only dream about."

She didn't look convinced. In fact, she looked almost appalled that I even said anything about it.

This woman just didn't understand, and I really didn't want to be here anymore.

"Bailee?"

It was Michael.

She turned to look at him and smiled, it was one that looked real at least.

"Have you seen Ren?" he asked.

She turned to look at me, "She's right here, dear."

She walked away from the door, and Michael took her place on the other end of the door frame.

"Hey," he said, "What are you doing over here?"

I pointed behind me.

"Are you changing?" he asked me.

I nodded.

"Can I come in?" he asked.

I nodded again.

I didn't know what to say to him. I didn't want to believe that he loved Benny. It made so much sense, though, and I can't believe I didn't notice it before.

'Benny likes you, so you're off-limits.'

He wouldn't hurt Gus, and he wouldn't hurt Benny.

How else could someone deal with that kind of rejection?

I didn't realize how upset I was until my eyes started to sting, and my vision became blurry.

He loved a girl he couldn't have, and she pushed for him to date me. He is only pretending to date me right now because she asked.

The tears rolled down my cheeks and didn't know what to do.

I thought that maybe he would feel something for me if I was around long enough, but it was impossible now.

"Are you alright?" Michael asked from behind me.

I knew I couldn't talk. My voice would give me away.

The zipper of my backpack opened, but I couldn't see what he was doing.

"You might want to hurry," he said, "Benny is not as patient as she lets on."

Don't talk about her, don't say things like that to me. Not right now.

I could hear clothing hit the floor behind me.

How was this day as terrible as it was?

"Do you need me to unzip you?" Michael asked.

I haven't said a single thing to him, I wanted him to leave. I don't know why I said he could come in.

I felt his hands on the back of my dress, and I couldn't take it.

I slapped his hands away.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he asked.

"Please just finish changing and get out."

I couldn't hear him moving anymore, but I could feel him behind me.

He was staring at me, and I wanted him gone.

"Get out," I said, feeling like I could barely breathe.

He moved around me to look me in the eye, but he looked angry seconds before looking lost.

"What happened?" he asked.

I couldn't tell him. I couldn't say anything.

Did Benny know how he felt about her?"

"Ren?" he asked, just above a whisper, "Did someone do something to you?"

I couldn't even look at him.

"Please," I said, feeling like the tears were about to come harder, "Please go."

He wrapped his arms around me and forced my face to his chest.

I couldn't help myself, I cried.

The boy in front of me who was usually cruel, the one I felt myself falling for, could never really be mine.

I think that is what hurts the most. Finally admitting it to myself when there isn't a chance.

I wanted him to leave me alone, but at the same time, I wanted him to hold me.

"It was Bailee, wasn't it?" he asked, "She said something to you?"

I nodded into his chest, and I realized for the first time that he wasn't wearing a shirt.

I wasn't sure what my brain was thinking, but I shoved him away from me.

"Ren," he said, trying to move closer, "What did she say to you?"

"Please go," I gasped.

"Ren," he said, "I'm not leaving until you tell me what happened."

I could barely breathe properly right now. How did he expect me to tell him anything?

He stood there, and I was starting to get angry.

Why couldn't he just go like I wanted him to?

"Michael," I hissed, "Just get out."

He didn't say anything.

I couldn't bring myself to look at him, so I didn't know what he was doing.

"I don't know what happened," he said, "But clearly you're mad at me for something, you promised you wouldn't get mad."

I didn't answer. I just felt like I was crumbling. The girl I tried to leave back home was surfacing, and I wanted her gone. I wanted her dead, I wanted everything she was to disappear.

"Why?" I asked, feeling pieces of myself fracture.

"Ren," he said, "You know I hate…"

"Why?" I gasped, "Why? Why? Why won't you just go?"

The boy who hurt me nearly two years ago felt like nothing compared to this. I wanted to go home, I wanted to just be someone else.

Ren Graham, why are you so insignificant? Why do people like to hurt you?

Before I realized what I was doing, my body crouched to the floor so that I could at least feel like I was hiding.

I wanted to be left alone. I wanted to feel as strong and as normal as I did less than twenty-four hours ago.

When did this old fragile Ren replace her?

I shook my head as pain went up my legs. This position was uncomfortable, but it was preferable to having to look Michael in the eye.

I heard a loud thud, but it didn't sound like the door opening or shutting.

"Are you happy?" he asked, sounding irritated, "I'm sitting on this filthy bathroom floor until you're ready to talk to me."

