296. Chapter 296

After Little Girl Lost

Episode 1.09

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: It doesn't take an FBI agent to see that I don't own Castle. Rating: K Time: See above

"Sweetie, it looks like it's raining men for you." Lanie said happily.

"Lucky for me that I have an umbrella." Kate replied.

Lanie sat down on one of the autopsy tables and shook her head. "You have your ex, tall, dark and FBI around again and you have Castle, who's tall, rich and handsome. Do you know what I'd give for a choice like that?"

"I don't have a choice to make." Said Kate, hoping to end this conversation before it got out of control.

"Why not? Don't tell me you didn't have a good time when you were with Will. I do remember then, you know."

"Fine. That was then, this is now. Okay?"

"So what's wrong with the Fed?" Lanie was concerned for her friend.

"I'm not looking for a good time. I'm not some party girl. I don't want a one night stand. I want more."

"And Will can't give you more?"

"He left me for Boston. When it comes time, he'll leave again. I can't just drop my whole life and follow Will Sorenson around."

"You could, you know." Lanie said quietly. "It might be better for you if you did."

"My mom's murder…" She began.

"Is something you put behind you. You know that too."

Kate was getting exasperated. "Lanie, I do not want to go back to Will. He isn't what I'm looking for."

"Whatever it is you are looking for, you sure aren't looking very hard. When was the last time you went out on a date?"

"Okay. I accept the fact that I'll never solve my mom's murder. I've read the case file a million times and there's just nothing there. Whatever questions should have been asked, whatever evidence should have been looked for ten years ago…There's nothing there. I realize that instead of getting justice for my mom, I get justice for others. And I fully realize that I'll probably never have a home with a loving husband, two children and a dog named Spot. And that does hurt. But it doesn't change who I am and what I am. So let's forget about Will Sorenson, okay?"

"Then what about Castle?"

"What about Castle? If I'm not interested in trying anything with Will, I'm certainly not interested in Castle."

"Do you dislike the man that much?"

Kaye should have just said yes, but she didn't. She said nothing.

"You don't dislike Castle that much, do you?" Lanie smiled. "Tell me about it. What changed?"

"Nothing's changed. Castle is still the same immature, self-centered jackass that he was the first day I met him." Kate snapped.

"But something has changed, hasn't it?" Lanie kept digging.

Kate again said nothing. She glanced at her friend, who was sitting there looking as if she'd wait for an answer for as long as it took. "Fine. He's more than I thought he was. When he chased Tisdale down that alley, I thought he was just too caught up in the moment and too egotistical to realize that he could get killed. When we were in the gunfight with the Nigerian, we were trapped and had very few options. Castle did something that could have gotten him killed, but he knew that doing nothing could get him killed as well." Kate stopped, not wanting to go further.

"And…?" Lanie prompted.

"This time was different. He volunteered to drop off the Candela's ransom payment. Alfred Candela wouldn't let Will go because he was FBI. And in spite of what Will said, he looks FBI. Will said we couldn't let Alfred go because he was too emotionally invested in this to think clearly. It looked like we were out of options. Then Castle volunteered. Will was against it and so was I. Will thought of Castle as some dilettante writer who'd screw things up. I knew Castle could do it, but I didn't want him to."

"Oh ho!" Lanie chortled. "You didn't want Castle getting his pretty head filled with bullets?"

"No!" Kate said firmly. "I mean I certainly don't want Castle or anyone else to get shot. But I feel responsible for Castle. He's shadowing me. If it weren't for me, he'd be safely escorting some super model to Le Cirque and getting on Page Six, like he should."

"Oh?" Lanie said with a grin. "And why do you think he isn't at Le Cirque with that super model?"

Kate shrugged. "I have no idea. I have no idea what goes on inside that man's head. Sometimes I wonder if anything goes on in there."

"Are you sure you can't come up with a better explanation that that, Kate?"

Kate shook her head to clear it. "I tried to talk him out of it just before we left. I told him that we could be dealing with cold blooded killers who'd kill him for the slightest misstep. Worse yet, I told him we could be dealing with amateurs who'd be so scared and high on adrenaline or something else that they'd start shooting for no reason."

"Lucky you were dealing with a CPA who doesn't weigh a hundred pounds."

Kate nodded and laughed. "Lucky is right. But Castle told me that he kept thinking about Alexis and how he'd feel if something like that happened to her. He said he understood what the Candelas were going through and had to do anything he could to help them. He also said that it was too late to find someone who didn't look like a cop and wasn't emotionally involved."

"Well, good for him."

Yeah. Castle may be everything I said he is: Childish, self-centered, obnoxious and irritating, but he's willing to risk it all to help someone else. Just like a cop. That's something I did not expect from Richard Castle. Kate thought. "And then he solved the case. He noticed that Angela always had a stuffed bunny with her in her pictures. Alexis also had a stuffed animal that she couldn't live without when she was a child. He made the connection that someone knew the Candelas well enough to know about that bunny, like a relative. I never would have thought of that and neither would Will, not having children. Like I said, there's more to Castle than I thought, but even so, he's not for me." Kate checked her watch. "I'd love to sit here and discuss my non-existent social life some more, Lanie, but it's time to go home."

Later that night Kate lay in her bed, looking at the ceiling and thinking. When Castle walked in when Will was kissing me, I was…Surprised? Distracted? Upset? Embarrassed? No. None of those. There was something there, though. And I tried to explain the kiss to him. There was no way in hell that he deserved an explanation. I can kiss every FBI agent in the country if I want and it's no business of his. But I tried to explain. Dammit! It's none of his concern and I need to sleep. I mean Castle is interesting, I told Will that and it's true, but he's not for me. I will not be some conquest for Castle to boast about like he did with his ex-wife. His ex-wife. What was the man thinking? Kate turned over. I'll never mean anything to Castle and he'll never be important to me. I need to sleep. That's all.