Past

It's something we can't runaway from. Events that had happened. That may have gone pass but still it continues to last. In the minds of those who remember. In my case. It will forever last. Because I can never forget. The worst part is. I'm a huge overthinker so all night this is all do. Reminisce everything. Feel the joy and excitement of all those past experiences. Then the crushing agony of sadness cause it's all in the past.

After completely realizing that Ana can remember me always. I went back to my usual routine. Being a loner. Going to school. Having the same old empty feeling. My monotone days. The dull taste of life. Luckily until Christmas upto new year. Me and Ana didn't met. Which is kind of good for me yet sad. Still something happened over my holidays. My parents came to visit me as an act of obligation. Came to talk about some stuff. Ask about how my life was going. But I really didn't care much. I just give them plain answers. Replid as minimal as I can until they both got home. But as they leave there I was remembering how they both failed as parents.

Both my Mom and Dad are usually busy at work. As a kid they weren't around much. When they get home from work. We just eat together then go to sleep. Minamal conversations. Because both of them are focus on earning money. Until all of sudden fights where happening. Mom and dad arguing. Hurting each other physically and mentally. Then one day. I just found out. They both cheated on one anoter. That messed me up. Broke me into pieces rhat I haven't yet found. For many times they tried to fix their marriage. Yeah it was for me. But I couldn't care less. Because I'm already screwed up cause of them. Seeing them fight. Knowing that both of them cheated that leaves a scar on anyones mind. Yeah others can forget it and move on. But not me. I still remember it like it just had happened. So what am I supposed to do know. Act like I'm okay with them even after all those scarring moments. To me my parents are just people I have to interact with formally. They're not family to me. Because yeah I'm use to living alone.

Another thing happened on my holidays. Marie texted me. Greeted me and wanted to again meet me. Marie was my first love who hurt me. I didn't reply obviously. But fate tends to be cruel. And we met. I was sitting at a bench somewhere. Lost in my thoughts. Thinking of Ana. Staring at her picture. I kind of took a photo of her without her noticing back at the convenience store. Seems pointless because I dont want to remember her. And I clearly remember her face. But still I can't stop looking at rhis one of photo of her. I tried to delete it many times. But I just keep restoring it from the trash on my phone gallery. There it happened as I stare at Ana's picture. Marie showed up from nowhere and grabbed my phone

"Who is this? Wow she looks cute" marie said

"Why are you here?"

"Relax I'm just passing by. Who is this anyway? You're girlfriend?"

"Give me back my phone"

"In a minute. Tell me first who is more prettier this girl or me?" She said in ridiculing manner

"Just give me back my phone"

"Ok ok here you go" she returned my phone

"How are you anyways?" Marie aksed

"Why do you care?"

Marie is the only person I'm hostile with. Because as I look at her pain is the only thing I feel along with hatred. Like my heart is being pierced by thorns.

"Easy don't tell me you still haven't moved on from everything"

I didn't replied

"Hah when will you ever move on?"

"Never and leave me alone"

"Poor you. Goodluck with your life anyways if you're all grumpy like that how do you suppose that girl in the picture will even notice you"

"Shut up you dont know anything" I said angrily

"Well well like you said I dont care so I'll just leave you here fantasizing about a girl you'll never get"

"Shut up!!"

Then she walks away. After telling me all those nasty things. As she left I remember it all. Marie was my first love. When my parents got divorce. Marie comforted me in her ways. She makes me laugh. Eats with me at lunch. Walks with me home. We had a lot of moments together. But little did I know I was just being played with. But I didn't knew that at first. I dedicated my writing for Marie. I wrote many poems for her as gift. A token of my appreciation for making me happy always. Then as I was about to give it. I overheard everything. How I'm just part of their stupid games. But at first I didn't care about it. I was blinded by my feelings so I followed her and didn't believed what I heard. I gave her my poems and she seemed to appreciate it. But after that we didn't hang out much. Sometimes I see her with another guy. Laughing and walking together like we used to. Then sometimes she would go to me. Its like I'm an option when its convenient. A toy she can go back to anytime when she's feeling bored. But since I was stupid back then I was ok with that toxic set up. Until I saw it. In a trash can. The poems I worked so hard for tossed in the garbage like it was nothing. That is when I decided to walk away. My social anxiety started and I stopped caring. Still many more people betrayed me after her. But that's a story that I dont want to tell.

