Ned's Regrets

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The Following TEN Chapters are avaliable for Patrons.

Chapter 35 (Direwolves of House Stark), Chapter 36 (No Time Left), Chapter 37 (A Wildling's Life), Chapter 38 (Crow's Eye), Chapter 39 (To The South), Chapter 40 (White Harbor), Chapter 41 (A Bear's Roar), Chapter 42 (Where it All Began), Chapter 43 (Harrenhal), and Chapter 44 (A Feast and A Queen) are already available for Patrons.

Ned Stark

His whole life, the Lord of House Stark, couldn't remember the last time he had been so nervous, afraid, and anxious. All of those feelings and more.

When he heard that his sister had been kidnapped, he had been furious, his heart demanding retribution and bringing justice for House Stark, Lyanna, and Robert.

But one month later, he received the news about what happened in King's Landing, what happened to his big brother and father; everything had died down, and he had mourned for them whenever he could. But Ned had been denied even that; he didn't have time to mourn; he needed to prepare for War and marry a woman that should have married his big brother.

Ned had consummated the marriage, it was his duty to do so in case he never returned, and the next day he had left, marching to war and to bring justice. The thought of his sister, big brother, and father was what drove him, what convinced him to keep fighting and not give up; his wouldn't be broken that easily. The thought of killing the Mad King filled his heart with a desire for justice and to bring his sister home; that's all he wanted at the time, what was left of his family to be at home, to be in the North. To be in Winterfell. House Stark wasn't made for the South, and he would bring his sister home. That's all he had wanted.

Soon, they arrived in The Trident when everything he had believed for almost a year crumbled to dust. Only a few words were needed; that's all it took for everything he believed to break down like glass.

"Lyanna is safe. I never raped or kidnapped her. Here's all the proof you need,"

Rhaegar's words echoed in his mind like bells; at that moment, Eddard of House Stark didn't know how to feel anymore. It was all too much; he had just lost his best friend trying to kill who everyone thought was a rapist, someone who wasn't different from his father. All that revenge, all that anger, everything he had felt, what was it for? What did all of that have amounted to? Ned didn't know anymore; after months of condemning Rhaegar and Aerys, praying to the old gods for his sister's safety. Robert and Jon promising that they would save his sister, especially Robert, who would boast how he would slay Rhaegar with his big hammer before finding a whore somewhere to warm his bed.

Ned wasn't blind to what his friend did in his free time, but he didn't bother himself much with it; his entire focus was on avenging his brother and father and saving his sister.

That was until Rhaegar told the whole realm the truth, Lyanna was never in danger, and everyone that had died had practically died for nothing. Ned had thought of his brother and father, why they went to King's Landing, why they died brutally, screaming and maybe pleading for mercy.

Anger had engulfed Ned that day; his sister was alright, the quiet wolf couldn't help but ask. Why did they have to die? Why did Brandon have to die? Why my father? Why did I need to marry a woman that I don't love? Ashara?! I'm sorry, all those feelings made him dizzy; everything that had happened could've been avoided if only they had known the truth and if only Lyanna had told them about her relationship with the Dragon Prince.

Ashara? Our daughter. My promise. I'm so sorry! Ned had cried that night; his big brother, his father, died for nothing. He would never marry Ashara, and their child would be a bastard; his promise was broken. He was stuck in a marriage with a woman he held no love for, while Lyanna ran off with her prince, and the realm bled for it...

Ned had felt anger, anger like never before; if his sister were still alive, she would need to answer for what she had done by running off, by refusing to do her job and marry Robert.

When Ned arrived in King's Landing, yet again, he had been denied the opportunity for justice; Jaime Lannister killed Aerys Targaryen; Ned felt no satisfaction knowing the king was dead; all he felt was... nothing.

Ned didn't know why he felt that way; for a long time, he had thought he would feel satisfaction knowing that justice was served, yet he felt none of that.

After the death of the mad king, there was only one thing left to do. Find and Retrieve his sister, and return to Winterfell together.

Ned still remembered when he killed Ser Gerold behind his back; Ser Oswell had fallen shortly after, killing one of his friends but getting stabbed in the back by Howland.

Closing his eyes, he could still feel the smell on his nose, the smell of blood and winter roses. Lyanna pleading for forgiveness, wanting him to promise that he would not harm her child and that he would bring him safely to Rhaegar and Elia.

Ned couldn't remember what he had said; he couldn't remember if he had promised her that he would keep her promise. Ned couldn't remember it. He remembered when he had set his eyes on Aemon Targaryen, the baby looked nothing like a Targaryen, despite being a newborn baby, his face still red, a strand of dark hair was on top of his little head, his eyes were like Lyanna's, almost as if someone had taken Lyanna's eyes and put them on Aemon.

That day, Ned promised himself that he would never allow another one of his family to die in the South.

Now here he was, ready to tell Jon the truth of everything, and Benjen was standing beside him. Ned had wanted to do this alone, but after some talk, he agreed to have Benjen there. Ned didn't fear Jon if things went South; he was ready for it.

