Chapter Two: Ashes To Ashes

Howdy once again! Another chapter for ye!

I'm going to avoid spoiling stuff by giving specific trigger warnings. Just assume that every chapter is going to have some dastardly shit goin on. I'm assuming that if you're continuing from here that you would like to read this with that warning in mind.

With that said, enjoy!

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All My World's A Game; Chapter Two: Ashes To Ashes.

Trigger Warning.

——

'Uuuugh what happened?' I groan, blearily opening my eyes.

"Meoooow." A cat meow?

"Oh, hey Baine, did you get the plate of the truck that hit me?" I jokingly mumble, blinking away the spots in my eyes and shaking my head a little.

The spotty black and white cat was in front of my face, looking at me curiously. Big wide green/blue eyes locked onto me, before I could formulate the idea to pet him, he jumped over the half-door between the kitchen and hallway I was in.

Then pain.

Ow-fuck, I forgot.

Looking down at my left arm, which is still thankfully covered by the towel. Unfortunately, the pain gets a bit worse now that I'm acknowledging the wound. On top of that, there's blood seeping through the towel and onto the floor, coloring the rug a deep red.

Fuuuuck... How long have I been out?

Bleeding: 2 minutes left.

Well that's not bad.

Shooting up from the ground in fear. 'I lied! That's very bad!' I start stumbling down the hall, head pounding lightly and legs wobbling, threatening to send me to the floor again.

I don't know what to do! If the towel didn't help enough, what do I do? Get a better bandage maybe?

Opening up another cabinet at the end of the hall next to my room, I go for the small plastic tub of different band-aids and other first aid supplies. Most importantly: gauze.

Gauze in hand, I put the plastic tub back, close the door, and run back for more water from the sink, discarding the well-bloodied towel as I go, probably bloodying the floor even more.

Sighing in contentment as the cold water runs along my arm I start trying to unwrap the gauze with only my right hand, failing miserably. Speed .1 blows, I guess!

I pull my basically numb arm from the running water, I unravel the gauze with both hands, painstakingly slow, and once done, start layering it along my self-inflicted wound as tightly and as securely as possible.

If I wrap it enough there shouldn't be much pressure or a way to get the blood out, right?

Bleeding stopped. Do not remove bandage for 15 minutes and 3 seconds.

Holy- 'stats!'

—

>>General<<

Name: Nathaniel L, Morris.

Age: 18 years, 10 months.

Corruption: ?

Body: .3

Magic: <1%

Soul: .3

Talent: 1.0

Level: 1

HP: .8/20 Regen: .25%/min

MP: 20/20 Regen: .25%/min

>>Attributes<<

>Physical<

Power: .1

Vitality: .1

Speed: .1

>Metaphysical<

Mind: .1

Mental: .1

Spirit: .1

Luck: ?

—

'Wow. I was a minute or so away from dying! It also seems that I was regenerating health throughout that? I think? Well if that's true, it's good to know!'

This time when I collapse to the floor, it's from relief. Inhaling and exhaling slowly, I slowly calm down. That very well could've killed me if I didn't get to the gauze in time. The healing overtime might've let me survive for an extra dozen seconds, sure, but I didn't know that until now.

Regardless. That was fucking close. I almost just killed myself after becoming a gamer. 'How pathetic would that story would be? 'Oh that new Gamer? Yeah he cut his arm open and bled to death! I know right, what an idiot!' Yeah no, never doing that again.' I sigh explosively, and get back up off the ground.

I pat down my black shirt and shorts from all of the damn hair on the ground. Might need to sweep soon? Whatever, that's the last thing I care about right now.

After surviving a near death experience, your Vitality has increased by .1! For surviving due to quick-ish wit and a decent plan, both Mind and Mental have increased by .1!

I stood there, stock still, jaw unhinged in shock.

'Alright, that's where the saying 'never say never' comes from. Where's that knife?' I look around the counters, and realize it made it's way onto the floor.

I pick it up, ignoring the blood around, and clean it off using a sponge with soap and water. I watch mildly disturbed as all of the blood caked to the sink and knife slowly erode away and down the drain. How did I bleed that much? Did I really cut that deep? Or is it a consequence of my low vitality?

Whatever the case may be, I have my vitality trainer, clean and ready for the next time. That message said because I almost died, right? All I need to do is cut myself, bleed out everywhere, then patch it up and get even more vitality from it.

I blink and pause a moment. What the fuck? I almost just died and I want to do it again? It's a .1 increase. Who knows if I could mess up and just die properly this time instead of hanging in by a frayed piece of skin. But at the same time, if I do it properly, and I'm ready, then it would be free points... I'll figure it out later.

'I'm going insane already. I thought this only happened half way through those other gamer stories. Not in the first thirty fucking minutes.' I frown, sighing again. Whatever, I got other shit to figure out.

