-nineteen

"Eric."

He smelled of wood mixed with rain as he brushed past me and got into our apartment. It was raining out and he shoved his fingers into his damp hair. I wondered if he walked all the way here.

The sight of Eric seated quietly with eyes on nothing else but me caused a wave of shivers to go down my spine. Swallowing, out of habit, my lower lip went in-between my teeth.

His eyes were hooded. His brown hair, now darkened by the rain, fell over his face and he moved to push the strands back. He seemed tense, almost like he didn't want to be here.

Well, that made two of us.

I didn't want to be in this situation either.

"I want to understand you, Eric." I exhaled. "I really want to understand why you've-."

"You said you had something important to say."

My heart pounded in my chest as I stared at the model seated in front of me. He really had a lot of nerve. After everything he'd done, he was still so unconcerned?

"I don't have all night."

My brows shot up and a scoff escaped my lips. So he was planning on leaving.

Well, that made things easier for me. He was no longer interested. And I shouldn't have been either.

"I lost my job."

His expression didn't change. Emotionless and blank.

And that was it. All I needed to snap.

"Y'know, it'll be better if we started this with you not acting like a dick."

Eric's eyes snapped to me from the tv they'd been on for the last few seconds.

Of course.

He was stoned.

He just had to be stoned.

"What did you say?"

Taking in a deep breath, I opened my eyes after closing them. "Listen, Eric. If you're not tired, I am. This," my hand motioned between the two of us, "just isn't working out anymore. I think we should go our separate ways."

"You want a break-up?"

"Yes."

Eric smirked. And I wondered what could've been so amusing about what I'd just said. He regarded me for a few seconds, head to toe, with furrowed brows and then with two fast strides in my direction, I could smell his minty breath. He'd also been drinking.

"No, dollface." I let him tuck a few loose strands of hair behind my ear. "I'm the one who gets to decide when this is over and I say we stay together until I no longer want that."

The close proximity got me breathing harder than usual. Eric always had a hold over me. But he was horridly mistaken if he thought he could use that to distract me from what he'd just said.

I pushed his hand away. "You don't get to refer to me like I'm an object." The feminist in me which only chose to surface in situations like this didn't like his comment, at all. "You don't own me."

"But I do." Eric leaned in and hypnotized me some more with his delicious smell. "You're just like my personal voodoo doll, Roxy. I can twist and bend you as I please."

I stared at him with so much intensity he could've exploded.

"We're not ending until I say we are." Eric's eyes and hand went to his pocket as he pulled out a cigarette. He looked back up at me when I started speaking.

"I'm not a conquest, you idiot. I have the right to walk out of this relationship."

I matched his gaze head-on even if I was suddenly a little scared. He looked all hot and sexy but at the same time something about that sinister look he was giving me didn't sit well with me.

Eric took a step towards me and I took a step back. He took another and I took another step back. Why was I suddenly getting scared? Because of the way he was looking at me. He chuckled and the little dance routine continued.

"If you don't believe me, why are you stepping away?" he exhaled smoke in my face.

My back hit the wall. I swallowed. "Maybe because you disgust me and I don't want anything to do with you." I eyed him before trying to leave, before things got out of hand.

He blocked my way.

I scoffed. "You don't get it, do you?" It was time to play the heavy, sentimental cards. "I'm done! Done with all of your screw ups and tantrums. I don't want you anymore. You're too much of a pain. You don't have anything to offer me anymore so I don't need you anymore."

Eric's eyes darkened. And his grip on the lintel of the door tightened. Swallowing, my fingers went to my hair. Maybe I over did it?

"Can you," he took a drag from his cigarette, "repeat, repeat that, what you just said?"

Inhaling, I stared right back at him. His eyes were focused on me. No distractions. No escape. But then the feminist in me didn't know when to just shut up.

"I'm done. I don't want this anymore."

When I motioned to leave, Eric's hand landed on my arm and he pressed his lips to mine. It wasn't pleasurable or sweet. It was deep and rough. I could taste the smoke of his cigarette as he slammed his tongue into my mouth.

