Chapter 20: IV. our 'step one' is watching the sun rise

-Team 7-

"You figured it out." Kakashi accused.

One Genin hopeful faced one annoyed Jonin.

"Yes," Sakura's grin turned cheeky, "I did."

"But what are you going to do?" Kakashi waved casually, the pages of his Icha Icha flapping with his movement, "Whether you know the objective or not-"

"'-We wouldn't want to work with this team anyway so it wouldn't be possible for us to pass'... is what you're thinking, right?" 

He cocked a brow. "Am I wrong?"

Sakura chuckled nervously, "No, you're definitely right. But I'm passing this time 'round and I'm willing to commit."

"Are you?" Kakashi mused, disinterest coating his voice. "Even though you clearly dislike the other?"

"I... used to be friends with Yamashiro." Sakura grimaced. "And broken relationships make it worse. There's no way for us to become friends again if he's like that."

"And so...?" He prompted, curious, almost.

"And so we'll change him." Sakura determined but that naïve glint in her eyes somehow... annoyed him... Kakashi realistically should've been... enthused by that reaction but...

"Us three- us two if Sasuke-kun is unwilling. I'll... I'll even do it by m-myself if I have to..." 

Sakura's eyes were no longer fiery at those words; they turned hesitant, scanning his reaction warily before her gaze flickered, scared and alone, helpless and afraid. Well, where did all her bravado go? Did they disappear as soon as she realised the possibility on having to act alone?

Those eyes were watching him in expectation. Will he hear her out or will he walk away? Does he even have a choice?

'Oh right. The Council.' The reminder of those Elders just flipped his mindset: so what if the fangirl stopped squealing and so what if the Last Uchiha has changed the barest bit? It didn't change anything- if anything, the fact that his Sensei's son wasn't in the team anymore just further soured the deal. He had an emo kid who he's obligated to teach Sharingan stuff to, a sissy wimp and an annoyance. 

'Oh right.' He remembered. 'This is an order and not my choice.'

The intrigue of the ex-fangirl was simply passing- he didn't want to get attached. He didn't want them to die.

(But they always will because Kakashi was the cold-blooded shinobi who always came back with the blood of his comrades on him.

'Friend-Killer Kakashi,' A voice whispered beside him. 'Don't get too close.')

But he had to take them on. He had to pass these arrogant, ignorant, deluded, weak children.

What was this stupid girl even suggesting?

'We'll change him'? That was ridiculous- simply absurd. Who did she think she was? Just because she stopped screaming every few seconds didn't make her all the hot stuff. It didn't make her strong, nor influential. It just means that other people stopped getting ringing in their ears.

"I'll- I'll drag you into this, Kakashi-sensei."

That baseless resolve.

"I'll drag Sasuke-kun into this."

Was he meant to feel something?

"Then I'll drag H... Hanako-kun into this as well. We have to make this Team 7," Sakura's eyes didn't seem intriguing to him anymore; they seemed childish- naïve and idealistic.

(She should stay away from Kakashi if she's looking for a 'dream team'.)

"I won't let it not." She declared as if she had any power to do so.

"I could fail you." The Hatake drawled, almost sneering at how obviously the hope crumbled in her eyes. "See that? How quickly you just gave up. You're still pathetic."

How had he even cared about these Genin? "I won't leave you alone, Kakashi-kun. We're in this together."

"You're no where near as strong as you like to deceive yourself into being. I could commend your intelligence and determination, but if you don't use them to survive and if you don't have anything to back it up with, they could get you killed."

"Aren't..." A tone that Kakashi despises rose again to scrape against his ears. "Aren't you being too cruel to a fresh Genin?" 

"Kakashi-kun, don't be like that."

It was- Reprimanding. A reprimanding tone and only Rin and her fussy Med Nin personality had spoken to him like that- Kushina-san was scarier so he'd never have less motivation to listen and Minato-sensei was always too soft to- and maybe evenObito'swhiningvoicewasbetter than-

"So you acknowledge that you're a fresh Genin." Kakashi snapped the novel shut in a dull 'thwup' and applauded, slow and mocking. "Did you know that fresh Genin are always the first to fuck up during a time of importance?"

"...B-... But I..."

