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Abir_Mahmood
Abir_MahmoodLv46mth
2024-10-10 18:54

Tatsuma should establish the following institutions when he becomes hokage- 1.Ninjutsu Research institute.(chief of this institution should be orochimaru and vice chief Yakushi kabuto) 2.Genjutsu hall.(it should function like a cinema hall but instead of cinema the audience can enjoy carefully crafted genjutsu.The uchiha ,kurama and yuhi clan should run this institution.) 3.Flying Thunder god squad.(Leader -Minato) 4.ANBU(Chief -sakumo hatake) 5.Eight Gates squad.(Leader -Might Duy) 6.Instantaneous Transport (Transportation company,Goods and person transported using flying thunder god throughout fire nation and ninja world, Owner -Tatsuma) 7.Fresh produce(Agricultural produce company,tatsuma uses wood release to grow various edible plants ,Owner-Tatsuma) 8.Hostel(Here the orphaned children who have the potential to become ninja resides while attending the ninja academy, Caretaker -Yakushi Nono.)

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Other Reviews
SaishoMysteriarch
SaishoMysteriarchLv5

I happen to need more reviews under my belt to get an achievement and this has potential so might as well. No need to dance around it long story short, writing style. This story reads more like an academic paper than a fanfic and that is no complement. The words used are just way too sophisticated (accolades, tumultuous, etc). I'm not a native English speaker but I think that I have some pretty good vocabulary, so it's not often and even rare that I have to stop and Google what words mean. And this isn't just the way things are described in third person this also affects the way characters talk, kids shouldn't be talking the same way mediaeval scholars Flirt, no matter how mature they are or even if one of them is reincarnated (except if he came from mediaeval nobility in his past life), in general no one speaks like that, not in this world. This a naruto fic not the retelling of captain Holt's childhood. Okay past all of that let's leave this on a good note no need to leave a bad aftertaste. The Characters are pretty good so far (chapter 7) and the situations are genuinely funny. The system hasn't been shown too much yet but it's the first time I have seen one like it so that's always a plus. Overall a good story held back by the way it's written, I won't assume how you end up with this final product, but a last minute edit by hand to make it more natural will make some massive improvements. Just in general if it's not in a 13 year old's vocabulary it shouldn't be in the fic, at the very least not as often as it is now.

Silvero8
Silvero8Lv1
sakuraii
sakuraiiLv1
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