Guilt was the first feeling that went through me, then anger, and then sadness again.

"You promised to talk to me," he said, "If you're going to disappear on me again, I don't know what I'll do."

He didn't sound mad, he actually sounded worried.

My hands went up to cover my ears.

"Fuck it," he said.

Every part of me felt his words, and it hurt.

He didn't care. I knew that already, but why did it take this long for me to figure it out?

He forced my hands away from my head, and he pulled me off the ground.

Panic swarmed through me.

I didn't know what he was planning to do, but it was a lot easier to resist if I didn't see him.

He pushed me against the wall, and his hands held my face in his hands.

When I saw him look as angry as he did, I wanted to run away.

"Stop it," he pleaded, "Just talk to me."

"You're a liar," I said, staring him in the eyes.

He looked confused.

"You're a liar," I said again, "You're a liar."

"Why?" he snapped, "Why am I a liar?"

"You said I was off-limits," I said, "But what you meant was that you were off-limits."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" he demanded.

"You loved her this whole time, and I didn't see it," I said, "I'm stupid for feeling anything for you."

He looked angry, "Yes, you are."

I brought my hands up to try to get his hands away from me, but he held me tighter.

I gasped, "Let go, you're hurting me."

He didn't let go.

"Let go," I said louder, and his hands dropped.

I tried to rush to the door, but he stopped me.

"Did you know?" I asked him.

"Yes," he said.

This bastard.

"Does Benny know how you feel about her?"

"What?" he growled.

"You love her," I said, "I can't believe it took me this long to figure that out."

He looked mad, "So that's what she told you."

"Is it true?" I asked.

"What do you want me to say?" he asked, "Tell you that I hate her?"

Wow, this was happening exactly how I thought it would.

"Then why are you bothering me?" I asked, "If she is the one you want, why aren't you with her instead of Gus?"

"Do you hear yourself?" he was pretty much whisper yelling now, "She never felt the same way, how could I do that to either one of them?"

He loved them both, and he chose their happiness above his own.

"I'm bothering you because you know how I feel," he said, "And I'm tired of feeling like no one wants me."

I wanted him. Didn't I already say that?

"When you're around I don't think about it," he said, "I don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not,"

Why did all the sad feelings I had turn into shitty ones?

I felt guilty for being mad at him, but it wasn't like he could help how he felt about someone.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled.

He just stared back at me, and his anger was clearly wavering.

"I'm so sorry," I said, "I'm a jerk, I didn't think about your feelings I only thought about mine."

"You were right about me being a liar," he said, "But I just didn't want you to leave her because of me."

"I won't run," I said, "I'm a big girl. I'll get over it."

He stared down at me, and there was something I thought about that might work for both of us.

He was good in bed, I assume anyway. I wanted to know what it felt like.

"Next time," I said, "Why not come to me?"

He didn't look like he understood what I meant, and I felt like a pervert for just thinking it.

"Sex," I said.

"No."

There wasn't even a second of hesitation. He flat out refused.

Did he really not want me?

"But you said…"

"You will regret it," he said, "You want it now, but when it's over, you'll hate me just a little more than you'll hate yourself."

"I'm talking about being friends with benefits," I stated.

"No," he said again.

It got a little harsher each time he said it.

"It's not just for you," I said.

He didn't look like he believed that.

"Yesterday, when I told you guys about my almost first time," I said, "Remember?"

He nodded, "The guy that was a lying jerk."

I nodded, "But it wasn't until after he saw the scars."

Though, it wasn't exactly the whole truth. I was a big part of it.

His expression changed to something I didn't recognize.

"I can't just go out and find a guy to sleep with me," I said, "They take one look, and they freak out."

If the birthmark wasn't too much for some people, I knew my scars would send them running.

The physical and the mental ones.

"You really don't know what you're asking," he said.

"Yes, I do," I said, "You can't tell me you don't feel this tension."

"Of course, I feel it," he said, "I've wanted to fuck you since I met you."

At least he thought I was attractive.

"I'm just not going to," he said, "I am capable of saying no."

"Fine," I said, "But you realize we are going to have to pretend like we're okay when we walk out of here?"

He sighed, "I know."

"So, change," I said as I reached for the zipper on my dress.

I could reach it, but I couldn't get it to go down.

"A little help?" I asked.

His fingers tugged at the zipper before it finally went down.

"Thank you," I said.

I lowered the dress enough to step out of it.

"Turn around," he said.

I did.

It was strange, I felt better.

I told him how I felt, and he didn't feel the same way.

