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Garland
GarlandLv48mth
2024-03-11 15:46

The idea for the story is interesting but the execution is very lacking. The voice in his head is never explained, it just happens and even if Bete knows it, it's never given much of an explanation. Is it someone from Earth who resides within Bete's mind or what? Maybe because Bete reference's earth things that shouldn't make sense in Orario but we never really get to it. This overall make's Bete's perspective very confusing and just feel out of place sometimes. If your story centered on having someone from Earth who knows Danmachi reside within Bete's mind and talking to him, the overall execution could have been done much better. Also, i don't really like the quotes and references to other form of media. It's not even funny and it comes off as very strange and just removes the feel of the reading. It's just being said by the other character which doesn't make sense.

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4.2
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