webnovel
Iseeyou
IseeyouLv158mth
2024-08-10 10:29

This is rough to read. Not to bad of a story overall. For a twelve year old with adhd. The author is unfortunately someone young and doesn’t know how to put a mature mindset into his writing. Which is understandable but still it makes the novel hard to read with the MC being very immature and super childish along with all of the other characters. If your young you’ll like this story and everyone is best of friends.

Reincarnated as Bella Swan's Brother (Twilight)

WhiteAuthor
4.0
145 Chs

Liked by 63 people

LIKE
Replies13
WhiteAuthor
WhiteAuthorAuthor

I get what you mean but i dont really want to write something super serious or not childish as ur calling it. i already do that with my original novels and its draining. thanks for the review, i hope you didnt waste your time completley. <3

8mth
3
Iseeyou
IseeyouLv15

Nah your good. Your just young so you don’t get it. I don’t even really want it serious it’s just your mindset coming off into the story makes it so that all the characters are very childish. Good stuff though.

WhiteAuthor:I get what you mean but i dont really want to write something super serious or not childish as ur calling it. i already do that with my original novels and its draining. thanks for the review, i hope you didnt waste your time completley. <3
8mth
22
WhiteAuthor
WhiteAuthorAuthor

Allright, im about to turn 20 but i can understand that im not 'mature' yet. eitherway thanks for giving the story a shot. <3

Iseeyou:Nah your good. Your just young so you don’t get it. I don’t even really want it serious it’s just your mindset coming off into the story makes it so that all the characters are very childish. Good stuff though.
8mth
2
Apollocus
ApollocusLv13

I mean if u write immature u write immature being mature isn’t necessarily indicative of age, the brain only fully matures at 25 and even then there adults in like the age of 40 that are immature and childish. Just how it is.

WhiteAuthor:Allright, im about to turn 20 but i can understand that im not 'mature' yet. eitherway thanks for giving the story a shot. <3
8mth
13
WhiteAuthor
WhiteAuthorAuthor

True.

Apollocus:I mean if u write immature u write immature being mature isn’t necessarily indicative of age, the brain only fully matures at 25 and even then there adults in like the age of 40 that are immature and childish. Just how it is.
8mth
1
AKARYUU
AKARYUULv14

Question is fml is oc? Because if so I don’t want to waste my time reading even if story is good I abhor the mc is with oc. That thing is only good if world doesn’t have anyone else or she is one many, if she only one then no it’s not for me. Oc= cannon fodder nothing more.so if u can give a reply.

WhiteAuthor:True.
8mth
WhiteAuthor
WhiteAuthorAuthor

No i hate Oc's that arent the main character, Alice is fml. Edythe isn't truly an Oc as she appears on the official twilight book called Life and Death.

AKARYUU:Question is fml is oc? Because if so I don’t want to waste my time reading even if story is good I abhor the mc is with oc. That thing is only good if world doesn’t have anyone else or she is one many, if she only one then no it’s not for me. Oc= cannon fodder nothing more.so if u can give a reply.
8mth
5
AKARYUU
AKARYUULv14

Thx. Yes she was but I didn’t waste my time reading twilight or that book. Movies there enough for me :D. So I count her as oc :D.because all I saw that Edythe is just genderbent Edward so my liking for her is even less. Thx again for replying now I can go back to reading ur story. Good luck and don’t burn out ;)

WhiteAuthor:No i hate Oc's that arent the main character, Alice is fml. Edythe isn't truly an Oc as she appears on the official twilight book called Life and Death.
8mth
WhiteAuthor
WhiteAuthorAuthor

Thanks, a lil reminder that the first 4-5 chapters are really old and pretty mid tbh, it gets better as the chapters progress and the story is pretty slow in progression as I try to expand on the story and characters. Real plot with action and stuff has only started at chapter 40 which is only on patreon rn, will be out in a week or less in here.