With both my hands to his chest, I focused all my energy on pushing him away. Immediately I could get him off me, I slapped him right across the face.

Eric, after a few seconds of probably processing what I'd just done, turned back to look at me. It was then and there I saw it. The devil dancing in his eyes. I was screwed. I could see it. I could feel it. Without any further hesitation, I turned on my heels and made for the door to our apartment in a sprint.

Eric pulled me back and the back of his hand went to my face with so much force, I fell to the ground with a thud.

It took me a few seconds to comprehend what had happened. Blinking, my hand went to the side of my head that went to the ground. It ached.

"Look what you made me do, dollface."

"Stay away from me, Eric." My voice came out quite soft and calm in alarming contrast to all the bells, alarms and red flags going off in my head.

Eric just hit me.

A tear slid down my cheek.

Eric just fucking hit me.

"You were disrespectful."

My brows furrowed. "Disrespectful?"

"Yes, Roxy." He assessed me with his beautiful eyes. "I own you and you should respect and obey me."

"You're sick." A humourless laughed escaped my lips. "You're sick if you think I'll do your bidding. I honestly, honestly regret the day that-."

Eric slapped me again.

Pain blinded me for a few seconds after I hit the floor, hard. There was blood this time.

Eric came for me and with a throbbing head, I hit his leg and tried to make a run for it. Scrambling to my feet, I got into motion with the kitchen in mind. I needed something, anything to protect myself.

Tripping on my own socks, Eric caught up to me. With his hand to my hair, he pulled me to my feet before carrying me on his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"Put me down!" I begged and yelled.

Eric only granted my wish when we got to our room. He dumped me on the bed. I didn't know what his plan was but I could tell it wasn't good, at all.

Eric had already taken his shirt off. I grew significantly alarmed when his hands tugged at the buckle of his belt. All my breath was knocked out of me and I begun moving backwards until my back hit the bed frame.

"What are you doing?" I didn't recognize my own voice.

"I'm about to prove to you that I own you." He stated calmly, like we were having a casual conversation. He was in nothing but his signature black briefs when realization dawned on me.

That way? Fuck no.

"Eric," I took in a sharp breath, "Eric, please don't- don't do this." I felt tears on my cheeks. "You know if you do, it'll hurt me too much. Probably scar me for life, Eric. Please."

The last thing I saw was Eric's sinsiter eyes before he pulled at my legs and dragged them to him. I immediately lost balance and the next second, I was lying face up. Eric made his way on top of me and with just one hand, he had both my hands pinned above my head.

"Ready to submit to me?"

Eric looked so cynical, so different from the person I used to know.

"Help me! Help please! He-."

A missile went into my stomach when Eric raised his free hand. All of the air left my lungs as a sharp, burning, cramping sensation flooded my midsection.

"Stay quiet if you don't want me to hurt you, Roxy." Eric used the back of his fingers to wipe tears from my face.

I turned away from his touch, cringing in pain. "Don't touch me." I managed to groan out as I writhed in pain.

Eric's soft hair tickled my face as his lips went to my neck. Struggling was of no use. He was just too powerful.

His kisses went from my neck to my collarbone and then down my cleavage. "Perhaps your clothes are in the way."

"Eric. I don't want this. Please, you have to listen. You can't do this to me." My stomach was on fire. I wondered how I hadn't puked already.

"Really?" The silence that surrounded his question was harsh, demanding, sinsiter. "Watch me."

He ripped my clothes off me with ease. I was bare. I felt bare even though I was in my underwear.

"You know I love you right?"

With all the energy my bruised ego and body could muster, I laced my next words with venom. "I hate you!"

Eric covered my lips with his. Even though I knew struggling was useless, I still tried to break free from his hold. I wouldn't let him have me without putting up a fight.

With another punch delivered to my gut, I had no strength left to fight. To scream. To even beg.

"If you stay still, this won't hurt as much as you expect it to."

I closed my eyes and let the tears roll down to my ears. There was nothing I could do but cry. Cry while Eric, the only man I'd ever loved, raped me.

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-C.