Chapter 18 : The 999 Stars

He just wants to live for others... Even real feelings are swallowed up and homogenised. That's why the mighty Captain Phupha was so distraught, as if all of that had vanished, that he could not feel Tian's thoughts or entity.

When those thick lips pursed and refused to open their mouth again, Tian suddenly stopped his hand with the spoon, Tian glanced at the captain who had been staring at him silently and then dropped the sentence uneasily.

"The truth is, I didn't want to interfere but you were hurt because you helped me, I was just repaying your kindness." Tian said in a strong tone but even with the angry and angry pouting, the tall man, who sat motionless and statue-like, did not react until he himself turned into a distraught party and said.

"Captain, me, I'm going to be tamed! It's not enough that you've been driven back, you'll be under constant supervision at home."

"That's right--" said Phupha in a hoarse voice "You may only be disappointed but no more sad."

The long, thin brow furrowed, the smooth, clean face twisted with anger, sarcasm satisfied you, what do you know about my thoughts?

The officer's mouth twitched in a smile but his eyes were cold and empty as he looked at the man next to him.

"Yes, I think."

Slender hands clenched, trying to restrain his mind, having just declared that he intended to repay the favour of saving his life, not to quarrel, when he thought of this, he immediately interjected and changed the subject.

"You go on eating, I'll help you later." As soon as the spoon was picked up again, the other shook his head no, "Never mind, I've had enough."

"Why so stubborn, when will your wound heal then."

The thick lips spread into a smile, it should only be out of self-pity.

"It won't heal, Tian, not ever."

The listener knows exactly where the wound is but when he hears it from a man who used to be strong as a rock but is now slowly breaking down, his heart hurts like hundreds of knives.

It was unbearable.

By slapping the canvas used to hold down the field bed, all the hidden emotions burst out, you say mean things to me like that again and then live like that, so why not say them properly! "You know I'll leave one day, I just want to leave a good memory."

Long, burning eyes shimmering with wet tears, gazing motionlessly at each other.

"Especially with you."

Phupha froze, then used the movable palm of his hand to lift upwards against the smooth, clear face, his rough thumb wiping the tears from the corners of Tian's eyes with as much gentleness as a frontier warrior like him could muster.

"I'm sorry--" a low voice said softly, "I'm just surprised…"

"Surprised that I'm a Torfan teacher organ donor recipient?"

"More surprised that you have Torfan's diary."

"I knew I was wrong! I shouldn't have investigated the fact that the donor was a Phupha friend." Tian raised his hand and stroked his head, which was covered by soft hair that was starting to grow past his cheeks and then said something that shook his interlocutor to the core.

"It doesn't matter, just please don't live your life to replace anyone else in the future."

Tian's eyes widened, his breath caught and his mind went blank. As he kept flipping through the notebook, he learned about the friendship of the villagers, the respect and love of the pupils, including the tall officer and then came here again.

Does this mean that he managed to take on the feeling of Torfan's heart!

His thoughts were confused, dried tears flowed like a dam breaking on his pale face.

This was the life of Miss Torfan Chaephron l, a volunteer teacher with a beautiful heart, not an unprofessional rich boy like Mr. Tian Sopasitsakul, who never really had anything that belonged to him, even if it was the person sitting here beside himself!

"No, not really..." he mumbled like a madman, sobbing hard and shaking from the inability to accept the truth.

Phupha closed his eyes, his heart was strangled by the unseen hand to the point of breaking apart. If possible, he was willing to bear the pain alone but if that was the case, Tian would probably not be able to get rid of that person and her influence.

Even if the pain dies but it has to end now.

Phupha took the slender hand, looked into the red eyes and then tenderly wiped the tears.

"I feel like my body and heart are splitting in two--" Tian said in a hoarse voice: "I don't know what to do next."

"Think back to what brought you here in the first place."

Tian was silent, trying to regroup his scattered thoughts until finally the answer came, "I followed Torfan to fulfil her last wish to pray to the stars at the end of the year and then to confess her love for you on that cliff."