Jon Snow

"Come in," he heard from the other side of the room. Opening the door, he stepped inside the solar, meeting his uncle's eyes, sitting in his chair solemnly. To his surprise, Uncle Benjen was there as well, standing beside Eddard Stark. Jon had a few ideas on why they wanted to talk to him but kept those thoughts to himself.

"Lord Stark, Uncle Benjen. Why did you call me here?" Jon questioned, looking at them; they suddenly looked nervous. Especially Lord Eddard Stark, who cleared his throat, rubbing it slightly with his hand before his eyes settled on Jon as if seeing him for the first time.

"Jon, The time has come to talk about your mother,"

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For a moment, he thought he hadn't heard him right. Jon looked at Uncle Benjen, who shifted uncomfortably in his place. After a very long pause, Jon could do nothing but...

"What?"

Ned swallowed hard before nodding, a hand of his grasping something underneath the table before pulling out what looked like a chest. The chest was dark, with a lock on it.

"The time has come to talk about your mother!" Ned repeated, feeling as if something was tightening around his neck, like an imaginary rope was slowly suffocating him. A crow's cry came from the window, but he paid it no mind.

At any other time, Jon would have asked who his mother was right away, but he knew the truth, what was his uncle doing? His anger quickly flared up, grinding his teeth, his eyes narrowed dangerously towards his uncles. After fourteen years of silence, Why Now?

Did Uncle Benjen know the truth? Did he hide it from me? He thought, feeling a pang in his heart at the thought; Uncle Benjen was always the one who stood by his side; many times, Jon had thought that perhaps Benjen was his real father.

"About my mother?!" Jon asked, bewildered; he wanted to scoff at him, yell at him, but he did none of that; instead, he asked one question.

"My mother, did she love me, Lord Stark?" Jon asked, his voice cracking a little at the end. Something he didn't like.

"Yes, Jon, until the last breath, she loved you," Lord Stark answered softly with a sad smile on her face. Still remembering Lyanna using all of her strength to kiss the top of Jon's head.

Jon felt relieved to hear that, that his mother loved him, even if it was from Lord Stark's mouth.

"Who was she?" Jon didn't know why he asked, but he did; perhaps he just wanted to know more about his mother.

"Do you remember Howland Reed?..."

"Aye," Jon confirmed. He remembered the man who taught him a few things about warging, it had been many years, but he could still remember the face.

"Lord Howland Reed is my friend, but my sister Lyanna was even dearer to him. There was a group of squires that attacked Lord Howland Reed on the first day of the tourney, and my sister defended him. Later that night, Lyanna had him dressed up in Benjen's clothing and invited him to sit at our table. Sadly, she did much more than that to help him..."

Unknown to Jon, he was smiling now when he heard what his mother did. He had heard from many people that Lyanna was fierce.

"What did she do?"

"Something very brave," Ned replied in a heavy voice. "She dressed herself up as a mystery knight to defend Howland Reed's honor...the Knight of the Laughing Tree. She was successful, but she also made an unknown enemy that day."

"Who?" Jon asked with dread; he had a good idea of who the enemy was.

"The unknown enemy she made was the Mad King, but the King sent his son to find this mystery knight," he trailed off.

"Is that how Rhaegar met Lyanna?" Jon asked with a blank tone; Benjen noticed the lack of questions from Jon, like, 'What does Lyanna have to do with my mother?' And the lack of 'Aunt' when he mentioned her.

Ned nodded, his head feeling heavy as he did, his heart beating quickened the more he talked.

"Yes, she met him in the forest. Apparently, My sister made quite an impression on Rhaegar!" Ned said, his voice feeling lighter before chuckling a little.

"What was she like?" Jon couldn't help but ask something his uncles noticed right away, especially Benjen, who was paying extra attention. Ned felt his throat go a little dry; he knew there was nothing wrong with Jon asking about Lyanna, but he wondered why he wasn't asking who his mother was?!!

"Lyanna was a wild spirit, Jon; she was one of a kind; the only person that could come close to how she was like, is your sister Arya. She was the best At riding horses; when she rode her horse, she and the horse became one. I doubt there was ever someone like her in the history of Westeros who could ride a horse like her."Benjen spoke with passion, his voice cracking the more he talked, unshed tears accumulating in his eyes. He took a deep breath, wanting to prevent the tears from falling.

His eyes found Jon again; looking at him, he wondered how he could have been so blind not to see it from the beginning. "Looking at you now, you remind me so much of her; your... hair is just like hers," Benjen added with a bright smile, a cold tear rolling down his left cheek. Jon stood silent; he simply listened to every word.

"Your eyes," he spoke with sadness as he swallowed again, his eyes looking directly at Jon's eyes; they reminded him so much of her. It felt like looking at her; he almost expected to see Lyanna instead of Jon.

"They're Lyanna's eyes, my nephew. They always were fierce and wild. You're just like Lyanna," Benjen finished, his attention focused solely on Jon, whose eyes shifted from him to Ned and back at Benjen again.

