Chapter 32

The tears of the hearts are never spoken, maybe because they aren't visible as physical wounds are. In my whole life I was always scared of death and getting injured whether be at war or during practice but I was never prepared for a broken heart. No one prepared me for the invisible wounds which hurt more than the visible ones.

Neither my father nor my mother told me about intimacy and alongside it's complications that comes with it. My father made sure to have me trained so I can survive in the outside world but somehow he never prepared me for the worst of the pain which was hard to survive. I was down and I didn't feel like I needed to live anymore - suicidal thoughts paid me a visit once or twice in a span of a week and I had to shrug them off.

I couldn't lean on anyone for my survival, especially not Lee who made it worse. I had to pick myself up from the worst situation I was in because I knew no one else would do that for me. Damn adult hit hard and I wasn't ready for it, but I had to grow up and stand for myself. On one particular day, one week after that awkward moment between Lee and I, there was a big celebration at Yokosh's castle as usual.

It was Sunday and according to his tradition he always threw a big party on Sunday and I could feel the excitements from every one of our servants talking about it. The news was all over our small castle.

I was inside the bathtub - holding a piece of brooch on my hands as one of my servants was scrubbing my body with a smooth brush made up of leaves. I was naked with not even a piece of cloth on my body. The water was warm and it soothed my soul and calmed me down, somehow I forgot about all of my troubles the moment I stepped inside the shower.

"You would be going, wouldn't you Mistress?" asked Chyou, one of my loyal servants and a close friend. I wasn't in the mood for anything - not parties not meeting people and definitely not colliding with Lee and his girlfriend Yanar at the party. Chyou moved from my back to my lower body, then she started scrubbing my legs.

"To the Yokosh's party?" I asked her.

"Yes Mistress, it's the talk of the whole of Karta. I would give everything to be inside that big castle filled with music, candles, delicious delicacies, dancing and just..."

"Just what?" I asked her, she shied away and put her eyes down.

"Love Mistress"

"Love?"

"Yes"

"What do you know about love Chyou?"

"I... I don't know --"

I noticed that she was nervous and shy talking about the sexual matters with me. But she was a bit older than me, perhaps five or six years older and I reckon she might know a lot about how to please a man.

I made her stop scrubbing my legs and pulled her closer to me.

"How does a woman get to satisfy a man?" I asked.

"Mistress..."

"Chyou, I am your friend. Tell me... I need to know everything"

"It's barely about a woman trying to satisfy a man Mistress, but it's more of a mutual connection. Each satisfying the other"

"How Chyou?"

"Is this about Master Lee?"

I remained quiet for a moment and felt shy for even having the audacity to ask about such confidential issues of womanhood. But I was curious of how man and woman come to mate, I reckon Lee knew a lot about it since he spent most of his times at the brothel.

"It isn't about him Chyou, I'm just curious. You are married aren't you?"

"I was"

"You were? What happened to your husband?"

"He went to war and never came back Mistress"

"Oh I'm sorry"

"Don't be Mistress, it's been so long I barely remember how it was"

"How old were you when you were married?"

"Fourteen"

"Good Lord! You were young" I giggled and so did she.

I let her go and she went back to scrubbing my legs, but still I had a lot of questions to ask. A lot of gaps which needed to be refilled with answers and my curiosity was off the roof.

But then Lee barged inside the bathroom without knocking - how dare he? Chyou quickly took a towel and tried to cover me.

"Master! You should knock"

Lee was ashamed and he made his way back but I called out to him "Stop" I said and he did, but with his eyes facing the door.

I motioned for Chyou to leave us alone and she walked out of the room. Lee turned back and looked at me, I was naked inside the bathtub but somehow the soaked up water covered my nakedness and gave me the privacy I needed.

"You are up early..." I said for it wasn't usual for him to wake up that early in the morning, he was always a late sleeper and I guess he had those parties to blame.

"I wanted to see you"

"You've seen me"

He slowly chuckled, pushed his robe to a side and sat on a nearby chair that was beside the bathtub. He looked so handsome in his fur black robe and a colorful turban on top, he smelled good and from his jewelry collection to his aroma plus skin shoes that he wore - Lee displayed total wealthy and somehow we had Yokosh to thank for. The man that sat by my side during that day wasn't the man I fled Xinjiang with, that was a total different one.

He was grown and gained an inch or two taller and I guess I had nature to blame for it, how dare did it make him grow so fast right before my very own eyes. I was attracted to him so much and I fell in love whenever I saw him.

"Mingzhu!" He said and that's when I realized I was so lost inside his eyes. I quickly shrugged it off and paid attention to him.

"Yes"

"You seem to be far in thoughts"

"Really? Am I?"

"I know you"

"I just don't think so, you don't know me anymore Lee. Maybe you did know the old Mingzhu but this new one... You don't know her. You don't know how I feel, you don't know the days when I can't sleep, you just don't know me these days"

He sighed and looked at me "That's what happens when you don't grant me access to your life anymore. What happened to us Mingzhu, we were friends weren't we?"

"Just friends? That's it to you?"

"Oh Mingzhu..."

"Lee please don't make this any harder than it's already is"

"How am I making it harder? Tell me, how? I came in here so we could talk, we haven't seen each other eye to eye in what feels like forever"

"And why do you think that happened? Because you don't care about me! The only thing you care about is the parties, the women, wine and godforsaken that whore in that brothel" I screamed at him with my adrenaline rush all over the place.

"Her name is Yanar and she's not a whore" He shouted back at me.

I quickly got up from the bathtub without even thinking that I was naked, how dare he shouted back at me for a mere whore? I was so angry that my face turned red - my breath became shorter and my heart raced so fast that I felt it could jump out of my chest. There was a towel nearby and I picked it up and covered myself.

When I wasn't even expecting it, Lee slowly took a step back and knelt down before me. He even did a kowtow. "Your Highness, I apologise for my in discreet behavior. I deserve to die" he said raising his hands forward as a sign of respect to his princess.

The anger that was flowing inside my body suddenly came to a halt and I relaxed. He really did know how to calm me down, but I didn't forget what he said so I barged outside of the room without even looking at him.

The myth and false hopes that I was hanging on to, I knew that it was time to let them go. Lee and I would never be on the same page again for he wasn't the same man anymore - he was the famous merchant of Karta while the Lee I knew was just a scared little boy who would jump and ran out of the room just because he saw a rodent. I lost my best friend and it was time for me to accept my loss and move forward with my life. I wouldn't heal my heart if I kept staying in Karta - there was no way I was ever going to be fine with him seeing other girls hence it was time to leave.