The hurt feelings I felt earlier were gone, I just felt relieved.

I was free.

I removed the capris.

"Alright," he said.

I turned, and he was grabbing the black undershirt from the counter.

I could look at his scars and not feel guilty about it, and I could wonder how they got there.

I could finally see the size of that beautiful tree.

It went up his left side, and it went over his upper back. A branch was on his left shoulder, while the others went towards his right one. That's how I was able to see it on the right side of his neck.

He looked at me, it was obvious I was staring.

To my surprise, he didn't say anything, but he held the shirt out to me.

"That is to cover you," I stated.

"Just because I said no, doesn't mean I want the other guys here to see you half-naked," he said.

"I won't wear it."

He pulled the other swim shorts out of the backpack.

"I won't wear them if you don't wear this," I said, indicating to the shirt he still held in front of me.

"Don't be ridiculous," he said, "You don't want people to see your scars."

"Neither do you," I stated, "You didn't want me to see them, so why would you let strangers see them?"

He stood there for a minute as if he really had to think about it.

His jaw tightened, "Fine."

I took the shorts from his other hand, and I was quick to slip them on.

They were a little longer than I was expecting them to be. They ended just under my knees.

A thick line of blue and orange went down each of my legs, they started at my hips and then angled down and between my legs.

The bikini top I wore was like a half-shirt the way it covered my chest and part of my abdomen. It showed some cleavage that was held together with several little straps.

The bathing suit itself was black but covered in different colored flowers.

He pulled the tank top over his head and put his other clothes in the bag. It was a pain to force my dress in and zip it.

I pulled my sandals out of the side pouch where the water bottle is supposed to go and placed the flats there.

I slipped them on, and I was ready.

Michael stopped to turn and face me.

"Did you forget something?" I asked.

He shook his head before running a hand through his hair.

It did things to me when he did that. I had to shake those feelings away.

"What is it?" I asked.

I was sort of in a hurry to get out of here. We have been in here for far too long.

"You and me," he said, "We're okay, right?"

Why was he asking that?

"I don't mean the pretending when we walk out of here," he said, "I mean whenever we no longer have to put on a show for anyone."

I had to think about it, and I wasn't really sure.

"I don't know," I admitted.

He just stared back at me.

"Let's get through this first," I said, "Who knows, we might just forget we had this conversation, and everything will be fine."

"You know that won't happen," he said.

"Then maybe we'll just put our own feelings aside," I said, "But for what it's worth, I'm not mad at you."

At least not right now.

He nodded slowly, "Okay."

"We should get out there," I said, "We've been in here for too long."

He hesitated before opening the door.

I followed him as he walked down the hallway.

It was easier to pretend when I didn't care. I could say things without caring who was hurt, and I could do something without regretting it.

Our destination was the pool, and Benny splashed wildly at Gus as he tried to tickle her underwater.

This was bad.

I wanted to feel something right now, but the feelings weren't coming.

"Ren," Benny gasped, "Save me!"

I wanted to leave her to her fate, to be tickled until she probably wet herself, but I couldn't.

The Ren I was supposed to be right now would join the play fight and save her.

It hurt a little when I smiled because this was familiar.

I didn't want to live like this again.

Why was I doing this to myself? I loved them. I knew it already. I just couldn't pull myself out of this.

"You should jump in," Michael said from behind me.

I knew that, but my legs weren't moving.

Part of me hated that he was starting to know me so well.

It didn't make things any easier.

"Brace yourself," he said.

Before I knew what to expect, I fell face-first into the warmed pool.

It burned my lungs as I held my breath, I needed to flip myself around to get back up. When he pushed me, all my air left me.

I broke through the water, and I gasped. The Ren I wanted to be, would have either laughed or called him names.

The shell I was right now didn't do anything, I stood there as I felt water drip down my face.

"Ren?" Benny asked.

It looks like the splash fight was ended.

She looked at me with a worried expression, and I was supposed to feel guilty. I knew that.

If she was looking at me like that, it meant she knew something was going on. I wasn't pretending very well.

I felt frozen, and the water tried to move me around as the other people played in the pool.

"Bethany," I heard someone call Benny's name.

I looked up to see her mother holding a phone in her hand.

Her mother moved around the pool to talk to her without everyone else hearing.

"Your cousin," she said, "Got himself into some trouble back home, and it looks like he will be going to that juvenile school next to yours."

"Really?" Benny asked, "What did he do?"

