It is written well. The hero is a kind of positive vampire. He drinks without killing, but rather debauching, corrupting. But the dynamics of the story are rather slow, dry and boring. The hero's story lacks challenges, difficulties, surprises, external events, interpersonal relationships (what is are one-sided). There are no competitors, worthy opponents, insurmountable threats either. Of course, it may still appear, but the given pace/motive does not encourage it. The characters that are there are not bad, but they are terribly secondary (they are just a background for the hero). The entire known world is one part of Gotham, abandoned by everyone and were is nothing happens.
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Thanks for the review, any suggestions?
What is missing, I indicated in the review. Add a couple of characters weakly connected to the hero/more autonomous/opponents and show their life, development, point of view, expand the world. You can additionally add drama, suffering, defeats. For example, sacrifice a couple of characters close to the hero. Or let his efforts go to waste due to unforeseen external forces. You can start hunting the hero, persecuting him. He can end up in prison with aliens, wizards or mad scientists. But it is better to come up with it yourself according to your story (after all, you have some kind of global plan/course). But all this should be really dangerous and difficult for the hero. More risk, more complexity - better achievements, otherwise the achievements look unattractive.
Oh, and you can add normal communication to the hero. Simple, everyday, without a position of power, a normal dialogue. Otherwise, the hero just became a vampire, and already his face is cracking from arrogance and self-conceit.