Phupha took a deep breath, at last, the dream was nearing its end.

"You know what?

"This word does not mean what you think", it is Lanna, it means "Number of thousands."

...Thousands... Tian repeats, it felt like a very powerful name.

"There is a legend that said, if you stand on that cliff and count a thousand stars in the sky with your heart, your wish will come true."

The thin lips opened for a long time before a voice came out, "If I do it, will it happen… a miracle?"

The officer's mouth twitched in a smile, a look of desperation on that sharp face.

"I don't know, because until now, no one has ever done it."

Bianglae Khama's son, who had come home to visit during the New Year holidays was walking towards the hut at the back of the village to see an old friend who had shared his life and death. He called out for a long time but there was no answer, so he stopped by to see the village's Saogod Square, where the people and neighbours often arrange meetings to talk.

Longtae looked everywhere but could not find him, so tried to ask others where the volunteer teacher had gone, some said that, since early morning, they had seen the young man walking towards the north of the village.

North, or to the waterfall?

The young man in the city style T-shirt and jeans went straight to his new destination, intending to go home and wait if he couldn't find him this time. He was shocked when his father told him that Teacher Tian would be home after the end of the year.

Even if he was an impulsive person who liked to do dangerous things, he was also a rather rare and sincere person.

Faintly hearing the sound of water hitting the basin below, Longtae stood and looked around and spotted the man he was looking for sitting meekly on his knees by the stream, throwing small stones into the water, he approached and said hello.

"Phii Tian, you've disappeared this far."

Tian looked up, eyes deep and swollen from insomnia at the man standing, "Long holiday?"

"Yes…", Longtae sat cross-legged next to him and said: "You look sullen, do you not want to go back home to Bangkok, Phii?"

"At first I didn't want to but now I do."

"That means someone has upset you--" the teenager joked but quickly shut up when he saw Bro's sad expression, he glanced daringly and timidly at Tian, not knowing whether to speak to comfort him or what to do.

"If Phii trusts me, you can tell me if you have any problems too."

Tian reached out and patted him on the shoulder, "It's nothing, I just don't feel like myself.

"You are who you are, if not you then who?" the village chief's son replied but this caused the man sitting next to him to pause abruptly.

"Suppose…", Tian whispered, "Suppose we exchanged hearts with someone else, who happened to have a hidden memory, would we end up being absorbed by that person's memory?"

Longtae didn't say anything but soon he couldn't stop laughing, "What kind of sci-fi movie is that? Think about it! How can the heart have memories?" It's just an organ, the thing that became another person is also their own mind.

"One's own mind." Tians seem to become clearer when one hears the outsider's outspoken opinion who doesn't know one's own surgery.

He may have let the woman's story control his mind too much in the past, if only to see her as a dead person, that is…dead.

If from the beginning, it was he who was curious until he learned the story and it was he who decided to come to this barren land, far from prosperity.

Had he chosen to let what he knew go in peace, the youngest son of the Sopasitsakul family would probably be sitting somewhere enjoying luxurious Italian cuisine, or else shopping for designer goods in a downtown mall.

Then there's probably no way to meet friendly, welcoming people today.

Tian suddenly grinned, so much so that Longtae got goosebumps, fearing it was a bad omen.

"Phii, it's all right, isn't it?"

"Thank you very much."

"Ha." Longtae said loudly, feeling completely out of time to keep up with Tian's mood swings." The sun has started to spread, let's go. The volunteer teacher pretends not to understand and changes the subject and invites him back to the village.

The tall man nodded in agreement but as he was standing up, he remembered something, I forgot to tell you, my father asked me to tell you to stop by the school at 1pm."

Tian turned his watch, found it was half an hour before afternoon and told his companion to go to school with him first. "What did the village chief ask me to do there, do you know?"

"I guess the teaching materials from the charity have arrived." With that, he walked on, leaving the other man standing puzzled and scratching his head.

