webnovel
jeanofarc
jeanofarcLv21yr
2024-02-14 20:00

This novel is good so far, I can understand and visualize the scenes clearly. I read the synopsis and despite the short length, the story is fairly simple to follow and read. I like the idea of arranged marriage and how it can negatively impact the relationships between families and friends around. My only complaints I guess would be about the dialogue and splitting of scenes, along with backstories. Have you tried making a timeline of past events? Writing flashback scenes can be quite difficult, so if you aren’t a professional or an expert I suggest narrating everything from the beginning instead of inserting a random flashback scene of Camille and Neil falling in love. The dialogue also seems inauthentic in a way where the sentences are too detailed in terms of word choice. I suggest breaking down your dialogue into shorter sentences. Make as many sentences as possible but ensure that they aren’t too long, otherwise your characters may not feel like real people speaking. Anyways, those are the only weaknesses I can spot so far. The rest is good, I like the presence of emotions within the characters that I can visibly distinguish who is speaking. Romance, bad boys, and angels aren’t really my type of thing, but based on me reading your novels I can distinguish your style and taste that it stands out for me. Keep it up! And if you have any concerns, feel free to message me in the forums or on the server. All the best!

Liked it!

LIKE
empty img

No replies. Be the first!

Related Stories

Signing-In: The Lazy Moon Goddess

Yue Xuexia is just an ordinary salted fish that rarely lives in her house, but suddenly one day she woke up, received a sign-in system, and thought she was dreaming. The sign-in system rewarded her with multiple things, including houses, money, cars, and talent scrolls, which led her to the life of the richest lady in the world. She could sign in once a day. One morning, with her eyes groggily and blurry, Xuexia was welcomed by a holographic screen only she could see. Yes, like the ones in the novels and manga. Ding! Xuexia waves her hand in the empty air and mumbles, "Noisy, I told you to turn off the damn alarm, whoever owns it!" When a robotic voice lingered near her ears saying, Signed in successfully. Congratulations to the host, and you've received [1 Million RMB in cash!] Xuexia, who is currently in need of great money, was in disbelief as she looked at the words one million and laughed. "Heh~ even in my dream, I was wishing to receive free money. What nonsense, let's go back to sleep. Yue Xuexia was about to close her eyes back to sleep when the old touch screen phone near her pillow vibrates. Bzzt~ Bzzzzzt~ "Urg~ who the hell is calling now?" complained Yue Xuexia in her half-asleep state. She picked up the phone only to see a message notification saying the following words: [Your bank card account ending with 5567 had received a deposit transfer from XXXX at 6:45 am. You had received a 1 million deposit and your current saving balance is 1,003,000.00 RMB (Autumn Field landbank)] Yue Xuaxia mumbled in disbelief and said, "Fucking hell! This is awesome." Who doesn’t like free things?~' This lady wants it too!!!

Nilphy · Urban
5.0
370 Chs

Madam’s Identities Shocks the Entire City Again

Qiao Nian lived in the Qiao family’s house for 18 years before her biological parents found her. Suddenly, all the wealthy families in the city knew that the Qiao family had a fake daughter! A true daughter of an affluent family would be talented, gentle, and kind. A fake daughter would not be able to pick up any skills and accomplish nothing. Everyone wanted to see how miserable she would become when she went back to her ravine after being kicked out of a rich family! Qiao Nian also thought that her biological parents were poor teachers from Luohe County. Who knew that her brother drove a Phaeton that was worth three hundred thousand yuan! Her biological father was also a professor who taught at Tsinghua University! The big boss of the family of scums became a bootlicker and bowed in front of her grandpa… Qiao Nian was dumbfounded. Erm… this wasn’t the same as saying yes! After being freed from the family of scums, Qiao Nian was able to be herself. She was the top student in the college entrance examination, a live broadcast star and the heir of an invaluable cultural heritage… Her identities were revealed and when she started to appear on the hot searches in the city, the family of scums turned green. The anti-fans mocked: What’s the point of trying to fake an image? Aren’t you just sticking to my brother everyday? Qiao Nian responded: I’m sorry but I already have a match. Top Brother: @Qiao Nian. Let me introduce her to everyone. This is my sister. Wealthy Grandpa: My dear granddaughter, why are you working so hard? If you want a bicycle, grandpa will buy it for you! The rich and powerful in Beijing spread a rumor that Master Wang was hiding a wife in his luxurious house. No matter how much people tried to persuade him, he never took her out to meet anyone. If he were asked, he would say the same sentence. “My wife is from the countryside and she is shy.” That was until one day when someone saw the noble and cold Master Wang holding a girl’s slender waist while hiding in a corner of a wall and muttering with red eyes. “Baby, when will you give me a title?” [Fake daughter who is from a truly wealthy family] + [Two big bosses]

