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F feeling well today so I can get the money to you are you are you are you are you are you are you are you are you are you are you still at home or at work and that you are you are you are you are you are you still interested in the job and I have been working and the other two and I will send the kids and that you will get to see what they can do the kids to you on that you are a good friend you can go with Kar rahli and the front desk for someone else and the front desk for someone who I don't have been a good friend are doing are not in on a great day today I will be back

The story kinda makes me uncomfortable (what can I say, I've a weak heart :D) so I'm just focusing on the presentation. The writing style is confident A little wordy sometimes: "Chap 2: ...sat on a desk at the edge of it" -> "sat on a desk." Seriously how do you sit on the table edge? Is the table turned sideways? Jk Jk... You are right to have split the chapter into smaller sections. If the chapter is too long, readers tend to forget what they read at the beginning. Also have you tried dividing the into "scenes" with a header on top and a divider between scenes like ~.~.~.~? I find it suitable for the genre you're aiming for. Anyway, good luck with the rewrite!

Good story. Instable updates. He has he he is sell has do is do is at at my desk the gym has been desk heck help indeed should likes should his son have forcing feels fine come brulee hema has he Jenny am so grateful free Now but

In the beginning I Loved the Story but then more and more Deus ex machina happened... Pleased Slow down the pacing a Bit. Aside Front that the Tao Beast Plot ist a bit top much