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Itachi_Uchiha000
Itachi_Uchiha000Lv11yr
2024-03-05 00:21

The protagonist's character development kinda suck. But the idea is hella good. But you need to fix on how the character should be at least ambitious than before.

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DaoistRUH792
DaoistRUH792Author

Why? He is immortal. Ambitions die out at the age he is at.

TheDudeThatReads
TheDudeThatReadsLv14

i believe he had ambition when he got to know the light and dark sides of the force. after that came calmness, something one naturally developes with age. also, in which way is the creation of a planet and a whole new race not ambitious?

ErozothDraeor
ErozothDraeorLv6

Why ambition? Because it makes life interesting, it makes a story interesting more importantly. No ambition in a story: Sit down... do nothing. Hooray, you are immortal and can see real life pass by.

DaoistRUH792:Why? He is immortal. Ambitions die out at the age he is at.
Pekokopiko
PekokopikoLv13

i see, so that's why it's bland as f

DaoistRUH792:Why? He is immortal. Ambitions die out at the age he is at.
Raptor2244
Raptor2244Lv14

I mean, those with lesser willpower maybe? I certainly wouldn’t enjoy an immortal life. But this guy is the MC of a novel and has to have some sort of grand goal in life or it’ll be boring. I’m enjoying it now but in 20 chapters? 30? Without any kind of concrete goals and enemies to oppose them (even if they are weak and can’t realistically harm him) the story will fizzle out. Conflict, strife, growth, ambition, overcoming adversity are the backbone of every interesting story out there. Comedy and romance add flavor to a story. So far I haven’t really seen any of these things in the novel except him overcoming the downsides of immortality. Most of what is written so far are what I would deem as “prologue” and “side story #‘x’”. I’ve been a pretty avid reader all my life and I’ve never read a good story that doesn’t have most of what I’ve listed above. You should check out Odin the boundless and that guys other novel. They are very similar to your novel though I believe your novel is slightly better. He doesn’t have most of the things written above either and his novels are dry. Like reading a textbook.

DaoistRUH792:Why? He is immortal. Ambitions die out at the age he is at.
_YATO_
_YATO_Lv3

I think ambitionlessness (not a real word) should come after achieving some grand ambitions.

DaoistRUH792:Why? He is immortal. Ambitions die out at the age he is at.
LordEgzekutor
LordEgzekutorLv1

You all are right and wrong at the same time. Ambition might be nesesery and might be not. Mc is truly immortal ,cannot be killer nor die willingly or not. Fear is also powerful motivation but if you cant die then why fear death? After thusands of years why would you care about mortals? You saw everything and everyone you loved turn into dust. You will start to keep them away to avoid pain of loss. And about empire building thing - Mc can create planets. In cannon star wars no being could posibly rival him. Conquest would be like destroying ant nest - you can do it but what is the point? They cant stop you doesnt matter how hard they tried. I think we should treat Mc less like active character but kind of stereotypical Monk , wise old man , maybe even god. He teach others becouse there is nothing more to learn nor do to. He dont longer think like human and should not be treated as one. And if he decides to help becouse someone ask him to its not weird for him do refuse ( if it is something easy for him , probably hard for everyone else). How would you react if bunch of ants ask you for some honey? It is nothing special for you and for them is something almost unachivable. You will help them not cuz you are nice but becouse ANT JUST TALKED TO YOU. Its something unusual and intresting . I think same thing goes for mc and his relations with other sentient beings ( exept force) . That's only my personal opinion pls dont burn me on stake pls

Other Reviews
Raptor2244
Raptor2244Lv14

So I’ve read a couple reviews as well as the novel and I have to say that you’ve done a pretty good job in my opinion. I like how you didn’t have a ROB that’s always pretentious and illogical. I also like how you made his character OP but in a way that took some effort (and a lot of time). I like how the MC was transported back millions of years and can just enjoy growing and creating without having to deal with a disaster right off the bat. I also like how he’s not a hero of justice or a crazy evil lunatic. I also greatly appreciate the setting. There are surprisingly few good Star Wars fanfiction. Now, while it’s a very good idea, the execution is a so-so. I’m not a writer so I cannot tell you how to correct this but I can offer my point of view. First of all the story reads kind of like a grocery list. It’s pretty dry and if I didn’t enjoy the subject matter I would probably get bored. Second the MC personality is indeed a little lacking. Although I think this is because he has been alone for so long, a loner MC who doesn’t interact with others is a boring MC, unless the inner monolgue is interesting in some way. Third, your character doesn’t really have any overarching goal/purpose. Having a goal adds spice to a story because it gives drive and because there will inevitably be people who oppose that goal. Now I can’t offer you any advice on how to fix this but I can offer you some fanfics I’ve enjoyed that I believe did some things very well. First of all “The Lone Wanderer” series on ff.net fits your MC personality well. although in that story MC is forced and can’t chose where he goes, I believe your MC and that MC have a similar personality. Second you can look at “Harry potter and a galaxy far far away”. For this you either like it or you don’t but there’s long spans of working on tech/force abilities and somehow the author makes it not boring. Finally, I would look at “The questionable burdens of leadership of a troll emperor”. I dislike a lot of things in this novel, mostly the MC view on s*x and “free love” and there’s some racism but that doesn’t bother me as much because a lot of it is pretty accurate IMO. However the author absolutely nailed kingdom building, OP MC, and the consequences a long life will have on personality and view of others. Perhaps I gave too much advice and your not really that serious about writing. But either way I think you have an excellent idea and are doing a pretty good job executing it. You just need to tweak some stuff. Thanks for the fic.

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