I learned with the one-handed gauze unraveling that my Speed attribute is utterly atrocious, so I don't need to do it again. I do need to figure out how to increase it though. Maybe just running? Would that increase multiple attributes at the same time? Hmm, food for thought. Next is Mental and Mind. Using my brain for important tasks seems like a decent way to increase it if my recent foray into "oh shit" mode was any indication.

I guess I just need to figure out magic, yeah?

The system said that I should have an inclination towards a specific kind of magic right? I just can't remember... what was it again?

I flex my left arm idly, trying to get some feeling back into it.

Thinking about it, I don't think it gave me anything concrete, just that it'll help me "ascend" or get powerful or something. Is it like a "Plunder" type magic power? Like the skill in other gamer stories that would give me power from things I kill or defeat? Could be, but I don't have anything to try it on...

Well. I do...

I shuffle into the living room, spying my dog, Jake, laying down sleeping in a dog bed. He looks up at me and starts doing that dog thing where it tilts it's head at me.

I could... No! What the fuck? I don't want to kill my dog to test out magic! That would be terrible!

I stare at the dog unblinkingly, neither I or the dog moves.

'Do I really... this isn't a fight I should have with myself. This is my dog. My responsibility. But I need to learn magic and figure out how to get more powerful... why is this so goddamn difficult? It should be a no...' I break eye contact with Jake first. I look around the living room in despair as if trying to find an answer.

I find none, of course, why would there be a convenient tutorial blip telling me to kill or not to kill my damn dog for power. And for that matter, I should definitely sleep. Blood loss is clearly fucking with me more than I gave it credit before. Normal people don't kill their dogs for power. Blood loss is clouding my judgment...

I pause. Looking back at my dog who went back to sleeping. An unseen glint in my eye that not even I could see.

Most people... would sacrifice their dog for a good cause. Right? A normal person would sacrifice their dog for a bunch of people to survive. Or tens of thousands of dollars. Especially if they didn't care for the dog all that much...

Right?

I smile simply. 'Well, I'll try using magic. If it doesn't work then I guess we'll both get out unscathed, hey bud?'

With a small shuffle forward, I crouch down next to the dog, causing it to wake up and looks up at me. The dog rolls over, showing off its belly like most smaller dogs do with their owners, and yips happily, wagging its tail.

I continue to smile, and place my hand on the dogs tummy and close my eyes. I have magic. All I need to do is find it and use it. Right?

I get into a calming yoga stance, sitting and crossing my legs. Right hand on the dog's tummy, and my left hand holding my knee. The gauze on my arm causing mild discomfort, but I try and ignore it. Taking a deep breath in, I slowly exhale. Trying to feel inside myself, kind of like you would try and remember something deep in your memory.

Calm. Collected. Relaxed. Focused. I need to find some hint of magic.

'FOUND YOU!' I little tickle at my mind, I grab the feeling with imaginary hands. It feels more like putting my hands on a Scrying ball in some fantasy world that's held in place. So I'm not actually "grabbing" it so much as simply laying my hands on it.

With a gasp, my muscles clench. My right hand digging into tummy flesh. I heard whimpers and yelps, and some struggling. I didn't let go. Inside my mind, the ball glows an ominous grey, and suddenly my entire body is on fire.

I could feel magic leaking out of the ball, layering itself over major nerve highways, from my brain to heart, to my spine. Then to my entire body. My arms, hands, fingers. Then legs, feet and toes.

My entire body felt numb, yet it also felt like boiling water had replaced my blood.

My eyes were clenched shut, tears falling from my eyes as the pain grew. I could only vaguely hear some kind of.. sound. I couldn't tell what it was over the ringing and pain.

Eventually, and painfully slowly, the agony gave way to a cold nothingness. My muscles unclenched, relaxing.

I felt... good. Better than good even. That ball in my head was now black, rather than grey. But I didn't —couldn't— know the reason for it.

My watery eyes opened to a message.

-20MP (0/20)

For activating your magical ability so late in life without perishing. You have gained .2 to all attributes.

For violently absorbing the soul of a living creature while unlocking your bodily magic, you have gained .4 Unspent Metaphysical Attribute Points (UMAP/UAP)

'What?'

I looked down at Jake.

Or what was left of him.

Ash.

No...

I bonelessly shuffled closer on my knees, waving my hand through the pile of ash like it was an illusion, but the ash was just pushed around, kind of like very light sand.

I pulled my hand up to my hand. It was caked in ash.

'What.. what have I done?' I fell backward, landing on my back. My right hand breaded with ash still taking up my field of vision. Nothing else to look at but what I had done.

I stared for a long time at my hand. The hand I killed an animal with. The hand I killed my first living thing with.

