The Cozy Cottage

How convenient, I thought. Stranded there with him on a rainy night felt surreal. Should I be happy or should I be scared? Though we decided to become friends, I couldn't get over the moment he took my trust for a spin.

"No. I wouldn't let things go out of control", I whispered to myself.

"Is there a place to stay nearby?" he asked the barista.

"There's an Inn just down the street. Do you want me to ask if they have rooms, sir?"

We agreed with a nod.

While the barista made a call to the Inn, we watched the rain on the outside gushing at full speed and rattling the windows. The sky lit up and started to roar like a beast of my liking. I have watched too many rom-coms to ignore the obvious setting I was getting into. There was no way out. There was a part of me that was excited about this. The part that still lingered in the past and reminisced the days we used to plan meticulously just to get some alone time.

"Sir, they do have rooms available"

"Ah! Thank god!" Noel said clapping his hands and turning towards me. "Shall we go?"

I followed him quietly. When we reached the lobby, the lady in the reception greeted us with two warm cups of tea. It was getting darker outside with every ticking minute we waited there.

"I'm afraid the single rooms that you asked for are full, but we do have rooms with double beds", she said.

Noel snapped back at me hunting for an answer but I continued sipping on the drink until he finally spoke "Is that okay for you? Or do you want me to go check somewhere else?"

Somewhere else? In this weather? I flipped immediately.

"It's fine. It's just one night", I said trying to sip the tea and gulping down the panic along with it. I was dreading with anxiety and looked away from him into the darkness that felt more like home. But sitting with him waiting in a hotel lobby reminded me of that summer weekend when I lied to my parents that I was going for a sleepover and eventually lost my virginity to him.

We had planned for weeks, if not months to not get caught and we didn't, thankfully. My best friend Trisha was my saviour. I've always wondered what would have happened if I was caught that day or on all the other nights I was supposedly spending with Trisha.

He turned back and fetched the keys from the lady after signing the register. We followed her through a narrow passage of dark bricks and then up the stairs to our room. Then, we found ourselves in a room that felt unusually medieval and cosy with paste-coloured walls and wooden columns running across them. I walked to the bed on the right side and took off my jacket. Thankfully, my dress was only slightly damp and I walked around to sit on the chair by the fireplace. While I sat there flicking through my Instagram feed, Noel started unbuttoning his shirt. He hadn't changed after all these years. His shoulders were broader now but his sparsely hairy chest and his flat stomach were just like I remember. I didn't realize that I was starting until he caught me. I felt naughty after a long time. Though it wasn't the first time I was seeing his bare body, it was strange to be left alone in the same room as him.

He jumped on the bed and threw the sheets on him until his torso, removed his pants, and settled into his phone. I wouldn't try to understand what he was thinking but I was trembling, not in cold, but in angst. I was dreading the matter of the night derailing into something unprecedented.

"Don't worry. I won't bite", he said with a smirk that reminded me of his boyish days. Whatever he said did not cool my nerves, it only worsened them. I needed to stop thinking about it. I needed to stop thinking about his perfectly chiselled body.

"How's Lila?" I asked turning to him.

"Oh! She's doing great. She's doing her degree in Architecture"

"That's amazing. So, she's going to join her brother in London soon?"

"No. She wants to go to New York or Cambridge. She wants to try the Ivy Leagues" he said air quoting.

"Oh. Wow! Good for her"

"She missed you a lot. She begged to stay in touch with you after we broke up but I couldn't let her"

"I miss her too. I can't believe she's in college now"

"True" he nodded. "These kids grow up too fast"

"Do you have a picture?"

"Yeah! Come over here" he said tapping on his bed.

I sat beside him in the cramped space on his bed. The bed felt oddly small and we were almost stuck to each other as we were swiping through the pictures on his phone - her high school graduation, their trip to Italy, and weddings of his friends. I lost touch with most of his friends after we broke up. We joked about how Narayan was the only single in the group and was the first to get married and have a baby within the first year. We began gossiping without control as we kept looking through his gallery.

Finally, we came across some of his pictures with Swetha, and immediately, the light on his face was gone. He didn't wait to tell me about the picture and swiftly brushed them away as if it was nothing. It was delicate as it is but talking about her in a moment like this would be painful for both of us. But, I couldn't let him feel uncomfortable with me.

