667. Chapter 667

After The Blue Butterfly

Episode 4.14

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: We are such stuff as dreams are made on. I dream of owning Castle. Rating: K Time: See above

I knew he was trouble the second he walked through the door. But, I was a professional and I had to act like it. So, I gave him my second best phony smile. "Good morning, sir. Welcome to Richard Castle Investigations. I'm Alexis Castle. How may I help you?"

"I'm…" He stopped as if he was stuck for an answer. Then he looked at a little tag sewn into the lining of the left hand side of his coat. "My name is Demming." He squinted. "Tome Demming."

"And what can we here at Richard Castle Investigations do for you, sir?"

"I'm a …." Once more he stopped and looked inside his jacket. "I'm a cop." He blushed slightly, then added. "I lost my police car."

I stood, walked over to the window and looked out. "Is that your car on the sidewalk? The one being put up on blocks and stripped?"

Demming looked out the window. "Do you think it's a police car?" He sounded like he needed reassurance.

"The flashing lights and siren are a dead giveaway." Just as I said that, some thief pulled the light bar off the top of the car. "We charge five hundred dollars a day, or part of a day sir." I held out my hand.

After some fumbling, he pulled out his wallet. "I only have six hundred."

"We can take your issue Glock for the rest. The department will buy you a new one."

He handed over his weapon and headed for the door.

"Sir, take this with you." It was a card explaining how the elevator worked. Once when he'd lost track of the suspect in the Grant's Tomb heist, Demming had spent three days on our roof, still handcuffed to the perp, waiting for the elevator to go up.

Once he'd left, I opened the secret room and put the cash away. I also logged in the Glock. I was wondering what to do with the other 127 Glocks we'd gotten from Demming. I decided I'd better check with Dad and Mom, who were relaxing in the secret, secret room. I hit the intercom button. "Dad, how are you doing?"

"Just fine pumpkin. I'm just helping Kate with the chocolate sauce and the marshmallows."

I heard Kate giggle.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to tickle you, honey."

Since I had solved that little problem with Loksat a few months ago, the two had been inseparable. In fact, they hadn't been out of the secret, secret room in two months. I was so happy that the two of them were finally, truly together.

"Pumpkin, can you order some more Chinese take-out, a gallon jar of cherries, a trampoline, a pair of wet suits, a DVD of Stiletto and one of Pit Fighter, some…."

"In other words, your usual order?" I cut Dad off. He made no reply. All I could hear was Kate moaning.

I decided I could take care of the spare Glocks without bothering them, called in their usual Monday morning order and started on some paperwork.

I knew he was trouble the second he walked through the door. But this was trouble I could learn to like. I gave him my very best smile and pitched my voice low and sultry. "How may we help you here at Richard Castle Investigations?"

"My name is Ashley Linden. I'm afraid I have a problem."

"We'll be more than happy to help you." I breathed.

"My family trust bought the Purple Panegyric, a painting in shades of purple…."

"Painted by Leonardo de Tartaruga as a memorial to the Hispano-Irish poet, Seamus Huertas. It's worth eleven million, or at least that's what you paid for it." I had to show him he wasn't dealing with some amateur.

"We were showing it at our Park Avenue mansion before sending it off to the Linden Museum of Art and Motorcycle Repair Shop. Last night it was stolen."

"Well, we'd better get on the case then." I said, standing up.

"Don't you need to finish that paperwork?" He nodded towards the papers on my desk.

"Oh, that's just plans for NASA's first space ship to Mars. I can finish that anytime I have a spare half an hour."

The first place we went was the 12th Precinct. I had a few things to do there, and I had some questions to ask about the heist.

"Alexis!" Cried Lieutenant Ryan. "Thank god you're here. We're buried in work. I don't know how…"

I cut him off. "Ask Lieutenant Esposito to come over here. I'll be e-mailing you all the information you need to close all of your open murder investigations. Since I re-sequenced her DNA, Kate is not only genetically my biological mother, for all intents and purposes, but she's a much better detective." I took out my phone and e-mailed the two men. "As you can see, she's solved all the murders not only in this precinct but in all five boroughs, and three in New Jersey, one in Hawaii and a triple homicide in Guatemala. That last one was a little tricky."

"Alexis thank you for this and for the operation you did on Sarah Grace. She's the starting pitcher for her Little League team now. It's quite an honor for a three year old."

Espo spoke up. "And thanks for the legal research. I thought I was going to have to choose between Lanie, Tory Ellis and Vickie Gates. But thanks to you, I was able to marry all three."

Espo began to cry and Ryan knelt and kissed my ring. They're so cute.

In addition to completing a week's worth of paperwork in ten minutes for the precinct, I found one of the things I had wanted. I smiled coldly. This would be fun.

Ashley and I stood by the Aeroflot counter at JFK and waited for the blonde to get to the head of the line. She blanched when she saw me.

