Read all the free chapters so you don't have to. Please note that this is an objective look at the story and holds as little bias as possible. Also, my rating is based on 3 stars being average and 5 being close to perfect.
Writing (3 Stars): Average. While the vocabulary and some choice descriptions throughout the novel are well utilized, there are some key things that hold it back. The lack of details, repeated phrases, grammar errors, overly used adjectives. While it's readable, there's definitely room for improvement.
Words for author: Some ways to improve in this area are to run through the chapter with a comb and ensure little to no mistakes. You have a good grasp on vocabulary (should this not be AI or Chatgpt) but you seem to repeat things over and over again (i.e Whirlwind of steel, pressing his advantage, a feeling of warmth). You're on the right track, but you need to diversify.
Story Development (3 Stars): Not bad, but also nothing too eye-catching. The story is simplistic and easy enough to follow. There are some creative moments that actually made me curious and desire to know more. However, for all the positive notes, there are many more negative points. One thing I believe is that a good story lies in the details. There's a distinct lack of it within the confines of the story. The plot rushes at times, drags out in others, fails to uphold continuity (the details I was referring to), and does really go in depth. A good example is the opening where William and the class are summoned to Aethel. We, as the readers, are supposed to sympathize with the protagonist and his plights but the author doesn't elaborate on the character interactions, the summoning itself, Williams past, or really the situation at hand. Also, time in this story is incredibly skewed. I have more things to note but I won't delve much deeper.
Ways to improve: Don't be afraid to add depth. Currently, everything only tends to the surface level (as of the free chapters) and fails to elaborate in places that are needed. This ruins the immersion and leaves the readers feeling confused, ESPECIALLY in regards the story's continuity. Some things feel rushed, as if a piece of the story went missing during the writing process. Other times, details seem to change sporadically and make it hard to follow (i.e changes in places, lack of following set times, changes in items or objects, etc). Reread each chapter carefully and be sure they add up.
Character Design (3 Stars): I actually wanted to give this 2 Stars. However, that would be unfair since I was comparing it to other top novels. For a regular novel, it's decent. The characters are easy enough to understand and aren't the most terrible thing in the world.
Unfortunately, I can't help but voice my own qualms. Everything feels so surface level, and I believe it's primarily due to the lack of details. Character descriptions are incredibly vague and don't really offer much beyond small descriptors that last a few sentences at most. Even the MC isn't properly described other than being wimpy and nerdy with his head always stuck in a book. Characters themselves feel hollow, as if they're just existing. During my read, I felt nothing for any of the characters aside from MAYBE Gorn (even then it was a mild curiosity). They have little personality and their interactions with the MC feels like the dialogue with NPC characters in a video game. Characters should serve to add depth and intrigue to the story, but that wasn't the case (with the exception of Gorn and maybe the MC).
Ways To Improve: Add more details. Describe the characters as needed, at least the ones who are gonna keep appearing (I can understand leaving some things to the imagination, but not everyone has that level of creativity). Where possible, give the characters some different personality, quirks, habits, likes, dislikes, etcetera. If all else fails and you can't think of something, at least have the characters talk like a normal person would. People are a reflection of their experiences and their personality should reflect that and the way they interact with other characters should in turn reflect that as well.
Update Stability (4 Stars): This based off what Webnovel is telling me. You uploaded 9 chapters this week. Assuming this is the standard for you, I have nothing more to say.
World Background (3 Stars): Like all fantasy stories, the world is full of potential. Magic to explore, mysteries to uncover, so many things to do. While this story doesn't do anything new or really impressive with its world, it was at least enough to keep me interested.
That being said, this story suffers from a lack of details. I read 33 chapters and feel like I haven't learned all that much. While it's fine to have a slow pace, enticing the readers with glimpses of the possibilities helps to keep them hooked and thirsting for more. The world isn't bad, but it hasn't yet reached out and properly hooked me.
Ways to Improve: More details. Smoothly offering some information where applicable is key. If it can add some depth and lore, do it. Information dumping is rather tedious and can be off putting, but it's still better than receiving absolutely nothing. Branch out and add some interesting topics.
With all that being said, most of these issues could've been solved already or are being solved as the story continues. I'm not saying this novel is bad. I've seen much worse. However, it's far from perfect.
But that's okay. I would still recommend this story to those who have free time on their hands and wish to watch how the author grows. The key to being a great storyteller is getting better as you move along.
Either way, I hope you all (and the author) enjoy your read.
Carlos Out
