jeanofarc

Reading this story made me think of many questions. I really want to know how this man just gets by just from cheating his way out of things, and how he even achieved a computer science degree with all his unethical activities. Moving on to the story, I really enjoyed it. However, I do have some suggestions; Your synopsis needs improvement. I just skimmed through it because it doesn’t catch one’s attention. In fact, I only came to understand more of your story reading the actual novel. One more suggestion is to give your MC a personality that matches his schemes of continuous cheating. Perhaps make him a bit mischievous and a prankster, literally anything. Add some emotion to his lines, perhaps some exclamations here and there, and laughing. Example: “I chuckled as I look back on how I managed to cheat my way across different games with utmost ease.” First-person perspective stories are hard to nail, so I understand. Anyhow I enjoyed reading your novel and added it to my collections. These are just my two cents so far, so I hope you can take these with a grain of salt since I’m just a newbie writer. 😅

This novel is good so far, I can understand and visualize the scenes clearly. I read the synopsis and despite the short length, the story is fairly simple to follow and read. I like the idea of arranged marriage and how it can negatively impact the relationships between families and friends around. My only complaints I guess would be about the dialogue and splitting of scenes, along with backstories. Have you tried making a timeline of past events? Writing flashback scenes can be quite difficult, so if you aren’t a professional or an expert I suggest narrating everything from the beginning instead of inserting a random flashback scene of Camille and Neil falling in love. The dialogue also seems inauthentic in a way where the sentences are too detailed in terms of word choice. I suggest breaking down your dialogue into shorter sentences. Make as many sentences as possible but ensure that they aren’t too long, otherwise your characters may not feel like real people speaking. Anyways, those are the only weaknesses I can spot so far. The rest is good, I like the presence of emotions within the characters that I can visibly distinguish who is speaking. Romance, bad boys, and angels aren’t really my type of thing, but based on me reading your novels I can distinguish your style and taste that it stands out for me. Keep it up! And if you have any concerns, feel free to message me in the forums or on the server. All the best!

Neil is a walking red flag 🚩

I like reading the Author’s Thoughts, it gives me some insights on how you came up with this story. I love stories based off of true experiences. 😅

I suggest replacing the word ‘impossible’ with another stand-in adjective.

For a CEO, Neil is kind of immature. Also, a caged lion as a gift can be too much, imagine the weight it takes to lift it. I suggest changing the gift to another live animal (something that can be domesticated, like a dog or a cat I guess) so it looks more authentic, and not something like a caged lion. Because how would Camille actually take care of it? Anyhow, I’ll carry on 😅

I’m on neither side 😅 They need a lot of counseling. Also, arranged marriage? Now I get why they wouldn’t get along that well.

😯😯😯😯 Don’t tell me he killed that lion for her….

This husband may be a little inconsistent with the way he shows love to Camille. I also have a question: How are these two working together? Any backstory? 😊

Oh dear….😭