Sakura could claim that he was exaggerating- and he was- but there were still many elements of truth in what he suggested and to brush them aside would only make herself look even more ignorant.

"And don't even try to argue that you won't be exposed to important things as a rookie because the role of a Jonin Sensei is to see whether or not you'll succeed or fail, whether it's for more important things or less important things. It starts from here. Not from your promotion."

"...'It'?" 

"Your potential." He told her, "Your will. Your instincts. Many say that you develop these through your time as a shinobi. That is incorrect."

Sakura flinched at his bland tone.

"You're either fit, or unfit. Spurring on this signature 'Will of Fire' is more... superficial than people portray it; no one 'fears' death until they're on the verge of. From Genin, I need to make sure you're prepared because you may be able to hone them and you may be able to increase them through your life, but..."

Kakashi closed his eye and remembered the trembling Genin he had sneered at as a Chuunin. Those Jonin Senseis had measured their physical strength and agility, but they hadn't measured their guts to fight and survive.

"But if you become a Genin and you lack these assets, you will die very, very early and very, very painfully. Unless, of course, you have ungodly amounts of luck. If so, you'll have a shit ton of trauma on your plate and-" He let out a cold chuckle. "Nobody likes that. Feel free to say hello to near death experiences."

Kakashi knew he was pushing it. The standards he was putting forth were similar to the ones during times of war. Nowadays, to pass the Genin Exams, one doesn't even need that much skill. These three children could pass the standard for Genin easily.

But rank doesn't equate to how they'll cope. 

With a mindset like hers? Insecure, frail and dependent? Sakura wouldn't survive. That façade of hers was primarily influenced by the Yamanaka heiress, from what it seems, and he figured that Sakura, at least, had just been acting.

"...I'm trying-"

This idiot.

"No one 'tries' to get killed." Kakashi retorted coldly, "Just because you're acting a little different from before, it doesn't change all those years you've wasted."

"I can be different from now on!" She burst out, still trembling like a child and on the verge of tears.

Kakashi's heart did not soften. 'Quit it.'

"You just proved my point." He deadpanned. "How could I send someone like you onto missions? None of us are reliable."

"But you're the-"

"But I am the Jonin Sensei, right?" Kakashi pressed his lips together in irritation, a flicker of guilt causing words to involuntarily tumble out.

"Well bummer for you, but not only am I a shit teacher, you three children are also way too stubborn. Be honest and tell me if you can imagine Sasuke whole-heartedly relying on this team and myself. Be honest and tell me if you can imagine Hanako participating in a battle alongside with Naruto."

It's oh so easy to see their corpses. He could blink and imagine the fresh carvings on the Memorial Stone.

"That's..."

"Sasuke has not called me 'Sensei' once. You think I want to help you guys into becoming disciplined shinobi? You think I want to help kids who can't accept, or 'don't need' help?"

"But- But Kakashi-sensei, what about me? I don't have anything else- Ino has her own team and my parents are civilians, Iruka-sensei has his own students and Sasuke-kun only just stopped despising me! I wanted- I want a Team, a Sensei! You can't leave me alone- you can't make me do this by myself because you're my- my... Sensei, why are you like this? You were- you seem so-"

She struggles for words and two sides of his mind rise to snap one thing:

Stop.

She's pitiful (wanting all of this after she treated Naruto like so.) But where had he been? Why had he just watched? She's so desperate that it's pathetic- unwilling to change by herself and be independent, she's still looking for the easy way out. (She can't survive with that fragile behaviour.) It's ignorant and immature in a way that Kakashi loathes, but-

Stop.

Because Kakashi knows she's innocent and she's trying and she's just a kid that wants someone beside her. She's a lonely child as in scars don't litter her frame and nightmares don't create dark bags, crimson doesn't stain her nails and screams don't stain her mind.

They aren't in war so Kakashi...

He really wants to go on ANBU missions again (where feelings and stress didn't really matter; where he could slide on a mask and turn off all the humanity that is, by now, in shambles; where Rin's face couldn't manifest before his enemies because they'd be dead before he even sees their face.)

He should stop 'going down that route' and start teaching the new generation. He should be there for children especially how (even when) no one had been there for him.

He should've been a better man- he could be a better man but- Oh, how the world has betrayed him.

