When Jiang Ming woke up in a strange world, he learned he had obtained immortality. In the dangerous and ruthless world of cultivation, he was determined to carve his unique path. Taking advantage of his immortality, he vowed to learn forbidden skills that would normally eat away at the user’s life. As he continued on his path, Jiang Ming realized that with his forbidden skills, he could become the strongest.
A couple things. The exposition kills your opening. You tell but don't show. I can see the talent in you, but its underdeveloped. Take some time to learn the basics and edit your story.