tell vs show

This tale is well written, though a bit heavy on "Tell" vs show. still a good showing from this author, and I will be curious to see how this plot develops.

You have a show vs tell problem. Instead of talking about it show. When the beam fell did he choke on the dust. Did the gas and oil from the cars make his light headed and nauseaus. Use the senses

You do a good job and you have talent, but you need to develop the descriptive aspect of your game. You also have trouble with the Show Vs Tell. It's nothing time and experience won't fix

Clarity your writing needs Clarity. You have major show vs tell problems. Your dialogue needs work too. Trust me I've been there practice engaging the senses and inner thought and the story will shine

Alright, I like this novel, it feels very fresh when compared to the rest of the genre with its developments. I would give it five stars, but there is one problem the author not knowing the principle of show vs tell. Otherwise, it's a nice story.