(Third Time Loop) The Sin of Sloth

A/N: Before this chapter starts, I would like to say this chapter won't make a lot of sense until the end of the first mission, so I would like to advise you to skip this chapter for now and come back later.

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A wave of complicated emotions washed over Subaru as he followed a mysterious blond man through the thicket, their shadows dancing ominously through the woods. A cold wind was blowing, and he felt chills crawl through his skin as the man halted. His back was facing him.

"You..."

Subaru gulped down a mouthful of anxiety, gathering every bit of power to spew out that lone word.

"Who are you!?"

"Hey, Subaru..."

"Answer me, damnit! Who are you and how do you know my name!"

"You can do it---"

The man look at him square in the eyes, and Subaru looked at him in turn, a sense of unease welling at the back of his mind. This man... he didn't appear in the previous loops before, so why now? What has prompted this change to occur?

"---You can return by death, right, Subaru?"

In the man's hands, was a familiar bladed tool.

At the sight of it, Subaru felt like his stomach churn. Although the owner was forgotten by everyone else, only he remembered her---

Manaka Emiya.

After all, it was the first gift he had given to the little girl.

"Subaru."

The man spoke once more, cutting through the questions circulating in his mind. His chilling, daunting voice left Subaru at other end of a bladed edge. He had faced death multiple times before, to the point he felt like he had become indifferent at the notion of it, but seeing his tranquil expression quickly crumbled that resolve.

Instinctively, he knew death was coming.

This was what death felt like the first time Subaru has experienced it. Rather, for the first time, no -- this time, he knew that dying was inevitable, and the thought of something that was outside his power to control terrified him, no matter how hard he tried to muster the courage to remain calm. Cold sweat trickled through at the back of his head, Subaru felt like his brain was oozing trying to reorganize his past experience from Return by Death---

"You were aware what was going to happen. You knew what would happen. And you let it happen anyway."

And that's when despair consumed him fully.

"You sacrificed ■■■■■ because you just wanted an easy escape."

"That's wrong...! No one wanted this at all!"

Most of the time, albeit reluctantly, Subaru came to rely on Return by Death to overcome difficult situations. But if he could, he would opt not to use it if at all possible. Now that he felt like he was being coerced to use it against his will, panic started to consume him. It was always his way of escape, a means to an end, and the idea of turning this ability against him did not cross his mind until now.

"But you did, isn't that right? Did you think about what she left behind? Her family? Her friends? Her person?"

Deep down, perhaps he---

"By sacrificing her... you thought no one would mind at all. That you did everything you could. That was how you consoled yourself."

Subaru widened his eyes at the verdict.

Then the insurmountable guilt came crashing down at his psyche.

"But do you think you have that right?"

Each words stabbed right through his conscience. Bit by bit, it whittled at his sanity. Like whispers of the devil, Subaru grew ever despondent.

"Do you think a man who can return by death have the capacity to say that he did his best?"

That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right.

That's right. That's right. That's right.

That's right. That's right.

That's right. Nothing would be impossible if he returned by death. Manaka would be saved. Everyone can be saved. He just had to die. It was simple.

"Hey, Subaru..."

"You can do it---"

"---You can return by death, right, Subaru?"