Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own any source material.

Chapter 1

Have you ever seen an anime or novel about how someone gets reincarnated or Isekai'd and the MC makes it their life goal to return back to earth?

I've seen it many times, and every goddamn time, all I can think of is, why?

Why would ANYONE want to leave a fantasy world for this piece of shit reality we have?

Hell, even that insane trashy world of colossal zombies with pedophile faces is better than our world.

Our world has nothing, no powers, no grand plot, just humans, and humanity is trash.

I would rather be a slime than human at this point.

But anyway, I'm bringing this up because I'm currently floating in a void after I died and there's a message in front of me.

[Karmic value calculated.

Congratulation on curing cancer.

You have been granted multiverse traveling privileges.

You may choose between the following four options for your ability.

Proceed?]

'Wait what? I cured cancer? How?'

I was 100% average in my life. Orphan, military time, office job, couple girlfriends, no wife, nothing special.

[You died in a car crash. You caused the crash when trying to avoid running over a cat. The resulting explosion for a fuel truck messed up power lines, and the science lab nearby making drugs had a fire. In the chaos of the fire, many chemicals were knocked over and mixed without anyone noticing. When forensics went through, samples were taken. Those samples were the cure for cancer.

As the instigator of the whole thing, you attained the highest karmic value, congratulations.

Proceed?]

'Huh…ok, well, I'll take it. Proceed on good sir.'

[I have no gender.]

'For fucks sake I still have to deal with this shit after dying. Let's get a move on you bloody wanker.'

[Understood.

Please choose between the following four options for your ability.

1. Random Mythical Zoan Devil Fruit.

2. Random Bloodline Ability.

3. Random Quirk.

4. Random Sacred Gear. ]

'Wow, now that's an interesting way of doing this.

Let's see.

Quirk is out, there are more quirks out there than I can imagine and I don't want to take chances with my fingers becoming pencils for my power.

Bloodline seems cool at first, until you remember that it's not specifying what world, and that there are endless possible bloodlines.

Sacred Gear and Mythical Zoan are much more attractive.

Both have a much smaller pool to choose from.

Sacred Gear's however still have many useless options whereas Mythical Zoan's are all pretty much guaranteed power ups.

Even if I don't like the animal form, I don't know of a single 'bad' Mythical Zoan form. There was only what? 5, maybe 10 mythical forms shown from the anime, and I would be happy with any one of them.

There is the drawback of seawater, but screw it, I never liked swimming in water I can't see through. To many horror movies of sea creatures has fucked with my brain.

Ok, choice made. I choose Mythical Zoan Devil Fruit.'

[Choice acknowledged.

Proceeding with drawing.]

In front of my eyes, the screen changed to show a giant wheel that began to spin rapidly.

To my surprise, there were over 20 options on the wheel.

'I guess it knows the future of what fruits would have been shown had I died after One Piece was completed.'

The wheel slowed until it stopped on the picture of a flaming bird.

[Congratulations, you have been granted the following Mythical Zoan Devil Fruit.

Tori Tori no Mi, Model: Phoenix.]

Like a switch being flipped, basic information about said devil fruit along with the appearance of a pineapple shaped fruit appeared in my mind.

'Wo, what a rush.'

The fabled devil fruit of Marco, Whitebeards right hand man.

Sure it was a letdown not to get Kaido's dragon fruit, Orochi's fruit, or the nine tailed fox fruit, but this is just as awesome.

[Ability granted. Proceeding with recorded message from God.]

'…. Ok. That's a thing.'

[Message from God:

"Hey kid, you really lucked out huh? Hahaha.

Well, luck is still a quality, and my system is very fair.

Don't worry about some cliché of breaking worlds being a big deal, some hidden multidimensional enemy, or you being able to grow stronger than me and usurping my title of god or some shit. You humans create the funniest stories.

You have been given your own self-sustaining multiverse to travel. I'm god, I can snap my fingers and play pool with dozens of planet earths from various dimensions and then reverse time like nothing happened.

I don't get limitations despite what your feeble human imagination might think.

So go crazy, have a blast, live a few eons, blow some shit up, I don't care. It's your life, do what you want.

Just note, the only thing you need to remember is that my karmic system is still in play.

When you do eventually die, and it will happen eventually, only I can truly be eternal and you're not the first one I've done this for, your karma will be judged and the more negative it is, the more generations of pain you will have to suffer through to compensate.

But if you don't care about that, go be an evil overlord for a few million years by all means.

Don't expect me to give a shit about humanities views of justice or evil, I can fart and create a universe, try and judge that.

It's like an ant trying to judge the sun.

So yeah, best of luck kid, enjoy.]

'Hm.. I see. You know what, I like this god. Much better than what all those religious nuts droned on about or anything from all those novels.'

I can't help but think back to all those books where god was an antagonist. The cliché of some almighty god needing a mortal soul to solve its problems and then become an enemy is painful.

[Multiverse Travel ability granted.]

'Wait, what? How?'

There was no rush of knowledge that accompanied this one.

[Choose starting world.]

'Oi, dial 0 for operator. How do I use my multiverse traveling ability.'

[Not enough karmic value remaining, please discover it on your own.]

'….really? *tch* fine you cheap bastard. Eh, who cares what world it is as long as it's not some hell like warhammer or Attack on Titan.'

[Warhammer Chosen, proceed?]

'WHAT! NO! NO! DO NOT FUCKING PROCEED. DON'T YOU DARE. THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!'

In moments of stress, we forget our lack of faith.

[Choose starting world.]

'*Exhale* ok, let's keep it simple. Fairy-Tail.'

[Starting world chosen, I hope you enjoyed your service. Please come again.]

'Considering I have to die to come here, I'm going to say no.'

[Send off in 10, 9, 8]

'Wo, wo, hold up! What about gender?! I will not lose my nuts! And how about my appearance?!'

[5,4,3]

Despite me cursing like a sailor with a hangover, the timer didn't stop, and no further question was answered.

[2,1]

Right before I blacked out, I prayed to every deity I may or may not have recently insulted to remain a male.

It only hit me in the back of my mind that I didn't specify a point of entry in the timeline, but even years later, I would still say praying for my gender was more important at this moment.

[Please enjoy your stay. Goodbye.]

And just like that, my world became black as I fell unconscious.

An unknown amount of time later, my eyes bleary cracked open to see something red or pink, and I heard a distant voice I couldn't quite make out.

"Welcome to the Pokemon cen…."

'No, that's not it.'

"Please don't die."

'Ah, that's the one.'

I blinked a second time and saw the color was scarlet, and then my world exploded in pain.