"You can talk to me about her, you know"

"Yeah. But, I don't know what to say"

"Aren't we friends now?" I said, poking his arm.

"Umm… well, sure. As I said, I met her a couple of times through my family. She's a nice girl"

"That's it? That's all you can tell about the girl you are about to marry?"

"She's different and not like the other girls I've met. She's very outspoken. She looks quiet on the outside but she talks a lot. I was very confused when I met her for the first time but after I got to know her, she was amazing. She takes so much effort into our relationship and I like that. She even sends me cute pictures on Snapchat and wants me to watch K-Drama with her"

"Wait. Is she Gen-Z?" I threw my hands in exasperation.

He covered his face with his hands and nodded. I couldn't control my laughter and I almost spat at him.

"Jokes aside Noel. I just hope you are happy. Can I tell you something?"

"Sure, Anu"

"I just hope you are marrying for the right reasons"

He stayed still for a while and then said "I am" with a smile as fake as it can get. I could understand that he was trying to cover something up and wasn't ready to share it with me yet. I would do the same if I was him. We barely knew each other anymore.

"Alright," I stood up. "I think I'll go sleep"

He let me go and I drowned in my sheets. The warmth of the stuffed quilt eased through me as I curled like a fetus. The bed was awfully small and I scantily had space to roll but the snugness felt lavish enough.

"Anu. Are you still up?" he called.

"Yeah!" I woke up.

"Don't you think the bed is too small? It feels like we're sleeping on a kid's bed"

"I was thinking the same"

"Would you mind if we push them together? I mean, only if you're okay" he said peeking out. "It'll be big enough and I won't touch you"

I hesitated for a minute but nodded naturally. I simply gave in because I knew he would fall off his bed within five minutes of dozing off. The bed was unusually small.

I quickly rolled out of my bed and so he did too. I almost forgot that he wasn't wearing pants all this time. I swallowed a cackle as we pushed our beds together. While I was sceptical to get into bed at first, I made up my mind to not overthink it. We were just two old friends who happened to spend the night together because of a storm. It was as simple as that.

I pulled the sheets closer and turned away. It felt uneasy to envision him only inches away from me with his hot breath grazing my neck gently. Except for the crackling of the fire and the slow rise and fall of the sheets, the entire room was muted.

"Will you forgive me Anu?" he whispered.

I wanted to tell him that I needed time to trust him again. I couldn't let myself get manipulated even though I wanted to believe that he was genuine. I wasn't able to trust people anymore, especially after what Trisha did to me. She was the constant that stayed with me through everything - my parents' divorce, my accident, and all the worst parts of college. But, when she left me, I felt betrayed and horrible. I couldn't put myself into those months of therapy again.

"I have to confess something", he spoke again.

I stayed still and let him talk. "The meeting at the restaurant wasn't by chance. I kind of followed you"

"I knew it! But how did you know where I was going to be?" I sat up and faced him.

"I have my ways. Look, I'm sorry if you're offended. But I had to find a way to see you"

"Weren't you the one who ignored me at the airport?"

"I did and I feel stupid about it. I kind of freaked out when I saw you that day. Didn't I already apologize for it?"

"Yeah. That's right" I yelled and dropped back into bed.

"If you are so angry, why did you send me a message that day?"

"I…" I couldn't answer. "Maybe it's better if we don't talk for a while"

"Yeah. Sure"

I slumped into the bed, covered the quilt over me, and rolled to the side. I could sense that he had done the same, turning away from me. I couldn't feel his breath over me anymore. I tried closing my eyes to sleep but his words kept playing on repeat. I couldn't figure out what bothered me. Was I upset that he found a way to talk to me?

My mind was so used to assuming the worst that I couldn't see the obvious things in front of me. He had planned a beautiful date to take me out so we could work out things between us. We became friends, talked about his sister, his fiancee, and even about forgiving each other but maybe we were not ready to leave it all behind. Maybe I wasn't capable of moving on as he did. I couldn't judge him to move on so soon either. I never thought I'd meet him again and here I was sleeping a limb away and upset.