Hand of Ashes...

———

When I finally snapped out of it, it was darker outside, but still relatively light. I was probably there for a few hours.

You have taken a short rest (4 hours)! HP and MP fully recovered!

My eyes were threatening to spill more tears. This... this is monstrous. I turned a dog to ash. My dog. Why did I do it? Is power really worth killing my dog for?

'Stats.'

>>General<<

Name: Nathaniel L, Morris.

Age: 18 years, 10 months.

Corruption: ??

Body: 1.0

Magic: <1%

Soul: 1.1

Talent: 1.0

Level: 1

HP: 80/80 Regen: .40%/min

MP: 60/60 Regen: .35%/min

>>Attributes<<

>Physical<

Power: .3

Vitality: .4

Speed: .3

>Metaphysical< (.4 UAP)

Mind: .4

Mental: .4

Spirit: .3

Luck: ?

I couldn't help but grimace. The reason is because the gains... aren't terrible. Mostly from activating my magic, and my nigh-suicidal stunt a few minutes —hours— ago. But I still have a few of those decimal points worth of unused points from absorbing Jakes... soul...

I close my eyes, rubbing them with my left hand tears trailing down my face.

'If it was some piece of shit person that tried to rob me I wouldn't care. But my dog? That... I shouldn't have done that. It was gratuitous. Unnecessary. What the hell was I thinking? Was I even thinking?' A lightbulb.

I'm not thinking. That's the problem. My mental ability took a sharp dive when I took the offer to become a gamer. Maybe one of them helps dictate morals and-

<No. That's not how they work. Your morals are apart of you. You killed that dog of your own free will. Sure, you warred with yourself, and sure, maybe you'd have held off murdering your pet. But you are who you are. Society has stayed your hand from commuting atrocities such as these.>

<But now that you have what you perceive to be the ultimate cheat code to life, you let loose.>

'What the fuck? I... No. I wouldn't have killed my dog. This system is doing something. There's no way I would do that normally!'

I sat back up, a heavy glare aimed at the screen in front of me. My hands clenched and unclenched in fury.

'Never would I have done that. This is your fault.'

<My fault? You wanted to be a Gamer just as much as you were required to be. You signed up for this.>

<Indeed, you wouldn't have killed your dog and reduced it to ash normally. But this isn't normally. Lie to me all you want, but you shouldn't lie to yourself. You have a long road ahead of you, and whether you like it or not, that road isn't going to be sunshine and rainbows. Toughen up.>

Sanding up, I started pacing around. Hands still clenching.

The system... is it right? Is it wrong? The world is shitty, but... I don't want to kill my animals for power. I shouldn't do that, it's monstrous. Pests? Sure. People? Sure. But pets are like children. I'm responsible for them. I shouldn't sacrifice them.

I sighed softly. I guess I need to reinforce that in my mind. I let go of my morals. I can't do that again.

No killing anything under my jurisdiction. Be they animals, people, or anything in between. They're my responsibility. I cannot cross that line anymore. Never again. I know I said never say never, but this is important. My own safety is my own problem, but I can't fuck up my own morals for power. I need something, anything, to anchor me.

I don't want to become a murder hobo without anything to live for. I need to stick to my morals. On my journey through this magical life of mine, I need to figure those morals out and never cross them.

As I stop pacing around the living room, the ashes catch my eye. There's only about a large bowl's worth of ash there... I should burry it. That's the right thing to do. I need to do what I can to make up for my grievance against my morals.

Kneeling, I scoop up the ash with my hands, careful not to drop any, and make my way into the backyard. Passing through the kitchen by using my elbows to open the half door, and leaving through a sliding glass door.

In my backyard there's a large tree near the middle of the yard. And some other smaller trees in the back near the fence of the property, between three neighbors in the back and to either side.

I slowly approach the large tree with a heavy heart. The ashes in my hands feel like flour, smooth and soft, without any real temperature to them. Kneeling at the base of the tree, I mix the ash with the damp ground, hiding any first-glance trace of the ashes.

When I was done, I fell down with my other knee, and stared at the ashes mixed with soil. Tears slowly flowing down my face.

'I didn't mean to do it, I didn't want to. I don't know. I don't know why I did. But I shouldn't have.' I sniffled, and rubbed my tears with the back of my hand. My eyes stopped twitching. 'I won't do it again. I promise. Rest well Jake. I'm sorry.' I knelt for a few more moments before I slowly got to my feet.

My eyes lingered on the ashes for awhile, but eventually I went back inside.

I made sure to wash my hands before I pet my cats. The only family that lived with me. I wouldn't hurt them. I wont let them get hurt. I stared into each of their pairs of eyes and silently promised I wouldn't.