He didn't have the strength to climb the morally high ground again.

This scared girl who knows nothing, can do nothing- 

"...Sensei, who hurt you?"

She dares?

He wants her to stay innocent, even if she means absolutely nothing to him. Her stance is wide open and it would be terribly easy to kill her with a Chidori. This girl shouldn't remind him of Ri-

"No one." He put lightly. "Absolutely no one. In this life- if you survive for long enough to tell- you'll learn that the act of putting blame on other things and other people is frivolous and useless."

"What... do you mean?" Sakura shrank away, not noticing the seals Kakashi had created. 

"I mean, Pinkie," He twisted his chakra, "You're still not enough for this shinobi world."

"I- No, that's-"

"Demonic Illusion: Hell Viewing Technique."

Sakura whipped her head up at the whisper, trying to decipher what exactly her Sensei had just said when clouds darkened over them, shadows overtaking the pools of bright sunlight. She shivered, warily looking around; she hated the cold.

There was a dull thud behind her and she snapped herself around, hand trembling towards her weapons pouch.

Kakashi didn't even feel surprised when she screamed, face paling as she fell onto the floor, hard and... unconscious.

Sakura awoke to Hanako pocking at her.

"-ura-chan." Poke. "Sakura-chan." Poke. "Sakur-"

"Wha- what?" She sat up, head ringing. "H-Hana... ko-kun...?"

"Oh yay!" Hanako beamed, throwing the stick behind him. "You've been calling me 'Yamashiro' for so long and even though I love my Clan, it feels weird to be called that by you, hehe..."

"What- Why am I-..." She laid her head back down onto the soil, groaning. "Kakashi-sensei, how dare."

"What happened, Sakura-chan?" Hanako tilted his head to the side. "Are you alright?"

"Kakashi-sensei, that rude jerk, put me under a Genjutsu." Sakura then recounted her shaken experiences and realised... "It was just a D-Rank Genjutsu- And by the looks of it, he released it as soon as I fell unconscious... Heck, I feel pathetic..."

"Sakura-chan, you aren't pathetic! You're really strong and smart and pretty!" Hanako was quick to jump in. "Kakashi-sensei is just super strong, you know?"

"Well, where is he now?" Sakura frowned, slowly moving to peak around the area. "With Sasuke-kun...?"

"I... don't know." Hanako's brows creased in worry and for a reason Sakura couldn't pin point, it felt weird...

"Oh right, Hanako-kun, what are you doing helping me?" Sakura hurriedly shook her head. Even though she figured out the objective, it didn't mean others had. "Remember what Sensei said? It would have been a much better option to..."

Hanako's eyes were calm and cheerful. Maybe he had figured it out after all...?

"Mou, Sakura-chan, there's no need to say all that." He turned to fully face her with a grin (but it was a little less confident than his usual ones), "A simple 'thank you' would be good enough for me!"

There were things Sakura realised as she followed behind Hanako's much more enthusiastic lead. The talk between her Sensei and herself had taken a route she hadn't expected.

"Sensei, who hurt you?"

The query hadn't been thrown with intent to hurt but it seemed to snap that string she had been unknowingly pulling on this entire time. Of course she had studied about the infamous Hatake Kakashi; only the most ignorant fools wouldn't have heard of him.

Just yesterday, after she found out that he was her teacher, she had dived back into the library, talked to Inoichi-ojisama about him, searched for rumours alongside Ino...

'Friend-Killer Kakashi': his former epithet sent chills down her spine. The blurred image profile on the Bingo Book looked much more cold and dead than the perverted, foolish Sensei she had met that day.

She should've noticed that something was wrong. 

It was the reason why she lost steam so quickly.

He had unknowingly presented a challenge; she'd failed.

Kakashi had many malicious rumours around him; every word of his was ominous, almost foreshadowing- promising- and Sakura couldn't help but just fear a little.

But as he kept talking- more than she expected, more than what Kakashi himself probably expected- she came to remember one thing, a tiny but important thing: Kakashi had never passed a Genin team before.

And it might be because Kakashi was... tired, or perhaps even scared.

It was presumptuous and audacious. An S-Rank, arguably Kage level shinobi? Scared? 

