My only problem that it seems to be heavily AI ridden. Like everything is very superfluous and it has too much of a fluttery vocabulary which drawls out paragraphs a lot. If it isn't AI, fix the way you write to be more efficient but still sounding nice and grammatically correct. If it is in fact AI edited then you should read over what the AI changed and fix what sounds weird or cut things to be shorter. You can also take examples of how some AI sentences are structured and incorporate the grammar and sentence structure without having unneeded drawn out words.

keep mc single, women make you weaker. or let him have crazy dad lore first

seems pretty interesting and i cant find anything too annoying so far so my hopes are rising, the plot development is quite smooth so no worries there, ill make a proper review after this gets alot more chapters.

Very good so far. One thing I would like to recommend is that you don't make it harem, this tends to ruin this type of book. As a love interest I would put Riveria as she has virtually no contact with bell. Otherwise, keep writing this book because it looks good.

I finished reading up to chapter 28 -2 ads Let me tell you, you should follow Garet's advice, don't stress yourself out and go slowly with your writing, most of the time a writer rushes to put everything he can in a few words, Which ends up destroying a story and you getting bored of it. Tip to improve your writing * keep a separate sheet of ideas for your stories, something like a mini cap of what happens to your MC(often a story is the journey not the final stop, you will only make a litrpg if you don't tell us what happens between what your OC does) * Try to plan what path your story or mc will take. *example: reincarnation, finding new family, depression about the past,Finding a reason to continue, planning an adventure, traveling to find your past, finding a new friend, Find a rival,A big defeat,Finding a teacher, getting help, overcome adversity, save the princess, Finish your adventure, return home.(There is a book about this called *The Hero's Journey*) You made the mistake of making your OC super OP, that's why he doesn't need more personal growth, he acts the opposite of how he should (the honorable one? He stole the healing spell without telling her) You compressed your initial 2 year story of Interactions into like 5 chapters, and then a month or so describing few interactions, super fast paced Try to read the chapters after writing them. Lots of love❤️, kisses😘, 🕺 Dances, I hope you do well at school and that you get better at writing, Try to guide that wild beast of your imagination and live well.

Man, I read a few chapters and let me tell you, the AI is not doing you any favors, I read it like three times (I can't wait for what my future and destiny holds) and shit like that and In the same chapter I think, I don't remember. Here are some tips to improve * don't say it, do it Example: a joke: three guys who go to hell and trick the devil HAHaHa see no soul You have to make your characters talk and demonstrate through their conversations I think there was a scene where your OC came to lunch and said that Loki's family became a second family to him (on his second day in the family I think?) you have to do the talk *scene *chattering can be heard in the background* Riveria: And OC, how was your first day? OC: Excellent, I reached the 10th floor and fought a very bad buffed goblin doing a 360 no scope *Background chatter stops* Garet and finn exchange glances Riveria:* With a worried look she gets up from the table * are you okay, nothing bad happened to you, is everything okay? OC: Nothing happened, I'm extremely OP, I just broke my hand, nothing serious *crosses eyes with Riveria, seeing how worried she is, he feels something warm in his heart* it won't happen again (I could get used to it here) Wow It came out great🤭 *In fantasy You have to be as lazy as shit When writing about your characters' abilities/magic/authority, and keeping the limits and potential as vague as possible(you never know when you will need to change something, some authors have an excel to help them with that) Example : soul of a sword (that shit) or the honorable shit •They give you the ability to speak with swords•use swords•make swords•shit swords•honey I will sharpen your sword😚 •your sword will grow faster like my p*nis🤭 and shit I dont know * Embodiment of a sword*🤯🤯🤯 Am the bone of my sword I don't know my past nor my destiny, I promise myself that I will sharpen my will like steel Or shit like That ,a little poem or something that can be interpreted in different ways (One of the rules of danmachi is that falna's magic always has an aria like bell's magic, he can't do magic if he doesn't pronounce it, I think magic that didn't have an aria was from the elves but They were very inefficient and had the power to blow up a paper airplane) Magic *Aura : He does things with his imagination and stuff. Most puwerfool magik eber🎉💯🤯😱 *Mold/ reinforce/ BUUURSSST : can make molds accumulate magic/ reinforce whatever shit you want / BURN MY SOUL AND EXPLODE BEAUTIFULLY 🤭 (If you didn't notice I like FATE) I swear that in the first chapters I got very excited, I thought you would make a proto artur/emiya with the aura and the swords but then I realized that it was AI and that you made your OC a mari Sue (what the hell was the horse episode? They met, nodded, BEST FRIENDS FOREVER 😐😑, you gave him divine sight that can copy every magic imaginable The guy isn't even scared of a wivern when he was 8y.o bro those things are level 3 and he didn't even have a sword Im sorry bro 😔 but You could do so much with that premise that it makes me depressed not to read it. Imagine a scene where Ais saves Bell and meets your OC at the hostess when Bette makes fun of him and is embarrassed because Ais and your OC heard him escaping. Bette: hahaha look at the boy running OC: That's my brother *gives him death glares* Bette: 😮

Overall very good kinda gives me some vibes from looking foward to another world novel but with different ideas though wish there was more chapters popped out

nice

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