Chapter 5: My Idiot

When Uzumaki Naruto gave you the Uzumaki Grin (as his friends had begun calling it), you knew something was wrong.

"What?" Shikamaru asked, finally annoyed enough by that look to speak up. He hated that look. It meant Naruto was either up to something, or knew something you really didn't want him to.

Pranksters were exhausting to keep up with…

"Nothing, nothing." Naruto all but sang, his expression still one of evil intent (as concluded by the Nara).

"I'm not playing this game with you, Naruto." Shikamaru replied, narrowing his eyes. He was already a naturally paranoid person. How couldn't he be? He had an IQ that was steadily getting closer and closer to 300. His mind constantly ran through scenarios, even with random, unimportant things.

He understood that people were capable of anything, and that it only took a single move for them to do something they'd normally never do. He could predict human action and reaction, even when he didn't wish to. It was troublesome as all hell.

That led to a very paranoid Shikamaru, and Naruto wasn't helping at all with that damned look.

"What game?" Naruto asked, still playing innocent.

He was a shitty actor, in Shikamaru's unbiased opinion.

The two nineteen year old shinobi were waiting for Tsunade outside of the hospital. The three Konoha-born shinobi had made plans with Temari and Gaara for lunch, and Naruto insisted on waiting for the Godaime instead of meeting her at the restaurant.

And ever since Naruto had met Shikamaru outside the building they were staying at for their duration in Suna, he wouldn't stop smirking in that infuriating way.

And worse, he was keeping his reason for it to himself in a very un-Naruto-like manner. The ass.

What did the troublesome blond know?

| My Idiot |

After an amazing and friendly lunch at the local BBQ restaurant, Naruto and Gaara made their way to Gaara's personal training facility, an indoor ring much like the arena in the Forest of Death they used for the preliminaries way back in the day, when Naruto had first met Gaara.

Tsunade returned to the hospital to spend another few hours with the aspiring medic-nin, actually enjoying herself. She found excitement in her work again after so many years, like an old spark reignited suddenly.

Shikamaru and Temari returned to the academy to speak with the instructors about the upcoming Chunin Exams. They knew the genin of Suna better than most, and knew how to best challenge them, even if they had the home field advantage.

"What do you say, Naruto? Brave enough to go a round with the Kazekage?" Gaara asked, smirking.

Naruto, never one to back down, returned the smirk.

"I hope you've been training, Lord Kazekage." Naruto retorted. "I know you're busy and all, but I wouldn't want to start an international incident for kicking your butt too hard."

Gaara laughed. "We shall see." The Godaime wanted to see if the fame had gone to the Hero of the Fourth's head. Pride cometh before the fall, after all.

They entered the training arena, Naruto having already taken off his jacket, and Gaara placing his Kage hat to the side along with his robes.

"Whenever you're ready, Genin Uzumaki." Gaara offered, baiting his friend with his ridiculous rank. Naruto was more powerful than all of the Kage, and each one of them knew it.

His words seemed to have the desired effect, though. Naruto's eyes narrowed and he dashed forward without much thought. So, basically in a very Naruto-y fashion.

Sand speckled with flakes of gold rose just in time to meet a gilded fist.

| My Idiot |

Tsunade felt the incredible clash of chakra before she heard the shouts of excitement.

She couldn't be sure, but it certainly felt like her idiot of a lover was going overboard again. And when the door leading to the room she had all but taken over for her latest lecture suddenly burst open, and a rather handsome young shinobi shouted, "Kazekage-sama is going at it with the Orange Hero in the training arena!" she knew she was right.

Naruto didn't understand what the word restraint meant.

When there were more sudden burst of powerful chakra colliding with each other, and the entire hospital seemed to shake, Tsunade sighed.

"Idiot." She whispered under her breath even as she developed a small smirk.

| My Idiot |

"Lord Gaara is sparring with the Hero of the Fourth!" A young kunoichi chunin shouted even as she ran towards the very arena.

Another loud boom!

The academy building shook, frightening some of the younger students.

"Troublesome…" Shikamaru muttered under his breath.

"They better not wreck that arena." Temari said from beside the lazy Nara. "We just repaired the damn thing from the last time that idiot was here."

Shikamaru smirked at the slightly older woman. "Don't get your hopes up, babe." He said, leaning back. "Restraint isn't in the Naruto Shinobi Handbook."

"The what?" Temari asked with an expression like she just ate a lemon.