But Sakura could see it: Sasuke recklessly charging out for that 'certain man' he wanted to kill, Hanako not obeying properly because of his burning distaste for Naruto. Sasuke had... as much as she hated to say, shown not much loyalty to Konoha. His ambitions and his life seemed to revolve around that 'man' whereas Hanako has equal parts of loyalty to his Clan and to his Village.

And Sakura? She could see herself dying because she was too scared to move. She ducked her head and wondered, again and again, whether or not she should become a shinobi.

She closed her eyes and tried to imagine just how cruel of a human you needed to be to wear a familiar Sharingan and live with your Team's blood on your hands. 

(Trace the rumours- there are more open secrets than one thinks.)

His Sensei was dead. His Team was dead. More than a decade long history in ANBU. Inoichi looked at her with narrowed eyes: "I'm trusting you have a reason to ask this of me. Kakashi never ran 'healthy' missions after the Kyuubi night."

She opened her eyes and realised: you couldn't be a human at all.

"What do you think you're doing?" Sasuke hissed as Hanako and Sakura dragged him out from the dirt hole.

Correction: tried to drag him out.

Currently, he managed to force one hand out of the hole simply to bat them away.

"Saving you," Hanako snarked. "Arse."

"I don't need your help-"

"Yeah? Try getting out of a Doton Jutsu by yourself then." His forehead creased, sweat dripping down his brow with the amount of force he was exerting. 

"You're going to break my hands, you goddamned imbecile!" Sasuke tsked, slapping them away.

"Sasuke-kun," Sakura groaned. "Please stop being a nuisance."

"Do you remember what Kakashi-sensei said?" Sakura raised one finger in a quiet lecture. "There's 27 graduates and only 9 pass. That's a 66% failure rate like what he said. But! Why did he say that only one person would fail in our test? There's also something obviously wrong with the test rules."

Sasuke mulled over her words before slowly realising, "...If you think about it calmly, you'll realise that teams are so carefully put together. They wouldn't make only one person pull out. It wouldn't make sense."

Hanako nodded along when realisation dawned on him, relieving the tension Sakura hadn't realised had creased his forehead, "Yeah, especially how hard core they are about teamwork."

"Mhm, like with the infamous Ino-Shika-Cho trio. They wouldn't pull anyone out because they'd ruin the teamwork."

"And," Sasuke narrowed his eyes. "Jonin are suck ups to Clan Heirs."

Hanako snorted and Sakura muffled her snicker of agreement. "And that brings me to my final conclusion: this scenario is merely a test to pit us against each other."

"But how will we pass?" Hanako's eyes weren't bright as usual. They were sharp, questioning, hurt as they looked at Sakura.

For the first time in a long while, she felt guilt stab at her. As much as he had mistreated Naruto, Sakura had instantly broke off their friendship as well but he... had always held on and Sakura didn't know what to think of it. Naruto didn't deserve any of them but did Hanako deserve Sakura? Did Sakura deserve Hanako?

She didn't have the right to act all high and mighty because Sakura and Hanako were one the same in Naruto's eyes. She was acting cruel to Hanako as he was acting cruel towards Naruto.

"We will pass." Sakura repeated. "We will."

'I'm willing to commit.'

Not to 'tolerate' or to 'deal with' but to make amends. How much has she broken? How much is she still breaking? Continuously? Will it ever stop?

Because... the frosty disapproval, dismissal, disappointment in his lone eye.

"I'm... sorry, Hanako-kun." Sakura faced Hanako, eyes sincere. "I didn't tell you before, but thank you." 

She realised that Hanako had saved her, regardless of whatever consequences he may have faced.

'Thank you for waking me up. Thank you for comforting me. Thank you for helping me even though it would be at the cost of potential failure.

Thank you for never giving up on me even as I treated you like so. Thank you for being my friend when I wasn't myself.

Thank you for still being my friend even though I didn't acknowledge you.

Thank you for being by my side, whether I hated you or liked you.

That 'hate' I'd held just... Are none of my emotions sincere? Why do small acts like this always make me...'

"That's because Sakura," Ino sighed, jutting both hands on her hips again. "You have absolutely no ground in yourself."

"Ground?"