Mailing work on a public holiday, who is so diligent?

The school on the cliff was finished, just waiting for the new delivery of blackboards, textbooks and equipment that had been burned and damaged, as they approached, the teacher heard the screams of laughter as the children ran and played until he stopped in front of the school door, then held his breath in shock.

Sheets of A4 paper were stuck together with transparent tape to form a large banner, stuck to the protruding porch beams, the words written in magic marker were drawn in crayon, messed up in different directions but when read in conjunction, it became the word..." Happy New Year." all of a sudden, the school children ran out and hugged him around the waist, while shouting "Happy New Year." in Thai in a childishly loud way, the words echoed in his mind.

Tian looks up at the smiling Bianglae Khama and his son standing there, it is easy to guess whose idea it was, Longtae whispered with his hands on either side of his mouth, surprise! The two siblings take the teacher's hand and go to the table with all sorts of delicious treats, pastries, biscuits and colourful nectar, which in any case reminds him of the New Year's Eve party in primary school.

"Brother Crayon...that." Mezu was particularly excited when he saw the huge dessert covered in chocolate cream and with strawberry jam in the middle.

Tian smiled innocently and taught: "It's called a cake, or C-A-K-E in English. He retreated to where the other two were standing.

"Do you like it? Phii, yesterday my father went to town and forced me to take him to buy a cake for the event." Longtae reveals the origins of this small but very warm party.

"This is for you," said Bianglae.

"Thank you very much, Uncle Village Chief."

It's not about being cheap or expensive, it's more about the thought "This is the most impressive party of my life." Tian wasn't lying, no amount of food at a five star hotel banquet anywhere, could have satisfied him so much.

The volunteer teacher crouches down, then uses a large kitchen knife to cut the chocolate cake into portions, the students standing in the middle stare with glowing eyes, as there are no forks, so everyone grabs it with their hands like they're not afraid of germs.

Tian squats over the dessert, although the taste is mediocre, his heart is happy and full, he looks askance at Longtae who is sitting next to him eating happily, he feels a little annoyed.

Tian deliberately coughs dryly to get his attention and says: "You know what? The New Year's Eve party in Bangkok has some traditions."

"What?" Longtae turned around and asked curiously.

When the bait is served, Tian slowly grinned, "This!" Slender hands smear the rest of the brown butter from the bottom of the tray all over the teenager's face, while laughing loudly.

The tall man is shocked and motionless, this is not tradition, this is just personal revenge! The children see it and flock to play with the teacher.

"A siege?!" He immediately stood up and ran after the students.

The little school was full of laughter, even though Bianglae Khama stood in the outer circle, he was cake creamed by the war brats.

His handsome, smooth face now looks like a cat but he still smiled. He wanted to collect as many of these memories as he could, so that he could look back on them in the days after his departure, since he might not have the chance to do this with the Akha children again.

In the end, he didn't even dare to say goodbye. The dim glow of the gas lamp in the teacher's dormitory, the clothes that had been hung out on the balcony and in the window were gone, even the clothes that had been piled on the floor were gone and the expensive backpack was as full as the day it arrived.

Under the hanging square mosquito net, which has not yet been pulled down, there is a slender body lying prone with its elbows on the old mattress, concentrating on its notebook.

"After coming here, I began to dream of something other than becoming a teacher on the mountain. I met him in a forbidden place… my prince and the once colourless world changed forever, he was very warm and a little bit cool but none of this can diminish his gentlemanliness."

When reading this, a smile breaks out on his thin lips, a gentleman who likes men.

"One day, I heard a Mandarin speaking villager say, if I stand on the village cliff at midnight and pray to the stars, that prayer will come true, it seems incredible but what can a hopeless man like me do? If I were to confess my love to the prince and hundreds of stars in the sky on New Year's Eve, it would probably be very romantic."

"I'm going to Bangkok to visit my father who is sick with alcoholism, I'm going to try this crazy thing, wait a minute, dear prince…" and then the handwriting disappears from there, forever.

