Rising Hope - 1

Today was the day. Where I would attend my first class, yet as I looked at the wall. Where my roommate kept herself and her stuff.

I found the monotone gray turning more and more black. Until it had completely faded, a void that contained only souls.

It was a new facet of my powers… or maybe it was just something else. But it was great. Enough that when I walked around with it, finding myself not stumbling for every step, I found great joy.

The only downside that I found was that I wasn't able to use it for long. As with every step, every second it consumed so much energy that the moment after I had to sit down and recover for minutes.

Not that the downside had stopped me. For it was the first time since… since… huh, actually I couldn't remember. Was it maybe when I was two or three?

Hm~ I wasn't sure but it was sometime around then. Given I was able to see color. But I was just happy that I was able to sort of see.

Even if to see I was forced to relive that trauma-filled night. It had been days and even still I shivered and recoiled when my new roommate, Lyra, tried to touch me.

She was… what was the word… nice. But it wasn't just that, she was normal. Compared to all of the women within my life, she was the most normal. She had this disposition about her, a certain carelessness that made it easy to forget that she was even there.

A certain cheerfulness that when she was excited came to bear. It was quite nice, not living for another's sake.

And so as she readied herself, my head aching with the pain of trauma, of the energy I wasted just watching slight movements, I headed to the kitchen.

Clutching to the counter and trying to ready something. At least get the ingredients out. It was one of my biggest shames.

As the man, I was supposed to cook dinner, care for my wife's wants and needs. But I was only able to give my body.

And I wanted to do more than that. 

So I was taking advantage of this new development, even if it went against the commandment that had told me that my sight was unrepairable. That to give it was to give all hope of seeing for life.

Even if it went against the goddess's words I still wanted to use it to the best of my ability. To hum and dance about the kitchen. And prepare a simple breakfast for the kind women that had comforted me after… after…

I shook my head and stilled my thoughts, thinking of only the emotions, not of the warm… 

'No!' I yelled to myself, 'Bad thoughts' I took all of the sensations out of that trauma, thinking only of the emotions, all to keep my vision up.

"Shit." I softly muttered, clutching to the counter as the eggs cooked on the stove. I flipped them despite losing strength in my arms.

And still, when I was done it still wasn't to my standards. But it was my second attempt. So I was fine with them being mediocre.

"Morning~ Gabriel." Lyra spoke. Her eyes on me as I gave her the plate I made.

"Here." I intoned, "They… aren't as good as I would have liked but… but I hope you like them."

I smiled, watching as her face darkened, a sign that she was blushing. And found myself happy. It was actually quite cute, watching her make those expressions.

Even if I couldn't touch those cheeks, no matter how much I wanted to, my body still recoiled against the thought. 

I sat down next to her and ate my own food. I wasn't really able to judge the taste, as everything since then, it didn't taste of anything.

"It's really quite good~" Lyra spoke, clutching her face. 

I was quite enjoying being able to see, no matter how weak it made me. No matter the pain that it gave me. For I had experienced pain hundreds of times worse, and gave only a smile.

It was nothing for me to maintain.

And so, as time passed, as I carefully and swiftly walked with Lyra, letting her guide me towards my first class. I finally found some joy in this day.

No matter how much my… 

'Ugh… stop!' I kept yelling at myself, for I knew that if I dwelled on it any harder I would just fall to my knees and cry, and I couldn't do that.

I had to be strong. I couldn't let something as trivial as my purity being forcefully taken distract me from the reason I had been sent here.

"This should be your class, I don't have any lectures today so I'll wait for you and take you to tour your next few after this. Mmkay~" 

I nodded and despite the visceral reaction that my body had to it. I gave her a small hug.

"Thank you… really. I appreciate it."

"Ah- y- you don't have to do this, I know…" She trailed off, both of us knowing what she wanted to say.

Even if she showed much more rage.

"It's nothing, I already knew the risks coming here. I had… hoped…" I trailed off again. Shivering against her touch and remembering the warmth and sensations that she had forced against me.

"I had already known. Just… just don't worry about me."

"I- I…" She pushed me off of her, gently of course, and even then I could feel the sheer visceral rage pushing against her soul.

"I'll find the culprit and have them punished. If not by me then by another."

It was a promise that she had kept deep in her soul. And I nodded, even if I knew that she could do nothing against the professor. Against Miss Julian.

"Just stay safe… please, I don't want you being hurt for my sake."

"I promise." 

With that she left, her soul fading against the void of nothing in my vision. Towards some place that she could rest while I took in my first lecture.

This was it. A new beginning.

I took a deep breath. Looking at the door, letting my soul sight fade and letting my other come to being.

The trauma carving deep into my body and releasing my sight. Fading grays and bright white. A sight that brought red to my face, where each second carved with it a pain of a thousand cuts.