Ned, who had been quiet now, could see it; Jon wasn't showing the face of someone who found out the truth, the truth that his whole life had been a lie. The truth that his uncle had stolen him from his family, that he had been denied the life of a Prince, to live with people that would have loved him.

One thing he could see was anger and fury. Ned swallows nervously, knowing the time has come. Ned wanted to ask who had told him about Lyanna but kept quiet for now, knowing it wasn't the right time. When Jon opened his mouth to speak, he asked something he didn't expect.

"Why?" Jon asked with a low tone through his clenched teeth, almost a whisper.

"Jon. I-" "WHY LORD EDDARD STARK?!!" Jon shouted with anger, taking a step forward, everything he had felt for so many years, all the anger, the despair, the insults, and the betrayal after finding out the truth, all of that had been bottled up, and now he couldn't hold it inside anymore.

"Why? You Took Me From My Family! What Right Do You Have To Do That?" Jon shouted, his hands grasping the pommel of his Valyrian Stark Sword. A thunder was heard outside, but it was too far away.

"Jon, please, I underst-" "Did you know the truth, uncle Benjen?" Jon interrupted him, his uncle trying to ease the tension. Ned had his mouth shut, looking down in shame.

"No. I thought you were Brandon's if I had known. I-I would have never left you here," Benjen quickly said, sadness seeping into his voice, knowing he could have done something if only he had seen what was in front of him.

Jon took a deep breath to calm himself; he knew his uncle was telling the truth. He wasn't some kid that would lose control so easily; he needed a clear head. Breathe in and out. Suddenly the sound of thunder was heard outside, loud enough to make the entire castle shake in its place. Ned and Benjen didn't know where the thunder came from? There were almost no clouds outside.

Jon ignored the thunder; his attention quickly turned to the main source of all his pain, who had kept his mouth shut but instead was looking downwards in shame.

"Why Lord Stark?" Jon demanded, taking a step forward threateningly, grasping the pommel of his sword. Kessa was flying circles around Winterfell; Ghost was nearby, trying to get to him. Aegarax was flying very high, but one could see if they focused hard enough.

"Jon, let me burn whoever has caused you Pain!" The dragon roared from where it was, sounding like thunder.

Jon was almost tempted to let him, but he quickly shook his head in denial. He would never do something like that...

No, Aegarax. I'm fine, Jon said mentally with resolve; the dragon was doubtful but reluctantly started flying away.

After a whole minute of silence in the solar, Lord Stark finally looked up at his nephew, his eyes filled with sadness, shame, and guilt. Jon almost felt bad for him.

Ned then told him his story, how he had lost everything within a year, his father, his big brother, his sister, and a good friend, and how he had risked his life in War to get his sister back. Back in Winterfell, where she always belonged. He told him what he had done was to keep him safe from House Martell, saying they wouldn't take kindly to his existence and being a trueborn on top of that. After hearing his explanation, Jon could do nothing but scoff at him.

"Is that supposed to be a justification, Lord Stark?" Jon demanded with a sneer.

Lord Stark was quiet, not sure what to say. "Are you sure it wasn't for Revenge?" His words made Lord Stark tense in his seat, something Jon noticed.

"It was because of my moth-" "NO," Ned interrupted before he could finish, standing up, almost crying, but unlike Benjen, he was keeping it together somehow.

"It wasn't for Revenge. I swear," Ned pleaded; anything but revenge, he thought to himself. He hadn't wanted revenge. I never wanted Revenge. I never wanted Revenge...he told himself over and over.

Jon scoffed at his words, not believing a single word he said. "Are you trying to convince me, Lord Stark, or yourself?" Jon questioned with a tilt of his head. To this, Lord Stark stood silent, his lips moving but not letting out words.

"What will you do now, Jon?" Benjen asked as he walked forward, placing a comforting hand on Ned's shoulder.

"I will tell my family the truth; I will stay here a few more days to say goodbye to Arya and the others. I will leave with Val," Jon said in a blank voice. His eyes showed no sympathy towards Lord Eddard, who lifted his head to look at Jon.

"Y-your father is holding a Tourney to be held in Harrenhal. We will be there within three weeks. Y-your family will be there." Lord Stark informed him Jon felt strange when Lord Stark mentioned King Rhaegar. Jon knew he was his father, yet he didn't feel like it.

Ned's eyes filled with resolve as he walked in front of Jon, two steps away from his nephew. "House Stark will be there with you. I will be there as well to support your claim of being Prince Aemon Targaryen, son of Lyanna Stark," Ned added, looking directly at Jon's eyes to show he wasn't making a cruel joke or lying to him.

"Why?" Jon asked, almost baffled; he had expected many things, but not Lord Stark saying that he would support him. Why is he doing this? Jon asked himself.

"I wronged you, my nephew. I know I did. I wronged the entire House Stark. I will accept whatever punishment you see fit but please-" Ned put his hands on Jon's shoulder, unshed tears in his eyes.

"Please. Don't involve my family in this. They are not guilty. I'm the only one who deserves punishment. Not Them. If you hold any love for House Stark, don't punish my family for simply being related to me...