This feels very forced. Start off well, but you had to look for love interests so soon and so hastily. It all felt very unorganic. His maid contributes nothing when she speaks. I recommend you keep her quiet. Treat the filler characters for what they are. Don't try to give them value if you are going to discard them early.
Huhu_Huhu_8594
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LIKEThanks for leaving a review and giving constructive critism. I forgot to put the no-romance tag as I actually planned to have no love-interests in the story, because I have no idea how to write good romance. Mai might look like one but I thought that her childish crush on Megumi should be included within the fanfic, because I remembered a q&a where you find out that Mai had a crush on Megumi. Megumi will not be responding to her feelings. You're right about the filler characters like the maid and doctor. They are unimportant and I haven't even given them names. Trust me, I don't want to make too many OC's, as it gets confusing. But they need to exist for the story to progress and they haven't done that much really in the story. If they didn't exist, every chapter would only be about training and fighting, because the story is placed in the Zenin Clan, where the sorcerers probably do nothing else. Still I will try to do better.
Perhaps my review was a bit rushed, after all there were not many chapters. But the points I criticized are not as bad as I may have made them out to be. Especially the part about Mai.
Huhu_Huhu_8594:Thanks for leaving a review and giving constructive critism. I forgot to put the no-romance tag as I actually planned to have no love-interests in the story, because I have no idea how to write good romance. Mai might look like one but I thought that her childish crush on Megumi should be included within the fanfic, because I remembered a q&a where you find out that Mai had a crush on Megumi. Megumi will not be responding to her feelings. You're right about the filler characters like the maid and doctor. They are unimportant and I haven't even given them names. Trust me, I don't want to make too many OC's, as it gets confusing. But they need to exist for the story to progress and they haven't done that much really in the story. If they didn't exist, every chapter would only be about training and fighting, because the story is placed in the Zenin Clan, where the sorcerers probably do nothing else. Still I will try to do better.