CHAPTER 6: Nancy’s realm

Ben's physical body had felt and registered something. It had registered that there was a person that Ben now loved. So Ben found himself longing so much for Nancy's touch during the day on the physical realm. His body wanted to touch and to see a physical Nancy. But this was problematic because Nancy was not a physical being and she could not appear on the physical. Ben was never going to bump into Nancy on a corner on his way from school.

He was never going to meet her at the shopping mall even if he found himself unconsciously or consciously looking for her. Even if he were to dedicate an entire lifetime looking he was never going to find her.

Nancy was not in the physical realm.

She was not a person that he could touch with his physical hands nor a person that he could kiss with his physical lips. As long as he remained in the physical realm he was never going to hear her physical voice or see her with his physical eyes. His physical body could not understand this, that Nancy was not anywhere within its reach, and he found himself heartbroken. His heart was in so much pain without any hope of remedy. He had found great love… that true love others seek, only to discover that he could not have it.

"What's wrong?" Nancy was concerned for him for she could tell that something was troubling him a great deal. He opened up to her and told her how much his physical body was in pain and how much he desired to bring her to the physical world so he could touch and hold her. Nancy then understood his great distress and she sought to comfort him.

"In the beginning, I was in darkness," she began, "I was always surrounded by your voice. I listened to you when you were sad and I listened to you when you were happy. You told beautiful stories and you shared all things and did not hold back. There was no other sense I could rely on except my hearing, and it was enough to know you, and it was enough for me to fall in love. I loved you truly without the sense of sight and without the sense of touch. Real touch was when I knew that my heart held on to you in sincerity. Even without seeing this person, could I not fall in love? Even without seeing you, could I not feel love? I felt love and it was real to me, and it was true, and it was strong, and it was alive, and it was spread to every corner of my heart.

Imagine my joy when one day suddenly you appeared in my world and gave me a body with a sense of sight and a sense of touch. Now I could see you and I could touch you. You added another dimension to my loving you; to a love that was already there, you added layer upon layer of bonus.

I understand you when you say you want to see me in your world, and that you want to touch me. I have wanted these things too and have experienced them and want them for you too in your world. But do not forget that even without these things you can indeed feel love. Do not doubt that the love in your heart is real. The love you have found in Xeronis is real, it is true, it is deep, and you will never lose it. So, tell your physical body not to weep. I did not reject your love but I accept it every day so does that not cause you to rejoice instead? I am a real person. Even though I do not appear in your world I am still real.

So, wherever I am, or whenever I am, I accept your love, Ben. I love you from the bottom of my heart. Does this not cause you to celebrate… to know that someone loves you unconditionally? You know without a doubt that I love you and I know that you love me, so why the long face?"

Ben wept at her words and she held him in an embrace.

"Are those tears of joy? Please tell me they are tears of joy," she said and he could only nod.

"It is true. I love you and it's true," he admitted.

"See? I told you that you are the sincerest of your kind so how can what you tell me be a lie?"

"I do not even know why I was worried," Ben was wiping his tears now.

"I guess it's because what we share here is so valuable to you that you wanted to bring it to the physical world so that we are always together."

"I suppose that is the reason. I do not want to take my eyes off you for even a second," then they were both laughing.

Nancy was thinking then she said, "Maybe there is a way you can experience the sense of touch with me."

"There is?"

"Yes. Maybe I cannot come to the physical world where you are but that is not the case with you. You can come into my world and carry all your senses with you."

"I have mastered visualization and imagination but that is not enough to mimic real experience as it is on the physical realm," Ben countered.

"Forget imagination and forget visualization… I am talking about what you do when you dream."

"A dream?"

Of course, this was a possibility he had never explored, and it was a possibility with high chances of success if he wanted to experience Nancy and experience his paracosm as real as a physical experience.

He could indeed forget about imagination.

When one who dwells on the physical realm was on the physical realm he did not need to imagine or visualize his experience. His senses would give him direct feedback. If the pot on the stove was hot he would feel the burn on his fingers. If something was on fire the smoke would sting his eyes and his sense of smell would alert him of this. That was direct feedback.

The chief reason Ben could not experience direct feedback when he was in Xeronis was that he was awake in the physical realm. His senses remained on the physical while his mental body was in Xeronis.

This needed to stop.

He was supposed to completely disengage from the physical world, to lose all sense of it, and only then could he experience Nancy fully. This was mimicking a dream. He was not supposed to enter the dream realm, for dreams were also a realm, but he needed to enter a realm of his choosing… Nancy's realm.

Could he do it? His mind was so accustomed to entering the dream realm every time he completely disengaged from the physical realm in what is called sleep.

He wanted to enter Xeronis and he wanted to do this with all his heart. Nancy was waiting for him there in a corporeal body. It was going to be just like meeting in the physical world.

There was only one problem.

The mind tended to forget who it was in the physical realm and it ventured into the dream realm as a blank slate ready to accept any story thrown its way. Any intentions made before sleep were completely thrown out of the window. Ben had to begin by training himself how to remember and how to notice if he was inside the dream realm.

The dream realm was tricky. If one acted as they normally would, following their routine to the letter, never questioning why things were the way they were, then even if something absurd were to happen, say they suddenly found themselves standing completely naked in the middle of town, then the mind would simply accept it as truth and panic accordingly. To overcome amnesia caused by entering the dream realm one needed to be tenacious when it came to questioning the status quo known as reality.

One needed to be in a state of constant questioning and constantly conducting realm checks. To check what realm one was in one would need to check against the physical realm. Checks included: closely examining one's hands for a few minutes… a dream hates long pauses and would often force a morphing of one's surroundings or of body parts; jumping up two or three times… gravity in a dream world was not as consistent and one would find themselves floating on their second jump; asking oneself their name and where and how they came to be in that place… if one finds they have a case of amnesia then that was because they were in a dream world. Ben would spend his day practicing these checks and affirming to himself who he was and whether he was in a dream or not. He had to practice obsessively until he was doing it on a subconscious level.

Then one day, after countless nights of failure, Ben found himself standing inside his dream. He had full consciousness of who he was in the physical world, and he had full consciousness that he was indeed dreaming and that he had hijacked his dream body. This is the dream body he had desired for so long that had the capacity to enjoy his paracosm. No sense was dulled. He didn't have to imagine anything. Everything here was as real as the physical world.

Ben commanded, "Dream stop. I want to enter Xeronis!"

Immediately the world began to spin around and he stood at the axis of rotation, and then everything became a blur and made him feel dizzy. As he tried to steady himself the spinning stopped and he found himself standing in the park he knew too well.

This was Xeronis.

After all those trials he was finally here in a body that felt everything and that gave him actual feedback. It was not different as from standing in the physical world.

Ben checked that all his senses were working and he did a little tour of the city. Then only one important thing remained… he had to find Nancy.

END OF PART ONE