No Goodbye

I could not think straight.

There was too much to process. I needed to force myself to calm down and focus on the present. 

Happiness. Astonishment. Enjoyment.

I usually never experience those with other people.

I usually never experienced those because of other people.

When someone wins a prize, the usual reply to any congratulatory speech is a casual thanks. Sadly, I am not among those who can easily believe I could win simply by doing my best. So, I avoid any contest. 

I am not even used to being in the spotlight, much more to being the winner in any tournament.

I do not like to be competitive. I cannot help but disappoint myself when the outcome is unexpected. Winning is always something abnormal for me. So this experience is freaking me out. I did not label myself as a loser or think of myself as one. I only did not expect the outcome of our game. I followed the rules and won.

When I joined the card game set by Zyren, Lou, and Cedric, I only did not want to sit idly and let somebody else decide on my fate. I wanted to participate not because I was confident. But because I fear I could lose control over my life if I let other people decide for me. Besides, no matter the outcome, I had nothing to lose by forgetting them.

Now that I got the result, it was hard for me to digest everything that was happening. I could not stop thinking further about what could happen if I let Cedric have his way.

But again, I must not let my mind drift too much.

I will ask for my freedom. I had it before I entered the house. But I lost it after knowing what the three were capable of.

But I sensed that simply asking them to let me go would not work for all of us. I gathered my thoughts. I closed my eyes as I encouraged myself to have the courage to speak up.

"I will demand something from each of you. And I do not want anyone to argue with me."

They all sat there and looked at me as if I was their boss.

Well, at that moment, I believe I am. Winning has that effect. It boosts my ego, and I might appear overconfident, which is scary.

"First, each of you will let me go on with my normal life, and none of you will stop me or track me down even after I walk out of this house. And I will do the same. I will forget everything when we no longer see or contact each other. Which, in a way, is what Zyren wanted but without deleting my memories, which concerns Cedric."

"Agreed," Zyren said. "That works for me."

Cedric stared at me. Lou seemed impatient about what else I would be demanding from them.

"When Lou turns twenty-one, you will let her decide on her life and treat her like an adult. Lou will take responsibility for the consequences of his actions, whether good or bad."

"Why can't I do that when I turn eighteen?"

"Because you will no longer act and think like a brat by then. Think of the upcoming weeks and years as your training period and plan your life if you want to stop being dependent on anyone at that point."

"I understand," he said with a sad expression.

"But I am not asking you to live alone," I clarified. You can still be with Cedric and Zyren. They are your family, whether you want to or not. And they also have you whether they like it or not."

"So we're just stuck with each other."

"That depends if that is how you want to define your family, Lou."

I looked at Zyren.

"I wanted you to stop erasing the memories of anyone."

"Okay, wait a minute—" Zyren said.

"No arguments. Remember?"

"I did not agree to that."

"Keep your word. You are good at that. And trust me, it is for your benefit. Please."

Zyren was silent. Cedric almost scoffed.

I looked at Cedric and said my demand to him.

"And you should know when to be sensitive with other people. Don't just focus on yourself. The people around you and the place you're currently in are real. They are not part of a backdrop in a movie."

"I couldn't see them that way," he confessed.

"Then how do you see me?"

He opened his mouth to speak but decided to keep quiet like Zyren.

"Try. Just try."

"Is that all?" Zyren asked.

I look at each of them. Three beautiful strangers that I will no longer see again.

"That is all," I said.

We all stood and went out of the study room. I gathered my things and made sure that none was missing.

The three followed me like I was their mother hen. In the living room, we all saw Lou grab and turn the empty flower vase upside down, one key drop in his hand.

Cedric and I seemed to have the same thought.

So that was where the key was.

Zyren opened the main door.

I was unsure if he was acting like a gentleman or if Zyren could not wait to get rid of me.

I step out the door. The three walked outside the garden with me.

"You know, you could have asked for a million dollars. And I might have given it to you," Zyren said.

"And why would I do that?"

"Why didn't you?"

I looked at him with a knot on my forehead.

"Are you expecting me to?"

"Somehow, yes."

"Well, I'm glad I disappoint you."

Zyren looks at me.

Lou walked past us and was excited to unlock the gate.

"Would you like to visit us someday, Laurie?" Lou asked.

"No."

"Such a meanie," Lou said while pouting. 

"You know that would be the right thing to do, Lou," I said while tapping his shoulder.

I looked at Cid for the last time and smiled at him.

Thank you for keeping your promise to let me get out of here.

He was stunned to hear my last thoughts for him.

I walked out of that house. I walk a few kilometers before I even get to ride a taxi. I went home since it was already late. I sat in my bed wondering if everything that happened was real.

I thought I could not sleep because every moment was in my head. But as I lay in bed, my mind and body felt the exhaustion. I fell asleep like I was a dead person.

The next day, I tried to forget what I experienced.

"Hey, Laurie! Was it true you went to deliver a document yesterday?" Aggie asked me when she saw me in the lobby. She is one of our scriptwriters.

"Yeah. I think I got the wrong address."

"May I see it?"

I searched my backpack and let her see the scratch paper. The address of Mr. Sanchez is there. I was not trying to keep it. I just forgot to clean my bag last night.

"I knew it! It is the address of his former house. But our boss is living in his condo unit now. He says it was much easier to come and go in the office now that he lives near here."

"Eh? Since when did he have a condo unit?"

"Since the beginning of this year, I think. Our boss forgot to update everyone regarding his new address. But HR was informed about it." 

"I see. No wonder my coworkers no longer asked me why I got lost."

Aggie laughed. "They are probably confused, too." 

"Thanks for letting me know."

"Sure! What are friends for?!" Aggie replied happily. 

I smiled. Friends, huh?

Well, maybe it would be nice to have new friends. I always thought I had control when choosing the people I treasure. But I was wrong. 

People come and go as they please. And I can only be there with them at random given time. I did not expect meeting Cedric, Lou, and Zyren would make me feel like a normal human being. Capable of sensing pain, understanding their concern, and wanting to comfort someone even for a bit.

But that experience drained me. After all, I am still just an introvert. I prefer to be alone. But never lonely. If there was another chance for me to meet them again someday, I might look forward to it. 

THE END (?)