"Nothing. Never mind."

| My Idiot |

When Tsunade finally arrived on the scene, Naruto was nothing but a disembodied head in a sea of golden-flaked sand.

Without missing a step, the Sannin walked right over the struggling blond, squatted down, and flicked him on the forehead.

"Oi! What was that for!?" Naruto shouted, wiggling around, trying to free himself from his sand prison.

"Because you're an idiot." Tsunade stated easily, flicking him on the forehead again.

"Hey! Stop that!" He demanded, though he wasn't very impressive as a stick in the, in this case, sand.

Gaara simply watched the dynamic from across the arena. He was sweating profusely and already feeling the exhaustion that always came with going up against Uzumaki Naruto, even in a simple spar.

"Oi, look at that!" A shinobi across the room shouted happily. "Kazekage-sama is even stronger than the Hero of Konoha!"

"Lord Gaara is a Kage, after all." A kunoichi said with slightly less… gusto.

"Lord Kazekage is the best Kage out there!" Yet another shinobi shouted from the sidelines.

Tsunade looked at Naruto with a raised eyebrow. "Did you let him win again?" She asked softly so that only Naruto could hear her.

The orange-clan ninja didn't respond or even look at her.

Tsunade smiled gently, sighing as she shook her head. He really was an idiot, but she couldn't help but love him for it.

"Come on, get out of that sand already." The previous Hokage ordered.

Naruto looked indignant for a moment, before his entire body lit up with golden flames, the sand trapping him exploding all around them.

He was free.

The amount of sheer chakra he released made the watching shinobi and kunoichi fall silent.

"Naruto…" Tsunade said in an eerily calm and sweet tone.

Tsunade didn't do 'sweet.'

Naruto turned slowly to face the Sannin, trying to banish the sudden fear in his gut that appeared out of nowhere.

"Y-Yes, Tsunade-sama?" He asked with as much respect the idiot could muster. When he saw that the beautiful older woman was now covered in sand, he tried to chuckle humorlessly. "Uh… sorry?"

For a moment, Naruto actually thought the Senju princess was going to hit him. And even though they were, secretly, lovers, he knew she was not the type of person to pull her punches.

When her hand sprang forward, he flinched. Chakra cloak or not, Tsunade's punches hurt.

But instead of 'love-tapping' his ass into the concrete wall (and probably through the concrete wall), she simply gripped his shirt and brought his face very, very close to his.

Leaning in, she whispered something only he could hear.

"I need a shower."

Naruto just blinked, confused. Where was the rage? The pain? The string of curses?

"Um… okay…" He finally whispered.

She turned around, heading for the exit. When he simply stood there, still confused, she turned around.

"Well?" She said expectantly. "Are you coming or not?" The look he received from the woman he loved made Naruto's face turn tomato red.

She needed a shower.

He lifted his arm, smelling himself and smiling like the idiot he was.

He needed a shower, too.

Tsunade must have seen the realization in his eyes, because she returned his smirk and sauntered off towards their rooms.

"Sorry, Gaara!" Naruto shouted as he followed pursuit. "I stink!" He exclaimed far too happily for what he was saying.

The Kazekage was quickly left alone with the spectators his and Naruto's spar had gained, an awkward silence filling the air.

"Did he seem happy to stink to you, too?" A man Gaara knew to be a jonin asked in confusion, his face scrunching up.

| My Idiot |

It was late. They should have been asleep by now, but Naruto and Tsunade enjoyed the peace and quiet the night gave them.

Tsunade was pressed up against her blond lover, her head resting on his chest. One of his arms was wrapped around her, lightly rubbing her arm as they just laid there, enjoying each other's company.

Their legs were intertwined, a favored position for both. Tsunade's smooth skin against his was probably the most addicting feeling in the world.

She was addicting.

"You've got a stupid look on your face." Tsunade stated, though her voice was so soft and loving that Naruto nearly missed what she said entirely.

"No I don't" He replied with little care. He knew he was smiling like an idiot, but he couldn't help it. These were his favorite times with Tsunade. When they weren't doing anything except holding each other. When nothing else mattered but one another. When the rest of the world didn't exist.

"You're right." Tsunade said into his neck, gently kissing his sensitive skin. "That's what you always look like." She said in between kissed, smiling.

Naruto's eyes fought to stay open, his skin developing goosebumps as she literally took his breath away.

He didn't respond.

Tsunade continued to explore the flesh of his neck, going further down, placing soft pecks along his collarbone. Her smile widened as Naruto's only response was to moan happily, his breathing becoming fast and shallow.

