20. Chapter 20

A/N: Hey guys! Sorry for the wait, I'm trying really hard to stay on top of my updates but it is a challenge.

I hope you guys like this chapter, I've got something big planned as we head towards the ending of this story too …

My linebreaks are not working properly so sorry if it the scene just randomly changes it's probably because the linebreak didn't work.

Also I don't think I've named Jay's mum in a previous chapter but if I did and anyone remembers please let me know haha

Enjoy!

January, 2016.

Jay woke up the next morning, his eyes could feel the light of the sun hitting his face and he grunted rolling over to pull his girl closer to him. He was surprised when he felt cold sheets; Erin was never an early riser, and she never beat him out of bed before.

He opened his eyes slowly and took in the clock on her bedside table. His eyes widened as he saw the numbers 9:35 and jumped out of bed rushing into the living room.

"Erin! It's already 9:30 why didn't you wake me!?" He exclaimed as he looked through their laundry basket for a clean shirt "Hank's going to kill us, I can't believe you-"

He stopped short when he turned around and took in the sight before him. Erin Lindsay cooking. He looked at the breakfast, eyeing the pancakes, waffles and fresh fruit she had layed out. Ben was sitting happily in his high chair munching on a banana which was now 90% mush in his hands.

Ben giggled excitedly when his father came into view, and Jay bent down to tickle his son's little belly and whisper a soft "hi bud" against his hair before making his way to his partner.

Erin smiled as she felt Jay's hands wrap around her waist and his chest brush up against her back. She turned her head slightly to face him so he could kiss her cheek.

"Good morning." She smiled.

"Morning." He mumbled against her cheek "What's all this? We're late for work Er."

"Actually, Hank gave us the day off." Erin said "I thought we could spend the day together, maybe take a trip. You up for that?"

"A whole day with my two favourite people? Of course." Jay smiled moving to sit at the breakfast bar with Ben "So, who knew you could cook?"

Erin rolled her eyes "I can cook … I just prefer you doing it."

"Sure." Jay mumbled as he picked up a strawberry "But I don't know why you made so much, there's only us two."

"Well, I made everyone's favourites." Erin smiled "Ben likes fruits, I like pancakes, you like waffles-"

"French toast?" Jay asked confused as she placed the plate down and sat next to him.

"For your mum." Erin said softly.

Jay felt his throat tighten as she said it, and he reached out to hold her hand "Thank you." He whispered.

Erin leaned over and kissed his cheek once more, lingering for a moment in an attempt to offer more comfort.

She heard him sniffle before pulling back and looking at her again "Let's eat, I'm starving."

"Good, because I made a lot." She laughed guiltily "I may have not checked how many people the recipes serve…"

"I can't believe you're leaving me." Jay groaned as he pulled the razor down his neck.

Erin rolled her eyes "It's just for a couple nights. I promised Hank, we do it every year for Camille's birthday."

"I know." Jay sighed "I'm just going to miss you."

"Me too." Erin smiled before putting out her hand "Gimme that."

Jay raised an eyebrow as he looked from the razor to her hand "You want to shave me?"

"It can't be that hard." Erin said with a shrug.

Jay cautiously began moving the razor into her hand, Erin huffed and grabbed it from him, shuffling over on the vanity where she sat so that she was in a better position. Jay tilted his head back so she had better access and he held a breath as she placed the razor back against his neck and began slowly moving it downwards.

He breathed a sigh of relief when she pulled back and he hadn't felt the sting of the blade cutting his skin. "See, that wasn't so bad." She said teasingly.

Jay placed his hands on thighs, playing with the shirt of his that she was wearing "I could get used to it."

He squeezed her legs gently just as she moved to shave his cheek, causing her to jump.

"Dammit Erin!"

…

Do you have something you'd like to share?" Erin said pulling the razor back "Because if you don't stop giggling I'm going to cut you."

Jay narrowed his eyes at her "I do not giggle."

"Please, you giggle like a 12-year-old at a Bieber concert." She sasses back

"What does that even mean?" He says confused.

"It means stop giggling!" She exclaims waving the razor around.

"You're gonna maim me if you're not careful." He groans.

Erin rolls her eyes "Oh please, I've done this enough times. If I wanted to cut you I would. So, tell me what you were thinking." She continues to shave his cheek as he looks at her in the mirror.

"I was remembering the first time you did this." He says and she smiles slightly at the memory.

"You mean when you tried to feel me up?" She smirked.

"I think you mean when you maimed me." He rebutted.

"That was only because of your attempts to feel me up." She pointed out "Karma's a bitch Jay."

Jay grunts in reply, not liking that he can't win this argument "Okay, so where are you taking me?"

"Nup." Erin shook her head "You'll have to wait."

"Erin." Jay whined "You know I hate surprises."

"Jay, you surprise people more than anyone I know." Erin said eyeing him "Just let me do this one for you please?"

"Fine." Jay sighs.

Erin smiles and leans in to kiss his lips, Jay laughs when she pulls back and he sees the shaving cream that marks her face.

"You're lucky I love you." He grumbled wiping the cream off her face with his finger.

Erin simply smirked "I know."

An hour later they had the car packed and Jay was strapping Ben into his car seat as Erin put the picnic blanket into the boot.

"All ready to go?" Erin asked as she shut the boot.

"Yep." Jay smiled tapping Ben on his nose "Let's go."

…

Jay's eyes widened as he saw Erin pull up in the parking lot of the Chicago cemetery.

"Erin …"

"I know you miss your mum Jay. And I figured, with everything that's been happening with your Dad lately, that it'd be good for you to talk to her. Especially today."

She reached into the backseat and pulled a bouquet up of flowers that had been sitting on the floor of the car. Jay smiled as he saw the yellow daisies; both Erin and his mother's favourite flower.