The girl may have understood a little differently, not just standing and praying to the stars but also counting a thousand of them. He tried to ask Longtae about the legend, he replied with a smile, it was supposed to coax children to come and see the beautiful legend of the night on the cliff, just like when creating a famous brand, it had to have an eye-catching historical story.

Tian was not sure if this was a trick legend or a fact, it was probably the only thing he agreed with Torfan about, people without hope, usually looking for a miracle. The volunteer teacher slowly closes the diary in his hand, the night is unbearably quiet and lonely, even the sound of screams and whispering is diminishing.

He took a jacket and down jacket and put it on, then kneels down and turns out the lights until it is dark. A slender hand grabbed the torch next to the mattress and climbed down the stairs of the hut. The aisles in the village are illuminated by lit torches at regular intervals but beyond that a torch must be used to guide the way.

Tian has rarely been to the cliffs before, most of the time with children playing games but still remembers the route, if you go east through the tea plantation, you will see a hill, which is used as a path to the cliffs.

Although surrounded by forest, it doesn't look scary, because the area is sparsely wooded, so it looks soothing and the fragrant scent of the flowers for miles is refreshing.

It was now exactly 11:30 pm, he had decided to come before the appointed time because he needed to take the time to count a thousand stars, it didn't sound like an extremely difficult count but it couldn't be taken lightly, because if it was that easy, someone would have done it already.

As soon as he emerged from the shadow of the last tree, he found an open space. The slender figure pauses for a moment and then rushes out to stand in the middle, he turns and looks up into the darkness of the night at the shimmering stars which, for information purposes only, cannot be matched by the light of the moon.

This is called the sea of stars.

The heart in his chest trembled, some fear came in until his limbs were almost exhausted, the stars were so beautiful, they should have been considered a national tourist attraction, they looked so dense that they could be seen in any direction but the light was so dazzling, that he could barely distinguish which stars were which.

Tian lowered his head to adjust his vision and then took a deep breath determined to fight, his smooth, clear face looked up at the sky again and then began to count them one by one with his index finger, one hundred, two hundred and three hundred but then he was completely dazzled.

He raised a hand to his eye which began to ache and at the same time went to the other side where the stars seemed to be more scattered.

From using the ordinary method of counting to dividing the area into zones, however, because the cliff was so high, that it made the sky look so low, there seemed to be thousands of bright stars shining bright above him, so brighter than usual, blurring the eyes of those who had been gazing at them for so long, unable to resist the light.

Tian shook his head vigorously, feeling a headache, nausea and a desire to vomit, he sat down and buried his head in the silent darkness to rest his eyes, the confidence he had brought with him began to wane, for as soon as he had counted more than 500 stars, the sea of stars turned white, a blinding flash of light.

He clenched his fist and punched the ground to vent his anger.

"Ouch!"

A thousand, just count to a thousand! If Tian Sopasitsakul couldn't do something as simple as that, then there was no need to do anything!!! He took a deep breath to revive himself and stood up with determination.

If the truth is always cruel, it is often just that the inner strength may not be enough. This time, the man who challenged human ability took a new approach, he spun around and when the count went on until his eyes began to strain, he turned to the other side so that the count would not be repeated.

A fleeting thought came into his head that what he is doing is extremely stupid and ridiculous but the obsession and desire to win is like a curve, it rises sharply with each failure.

This method works best, the number of stars that can be counted is greater than before until now he had counted over 800. Tian turned to the other side, happily pointing his finger at the sky and continuing to count but he can't resist for long.

The bright light from above is stinging his delicate eyes, he feels dizzy and wants to bend over and throw up but grit his teeth and keep going.

"955, 956."

His body nearly falls over to the other side, the image in front of him almost disappears and turns white, holds his breath, only a little left! He raised his hand to slap his cheek to clear his head, raised his fingers again to count again, the dividing line in his head counting the stars disappeared from his brain.