"Why, Miss Castle. What a surprise to see you here." She was trying to bluff her way past me.

I smiled coldly. "Knock it off, Serena. What's that odd bulge under your coat?"

"Nothing." She cried in desperation.

I reached in and pulled it out, but it wasn't what I had hoped. "So, you're the one who removed the mural of the Sistine Chapel's ceiling from the Vatican. You got the Turk's new device to remove just the paint from the ceiling so you could just wrap it up and walk out with it. Who did you steal it for?"

She began to cry. "Vladimir Putin wants it for his new office in the Kremlin. He was going to pay me with three supertankers full of gas. At today's prices, that's almost eight hundred dollars."

As she spoke, two members of the Special Forces of the Papal Swiss Guards appeared at my elbow. I handed them the mural, then turned back to the thief. "Vlad should know better by now than to cross me. Tell him that the next time I'll have to do something worse than expose his "shortcomings" on TV."

"Please." The thief sobbed. "I need the money for my mom's operation. She's really sick."

I shook my head sadly. "Who do you think you're dealing with? The operation isn't for your mother, it's for you, isn't it, George?"

"You know?" The thief gasped.

"Of course. And I saved my dad from making a horrible mistake the last time."

Ashley looked shocked. "You mean she's…."

"No, I mean he's…" I left it for him to work out. Ashely was sweet, but a bit naïve.

As we left the airport, a beggar accosted me. "Can you spare a peso for a fellow American?"

I handed him a twenty. "Really, Pi. You're not in Central America anymore."

"Who was that?" Ash asked.

"Just one of my discarded lovers." Not that it was any of his business.

Our next stop was Black Pawn's offices. When I walked into Gina's office, she was bent over her desk, wearing only a smile. Haley Shipton was paddling Gina's bare bottom.

"Keep at it, Haley." I said cheerfully. "I need to examine the little secret room of "treasures" you have, Gina."

"Why should I help you?" Gina asked, moaning.

"Do you remember what happened the last time you crossed a Castle?"

Gina remembered being naked on all fours with Kate Castle in a full English riding habit sitting on a saddle atop her, raking her with her spurs and using her riding crop on Gina's bottom, in front of the annual convention of the American Association of Booksellers. The audience had clapped in unison as Gina had screamed, "Harder. Harder."

Before Gina could answer, Haley reached into Gina's purse and tossed me Gina's keys. Haley was good for something, after all.

I discovered that Gina had been illegally downloading porn and had a huge collection of sex toys, but her collection was nothing compared to mine. And no stolen painting was there either.

"Come on, Ash. We have to go." I began to drag him away.

"But I've never seen a naked woman before."

What a schmuck.

Our next stop was a sleazy bar in the South Bronx. As we walked in I saw Vincent Vega and Jules Winnfield hurry out the back as soon as they saw me. They should have, too.

We sat down next to a working girl who was slumped over the bar. I poured cold water on her."Jacinda, wake up."

She did wake up, but fell off of her barstool and bounced on her ass. I could feel the bar shaking on its foundations. Jacinda must have weighed in at four hundred pounds now. She looked up at me blearily. I held up a twenty. "I need to know where she is."

Jacinda collapsed back on the floor, her eyes rolling back in her head. Kyra, the bartender, leaned over to talk to me privately. "She's been mainlining since Wednesday. She won't be in any shape to talk for a week."

Seeing the needle tracks on Kyra's arm told me that Jacinda wasn't the only one to have been mainlining.

I shook my head as we walked out. "Women just can't seem to face losing my dad."

We ended up at Ashely's home. In the living room was a large easel where the Purple Panegyric had hung. I looked around. "Ashley, do you know what happened to the couple who couldn't tell putty from Vaseline?"

"No."

"Their windows all fell out." I looked up. "I can smell fresh putty around the skylight. That's how the thief got in. Removed the old putty, removed the pane of glass, stole the painting and replaced the pane of glass and re-puttied it." I smiled at Ash. "And I know who the thief is."

The street was full of cops and cameras. The cops were fake and the cameras were real. We had walked into a shooting of Model Cop at 18th and Lex. A woman dressed as a homeless person was filling up on doughnuts while the cast and crew were working. Then I recognized the woman. She wasn't just dressed as a homeless woman she was a homeless woman. I snuck up behind her and pushed my 9mm into her kidney. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee."

"Oh, hello, Pumpkin. How are you?"

"I'm fine Meredith. I'm afraid I'll have to take you in for the theft of the Purple Panegyric. Hand it over."

She sighed and reached under her jacket. I decided not to handle the painting until I had a hazmat suit on. She had been a long time between baths, so I told Ashley to carry it. I found a real cop, explained who I was and turned Meredith over to him.

We drove out to the house in the Hamptons that night. Like I said, Ashley was a little naïve, but once I got him into the Gimp suit, he got into the swing of things.