AKARYUU:Thx. Yes she was but I didn’t waste my time reading twilight or that book. Movies there enough for me :D. So I count her as oc :D.because all I saw that Edythe is just genderbent Edward so my liking for her is even less. Thx again for replying now I can go back to reading ur story. Good luck and don’t burn out ;)
8mth
2
The_man_The_myth
The_man_The_mythLv4

It’s gets objectively better to be honest though and the update schedule is amazing

8mth
1
IWant2DieALilMore
IWant2DieALilMoreLv14

Before I read this I have to ask. This wont be a "Alice had a vision of her soulmate" like insta-together bullshit? Right? BC that's nothing new, most like 70% of twilight fanfictions go this route. I am personally sick of the trope.

7mth
1
WhiteAuthor
WhiteAuthorAuthor

No, they dont get together until around chapter 95-105

IWant2DieALilMore:Before I read this I have to ask. This wont be a "Alice had a vision of her soulmate" like insta-together bullshit? Right? BC that's nothing new, most like 70% of twilight fanfictions go this route. I am personally sick of the trope.
7mth
NewfoundBlade
NewfoundBladeLv1

I'm 21 lets be friends

WhiteAuthor:I get what you mean but i dont really want to write something super serious or not childish as ur calling it. i already do that with my original novels and its draining. thanks for the review, i hope you didnt waste your time completley. <3
7mth
Other Reviews
WhiteAuthor
WhiteAuthorAuthor

So I used to have this big review for myself, but I decided to delete it and just say this: I'm a cool dude. Read the Fanific. Yeeahh that's all.

8mth

EyeOfSauron
EyeOfSauronLv5

... well, the MC constantly does and thinks about silly things, the worst thing is that if that were the only case, it would be possible to characterize only MC as childish, but everyone acts stupid along with him. The problem is not being childish, but knowing that people don't act like that, unfortunately...

8mth
NunuXD
NunuXDLv12

The ADHD on this mc is very intense... I really love twilight fics, but I'd hard to read when the Mc can't focus on anything for more than 100 words :/

8mth
Leonardo_Henrique_0539
Leonardo_Henrique_0539Lv12

Author, everything is great with you. Don't abandon your readers; I can't stand unfinished fanfics anymore. I'm almost giving up on reading because of this. Your story is incredible! Just one thing: if you're going to do a harem, please make it make sense, hahaha.

10mth
Zeroren
ZerorenLv3

So I had to give up reading this and stopped at chapter 58. I'm the type of person to ignore reviews and judge the story myself whether it is good or not but for this I should have listened to the more bad reviews because they really did tell the truth. First off let me say this the story is decent it not great but it isn't terrible. The major problem with the story is like what everyone else has said the MC is horribly written. I will use this to describe him as a twelve-year-old who suffers from bipolar with some adhd thrown in while taking Adderall like candy. I hope someday this gets rewritten honestly keep the story the same but change the way the MC acts and this will instantly become a 5/5 novel in my book.

7mth
PsyLoRD
PsyLoRDLv5

Honestly, the story itself is not that bad BUT i just cant stand the MC, i would stay away from anyone like him irl, i feel like he has mental impairment.

8mth
AldrianEldritch
AldrianEldritchLv10

beta MC, no calculation , just a fool, if its been real world mc won't be alive after 10 chapters. ............................................................

6mth
Lucius_SS
Lucius_SSLv4

I really want to like this fic, but I've come to realize that even with so many chapters coming out. A lot of them have nothing of importance going on. If he combined maybe 2-3 chapters together, it might help and make paying for a chapter actually worth it. This story so far has been extremely casual and maybe slice of life-ish(not sure if im using that right). Something interesting might happen one chapter and then nothing for the next few after. It feels way too slow. I dont know how to feel about the mc. He's not terrible, but he has his glaring flaws, which can be annoying.

8mth
CouchPotatoDandy
CouchPotatoDandyLv5

The thing I hate the most with this type of fanfics is how stu*id the MC's at choosing their wishes. Like why ask for mental shield when you can ask for the same power as Bella and be immune to all types of powers? And why ask to be a strong vampire when you can ask to be superman without his weakness for example? The author putting so little thought on the very first chapter is very concerning...