After I'm done petting the cats, I start to unwind the gauze on my arm, it's been a few hours now and I should be fine to cut myself up for the future. Nothing like cutting yourself to make the emotional pain go away right?

I let out a choked chuckle, wiping my eyes again with my arm.

Once I finish with the gauze, I immediately noticed the faded scar. It's obvious, but it healed fine enough. A permanent reminder of my near death etched into my skin. But I couldn't find the heart to care. I absentmindedly toss the gauze into the garbage, before heading back to my room, getting into bed like an elderly man and looking up at the ceiling.

My three cats likely won't remember Jake, but the other two cats aside from Baine will probably get more explorative now that there isn't a dog around. But I will remember. I have to.

This fucking sucks. Being depressed that is. Girl problems ain't shit on turning my dog to ash. Maybe I'll go turn some people to ash? Nah, that's probably a bit much. I feel like that's probably unwise in general as well, I don't want to get in trouble by... the... government.

Oh. Fuck.

The system hinted at some kind of tracking or Scrying ability that allows magicals to detect the use of magic. Damnit.

In fact, why haven't they come by already? It's been a few hours now. Maybe I have to do it again? Maybe they have the general location, like a city, the first use of magic, and it gets more accurate the more times it's used. Up to a certain point maybe? Does magic have an identifiable signature that can be felt and used to find people? Is magic hereditary?

Well, those are questions for later. I'm going to assume that I showed up on some kind of magical technology that lets the authorities know that somebody used magic. My next stint into magic will need to be more... clandestine in nature to avoid stepping to far. I don't want to get inducted into anything supernatural quite yet, I need to get stronger.

Speaking of getting stronger? Where'd I leave my knife?

Groaning, I get back up off my bed, and start going through the house. Living room? Nope. Kitchen? Nope.

Standing in the sunroom before going outside, I also don't see the knife anywhere. 'What the hell? Where'd it go?'

My eyes widened for a moment.

'Do I have an inventory?'

<Yup.>

'Oh hey again. Thanks I guess'

No more boxes showed up. Well that's all I needed I guess. Confirmation is better than nothing.

'Inventory?'

—

<<Inventory>>

Kitchen Knife: Rank: E

—

Well that's handy!

I mentally will for the knife to enter my hand, and it appears out of thin air instantly. That's going to be a bit odd, I'll need to figure out some kind of way to make it seem less impressive. Like getting some kind of bag that I can pull stuff out of, call it a bag of holding!

Chuckling off the thought, I head to the bathroom in the hallway, snatching the bloody towel from earlier along the way. The bathroom is situated between my room and the kitchen and living room so I'll need to use it for my self harming escapades for the future.

I discard the bloodied towel behind the door before kneeling at the bathtub, hunching over the edge of the bathtub. This time, I'll cut my right arm so I'd have some kind of mirror to my scare. Two massive scars on one arm would be a bit more weird than a mirror scar on either of my arms. I take my right arm and hold it over the tub, resting the elbow on the edge.

'Well, here I go again.' I sigh, poising my left hand, armed with a knife, and drag the it down my arm. Blood immediately flows in a river, down my arm and into the bathtub.

-5HP

Bleeding (30 Minutes) Applied. -1HP per minute.

'Well, I can't say I'm surprised it's the same amount of damage. I won't get close to dying this time considering I have much higher health and regenerative capabilities. I'll have to cut myself twice... that's annoying.'

The pain was more like the pain of a particularly painful needle instead of the pain of cutting my arm open. My higher vitality and mind attributes likely helping with the pain.

I knelt there for awhile. Watching my blood flow into the tub. Eventually I had to start the water to avoid the blood getting dry and becoming a pain to get rid of. I was a bit cold to the entire experience this time around. Too much was on my mind, and the pain was too muted for me to really care much.

When the blood flow was about to stop, I cut down my arm in the same place, trying to keep the scar in the same place.

Bleeding (31 Minutes). 1HP per minute.

46/80HP

I'd survive this again, a bit over "almost dying", but I couldn't mount the will to care. Luckily, I won't need to bandage myself up afterwards. I'll need to conserve the resources I have as I don't want to get out of the house. I can grind in the comforts of my home, so I will. It's probably safer that way.

The knowledge that I would live through this bloodletting, the blood loss, and the mental strain of what I'd been through today mounted on top of each other had caused me to become quite tired. I maneuvered myself a bit, making my position more comfortable before I slumped forward, blood flowing from my arm into the drain, a small amount of water made sure that it went down the drain.

After a few minutes of looking into the swirling mass of blood, sleep took me. The pain I'd experienced today would stay with me, but at least I was alive.

-

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Aaaand that's a wrap for this chapter. Pretty fucked up eh? That's a the plan for this story, so hopefully you're ready.

Salutations, and have a good rest of your day!