Right now, Senju Tsunade was his whole world.

Naruto had never received much physical contact as a child, a crucial aspect of a person's young life. When he got older, he experienced more physical contact, though it was as a shinobi and usually in the form of cuts and bruises.

The point? Every time Tsunade touched him in a new place, it was the first time he was ever touched there so gently and passionately. Every new touch was a new experience for him, a new world that he embraced completely when she wished to explore it.

When her warm skin was pressed into his, he rejoiced. When she kissed him all over, he melted. And when she made love to him, he lost himself in her soul.

Before they knew it, Tsunade's kisses turned into another round of their favorite, late night activity.

They didn't get much sleep that night.

| My Idiot |

"I think Naruto knows about us." Shikamaru stated suddenly. He and Temari were enjoying a meal together at her apartment, like they had every night since he'd been in the village.

Temari just blinked, taking a sip of her wine.

"How?" She asked, though not angrily.

Shikamaru contemplated that for a moment. "I think not showing up at night gave it away." He said dryly. "And we're always together… Even that idiot can put two and two together and sometimes get four."

Temari nodded. "Are you uncomfortable with people knowing about us? With Naruto knowing?" She asked, carefully trying not to sound too interested.

Shikamaru looked at her, his eyes meeting hers for a brief, intimate moment that they shared only in the privacy of Temari's home.

"Not in the least." He said with conviction.

The blonde-haired woman smiled at the Nara before her, a gentle smile that not even her brothers usually saw.

"Good." She said, continuing to eat her meal.

Shikamaru didn't make it back to his room that night either.

| My Idiot |

"You can stop giving him that look of yours now, Naruto." Temari said to the Orange Hero as she found him about to enter the hospital.

Naruto turned to face the familiar blonde. "Oh?" He asked. "Did whatever you want to test work out?" He asked, still wondering what Temari wanted to know about Shikamaru was.

Temari smirked. "Yes, It did." She said. "Thank you for the assist."

Temari had approached Naruto with a favor, though she wouldn't tell him what his 'look' was for. Only that she wanted to know something, but couldn't just ask the Nara Head outright.

The blonde-haired kunoichi left, waving goodbye. Naruto stared at the retreating woman for a moment, trying to figure out what she was up to.

When he couldn't think of anything, he chalked it up to weird stuff girls do and dropped. He wanted to see Tsunade in action, and he was wasting time trying to figure Gaara's sister out when he still had to figure his own woman out.

Women were complicated creatures.

| My Idiot |

"Eh!?" Naruto all but screeched after Tsunade's… revelation. "Shikamaru and Temari are seeing each other!?" He asked, baffled. "Since when!?"

Tsunade sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"For a couple years, if I had to guess." Tsunade said tiredly, wondering how he was still alive. "You really didn't see it?"

"What? No. I had no idea!" He shouted. Then he was silent, as if he were contemplating something. "Are you sure they're really together? Absolutely positive?"

Again, Tsunade sighed, shaking her head in exasperation. She loved him, she really did, but damn was he slow on the upkeep.

"Yes, Naruto. I'm positive." She answered. "It's fairly obvious. They didn't try very hard to hide it, if at all."

Naruto rubbed his chin. "How could I have missed it…?" He wondered, thinking back to all the times he saw them together, how friendly they had seemed, how comfortable they were with one another. Then, he shook his head. "Nope… I just can't see it."

Tsunade actually laughed at that statement.

"You're lucky you're so handsome."

Naruto smiled at the compliment, before narrowing his eyes suspiciously. "Wait… what does that mean?"

Tsunade laughed again.

| My Idiot |

On the last night of their stay in Suna, Naruto and Tsunade found themselves relaxing in Tsunade's room after a nice dinner with Gaara – at his house this time, instead of eating out. Gaara had even cooked the dinner himself.

It wasn't very good, but that wasn't the point. It was the thought that counted, and both Naruto and Tsunade appreciated the gesture.

They hadn't said much as they laid in bed, simply resting after a long day of work for Tsunade (it being her last day, she tried to cram in everything she may have left out before they left) and shadowing the Kazekage for Naruto (Gaara said it would help him out when he became Hokage if he knew what being a Kage entailed).

Shikamaru had been with Temari the entire day, and no one had seen or heard from either of them since the day before.

Naruto couldn't help but wonder what they were doing. And he probably guessed right, Tsunade thought, if the Jinchuuriki's mad blushing was any indication.

