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Kono_Timoda
Kono_TimodaLv31yr
2024-03-12 07:06

Honestly it's a pretty poor quality fanfictions, like 3/5 . I was expecting a FF that will have the MC and kushina learn to love each other and fall in love and see how there relationship blooms. But, it's a wish fulfilment and what you get is a decent third-rate fic that honestly feels like the author has no experience: the environment is not described, immersive is easily broken, the pov changes happen too fast and the author seems to focus on the system a lot rather than the characters. It feels like I'm reading script with extra details, like after this event this happens, instead of an outsider watching a story. I feel like Ch 1 - 20 was a good start and then 20 - 40, with how you introduced each love interest, started to feel very cheap. There was no tension and each relationship feels shallow. Plus starting to feel like a translation (I know it's not a translation) and phases feel unnaturally to read. For the author, I feel like you are trying to do too much for each chapter, and you don't give time for the plot points to breath. Either slow it down and try and make the dialogue more natural or extend the chapters to 3000 words, 1000 is way too low for what you are trying to do. Great idea btw, keep on trying 👍🏾

Liked by 16 people

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Replies9
Life_sa_Beach_
Life_sa_Beach_Author

Great Sir , are you Dan Brown or JK rowling in disguise? The way you talk , you must be very experienced in writing right ? You must be right ? Critisizing a fan fic for not going in the direction you want , I just found it funny. Dude I really don't have any experience , this is my first fic , that part you are correct , but the rest ..... don't worry we believe you !!!

Kono_Timoda
Kono_TimodaLv3

You want an honest review or not 🤷‍♂️ I had expectations and they werent met and I am letting other people know, what you expect me to do?

Life_sa_Beach_:Great Sir , are you Dan Brown or JK rowling in disguise? The way you talk , you must be very experienced in writing right ? You must be right ? Critisizing a fan fic for not going in the direction you want , I just found it funny. Dude I really don't have any experience , this is my first fic , that part you are correct , but the rest ..... don't worry we believe you !!!
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Ireallylikereading
IreallylikereadingLv4

hey man, can you please tell me if female naruto is in the harem or not. thanks in advance bro

Life_sa_Beach_:Great Sir , are you Dan Brown or JK rowling in disguise? The way you talk , you must be very experienced in writing right ? You must be right ? Critisizing a fan fic for not going in the direction you want , I just found it funny. Dude I really don't have any experience , this is my first fic , that part you are correct , but the rest ..... don't worry we believe you !!!
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Life_sa_Beach_
Life_sa_Beach_Author

more or less , they would be father-cons

Ireallylikereading:hey man, can you please tell me if female naruto is in the harem or not. thanks in advance bro
Maverick122
Maverick122Lv1

Dude, you should have realised from his complaints after or before each episode that he is a person who is closed to criticism.

Kono_Timoda:You want an honest review or not 🤷‍♂️ I had expectations and they werent met and I am letting other people know, what you expect me to do?
FoolishYoungMaster
FoolishYoungMasterLv13

Yeah real mature hide behind experience instead of accepting or rejecting the criticism. The criticisms given were valid and were presented respectfully.

Life_sa_Beach_:Great Sir , are you Dan Brown or JK rowling in disguise? The way you talk , you must be very experienced in writing right ? You must be right ? Critisizing a fan fic for not going in the direction you want , I just found it funny. Dude I really don't have any experience , this is my first fic , that part you are correct , but the rest ..... don't worry we believe you !!!
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Life_sa_Beach_
Life_sa_Beach_Author

Sure .... whatever makes you happy

FoolishYoungMaster:Yeah real mature hide behind experience instead of accepting or rejecting the criticism. The criticisms given were valid and were presented respectfully.
Door_kun
Door_kunLv4

Oh, whatever should I do? I’m no chef, so technically I’m not supposed to complain that the overpriced, dry fried chicken I just ate wasn’t delicious. Well, that would be a problem if I had stolen it, eaten it anyway, and then shouted about how bad it was. But the chef gave it to me for free, so I can do whatever I want — even toss it in the trash and go buy something better. Bad news, though. The chef got mad at me just because I said I didn’t like it. I hadn’t even thrown it out yet, but he kept ranting about how I had no sense of taste, pointing at me like I was the one who didn’t know what real gourmet food was. He even said that since I’m not a chef, I have no right to judge what’s delicious and what’s not. It kinda reminds me of that guy on YouTube who responded to some feminist extremist screaming, "You do not know what a woman is! What right do you, a man, have to define a woman?" The guy was so nice — he just calmly asked, "Do you know what a cat is?" And the extremist immediately went silent. Like I said, he was nice. If it had been me, I probably would’ve asked, "Do you know what a dog is?" You see, following that extremist's logic, if you can define a cat or a dog, that must mean you are a cat or a dog. And well, a female dog is basically a btch*, so... Oh my, look at me rambling like an old man. Anyway — you get what I’m saying?

Life_sa_Beach_:Sure .... whatever makes you happy
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Life_sa_Beach_
Life_sa_Beach_Author

Door_kun:Oh, whatever should I do? I’m no chef, so technically I’m not supposed to complain that the overpriced, dry fried chicken I just ate wasn’t delicious. Well, that would be a problem if I had stolen it, eaten it anyway, and then shouted about how bad it was. But the chef gave it to me for free, so I can do whatever I want — even toss it in the trash and go buy something better. Bad news, though. The chef got mad at me just because I said I didn’t like it. I hadn’t even thrown it out yet, but he kept ranting about how I had no sense of taste, pointing at me like I was the one who didn’t know what real gourmet food was. He even said that since I’m not a chef, I have no right to judge what’s delicious and what’s not. It kinda reminds me of that guy on YouTube who responded to some feminist extremist screaming, "You do not know what a woman is! What right do you, a man, have to define a woman?" The guy was so nice — he just calmly asked, "Do you know what a cat is?" And the extremist immediately went silent. Like I said, he was nice. If it had been me, I probably would’ve asked, "Do you know what a dog is?" You see, following that extremist's logic, if you can define a cat or a dog, that must mean you are a cat or a dog. And well, a female dog is basically a btch*, so... Oh my, look at me rambling like an old man. Anyway — you get what I’m saying?
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