Panic Attack

Walking to school took no longer than 20 minutes. There was nothing special about the morning work, except for the strange glares I received from the neighbors. I didn't blame them for staring though. Seeing the youngest daughter of the queen walk on the dusty pavements of the street wasn't a very common thing. Well, not in fairy tales that is.

"Thandi! Thandi my dear, come here!" Mrs. Khoza, a rather chubby middle aged woman called for me. I had known Mrs. Khoza since I was 4 years old. She and my mother were inseparable friends back then. When my father was still around, my mother would invite her over for dinner, along with her son and daughter, Anthony and Anati. Those were the good times I missed. I mostly missed the times when Anthony sat next to me at the dinner table. He was one attractive fellow, I had to admit. He was a tough nut to crack when other girls tried to ask him out back then, so I assumed I had no chance. It was always my assumptions that blew me away from golden opportunities, and until that very day, I never really knew if I had a chance with that charmer.

"Morning Mrs. Khoza." I walked over to her lemonade stand, where she sold lemonade to the community for a living

"I see you left home early today." She said, wrinkling her face with her dry grin

"Yes. Just wanted to get a headstart today. It's Anati's birthday today, right?"

Mrs. Khoza's grin faded away, and she sighed sadly," Indeed it is."

I regretted asking that question. I realized too late that it was also Anthony's birthday. He was no longer around to celebrate it with his twin sister, Anati.

"Forgive me, Mrs. Khoza. I forgot about Anthony." I said, bowing my head in respect of her son

"No, no, don't be. We still have Anati, right? That's all I'm grateful for right now. In life, we just have to keep being grateful, no matter how many things people take from you. That makes us value the things we have even more. You understand what I mean?"

"Yes, Mrs. Khoza." I nodded in understanding. Those words were something my father would have spat at. I had nothing to value, especially since he was no longer around. My mother was always at her built-from-scratch luxurious palace, and let me not even mention those devils I dared to call my sisters. Well, I guessed I had Amara, Anati and my other friends, but I doubt they valued me as much as my father valued me.

Without that value, I felt cheap, and it made me want to treat other people cheaply. Women thought that the extinction of male had solved many problems, but instead, it built up more problems for other people. I just wished my mother realized that.

"Nevermind, Thandi. Go to school now. Have a good day, alright?"

"You too, Mrs. Khoza."

And so I carried on with my walk, the hot sun sizzling the sweat out of me. If I had known that it would be that hot in the morning, I wouldn't have worn my pullover. When I arrived at the school gates, I quickly wiped the sweat off my forehead and acted naturally.

But just when I thought things would get any better, that feeling took over me again. I didn't know why, but every single day, from that day I watched my father get shot, that state of shock never seemed to go away. My hands would always start to shake, I'd be short of breath and everyone would seem to be moving so swiftly, as if time was moving twice as fast. I would be the centre of it all, yet feel like I'm in some kind of void where nothing in the world really made sense. That state of mind felt like a disease, a disease caused my the contaminated actions of my mother. She was one of the masterminds of male extinction. She was the engine that triggered the hate for men amongst women. I still remembered the speech she gave while she was live on television. I wasn't sure how she managed to seize that opportunity, but I guessed she had her ways with bribing people.

"Fellow women of South Africa!" She cried, holding the mic tightly in her hand, "Do not feel fear any longer, for your lives will become better soon. There is still hope for our young daughters, who still need to be the grown, powerful women we imagine them to become. But in order to them to reach adulthood, we must eliminate gender based violence for good. We are tired of men killing our girls, and abusing them, whether physically, mentally or emotionally. All of that will come to an end. I will make sure of that!"

That speech never made sense back then, until the day I understood how painful it is for someone to take something so precious away from you. That painfulness never left, and it planned on staying forever. The pain felt worse than the stab wound in between my breasts. The air I inhaled suddenly felt cold, burning the back of my throat and stabbing multiple pains into my chest.

I reached my hand to one of the pockets on my backpack and searched for my pills. When I realized they weren't there, I began to panic. I searched the other pockets, but instead other things kept falling out. The girls around me began to stare. It wasn't the first time that happened. The episode where Thandi H.Dlamini has her panic attack and is then sent home before the school day even starts. Been there, done that, memorized the script.

"Looking for these?" Someone voiced up from behind me. I couldn't recognize the person's voice, for the painful ringing in my ears interfered with my hearing. I only realized who it was when the person stood in front of me.

"Thandi, you dropped your pills while entering the gate." Amara said, holding my pills out to me

"Oh! Thank you." I grabbed the container, popped it open and immediately downed three pills. I took a deep breath in, letting the pills do their job in my system. It only took a seconds for me to get back to my normal self again.

"Better?" Amara asked, taking the pills and placing them in my bag

"Much better. Thanks once again. You're a life saver."

"It would help if you took them before coming to school."

"Noted."

We both entered the school, where the crowd of girls were buzzing around their lockers. No person could escape that crowd without at least choking a few times from the various kinds of perfume those girls wear. Most girls pulled their school skirt as high as possible to see who had the "sexiest" legs. Some did it to impress others. I found it really gross, especially when they bend over to pick something up from the floor. Not the best view, believe me.

"Do you think Anati and Juliet are by their lockers?"

"Probably. Those two are always together."

I met Juliet way after I met Anati and Amara. She was the cheerful type who always loved talking. There was never a time where I turned around and found her lips shut. She spoke to everyone, and that's how everyone knew her. The day Anati, Amara and I entered the school, she and Anati became friends. And from there, they became close, closer than Amara and I have ever gotten to each other.

"Oh! I see her." I spotted the red-headed Juliet standing alone by her locker, which was rather strange

We squeezed our way to Juliet and greeted her in our usual ways.

"Group hug!" She commanded, wrapping her arms around my and Amara's neck. Juliet was shorter than the both of us, so tilting our backs to reach her hug was what made the hug painful

"Ow...never gets old." Amara winced after Juliet let go

"Yeah, yeah." Juliet rolled her eyes, "Where's Anati? Is she not with you guys?"

"We thought she was with you." I said

"Oh no! She can't be absent on her birthday. I had everything planned for her. I bought her a mug with a cute quote on it, I bought her her favourite chocolate pudding, and I even planned us a date for us after school."

"Yeesh! Pricey much?" Amara commented

"I needed this day to be perfect for her. Not a single mistake should happen"

"Relax. She's probably just late today. We'll see her in class." I assured her

Juliet sighed, "I guess you're right. I should just calm down. Everything will go fine, right?"

"Precisely." Amara said

The school bell rang, and all the girls hurried to their different classes. Amara didn't have the same subjects that Juliet and I had, so she went the opposite way.

"Bye guys." She said

"Bye," Juliet and I waved

On that very morning, nobody knew what to expect, not even me. Anati was never late for a school day in her entire life. She had never even been absent before. I knew something wasn't right from the moment I saw Mrs. Khoza this morning. I really hoped Anati was okay.