Alice in wonder

Chorus:

Alice in Wonderland, how do you get to Wonderland?

Over the hill or underland, or just behind the tree?

When clouds go rolling by, they roll away and leave the sky.

Where is the land beyond the eye, that people can not see, where can it be?

Where do stars go, where is the crescent moon?

They must be somewhere in the sunny afternoon.

Alice in Wonderland, where is the path to Wonderland?

Over the hill or here or there, I wonder where.

Sister: …leaders, and had been of late much accustomed to usurpation and conquest. Edwin and Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria declared for him, and even Stigand… Alice!

Alice: Hmm…? Oh, I'm listening.

Sister: And even Stigand, the archbishop of Canterbury, agreed to meet with William and offer him the crown.

Alice: Hihihi!

Sister: William's conduct at first was mo….

Alice: Hihihi!

Sister: Alice…! Will you kindly pay attention to your history lesson?

Alice: I'm sorry, but how can one possibly pay attention to a book with no pictures in it?

Sister: My dear child, there are a great many good books in this world without pictures.

Alice: In this world perhaps. But in my world, the books would be nothing but pictures.

Sister: Your world? Huh, what nonsense. Now…

Alice: Nonsense?

Sister: Once more. From the beginning.

Alice: That's it, Dinah! If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrariwise, what it is, it wouldn't be, and what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?

Dinah: Meow!

Alice: In my world, you wouldn't say 'meow'. You'd say 'Yes, miss Alice'.

Dinah: Meow!

Alice: Oh, but you would! You'd be just like people, Dinah, and all the other animals too. Why, in my world… Cats and rabbits, would reside in fancy little houses, and be dressed in shoes and hats and trousers. In a world of my own. All the flowers would have very extra special powers, they would sit and talk to me for hours, when I'm lonely in a world of my own. There'd be new birds, lots of nice and friendly how-de-do birds, everyone would have a dozen bluebirds, within that world of my own. I could listen to a babbling brook and hear a song, that I could understand. I keep wishing it could be that way, because my world would be a wonderland.

Dinah: Meow! Meow! Meow!

Alice: Oh Dinah! Its just a rabbit with a waistcoat… and a watch!

White Rabbit: Oh my fur and whiskers! I'm late, I'm late I'm late!

Alice: Now this is curious! What could a rabbit possibly be late for? Please, sir!

White Rabbit: I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date! No time to say hello, goodbye! I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!

Alice: It must be awfully important, like a party or something! Mister Rabbit! Wait!

White Rabbit: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm overdue. I'm really in a stew. No time to say goodbye, hello! I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!

Alice: My, what a peculiar place to have a party.

Dinah: Meow!

Alice: You know, Dinah, we really shouldn't…uhh…uhh…be doing this… After all, we haven't been invited! And curiosity often leads to troubl – l – l – e – e – e! Goodbye, Dinah! Goodbye! … Oh! Well, after this I shall think nothing of fa-… of falling downstairs! … Oh! Ahhh… Oh, Goodness! What if I should fall right through the center of the earth… oh, and come out the other side, where people walk upside down. Oh, but that's silly. Nobody… oh! Oh, ha ha. Oh, mister Rabbit! Wait! Please! … Curiouser and curiouser!

Doorknob: Ohhhhh!!

Alice: OH! Oh, I beg your pardon.

Doorknob: Oh, oh, it's quite all right. But you did give me quite a turn!

Alice: You see, I was following…

Doorknob: Rather good, what? Doorknob, turn?

Alice: Please, sir.

Doorknob: Well, one good turn deserves another! What can I do for you?

Alice: Well, I'm looking for a white rabbit. So, um, if you don't mind…

Doorknob: Uh? Oh!

Alice: There he is! I simply must get through!

Doorknob: Sorry, you're much too big. Simply impassible.

Alice: You mean impossible?

Doorknob: No, impassible. Nothing's impossible! Why don't you try the bottle on the table?

Alice: Table? Oh!

Doorknob: Read the directions, and directly you'll be directed in the right direction. He he he!

Alice: 'Drink me'. Hmmm, better look first. For if one drinks much from a bottle marked 'poison', it's almost certain to disagree with one, sooner or later.

Doorknob: Beg your pardon!

Alice: I was just giving myself some good advice. But… hmm, tastes like oh… cherry tart… custard… pineapple… roast turkey… goodness! What did I do?

Doorknob: Ho ho ho ho! You almost went out like a candle!

Alice: But look! I'm just the right size!

Doorknob: Oh, no use! Ha ha ha ha. I forgot to tell you, ho ho ho ho! I'm locked!

Alice: Oh no!

Doorknob: Ha ha ha, but of course, uh, you've got the key, so…

Alice: What key?

