This is very good. Has amazing Potential. (I'm serious this can get amazing) The thing about not getting the memories of Clayman and getting no skills after crossing over though... are major plot holes and don't really work in Tensura 'cause Voice of the World. Tensura is a verse full of bs. I have mentioned it in a comment at the end of the chapter as well. Cheers. (Getting no skills is in this context actually more bs than getting a unique one. And having none of claymans memories means he should be 6ft under many times over by the end of the first chapter, which is some mad bs Plot Armor)
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LIKEAlso, his Skills doesn't need to be OP, just a average unique one. He was supposed to be 'an average Joe', right?
I appreciate your honest opinion, it's very welcome here at the beginning. That's exactly why one-shots are so good because if you're already working on the whole story and only later realize that half of it didn't make sense... Yeah, it can quickly ruin a good plot... What you said makes a lot of sense with the skills. Even the weakest summon has at least one extra skill. I'll think about changing it and giving him an extra skill. The thing with Clayman is that he already has 2 strong unique skills, Manipulator and Regressor (in the Clayman spin-off) so I wouldn't want to give him another unique skill because he already has enough to become strong. So, rather just 1 weak extra skill. And the thing with the memories... In my one-shot I solved it so that he remembers the instinctive skills and magic (and other things where e.g. the instinctive knowledge where some things are)... I don't know if it's enough to trick Laplace. Probably not. I could give him an extra skill like [Memory Awakening] and have both problems solved. (The skill doesn't exist and is made up, but I'd take it anyway). I just don't want Clayman to know everything straight away in the beginning and with the skill he would reawaken his memories piece by piece. What do you think?
Hmm, you seem very determined to not give him a unique Skill... But that's okay, considering Clayman has some already. The Skill [Memory Awakening] seems to be kind of a low blow though. Just make it [Perfect Memory] (Shions extra skill after getting revived) and add some calibration issues so he gets access to his memories after some time of adjustment (Like Great Sage with Rimuru at the beginning, you don't even need to change anything). Now, with the thing about the well deserved unique Skill. If you reeaally don't wanna give him one, just let the energy for it sit and add it for his next evolution, so he gets something out of it. As the reason? 'Due to Clayman (him) already having unique skills, it just didn't fit in his soul anymore, so it was put in reserve until place was made.' So when the time comes... his are efforts will be rewarded. No bs. Cheers.
HxHEnthusiast:I appreciate your honest opinion, it's very welcome here at the beginning. That's exactly why one-shots are so good because if you're already working on the whole story and only later realize that half of it didn't make sense... Yeah, it can quickly ruin a good plot... What you said makes a lot of sense with the skills. Even the weakest summon has at least one extra skill. I'll think about changing it and giving him an extra skill. The thing with Clayman is that he already has 2 strong unique skills, Manipulator and Regressor (in the Clayman spin-off) so I wouldn't want to give him another unique skill because he already has enough to become strong. So, rather just 1 weak extra skill. And the thing with the memories... In my one-shot I solved it so that he remembers the instinctive skills and magic (and other things where e.g. the instinctive knowledge where some things are)... I don't know if it's enough to trick Laplace. Probably not. I could give him an extra skill like [Memory Awakening] and have both problems solved. (The skill doesn't exist and is made up, but I'd take it anyway). I just don't want Clayman to know everything straight away in the beginning and with the skill he would reawaken his memories piece by piece. What do you think?
Many grateful thanks for your great suggestions. I will try to implement many of these. However, I have to admit that with my current knowledge I'm bound to mess something up in terms of skills/magic (especially the whole Soul/Ego/Will and all that other suff), so I think I'll spend some time reading the LN again before I start writing a real story...
ParadoxMind:Hmm, you seem very determined to not give him a unique Skill... But that's okay, considering Clayman has some already. The Skill [Memory Awakening] seems to be kind of a low blow though. Just make it [Perfect Memory] (Shions extra skill after getting revived) and add some calibration issues so he gets access to his memories after some time of adjustment (Like Great Sage with Rimuru at the beginning, you don't even need to change anything). Now, with the thing about the well deserved unique Skill. If you reeaally don't wanna give him one, just let the energy for it sit and add it for his next evolution, so he gets something out of it. As the reason? 'Due to Clayman (him) already having unique skills, it just didn't fit in his soul anymore, so it was put in reserve until place was made.' So when the time comes... his are efforts will be rewarded. No bs. Cheers.