"Like- like rock, ya know? Steel." The Yamanaka slammed a fist into her palm. "You gotta know what you are and whether stuff other people do to you are worthy of your hate or your love or your whatever the fuck-"

"Language." Inoichi called from outside.

"Like you know with those dumb girls?" Ino recalled, "That teased you for your forehead?"

Sakura flinched, ducking her head automatically.

"That's a bitch move, girl friend," She continued, gesturing aggressively. "You don't shrink back and deal with it. If you have ground or rock in you, you'll know that they're just like little slugs trying to crawl up. You don't let them crawl up; you kick their bitchy butts back down into the ditch cuz that's where they belong."

"Ino dear," Inoichi sighed, pushing open the door and leaning on the frame. "You should never become a mental doctor."

"But they get paid a lo-" She protested.

"Anyway, Sakura, you listen hear, ok?" Inoichi faced Sakura. "I think what Ino's trying to tell you is that your self worth needs to be at 'ground level'. You can't be full of yourself but you can't have no self esteem."

"Like rock." Ino justified with a haughty sniff.

"Kind of." He relented with a sigh. "If little decent human acts make you happy, you need to raise your standard. Being bullied shouldn't be your 'norm'. That's what she's trying to say."

"But don't worry, Sakura, no one can change quickly. It's a slow process and as long as if you try, you'll get better."

"No problem, Sakura-chan." Hanako grinned, "You can repay by getting soba with me-"

"Team 7?" The Sandaime quirked a brow at Kakashi.

"Pass." Kakashi didn't look up from his book. The entire room gasped in unison and the old man feigned shock.

"Really? How?"

"They found out the objective." He simply stated, no sarcastic remark. It was... blander than expected.

"Huh." Kurenai nodded lightly. "Well... congrats?"

(Gai, despite the fact that he didn't need to be there, had been present. He placed a hand on his chin: something about Kakashi's attitude didn't feel Hip or Cool as usual. Hmmm, maybe he was lacking a bit of Youth... Maybe he'll ask for a Team collaboration training?)

-Uzu-

"Are you sure you want to see your home?"

"What was meant to be my home." Naruto corrected with a frown; no matter how he phrased it, it sounded weird and foreign: 'home'.

Uzushio was a wreck; buildings that once stood tall were crumbling, overgrown vines and weeds littering the cracks, the scuttling of bugs and small critters were detected by his heightened senses.

Despite all this, the seals remained. Detecting his Uzumaki blood and chakra, they responded, glowing and shimmering in a dull way.

Underneath the layers of dirt and blood, he could make out the brilliant yellow and orange tiled walkways. And beneath the rubble of the fallen Village, he could make out what was once an awe-inducing, picturesque establishment.

He stood there, for... how long? Just staring. Staring at the Village that had been cheated by Konoha. He took in the wreckage and thought: 'Konoha, did you really consider us a Sister Village?' 

'The Uzushio annihilation occurred 23 years ago.' He's memorised many sections of that textbook. 'Eleven years before my birth. My parents were 13 at the time... and so it was the Sandaime who... Of course it's the Sandaime.'

Amongst his pondering, he started wandering, feeling the stone under his fingers, breathing in the strong salt of wind-

He froze, swinging around and ducking under a low hanging piece of wood- 

"Naruto?"

He swung his head to and fro, wondering where had that disgusting smell come from? 

He realised, abruptly then, that he did not see a single cemetery. Only a few odd tombstones, a few hand-made graves and small memorials.

He now knew why because that smell had been the smell of a dead body.

Fury licked at his stomach because-

The sight of a dead body.

He stared at the shrivelled form of what looks like an arm, the size of a toddler's, pocking out underneath a large slab of fallen stone.

He could hear as their silent footsteps halted: Shizune's sharp inhale of shock and Tsunade's hiss of rage.

Naruto swallowed dryly. He's never seen a dead body before and the first one he sees? It's of his Clan. 

Tsunade, sensing his panic, placed a steady hand on his shoulder before she moved to flip the stone. It brought out a huge plume of dust and Shizune swatted blindly, coughing slightly while Tsunade waved her hand in a Fuuton.

Naruto's breath caught in his throat, barely registering Tsunade's snap of 'shit' and Shizune gagging on her own words. 

