What she's afraid of

Days, weeks, months passed… just like ordinary days. Nothing is changed and all is going well for Zia.

That is what people think because that is what they saw but that is what Zia want them to see.

Zia goes to school like usual and busy herself with their squad practicing their dance steps for the cheerleading competition, she participated in the theater practice and luckily she is one of the selected students to compete on the inter-school competition.

Their club is also busy with the preparations for the upcoming art workshop. She's one of the senior members of the club, so they are responsible for organizing the event. From checking the venue until checking the supplies and list of participants, you will see an energetic Zia. She will even accompany her other club members buying the art supplies, t-shirts for the workshop and the preparation of certificates.

All their preparations are for the approaching school festival. Though there is a lot to do, Zia maintained her happy appearance and tried to cope up with the feeling of emptiness and there is nothing visibly unusual on her.

But sometimes when there is nothing to do Zia will be in a daze looking at something but her mind is obviously preoccupied by other things.

Sometimes, when all her tasks are finished she will borrow some books and start reading to keep her mind from thinking.

Perhaps on her own pace, she is trying to move on even though the pain she's suffering seems like not subsiding.

Sometimes, when she couldn't keep up she will find herself reading some of the messages from him. Though, she didn't read it repeatedly and didn't end up crying all night… she's still grieving.

When she is alone, Zia tried to write a story to cope with her overwhelming feelings. At least in doing that she can vent out her hidden feelings in pen and paper without bothering anyone.

When someone caught her writing, she could easily say that she was just writing some nonsense and doodling but she never let anyone read it and tried to hide it as fast as possible.

She was afraid that they will be able to tell see that it is somewhat familiar. She was afraid because it feels like she is reliving the time when she was with him and get ridiculed in return. Maybe she is just remorseful that she tends to overthink.

In fact, she was just afraid to lay bare her feelings… afraid to admit that until now the feelings he gave for him is still strong like before… afraid that her thoughts will affect her behavior… afraid to accept the reality that he will never coming back… afraid to wake up from her daydream.

It may seem like she is torturing herself from this pain by recalling those times that they were happy, that they were together… but what can she do? Zia's young heart was broken. And her innocent mind can only do this much.

She took her pen and started to write about her feelings. Right, she tried to write a story about herself, a girl who fall in love helplessly.

One day in school, Zia is quietly sitting inside the classroom when she suddenly remembers something. She leaned on the side of her chair and started whispering on her seatmate.

"Hey Jeh, do you have Ivy's number? I can't reach her." Zia asked her classmate.

Jeh was one of the member of the drum and lyre band of their school and Ivy was one of it's members. Ivy is Jacobs' cousin.

"Ivy? Yeah, I have." Jeh answered.

"Can you send it to me? I have something to ask her." Zia asked again.

"Sure." Jeh answered again.

"Thanks." Zia smiled lightly.

"Huh?" Zia was surprised to see that the number Jeh sent to her was familiar to her.

'This is Jacobs'. Why is she using Jacob's number?' Zia thought to herself.

"Hey Jeh, is this her new number?" Zia asked her classmate again.

"Nope, she's using it for a long time now." Jeh answered her promptly.

Zia became uneasy, her heart started to ache.

She begun to think, 'When and where exactly did we meet each other?"