I fell to the ground on my knees, closed my eyes, and more tears flooded out. I opened them again and there was another wave of salty water rolling down my cheeks.
I held my neck, I was sort of having trouble breathing. My chest was heavy, so heavy, more than I could handle. Therefore…
"AAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
I let out a scream, a loud scream. I took a breath, more tears rushed down. Then again.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
I screamed again. I took another breath, more tears flooded out, and I screamed yet again. More and more, louder and louder, I screamed as hard as I could until my throat started aching.
All of it came crashing down and hit me hard where I hadn't expected it.
My mom was dead, gone completely. She had disappeared from the world, she didn't exist anymore. No matter how much I wanted to meet her and apologize I couldn't do that. I was not allowed to. She was gone.