It was as if thousands of stars were moving together in dazzling waves across the night sky, Tian was panting, success was at hand! He smiled like a madman, his fingers tremble as he continues to point and count, knowing that everything has been won.

"997…998.

His light brown eyes were hollow, a hot crystal tear suddenly appeared and covered his eye, so that he could not concentrate on any point but he still stood there motionless, not even tomorrow.

"999."

Suddenly, everything was shrouded in darkness, the warm touch of the large hand above his eyes, made the whole of his nose burn, a familiar low voice whispered in his ear, as if to comfort.

"That's enough Tian."

The young officer stood close to his back, forming a long dark shadow over his slender body, as if it were a shield against the cold wind, tears of disappointment poured from his rough hands until they were soaked through.

"Just this one last time, I didn't finish it either." Tian bit his lip until the blood seeped out but could no longer refrain from complaining.

Even if it succeeds, the prayer will never come true.

Phupha's fierce eyes softened sadly and then whispered.

"You have done your best." I did not do this for Torfan! She is dead! Tian loudly declared his intentions to the forest and to those standing with him.

"I only did it for myself…", he staggered around and came face to face with another man, even with hot tears but looking stronger than anyone else.

"I don't want to leave here, I don't want to leave you."

Before Captain Phupha could say anything in reply, when Tian suddenly stood up on his toes and kissed him, his body trembled and tensed, his thin lips pressed against the officer's and nibbled, a strong statement. It took a long time for Tian to withdraw, his thin arms tightened around his firm neck and then he rested his head on the soldier's thick shoulder.

"Even though it started because of Torfan, all these feelings, are mine."

Although spoken with a mixture of sobs, it was like a miraculous treasure, a flood of healing. Phuha's movable arm wrapped around the thin body, lovingly dropping the tip of her nose on a soft, fragrant mass of hair.

"These are my feelings, then."

I will take care of you and protect you.

Tian smiled tearfully, why was his search for happiness so short-lived? He wanted to stop time here, he wasn't going anywhere. To throw away all rules, all reasons and live a life without thinking about anyone with his slender hands holding his camouflage shawl until it wrinkled, because he knew that what he thought could never happen.

"If I'm gone, will you forget me?"

"I'll never forget you, not even once." The captain pressed his cheek to the smooth forehead, closed his eyes, absorbed all the sensations between them and it was a long time before he spoke the next words.

"But when you go back, I want you to forget me."

The listener opened bright eyes, immediately jumped back, "Why do you have to do that again!"

"There are many people of equal social standing and worthy of you." the officer smiled at him but his eyes were melancholy, the tall man pointed to the sky, see these stars? Even the mountains, however tall, cannot touch the sky.

"And how can I reach you?" Tian stood motionless, no matter what words clogged his throat, he struggled to escape death but in this moment he was defeated, the man who had been so naughty as to become a city gang raised his hand and rubbed his weeping eyes unashamedly, if he could have stomped his foot he probably would have done so.

"I can't forget you, it's impossible to forget!"

Phupha shook his head helplessly and lovingly, he put his left hand on Man's head, then kissed his forehead, as usual trying to comfort the stubborn child, the sharp eyes slowly closed due to the teardrops, the thick lips quickly moved away and spoke.

"Let time be the judge of that."

Tian accepted this promise, caressing the tall man, even if the night was more or less chilly but a wave of deep love tied them together until the warmth spread throughout his heart.

Dawn came so quickly, it's like closing your eyes for a moment and then waking up to the truth that must be admitted, all dreams are over, the volunteer teacher puts the sweetly coloured diary in his backpack and zips it up to seal all memories, he took a deep breath and then looks back at the cottage where he slept for almost three months.

"Tian, someone's coming to get you." A shout from the village chief's son, brought the slender figure out of his trance and he grabbed his backpack straps and walked out the door.

The cool morning breeze blows, while the crowing of a rooster can be heard in the distance, a little further on, the Akha father and son await him with friendly smiled, as if they had already thought about it and then he is dismayed, because he will never see such unpretentious and innocent smiled again.

