27 Days Before Christmas

Dante Luigi, my ex boyfriend, was an opportunist. He was so smart to manipulate people. He was a wolf in sheep's clothing. And he also like the wolf in a children's book, "Little Red Riding Hood", he was the wolf who killed the grandma and chased the little girl. He could do anything to make his wish come true. He spread his charming look to everyone around him. He showed off how rich he is. Spread the love and affection to them, but it's fake! He did it to get someone he's attracted to. Including me. I was so wrong to think that he's a good man. I was just judging him by his appearance.  It was too fast to fall in love with him. Didn't know his personality. Now I really know the meaning of the saying "Don't judge a book by its cover". If you know Dante, you will agree with me. Trust me. 

Dante Luigi always pretended that he was good and kind. But there's no such good thing in his personality. I had been fooled by his appearance and his fake love and affection. He didn't love me.  Never. I believe that. He just chased me for fun. He pampered me because he wanted my virginity!! Bastard! 

After we were dating, he tried to seduce me a couple of times. But I thought I'm not ready for it. And I was so afraid. So I always turned it down gently.  I told him that I was not ready to make love to him. He didn't give up on me,  in the wrong way. I guessed. He tried and tried again until one day I finally gave up. 

It was three months after we were dating. I remembered that day, we just watched a movie at the cinema and came back to his house. He lived alone. He offered me a can of beer. We were drinking, chatting and joking. After a few hours, I got very dizzy. I never drank beer before or any alcoholic beverages. And that night I drank two cans of beer. I ended up drunk.

Dante laid me on the bed.  But he did not leave.  Instead he positioned his body on top of me. He started kissing me.  Okay indeed after we dated, we often kissed but that's all. I kissed him back. He didn't just kiss me that night.  He started to fondle and seduce me. His hands started fondling my body.  I feel hot.  And I felt like there was an electric shock going through my body when his hands worked on me. 

I felt the lower part of my body hardened from the "attack" of Dante's hand.  Moreover, he began to pull my shirt up.  He started attacking me with his wet lips.  I'm so flustered.  Honestly, I've never had sex with anyone.  Never mind sex, just kissing I just did it with Dante.  He was the first person to kiss me and he was also my first boyfriend. And I am still naive. What can an 18-year-old boy do, who has never dated before and stays mostly at home because he has to do all the household chores? Nothing but drowning to Dante's touch. 

 Dante was very good at making out.  Like in a job, he is very professional.  An expert, if you could say.

On that night, Dante Luigi did an excellent job.  He managed to persuade me to do it.  I finally lost my virginity. He succeeded. I stayed in the house that night and I ended up coming home late because I was too tired and felt pain all over my body,  especially my lower body. There were so many hickeys on my neck at that time. I should have come home in the morning but I didn't.

When I came home, Dante drove me, and as soon as I entered the house, my father beat me.  I ended up with cuts and bruises all over my body.  I don't think I will ever feel how beautiful heaven is.  I had been bitten by a hyena but still bitten by a lion. I'm so sorry for this.

The bad things didn't end there.  In the afternoon, after I took a shower, I came out of my room. I forgot, I was only wearing a T-shirt.  I should have worn a turtleneck shirt. When I came home,  I was wearing my jacket. He found many hickeys on my neck. He looked at me with an angry look. And he started to beat me again.

"You are with him, right? You're disgusting!!" my dad said. He saw me when Dante drove me home.

In the middle of the night, I woke up alone.  I felt very dizzy.  My skin was a bit red and my body, it felt very hot.  I touched my forehead. I know I got a fever. I thought I should take my temperature because no one would care about me.  With slow steps and trying not to fall, I walked out of the room and went to the kitchen.  The first aid kit was there.  The thermometer too.  After I get them.  I returned to my room.  My body temperature was 38 degrees Celsius at that time.  I took the paracetamol that I just took from the first aid kit. 

I ended up crying. I felt so lonely. I thought there should be someone to take care of me. But it is impossible. My parents didn't care about me. They only raised me just for the money I have from my mom.

I asked God, why did He give me this life? Why was I the only one who had to suffer?  Why did God take my mother and not me?  When should I be like this?  Even when I did it with Dante, it wasn't good at all.  Not like what people say.  I didn't feel ecstasy.  I was even in pain, although Dante wasn't too harsh and hasty when he did it.  It was all a lie.  I didn't want to do it anymore.  My life was always full of bitterness. It sucks!  Somehow how long I cried until I fell asleep.

Yeah, luckily all that was in the past.  After a few weeks, I broke up with Dante.  The reason was  he started being rude to me.  He started slapping me and hitting me a lot.  That was what he did when he's drunk or angry.  I often became an outlet for his anger.  I could not take it anymore.  He always forced me to make love, he said it makes love! Even though in my opinion, lovemaking shouldn't be rough.  Can't force.  Love, love is something good.  So badness should not be in it. And what Dante did is only sex!  It was definitely not love.