4mth
Related Stories

Begin Again In Marvel

Authors Preamble: This is my first novel so if you see anything wrong leave a comment so I can try to improve and/or fix it. My plans for updating this novel is hopefully everyday but I cannot guarantee that as I have a job and a life outside of this. I will try to have at least 1500-2000 words per chapter but I will focus on ending points so I don't just go on with a chapter for no reason. --------------------------------------------------------- This is a story about a Rio who dies when he wasn't supposed to. The gods decide to give him 2 choices, Rio chooses the second which come with 5 wishes. This sends him outside his home Omniverse into somewhere. First stop will be a sort of tutorial world/Universe and then the main world/Universe which is the MCU with some differences. Rio will have the force, a modified gamer system, a Riolu egg and DNA lock. I will not be writing any explicit scenes but they will be implied by fade to black when the time comes for such a situation. I have not decided on if it will be harem or not, most likely not unless readers really want it. Though there will likely be 2 females in the relationship at least but I don't really see that as a harem. If you have any suggestions leave a comment.

DJMLucarionite · Movies
4.0
235 Chs

Ben Tennyson in the MCU

Name: Benjamin Stewart "Ben" Tennyson Age: 21 Height: 6'2" (188 cm) Appearance: Ben is a striking young man with a mix of light brown and black hair, light green eyes that seem to gleam with intelligence, and sharp, handsome features that make him stand out. His athletic build complements his martial arts prowess, giving him a confident yet approachable aura. Background: Ben’s life was marked by tragedy early on, as he became orphaned at a very young age. This forced him to grow up quickly, developing a fierce independence and work ethic. Despite his circumstances, Ben excelled academically, earning two master’s degrees in civil and mechanical engineering by the age of 16. Alongside his studies, he taught himself programming to support himself financially, becoming a highly skilled coder. An avid martial arts enthusiast, Ben dedicated himself to training in various disciplines, achieving a black belt by the time he turned 18. His rigorous pursuit of knowledge and self-improvement shaped him into a highly disciplined and resourceful individual. The Turning Point: At 21, Ben’s life takes an extraordinary turn when he is inexplicably transported to the Marvel Universe in the year 2009. To his astonishment, he finds the Omnitrix, a device he idolized from one of his favorite childhood cartoons (Ben 10), strapped to his wrist. The Omnitrix gives him access to an array of alien abilities, but it also serves as a constant reminder of the dangers and responsibilities he now faces in this new and unpredictable world. Response to the Marvel Universe: Realizing the perilous nature of his new reality, Ben wastes no time preparing himself. Drawing on his engineering and programming expertise, he establishes a technology company to secure resources and influence, laying the foundation for his survival and future ambitions. Simultaneously, he designs an intense training regimen inspired by Batman's methods from the DC Universe. Combining martial arts, physical conditioning, and strategic planning, Ben works tirelessly to hone his combat skills and tactical acumen. He recognizes that surviving in the Marvel Universe requires both intellect and strength, and he commits to excelling in both areas. Personality: Ben is pragmatic, intelligent, and fiercely determined. His hardships have taught him resilience and adaptability, and he carries himself with a quiet confidence. Despite his serious demeanor, he retains a deep sense of empathy, often showing compassion for those who are struggling. His dry wit and occasional sarcasm hint at a lighter side, revealing a young man who, despite his responsibilities, hasn’t lost touch with his humanity—or his inner child. Character Bio NAME: Benjamin Alexander Stewart (Formerly) Benjamin Stewart Tennyson HOME WORLD Earth 5554 (Formerly) Earth 2000089 RESIDENTS: New York Manhattan AGE: 18 (time of story) HEIGHT: 6 foot 1(1,88 meters) OCCUPATION: Superhero/ Vigilante Mechanical Engineer/Civil engineering Programmer (self-taught) Entrepreneur ABILITIES: Enhanced Eidetic Memory Freestyle Hand-To-Hand Combatant Advance Marksmanship With Throwing Weapons Spontaneous Learning/Understanding EQUIPMENT: Omnitrix (restored prototype)

Shane_Delgado_03 · Movies
3.3
22 Chs
Login