The fanfic isn’t bad—I like the main character and the characters that were introduced—but there are also significant flaws, namely the pacing. Everything happens too fast, and there’s a lack of detail. I don’t even know how to explain it, but each chapter covers just one day of the week, and far too little of what happened that day is actually shown. For example, when he removed Mai’s curse through massage, we only got a brief glimpse of their interaction in the first few minutes, and then it immediately skipped to the next day. We didn’t get to see the characters' thoughts, their interactions during the massage, or what happened afterward.
Then there’s the situation with Mahiro and Mashiro—it showed them starting to talk after meeting for the first time, and then immediately skipped to the next day, where they were already inseparable. That doesn’t make sense.
The author has too many ideas and tries to cram too many of them into a short timeframe. For example, the group chat—it was introduced, ignored for several chapters, then briefly mentioned again when he greeted everyone, only to be forgotten for multiple chapters afterward.
Another small example: during a mission in another world, he told the characters that in his world, they were anime characters. I don’t mind this since it would be silly to hide it when they could just come to his world through the group chat and see for themselves. At the time, they even asked him to give them a copy of the anime so they’d know what to expect in the future and see what it was all about. But after the mission, this was never brought up again—as if he completely forgot about it. And for dozens of chapters afterward, the group chat itself wasn’t even mentioned.
Small details like showing them their own anime are missing. For instance, he could have downloaded the anime on his phone and shared it with them, but such moments weren’t even hinted at.
It would be great if the author could rewrite this fanfic, adding more details and deeper character interactions.