So that is my past and now here I am at school. Going with my life. Not knowing where can I actually meet Ana again. After class I got a text from an unknown number. Saying.

"Go to this hospital"

I thought it was the wrong number. Then it texted again

"Its me John hurry. Its about Ana"

My world suddenly stopped. I hurried to the hospital. My mind wasn't thinking straight. All I am is worried right now on what happened. All the possibilities are running through my head and the only way to find out what really happened is to go to her. When I arrive at the hospital. Ana's parents was there. Asking me.

"Are you Joseph?"

I dont know how they know my name.

"Yes ma'am"

"Hello we are Ana's parents. Sorry for asking John to text you to get here."

By the look on her parents. Its not good. Something bad is happening I can read it through their eyes and its in the atmosphere.

"Its fine what happened?"

"We dont know. Ana just woke up yesterday. Having a headache that was supposed to be normal. But afterwards she forgets who we are then she collapsed"

That must have been painful for them. Their daughter forgetting who they are. Seeing her at that state must have hurt them a lot

"How is she doing know?"

"Still haven't gain consciousness. The doctor said that after Ana wakes up. There's a high possibility that she wont remember anything at all"

Her mother was trying to stop being emotional. Then I asked

"Its ok. Let's just hope Ana remembers us. By the way how come you know about me?"

"Ana talks about you most of the time. About a guy who's good at poems. A guy who moved her with his words. There's something about you that makes Ana's day different. She becomes more talkative. And remembers more about her day. But when we ask her about you're name. She forgets and not remember what we we're talking about. That's why we asked John and said it was you."

So Ana still remembers me at times.

"Then why you call me here?"

"Cause we think that you deserve to know what happened with Ana. You see Ana got into an accident when she was 7 years old. A lot has happened since then. She experience bullying and kids where to mean her. She used to cry a lot for a while. Then settles down after forgetting the reason why she is crying. Ana's short term memory loss is unpredictable. So as her mood and emotions. But still Ana is a cheerful girl. It breaks our hearts that all the new wonderful people she's meeting she can't remember them. Just like you."

They furthen explain everything. Then afterwards I asked them if I could go see Ana. So I went in her room. Looked at her. Her parents went outside to give me time. I didn't know what to actually do. What to say. Does she can even hear me. Then a flash of inspiration hits and I see myself subconsciously reciting a poem for her.

"Get well

Here I am wondering

Thinking

Hoping

Reminiscing everything

Maybe after all of this is over

You and me can once again be together

Its fine if you dont remember

All the times we had with one another

I'll keep carrying all our memories

Telling them to you as stories

Helping you feel ease

As we somewhat reminisce

Every single moment

Yeah everyday with you is different

But still my time will be always well spent

Because being you feels different

That's why even if you can't always tell

I know that maybe in your heart my poems dwell

And maybe someday me as well

Ana please get well"

I stopped myself from crying. I just held her hand for a while. Then I saw it. Maybe she heard me. There is a tear in her eyes. I just kept sitting there. Staring at her. Looking at her face. Hurting a little bit. Because once again. I seen her in a sight that I dont want to see. That's why Ana please wake up. Then after I'll once again introduce myself. Again and again. I'm Joseph. Let's start a new. Create more memories that I promise to keep for us. Because Ana it doesn't matter what happens in the past. Cause if I could spent another moment with you. Even you don't remember me. Still it will make me happy. You may always forget me. But I will always remember you. You and everything that has happened in our past.