Finding Lou

The sunlight was slowly fading. It was becoming pale compared to what I saw earlier when we came at this precise moment of the past.

If not for us being invisible to other people, I would think I am just wandering around the mall.

But no.

We are looking for Lou. And it was hard not knowing where to look first and to try not to think of the possibility that Lou had abandoned us. It was also harder not to get distracted by the items on display that I wanted to buy. Window shopping is what I do whenever I want to entertain myself.

Thankfully, Cid would drag me away whenever he saw I was distracted. And that often happens because I see interesting items I hope to buy for our house.

We will then resume looking for a kid with caramel blonde hair.

I sighed.

I am getting tired. 

I was almost out of breath when I spotted him.

Lou was looking at something straight through a glass window.

We could not call his name for fear that he might run away again.

I am thankful Lou could not hear our thoughts or even sense our presence as we approached.

Cedric positioned himself on the other side while I tried to approach his left side.

I saw his face. 

Lou is crying.

When I looked at the people he was looking at, it was clear who they were.

It was his parents. Both are still young, probably mid-thirties. And they were talking to the younger version of Lou as if asking him which toy he wanted to have. He picked up the teddy bear. The same one that the current Lou is gripping now.

I walked near him, and that was when Lou noticed me.

He was about to run again when Cedric blocked his way and held his shoulder.

I feel bad.

It was like we were trapping a deer in a corner.

"Will you please leave me alone?" Lou asked us irritatingly.

"We would love to do just that if we are in the present moment," Cedric said sincerely.

It will lead to another chaotic conversation, I suppose.

Cedric looked at me as soon as he sensed what I was thinking.

"I am not trying to pick a fight with him," he defended.

"I know. But what you are doing is not helping either," I replied.

Lou looked at me and then at his cousin.

"What now? Did you guys become close friends all of a sudden? Why don't you two get a room? Oh. Right. Both of you are stuck with me here," Lou said sarcastically.

I sighed. It was the kind that meant I was also losing my patience.

"You were right. I did not know what happened to you."

Cedric and Lou looked at me as if they got lost in our conversation.

"I do not know about your past. I should have just shut my mouth. But you seem in pain, so I thought of offering an aide. And right now, I am about to say something that I might soon regret again. But let me ask you, are you ready to listen to me and deal with it no matter how painful it is?"

"No."

"See. I told you being blunt is always—"

"Fine! I'll listen to every word you will say!" Lou yelled.

He is turning into a brat again.

"Do you see Cedric as someone reliable? Someone like a big brother?"

Lou looked at Cedric before he turned back her attention to me.

"That's what I thought at first," Lou said, looking disappointed.

"Do you think he will gladly be there for you?"

"No, he won't. If he does, he won't try to leave in the first place."

"Did that hurt you?"

"Yes."

"Then why did you bother looking for him?"

"Why are you asking me these questions?!"

"Because I want to know if my conclusion is correct."

"Which is what? That I'm pathetic?"

"That you tried for Cedric to play a role he never asked in the first place."

They were both stunned.

"From what I gathered, you wanted Cedric to be a part of a new family you were trying to build. But did you ask him first about it?"

"Why? Why would I? He was also like me. And we are considered as a family, right?" Lou asked in a broken voice.

"How did you know he was like you?"

"Because I saw his past!"

"When did you—" Cedric forced Lou to look at him. "When did you look into my past?"

Cedric seemed angry. Lou suddenly looked guilty.

"I… I saw it last month. I thought you were in your room. I tried calling you for dinner. But I…"

"Which of my things did you touch, Lou?"

"The frame. The one with the photo of you and your parents."

"Damn it," Cedric let go of Lou and stayed away from him. He seemed to be trying to compose himself. Cedric looks mad, then embarrassed, and Cedric does not know what to say to Lou. He even forgot that Lou might run away again.

Cedric, you're scaring him.

Cedric looked at me before looking back to his cousin.

"I'm sorry. I was just curious about who you were. I…" Lou was shaking while crying. "I didn't mean to know too much. If you want, I'll ask Zyren—"

"Forget it. Just forget about it, and don't ask Zyren," Cedric said while calming himself. "And promise me not to look into my past again." 

Lou was nodding.

He was ashamed of what he had done.

Then, he cried harder. He was trying to stop himself from crying. But the guilt and shame that he felt were too much for him. Aside from that, Lou realizes that he is indeed lonely. 

And alone. 

I am guessing that what he saw in the past helped him know how to deal with his cousins. It lifted the loneliness he felt by knowing they were not total strangers. He found two people with whom he could relate because they also had their share of pain and sadness.

But his way of finding out about it is inconsiderate.

And he learned about it the hard way.

It was always shameful to violate the privacy of someone.

I walked towards Lou.

I felt like a mother wanting to soothe a young child.

I knew I had no right to hug him, so I held his hands instead and tried to see his crying face.

"Lou, it will be okay. You only made a mistake. But you can change. That is if you wanted to."

"W-what?"

"I mean… you can try to accept those who like you and let go of those who cannot like you back. And do not ever think that Cedric is abandoning you just because you violated his privacy. He intends to do that even before he found out you did."

"I swear, you are a better mind reader than I am," Cedric said.

I looked back at Cedric.

"You were thinking about saying it?" I asked him.

"Yeah. How did you know?"

"Because it was obvious you wanted Lou to stop crying."

Lou wiped his tears and tried to compose himself.

"I'm sorry I looked into your past. I will not do it again."

Cedric looked at his cousin. Lou was back to being a mature kid. And that suited him better.

"I'll trust your word on it," he said as if he wanted Lou to keep his promise. "Can we go back home now?" 

Lou nodded. "Let's go."

I smiled when I saw he kept holding my hand as we walked towards an escalator.