webnovel
Kono_Timoda
Kono_TimodaLv38mth
2024-03-12 07:06

Honestly it's a pretty poor quality fanfictions, like 3/5 . I was expecting a FF that will have the MC and kushina learn to love each other and fall in love and see how there relationship blooms. But, it's a wish fulfilment and what you get is a decent third-rate fic that honestly feels like the author has no experience: the environment is not described, immersive is easily broken, the pov changes happen too fast and the author seems to focus on the system a lot rather than the characters. It feels like I'm reading script with extra details, like after this event this happens, instead of an outsider watching a story. I feel like Ch 1 - 20 was a good start and then 20 - 40, with how you introduced each love interest, started to feel very cheap. There was no tension and each relationship feels shallow. Plus starting to feel like a translation (I know it's not a translation) and phases feel unnaturally to read. For the author, I feel like you are trying to do too much for each chapter, and you don't give time for the plot points to breath. Either slow it down and try and make the dialogue more natural or extend the chapters to 3000 words, 1000 is way too low for what you are trying to do. Great idea btw, keep on trying 👍🏾

Minato May Have Been Your Father But He Ain't Your Daddy

Life_sa_Beach_
4.7
99 Chs

Liked by 8 people

LIKE
Replies4
Life_sa_Beach_
Life_sa_Beach_Author

Great Sir , are you Dan Brown or JK rowling in disguise? The way you talk , you must be very experienced in writing right ? You must be right ? Critisizing a fan fic for not going in the direction you want , I just found it funny. Dude I really don't have any experience , this is my first fic , that part you are correct , but the rest ..... don't worry we believe you !!!

8mth
4
Kono_Timoda
Kono_TimodaLv3

You want an honest review or not 🤷‍♂️ I had expectations and they werent met and I am letting other people know, what you expect me to do?

Life_sa_Beach_:Great Sir , are you Dan Brown or JK rowling in disguise? The way you talk , you must be very experienced in writing right ? You must be right ? Critisizing a fan fic for not going in the direction you want , I just found it funny. Dude I really don't have any experience , this is my first fic , that part you are correct , but the rest ..... don't worry we believe you !!!
image
8mth
3
Ireallylikereading
IreallylikereadingLv4

hey man, can you please tell me if female naruto is in the harem or not. thanks in advance bro

Life_sa_Beach_:Great Sir , are you Dan Brown or JK rowling in disguise? The way you talk , you must be very experienced in writing right ? You must be right ? Critisizing a fan fic for not going in the direction you want , I just found it funny. Dude I really don't have any experience , this is my first fic , that part you are correct , but the rest ..... don't worry we believe you !!!
image
8mth
Life_sa_Beach_
Life_sa_Beach_Author

more or less , they would be father-cons

Ireallylikereading:hey man, can you please tell me if female naruto is in the harem or not. thanks in advance bro
8mth
Other Reviews
DaoistcaqwL5
DaoistcaqwL5Lv4

reading 9 chapter, here is brief summary of the novel, it chinese novel the user translated, however it more like director cut version rather than true translation where this person here have significanly changed novel, for the better, because the raw version can cause your blood level to spike(if it doesn't then be ashame at your self) it's good and interesting but its slice of life, which not everyone cup of tea,

11mth

Skaviouz
SkaviouzLv14

I was confused until I realized this is a fanfiction of a fanfiction. The MTL didn't have a system, I like this version more, and I don't think it's just because it's easier to read, because it totally is. I also noticed some plot points were removed, but I think that's your freedom as a fanfic author and good riddance.

10mth
Cloud_could
Cloud_couldLv3

Excellent! Fantastic! A Masterpiece in making. I have fallen in love with the cuteness of kushina and the cast with all the goods and bads(none) i embrace this holy grail. YOU! YES, YOU who is wasting time reading comments, go and take a sip of this heavenly nectar and come back as a true man of culture. I mean it stop scrolling and go read its {chef's kiss}.

9mth
Ed_Kousuke
Ed_KousukeLv4

I found the MTL version is more enjoyable to read although it is a MTL. One of the thing I found is the MTL version is more light and contain more sense of humour while this one feeling more heavy. This one portrayed the third hokage as an old guilt-ridden man while the real character of the old man is very sly. This cne tried to push danzo as an enemy for targeting the MC. It is said that this translation trying to maintain the slice of life genre in this novel but it cut so many interesting conversation between the characters. overall i think the MTL version is more enjoyable as an slice of life novel.. i don't know how long my comment will exist here...

9mth
Keyboard_Warrior69
Keyboard_Warrior69Lv14

I'm confused, is this storry NTR because in the synopsis it was written "Dad why is my hair color different then yours" 🤔

12mth
MARLENE_ANGEL
MARLENE_ANGELLv1

OK, TRUTH NO BS-THANK YOU AUTHOR FOR THE EPIC FUN NOVEL- YOU MIGHT GUY HAVE GOLD HERE PEOPLE DO NOT BE DUMB AND READ THIS NOVEL OR BE DUMB ANIMALS THAT CAN NOT READ OR BE DUMB FOR FUN...THIS NOVEL IS FUN AND THOSE NOT WASTE YOUR TIME.[img=update]

9mth
PelerinliKeltos
PelerinliKeltosLv4

10mth
_kadayadi_thambi_
_kadayadi_thambi_Lv14

i like this translation very much. and hope you will keep translating this. and i read some of the mtl chapters of this novel and i have to say you did a great job translating and improving this novel👍👍👍👍👍👍

12mth
YourDad_
YourDad_Lv4

I can't thank author enough for improving the original ff. The original trash but with a bit of Author's touch it had become a Masterpiesce

10mth
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