Tsunade had been content with just lying in his arms, but then she remembered something.

"Hey, Naruto?" She asked softly.

"Hmm?" He hummed.

"Can I ask you a question?" She asked, this time with more interest in her tone.

Naruto slowly turned to look down and meet her beautiful bronze eyes with his sky blues. "What is it?" He asked. Tsunade was never so… cautious when speaking with him when it was just the two of them.

For a moment, it seemed like Tsunade wasn't going to say anything, until she just asked the question that had been bugging her for a while now.

"Tachibana Rin." Tsunade said the name slowly, carefully. "The girl we met at the festival on our way here."

Naruto was silent for a few seconds, before answering. "What about her?" He asked, also carefully.

"You seemed… really angry with her." She admitted. "More than was necessary. Why?" She didn't mean to sound demanding, it just came out that way. Tsunade couldn't figure out why she cared so much, but ever since that night, it bothered her. Naruto's anger, the way he lost his temper.

Naruto never lost his temper like that without good reason.

So what happened? Why hadn't he just told her?

Again, Naruto was quiet. Tsunade worried that she upset him for bringing it up, but she wouldn't just drop it. She was too curious what had happened between that woman and Naruto before she had arrived.

Finally, Naruto sighed. "When I was traveling with Ero-Sennin, we visited more brothels than I care to remember." He admitted.

Tsunade narrowed her eyes, trying not to curse her dead teammate. "That pervert…" She mumbled under her breath.

"I never used the women's… services, obviously." Naruto continued. "So when I waiting for sensei to… finish… I talked to a lot of the women that worked in them." He smiled, though it wasn't a happy one. "When you get to know them – prostitutes – you understand that they're just people, too. They're just trying to survive in this unforgiving world, just like us."

Tsunade just listened as Naruto spoke like a wise adult instead of a silly knucklehead he always pretended to be.

"That woman, Tachibana Rin. She was a prostitute." He said, frowning. "She recognized me as the Hero of the Fourth right away and asked if I wanted to sleep with her." Tsunade didn't say anything, but Naruto kept rubbing her arm softly. "When I declined, she offered herself up to me for free."

Tsunade could tell that, while Naruto didn't judge women who sold their bodies for a living, he also didn't like the idea that there were some women out there that had to to survive. He understood that the world wasn't a happy, fair place, but he still wished it was at least kinder.

It was times like these that made her wonder if the 'idiot' persona of her lover was all just for show. Because when he spoke like this, he seemed wise and mature beyond his years.

"I declined again after that, and told her I was there with my girlfriend." It was here that she saw Naruto's frown deepened. "She… she disrespected you."

Tsunade blinked. "She… disrespected me?" She asked.

Naruto looked away. "Well… not directly, but yeah, she disrespected you… In a way…" He swallowed, obviously uncomfortable with what he was about to say. "She said that anything you did, she could do better. And that… that I would forget all about my 'ordinary girlfriend' when she was finished."

Tsunade, again, blinked.

"She was making fun of you, without even knowing who you were. And she wouldn't take 'no' for an answer. And when you showed up, and she still wouldn't leave, I… kinda got angry."

Tsunade wasn't looking at him anymore, instead staring down, towards their feet.

"I didn't want to say anything because I was embarrassed, and I didn't want to upset you during the festival." He explained, worried by her lack of response. "Tsunade?" He finally asked.

"Are you angry?" He asked carefully. When she started shaking, he sat up, now very worried. "I should have told you… I'm –"

It was then that Tsunade couldn't hold it in anymore and broke out into uncontrollable laughter.

"Wha?" Naruto tried, confused. He had never heard her laugh so hard.

For Tsunade, it was probably the single most adorable and idiotic thing she had ever heard.

Adorable in the fact that Naruto took it personally when a prostitute badmouthed her (without even knowing who she was). And she used the term 'badmouthed' loosely. To Tsunade, it was hardly anything worth even getting annoyed over. But Naruto, bless his orange soul, took it to heart.

And idiotic in being so utterly pointless and un-noteworthy that she felt stupid for even worrying about it.

After she managed to quell her laughter, Naruto asked, "You're not mad?"

This led Tsunade to laugh once again, only stopping when he began to pout. "No, Naruto. I'm not mad." She swore, placing a hand on his shoulder. "And Naruto?" she asked through a soft chuckle.

"Yeah?"

"You're an idiot." She said as she kissed him more passionately than she ever had before.

She had a single thought as the kiss deepened and led to something more. But you're…

My idiot.