"Something, a man, should never do," she said, "He was intoxicated, and he hit a girl in the face."

I had a feeling she didn't condone the drinking more than the woman hitting.

Benny made a face, "That doesn't sound like something he would do."

"Alcohol makes people change," Bailee said, "I was hoping Michael could show him around."

My gaze went over to him, and he looked obviously uninterested.

"Please," Bailee said, "He could use a familiar face."

I suppose Benny didn't count then. Curfew wasn't exactly an easy thing to get around.

"Fine," Michael said.

He sounded pretty angry, and I didn't know why he was acting like this.

We agreed to keep up this show. Why was he trying to blow it?

Bailee and Benny both looked at him strangely.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I jumped.

"Sorry," it was a boy.

I turned to face him, and he smiled wide.

The first thing I noticed was his teeth, they were perfectly straight.

"We're trying to play chicken, and I need a partner," he said, "Would you be interested?"

I didn't want to be on this boy's shoulders or have my crotch anywhere near his head.

"I'm sorry," I said, "Maybe there is someone else you can ask."

The boy frowned, "I kind of need a girl."

I glanced around.

Most of the people in the pool were guys, except for maybe three or four girls. Not counting myself.

I felt like I was making a face, but I wasn't sure.

"We don't have to play chicken if you don't want to."

That wasn't the problem, I just wasn't sure I wanted to do anything that required trying.

"Ren," I heard my name, and I turned around.

Michael was looking at me, and I didn't know why he was bothering me.

"Go back over there to your friends," Michael told the boy behind me, "She's already here with someone."

I turned to look at the boy's face, and he smiled at Michael.

I didn't get it. His smile wasn't genuine at all.

He actually looked irritated that Michael intervened.

There was a splash behind me, and on instinct, I was quick to turn.

Michael dropped into the pool. He was coming up for air now.

Bailee was gone now, and I wondered what else they talked about while I was distracted.

The first thing Michael did was run his hand through his hair, forcing the long hair out of his eyes.

How did he always manage to look so fucking good?

"We should play chicken," Michael stated.

I didn't want to play chicken. I didn't want to do anything but sit in this freakishly warm pool.

"I accept your challenge," Benny said.

Damn it.

Gus moved forward, "This one is for fun, we have spectators."

I looked around, and there were definitely too many people for us to be acting like ourselves.

"Fine," Benny said with a small pout, "But we will eventually have another."

"Fine," Michael said back.

"Same teams," Gus said.

Which meant them against us.

I looked at Michael, and he didn't try to smile at me.

He knew I didn't care about him trying to make me feel better.

Weirdly enough, I really appreciated that.

He moved closer to me, "We got this."

"I don't even want to do this," I stated.

I tried my best not to glare at him, but he knew what kind of mood I was in.

"Pretend you do," he said, "And get on my shoulders."

Bailee's words rang in my head, about me being a 'big girl.'

Could he hold me? I knew I was a big girl, but I also didn't want to hurt him.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"We've been challenged," he stated.

"I'm too big," I whispered.

He made a face before glancing around, "Says who?"

"What?" I breathed.

A strange sensation went through me as he stared. Water dripped down his face, and his hair was slicked back.

"I can hold you," he said.

I was worried about that. He didn't look weak, but I knew just how big I was. How big I used to be.

It really never bothered me with them before.

He did look strong.

He didn't give me the chance to respond.

I took in a much-needed breath when he went underwater.

He was right, I needed to just get over it already.

I found his back before leapfrogging onto his shoulders.

My hands went right to his head as he came up for air, and I started to panic. I didn't want to fall even if there was water.

His hands went to my knees to hold me in place.

Memories of his hands between my legs came back.

"Careful," Michael said.

I didn't realize that I squeezed my legs together with him between them.

We watched as Benny took her place on Gus's shoulders.

I felt his hands pat my legs, "We got this."

Despite my worries, I believed him.

He was holding me just fine. I couldn't help but feel relieved.

My hand dropped to move his hair out of his face. I used my nails to comb it back. He let out a small laugh.

A smile formed on my face, and it wasn't because it was supposed to be there.

For the first time in a very long time, I didn't need my small gold notebook to help me get my feelings back.

Benny cracked her knuckles and made a sound that was supposed to be her battle cry, and I couldn't help but laugh.

It sounded like a wounded animal.

Gus started to move closer, and I prepared myself for them.

Benny reached for my hands, and I didn't hesitate to grab hers.

She laughed as we tried to push each other off and failed.

It surprised me that my bad mood was gone.