He flinched, violently so.

Three bodies. A child. And two adults. 

Everything screeches to a halt.

His mind broke off- one side categorising the stages of decomposition and how they died-

The other side, pained and shaky- 'They're dead. They're past dead. Truly dead and their child looks so young- looked so young-' He wouldn't- he couldn't even-

He couldn't mourn for this small, hopeful family. Because he never knew them.

He just stared- kept staring- at the three liquified bodies, not knowing what shade their hair colour was, not knowing whether they were the standard Uzumaki red or a different colour, perhaps from foreign Villages like he was, half-blooded like he was. But either way, Uzumaki like he was.

He hated how he didn't know whether or not they had known his Kaa-san- it still sounded weird in his mind: Kaa-san. Whether or not they had been a young couple or a middle-aged one that had just decided to have a baby. They might have even been strangers- mere acquaintances in the market who decided to sacrifice their safety to protect others.

He hated not knowing if that toddler would've grown up bright and cheerful or maybe, mature and responsible. What if he or she would've grown up to be mischievous and always causing trouble that would make the adults "What a nuisance-" "Hokage-sama ought to-" chuckle at his or her antics- 

(He doesn't know why he feels guilty for their deaths even though Uzushiogakure was already decimated when his mother was just a fresh Genin.)

It feels like he's betraying them by staring- just staring- at their bodies, being an Uzumaki yet not being with them to die. How dare he live? Carelessly, ignorantly?

Twelve years of his life, unknowing of his family who laid here without peace, without having been sent off.

'Have you been avenged? ...Will vengeance give you peace?'

He stares at the people that he might've known (and befriended and laughed with and celebrated with and-) if Uzushio had never fell and tries to picture what they might've looked like.

He tries to imagine- Fair skin? Round eyes? Chubbier?

But just like with his mother, he comes up with nothing.

But no doubt the two adults had done all they could to shield the toddler's small frame whose face was unquestionably in a rictus expression of stark terror.

The cold side of his brain informs him that they had probably died before the stone fell on them.

He blinks and the next thing he sees is Shizune's kimono, Tsunade curses and-

Time starts moving again.

He buckles over against Shizune's shoulder, nausea swimming in his stomach. The putrid scent suddenly increases and he presses his eyes together, trying to force away the mangled corpse- corpse of-

Heat builds up behind his eyes and he gathers just enough strength to shove Shizune away before he retches, the foul taste bringing more tears to his eyes-

The body- dead body- and one was a child- a toddler- and people. They were people- and they were dead. And they were his Clan. And they were dead. Dead.

Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead-

"Naruto. Breathe."

Two adults and one toddler. Three humans just like him. But they weren't breathing with him-

"Sometime, I would've needed you to do an autopsy of some sort." Tsunade said dully. "I didn't expect that it would..."

"Second one."

"What?" Shizune repeated.

He bared his teeth but it's nothing friendly: sure he's tired and hurt and betrayed but he's also furious.

"Sandaime... Strike Two." Naruto can still taste the bitter disappointment on the back of his throat (alongside the clinging repulsion of a rotting corpse).

His voice is flat and dead. Neither Shizune nor Tsunade winced.

"That's Strike Two."

He spent the rest of his day burying the dead and pushing back his nausea. The smell is so thick, the blood is so sticky- his hands... won't stop shaking.

Naruto bites his thumb, watching the red bleed from the cut before he let it drip into the seal. 

Runes. Twisting and tangling in a dance that his eyes can't follow. It hurts that this art was his family's work and it hurts that he may have never gotten the chance to see them let alone learn them.

Tsunade stands behind him, Shizune beside her and, like always, their presence doesn't cause the prickling on the back of his neck; he knows that their stare isn't hateful and, like always, it gives him strength.

He makes a series of hand seals, ignoring the fluttering in his stomach and the loud beating of his heart. The words leave his tongue like a second unfamiliar nature:

"Uzumaki Fuuin: Binding Blood Arts."

The Uzumaki race was gifted. Abundant chakra and life force meant multiple Kekkei Genkais and techniques. 

Yet despite their boundless oceans of pure power, they decided to specialise upon the most difficult and the most intricate art of them all: Fuuinjutsu.