Brother Ling · Urban
4.5
3665 Chs

Overnight Hit: Vicious Stepmother and Genius Son

Ye Zhenzhen, the omnipotent queen of the film industry, transmigrated as the despised cannon-fodder villainess and wicked stepmother in a novel. Her husband was wealthy but had a superficial relationship with her, and her stepson was adorable but indifferent towards her. According to the book's original plot, this cannon-fodder villainess was about to face a tragic ending... Ye Zhenzhen thought, 'Since I've transmigrated into the book, why should I fear these 2D characters?' In the face of her cold and distant plastic husband's words, she retorted, "How can a grown man with a body temperature of thirty-seven degrees speak such icy and heartless words to his wife?" Then, she was faced with the irrational demands of her stepson's classmate's mother, "Ye Zhenzhen, you owe me an apology." She scoffed disdainfully, "Apologize to you? Will you kneel and listen to me if I do?" With her outstanding professional skills, she turned her life around by hosting a parent-child variety show, becoming an overnight sensation, and receiving countless acting offers! The stepson, who used to address her distantly and never as his mother, suddenly said, "My mom, Ye Zhenzhen, is the kindest and most beautiful woman in the world!" Haters: "So what if she's pretty? She married an old man for money!" One day, her plastic husband appeared at a charity gala and introduced himself, "Hello, everyone. I am Ye Zhenzhen's husband, the rumored old man." The audience below couldn't believe their eyes and ears! The handsome and wealthy CEO of Huan Ya Group was Ye Zhenzhen's husband?! Haters: "Being slapped back in the face like this hurt like hell!!"

Ruo Li · Urban
4.3
621 Chs

My Multiple Identities Revealed After Marrying the Bigshot

In her previous life, she rose from a country girl to become a CEO, working diligently until she died of overwork at 38, only to find that she had been greatly betrayed by her useless husband, who even had a child outside their marriage. When she opened her eyes, she was back to being eighteen years old, facing grandparents who favored boys over girls, a father who was honest and kind but dared not resist his parents, her mother who loved them deeply but was easily bullied by others, and her brother who still loved her despite her coldness. In this life, she decided to take her family away from those greedy relatives, save her brother from a fate of disability, and stay away from her useless ex-husband. Unexpectedly, she saved an even more important person by the roadside. "Your husband is just a country bumpkin; he didn't even get into university. How could you live well with him?" her ex-husband said. One day, a Bentley stopped next to her. A driver got out and bowed to her, saying, "Madam, the Boss is waiting for you for dinner." "I know that car! It belongs to a rich family!" someone exclaimed. "Did he just call her Madam?" another person asked. ... "Did you hear? He brought a country girl home?" "They say that girl is his wife. Isn't it funny?" "Madam has arrived!" said the steward. "OMG, it's the talented girl from the famous university!" "Dear lord! She is the legend of the A-shares!" "I'm just so shocked..." "Hey, guys, she is my wife," he said.

As If Dawn · Urban
4.4
515 Chs

The Heiress Acts Mischievously, But Her Family Can Read Her Mind

After switching bodies, Jiang Nan Shu becomes the villainous true daughter in a melodramatic tale and is bound to an all-encompassing revulsion system. If everyone's level of disgust for her reaches 100, she can return to her original world with a prize of ten billion. Being reckless is just one of her many skills. Starting with a disgust level of 89, Jiang Nan Shu sets a modest goal for herself: to live a life collecting easy money within six months. Unbeknownst to her, everyone can hear her inner thoughts! When facing the domineering CEO eldest brother, she says outwardly, "I think this project is excellent and will make a fortune." Inwardly she thinks, "I hope you don’t go bankrupt! Once you're out, I'll steal your company's secrets." When dealing with the indifferent medical second brother: outwardly, "The food at your colleagues' gathering looks so appetizing." Inwardly she thinks, "I'll switch tables when the second brother picks food, to avoid catching any diseases from him." When facing the sickly research third brother, she says outwardly, "Third brother, you're amazing to conduct such tough experiments, keep going." Inwardly she thinks, "I’ll gracefully exit before your experiment explodes." When interacting with the pop star fourth brother: outwardly, "These songs suit you so well, sing them all, and fame is just around the corner." Inwardly, "Just wait for the news to break about your tax evasion." When advising the love-struck fifth brother: outwardly, "She's taking an hour out of her busy schedule to be with you because she loves you." Inwardly, "You’ve been turned into a grassland of green; your goddess has a different companion morning, noon, and night. Bet you didn't see that coming!" As the male protagonist looks at her with increasingly deep eyes, saying, "Let's be together," Jiang Nan Shu weeps, saying, "Don't let your sister misunderstand, I'm not worthy!" Internally, "Money's hard to earn, crap's hard to swallow, the life of a supporting character matters too!" However... why does she end up as the darling of the whole group in the end?

Mu Tingfeng · Urban
4.7
167 Chs