Doorknob: Now, don't tell me you've left it up there!

Alice: Oh, dear! What ever will I do?

Doorknob: Try the box, naturally.

Alice: Oh! 'Eat me'. All right. But goodness knows what this will do… wow, wow, wow, wow, wow!

Doorknob: whtwhsthswwdthdwd!

Alice: What did you say?

Doorknob: I said: 'a little of that went a long way'! Ha ha ha ha!

Alice: Well, I don't think it's so funny! Now- now I shall never get home!

Doorknob: Oh, come on now. Crying won't help.

Alice: I know, but I- I- I just can't help myself!

Doorknob: Hey, this won't do! Bwbwlwbbwlwbl! Say, this won't do at all! You, you up there, stop! Stop, I say! Oh look! The bottle, the bottle…

Alice: Oh dear, I do wish I hadn't cried so much.

Doorknob: glpglpglp…

Dodo: Oh, the sailor's life is the life for me, how I love to sail on the bounding sea, and I never never ever do a thing about the weather for the weather never ever does a thing for me. Oh, a sailor's life is a life for me, tiddle um (prrt, prrt) tiddle dum dum dee! And I never ne… ahoy! And other nautical expressions! Land ho, by Jove!

Parrot: Where away, Dodo?

Alice: Dodo?

Dodo: Three points to starboard. Follow me, me hearties! Have you at port no time at all now, haha! Oh…

Alice: Mister Dodo!

Dodo: Johoho, and a bottle of sea, we love each time…

Alice: Please! Please help me! … Um, pardon me, but uh, would you mind helping me? Please? Yoo Ho! Yoo Ho! Help me! Please! Help me!

Dodo: Forward, backward, inward, outward, come and join the chase! Nothing could be drier than a jolly caucus-race. Backward, forward, outward, inward, bottom to the top, never a beginning there can never be a stop to skipping, hopping, tripping, fancy free and gay, I started it tomorrow and will finish yesterday. Round and round and round we go, and dance for evermore, once we were behind but now we find we are be-forward, backward, inward, outward, come and join the chase! Nothing could be drier than a jolly caucus-race. For backward…I say! You'll never get dry that way!

Alice: Get dry?

Dodo: Have to run with the others! First rule of a caucus-race, you know!

Alice: But how can I…

Dodo: That's better! Have you dry in no time now!

Alice: No-one can ever get dry this way!

Dodo: Nonsense! I am as dry as a bone already.

Alice: Yes, but…

Dodo: All right, chaps! Let's head now! Look lively!

Alice: The white rabbit! Mister Rabbit! Mi- mister Rabbit!

White Rabbit: Oh, my goodness! I'm late! I'm late!

Alice: Oh, don't go away! I'll be right back!

White Rabbit: I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!

Dodo: Don't step on the fish! Eric, there, watch it there stop kicking that mackerel! William…

Alice: Mister Rabbit! Oh, mister Rabbit! Oh dear, I'm sure he came this way. Do you suppose he could be hiding? Hmmm… not here. I wonder… No, I suppose he must have… Oh! Why, what peculiar little figures! Tweedle Dee… and Tweedle Dum!

Tweedle Dee: If you think we're wax-works, you ought to pay, you know!

Tweedle Dum: Contrariwise, if you think we're alive you ought to speak to us!

Dee & Dum: That's logic!

Alice: Well, it's been nice meeting you. Goodbye!

Dee: You're beginning backwards!

Dum: Aye, the first thing in a visit is to say: How do you do and shake hands, shake hands, shake hands. How do you do and shake hands and state your name and business.

Dee & Dum: That's manners!

Alice: Really? Well, my name is Alice and I'm following a white rabbit. So…

Dee: You can't go yet!

Dum: No, the visit has just started!

Alice: I'm very sorry…

Dum: Do you like to play hide-and-seek?

Dee: Or button-button, who's got the button?

Alice: No, thank you.

Dee: If you stay long enough we might have a battle!

Alice: That's very kind of you, but I must be going.

Dee & Dum: Why?

Alice: Because I am following a white rabbit!

Dee & Dum: Why?

Alice: Well, I- I'm curious to know where he is going!

Dum: Ohhhh, she's curious! Tsk! tsk! tsk! ts!…

Dee: The oysters were curious too, weren't they?

Dum: Aye, and you remember what happened to them…

Dee & Dum: Poor things!

Alice: Why? What did happen to the oysters?

Dee: Oh, you wouldn't be interested.

Alice: But I am!

Dum: Oh, no. You're in much too much of a hurry!

Alice: Well, perhaps I could spare a little time…

Dee & Dum: You could? Well…

Dee: 'The Walrus and the Carpenter'!

Dum: Or: 'The story of the curious Oysters'!