"You two are so alike sometimes." He said softly.

Erin smiled "Go talk to your mum, we'll come soon."

Jay nodded and silently opened the door and stepped out of the car. He felt butterflies building in his stomach; he hadn't visited his mother's grave in years. It wasn't that he didn't miss her, he just couldn't bring himself to look at the headstone with her name on it and remember that once again, she wouldn't be there to see him grow up. To see his child. To meet Erin. To see how far Will had come since his reckless bad boy days in New York. She would never get to know how much her children loved her, how much they missed her.

"Hi mum." He whispered laying the flowers down next to the roses on her grave "I know it's been a while, I'm sorry."

He sat there for a few moments, contemplating what to say "I guess you probably already know, but Dad came back. It's been … hard. I never realised just how much you sacrificed for us. I was always so mad whenever he would yell at you, I never understood why you stayed with him for so long. But, listening to him explain it all, it made me realise how much you loved us. You stayed with him for us. And I'm so sorry you had to."

He felt the tears prick his eyes as he read the engraving on her headstone 'Kathleen Halstead ~ Loving wife, mother, sister and friend'.

"I wish you were here. Every time I see Ben smile or crawl, or really do anything new, I always think 'Mum would've loved this'. And I know you're watching over us, but it's not the same. You should've been here. It wasn't fair. You didn't deserve this." He cried "I wish you could've seen how our lives turned out. How Will grew up and fell in love, how me and Erin found our way back to each other. I wish you could've met her mum; you would've loved her. She's the reason I came today."

"She would've been damn proud of you." Jay's head turned to take in his father standing a few feet behind him.

Jay quickly wiped at his eyes "What are you doing here?"

"I … It's the first year I've ever really been in Chicago on her anniversary. I just wanted to make sure she had some flowers, I thought you and Will would be at work. I can go-"

"No." Jay said softly "It's okay."

Aaron smiled softly and walked over to place his flowers down next to Jay's "Hi Kathy. Sorry it's been so long."

"You've visited her before?" Jay asks.

Aaron nods "I came for the funeral, but I didn't want to upset you or Will further, so I watched from a distance. I try and visit her every time I'm in Chicago; I guess, in some way, it's my attempt at trying to apologise to her. To be the husband she deserved when we were married."

Jay stays quiet, not sure how to respond to his father's confession "I miss her."

"I meant what I said Jay. She would be so proud of you and Will, she was always telling me that you two were destined for greatness. That no matter what, you'd find your way."

"That sounds like her." Jay chuckled.

Aaron smiled as he saw Erin and Ben in the distance, visiting another grave site "Your mum would've loved Erin. They would've two peas in a pod."

Jay chuckles at the thought "I wish she could've met her. And Ben."

"Umm, maybe it's not the best time to bring this up, but I actually have something for you."

Jay turned to look at his father once again as he pulled out a small red box from his jacket pocket and placed it in his hand."I've been carrying it around with me since I first saw you, trying to find the right moment to give it to you. I guess it felt right to do it with your mother here."

Jay eyes widened as he opened the box and saw his mother's engagement ring "Dad…"

"I know your mum and I didn't have the best marriage, but she was my best friend. She loved me even when I didn't love myself. She loved you enough for the both of us, and she carried our family. And I know that she would've been so proud to see Erin wearing it."

"I can't Dad, Will-"

"I already talked to your brother. He understands." Aaron interrupted "And besides, as much as I like Dr Shore, you and I both know your brother's heart belongs to someone else. He's not quite ready to need a ring just yet."

Jay felt tears prick his eyes as he leaned over and hugged his father "Thanks."

Aaron smiled widely "I should be the one thanking you. I'm so grateful you gave me a second chance Jay."

Jay pulled back and looked his father in his eyes "I thought about not doing it, you know. But Erin told me I should take the chance, she thought it would help me let go of the past."

"You've got a good woman Jay. Never let her go." Aaron said sincerely.

"I don't plan to." Jay chuckled softly.

"I should get going, give you some time with your mother." Aaron said standing up to walk away, but stopped a few moments later "Jay … I know I don't say it, but I want you to know that I'm proud of you. And I'm sorry I wasn't there for you sooner."

"You're here now, that's what matter." Jay said softly "Thank you, Dad."

"Anytime, son." Aaron smiled.

"I don't know if I should bring it up with him or not." Erin said softly as she stood at Camille's grave "I guess I wonder if it's too soon to have that discussion."

"Hey." Jay said walking up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Hey." She said softly back.

Jay pulled her further against him as they both watched Ben sitting down in front of Camille's headstone, his little fingers running over the engraving of her name.

"You okay?" He asked.

Erin nodded her head "It just hits me sometimes, that Ben will never get to know his grandmothers. I know he's got so much other family, but there are moments when I think just how much I need her here. How much Ben could learn from her."

"I know what you mean. When Ben was sick, all I could think about was how much I wanted her there. Just someone to reassure me it was going to be okay. To tell me I was doing the right thing." Jay says "It's hard to live without them, but I know they're looking after us wherever they are. I can feel it."

Erin smiled and turned in Jay's arms to place a soft kiss on his lips "I love you."

"I love you too."

"What do you say we enjoy the rest of our day with our mums? I made lunch, we can stay here and you can tell me all about her." Erin asked.

"I'd like that." Jay smiled.

A/N: Okay, so this was originally going to be one chapter but the chapter ended up being 6000 words long and way too much so I'm going to post the rest of it in a few days!

I'm wrapping up this story and there's still one more surprise in store before that happens, I'm excited for you guys to see it! As always, please leave a review and let me know what you think.

Maddie :)