"Is Yod here yet?" began Tian, for he had received notice from Bianglae that the officer would send Yod in a jeep to take him to the city bus terminal.

"Uncle Yod didn't come but someone else came in his place."

The words 'someone else' made his heart pound, or did they...?

But whoever walked in behind him made him cry out in shock.

"Phii Tay!!!

The trainee doctor opened his arms to catch his rushing brother of a different bloodline, stroked him like a child, then stroked his head and said: "That's bad, running off without telling anyone, do you know the house is a mess?"

"I'm sorry, Phii. I really couldn't think of any other way." Tian made excuses, scratching his neck to ease the embarrassment.

In fact, he hadn't cried and begged since junior high school but had completely forgotten his manners after disappearing for a long time but what are you doing here? Come to see me?"

"As soon as I heard the news, I took time off work and had my father's men drive here."

"Didn't find it difficult at all.

It was a short response but someone like Tay Chin, who had known Tian Sopasitsakul all his life was speechless but then he smiled gently.

"P want to come, not difficult.

"You're really not modest--" Tian shrugged unconcernedly and led the way out, "Then we'll go back first and then we'll have dinner in town."

Once again the doctor had to ponder, frowning surreptitiously at the slim back in front of him, although outwardly normal, there was a distinct change inside, he turned to look at the Akha village chief and his son standing, raising his hand in a hug.

"Thank you for looking after my brother here."

"I want to thank you for being willing to let the teacher go." Bianglae khama opened his mouth, like someone who has been through a lot of hot and cold. "For the past two months and we have received a lot of sincere words from Mr. Tian."

Tay-Chin nodded, in fact, he imagined that Tian was living a hard life, waking up in the morning to teach the children on the mountain to read and not being able to go out at all.

They walk up the steep slope to get from the village down to the main road where the cars are parked and Tian said goodbye to the people of the two villages.

"Uncle Village chief, Longtae, I'm leaving, please say goodbye to everyone and the children for me, if there is a chance, we will meet again."

"I want to say goodbye to Phii myself, okay?"

Just as he was about to curse Longtae for his untimely insistence on disturbing people's nerves, he thought of the concerted sound of a child calling.

"Brother Crayon."

Tian dropped his backpack to the ground in fright and then leaned down to hug the crying pupils, surrounded by villagers who have come to see the volunteer teacher home, speaking in a dialect he doesn't understand but he can feel the sentiment.

"Goodbye, Goodbye."

Tay-Chin watched as his bossy brother comforted a crying girl, while his other hand painfully stroked the other children's heads in an effort to comfort them and some slightly better feeling came back until his eyes burned.

He hasn't changed much, he's just a different person!

The young doctor can't resist grabbing his phone to capture these images, no matter how far Tian's future took him, he never wants to let himself forget these wonderful days and memories.

Tay-Chin lowered his hand and said to the man standing next to him, "Now I understand what the village chief said."

Bianglae Khama laughed softly, while gently patting the strong shoulder." This is the "prize", if you don't use the "heart", you can't redeem it."

Tay took off his glasses, then wiped the clear tears from his eyes, "At first I was angry too that Tian had made his mother sick with worry but until now, I'm glad he decided to do it."

Whether by fate, joke or chance, a man grows physically and mentally, he wanted to oppose his father's superior, General Teerayut, for leaving his son alone in such an unhealthy condition to face hardship in the forests and mountains.

But seeing Tian grow up like an egg from a stone, doing something for others and receiving so much love, he was angry with himself for having despised his brother.

The volunteer teacher surreptitiously scans the crowd of people, looking for the one he has been waiting for but then finds only disappointment.

Really intended to make me forget, didn't he?

He walked with red eyes and waved goodbye to everyone, the volunteer teacher tried his best not to show vulnerability in front of the children, Tian grabbed Tay Chin's hand and hurried to pull him away, as if he doesn't believe he can stand it for a second.

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