It all felt too much to take in. Some things were too hard to fathom. I was trying too hard to understand what was happening or why it was happening. I couldn't sleep however hard I tried and kept shuffling in the bed trying to find a comfortable position. I was too strained but I kept to my side until I couldn't take it anymore. I finally rolled to face him praying that he would be asleep.

To my luck, he was still turned to the other side and his soft wheezes informed me that he wasn't up. I was only able to see the back of his neck and his shoulders bare and naked. I was agitated but his proximity disturbed me still.

I remembered the countless nights we spent together talking about a future that no longer existed. There couldn't have been a future, but there was at least hope. Now, there seems to be none. We were never meant for each other but the thought that this might be the last time lying next to him kept me up. It was the same feeling I had every day I spent with him. I didn't know if I was insecure or scared, but I remember lying in his arms and making love without wasting a minute we had. When we were too tired to move, I used to lay on his chest and hug him like it was the last day of our lives.

I saw his face move a little and something in me twitched. He was nothing like the man I just fought with. He was calm as the morning sky and I couldn't take my eyes off his serenity. There was unnoticed peace. Something in me twitched again and told me to clutch onto him.

I dragged myself closer to him, hoped he was asleep and gently threw my hands over him. I could feel the warmth blazing under my hands. Suddenly, I felt something over my fingers. His fingers slowly curled up with mine and he pulled me closer. I was so close to him that our breaths almost synchronized.

"Is this okay?" he breathed.

I tightened my grip around his fingers and leaned my head on his back. He lifted my hands into the air and rolled to my side, finding my eyes. He slid his hands over my arms, sending chilling tremors through my body. This felt right and wrong at the same time. Even though I was combusting slowly with his touch, my mind had its inhibitions.

His face glistened in the low golden light of the room and our eyes spoke more than what we could let out. We desired each other and I could hardly check in with the temptation I was feeling. I was angry and attracted to him at the same time. I burned for him to touch me.

Gently, he put a hand on my cheek and planted a kiss on my nose. "I'm sorry for everything" he whispered.

I wasn't expecting his apology. My hands froze not knowing what to do next. He moved his lips across my face to the ears and nibbled them. I jerked and caught the hand that was now on my neck.

"I'm sorry too". We looked at each other once again before our lips met.

There were firecrackers all over again. The fire consumed me and I wanted to take him all in. Our lips danced in harmony as we explored each other like never before. I understood now what he meant about mixing pleasure with resentment. Though he was a bane of my existence, I only wanted him more.

He slipped his hand under my dress and grazed my navel. His hands travelled to my neck and almost choked it. I arched my back as I dipped myself flat on the bed while his hands were all over me. I gasped in pleasure as he cupped my left bosom and squeezed it gently. I thought it would take me back in time but his touch felt new.

He held onto the end of my dress and lifted it above my head and I gave way. I felt colder with the air between us stroking through my bare skin. He pulled the dress above my head and let it hold my hands in place while he got on his knees around me. He put his hands around me and kissed me again as a much more powerful passion ignited between us.

"I hope you don't scold me tomorrow," he said, smiling on top of me.

"I hope you don't hurt me"

"Why would I hurt you?"

"You said you take pleasure in hurting me"

He cracked up and leaned closer. "I can if you want to. Just tell me when to stop"

He pounced on me like an animal looking one last time at its prey before consuming it whole. I could barely move while he rode through me with a potent delicateness. I had surrendered my entirety to him.

When he held both my hands by the wrists, I wondered how small my wrists were and snickered impulsively.

"Is this funny?" he asked, tightening his grip around mine.

I shook my head but his face was flushed. He pressed his lips together and pushed himself into me. I could see something innate and raw in his eyes as he pulsated through me. His nails cut into my skin with every move. It was dangerous and scary but I craved it. I didn't want it to stop.

He did not kiss me or speak a word until he was done with me. He was panting heavily when he fell on me like a rock. My tender breasts could feel his heartbeat slowing down. He slowly rolled off me and pulled me closer.

Throughout the lovemaking (or was it hate-making?), we never spoke about why we were doing this or what we felt for each other. I yearned for him to tell me that he still desired me. That maybe it was our second chance in the making.

I wanted him to tell me something but he was quiet while my heart rumbled like the sky beyond the walls.