Daoist4MxvaVLv149mth

2024-06-27 23:20

the idea isn't bad it's just lacks proper execution , the first mistake u made is not giving the main character a proper backstory at the beginning of the story , a backstory allows us to know why the mc is so resourceful in the wild ,how was he able to sneak up on the boar without being noticed , it lets us know what kind of character the mc has and it lets us know why the mc has good looking physique without a proper backstory it makes everything the mc does feel like it's coming out of know where , also your main character is coming to conclusions to fast without proper explanation or thinking , I Can except if he guessed he was transmigrated , but the mc shouldn't have figured out he has soul magic by just using it once and progression with the power is a litt little bit to fast , also the mc is in wilderness , creating a harem of beast girls should be the last thing on his mind , it makes him look like somebody who doesn't have common sense and him thinking of turning an animal into beast girl is weird and out pocket, if u wanted to add that sheep girl , u could have just had the MC turn the sheep into waifu by mistake or accident , that way u could have added the sheep girl and it wouldnt make the main character come across as an idiot and its less weird as for the rest , there are too many chapters for how little the story progressed , these 10 chapters can easily be compressed to 4 chapters . That's all i have too say , u have potential u are just not using it properly let me give u advice , anytime u write a chapter , read it before hand and ask yourself is there anywhere i can improve and making it better or more exciting

My Wives Are Beautiful Monster Girls

HannazRolynn

Not enough ratings

19 Chs