While a crossover slice-of-life with an op MC isn’t anything special or wrong, one problem to be aware of is the portrayal of the characters themselves. Mannerism, wat of speaking, actions, decisions, all of this has already been laid out to you by someone else, just try to emulate it as much as possible. Erica is the most blatant example of this, she’s confident to the point of excessive pridt, yet here she’s lacking certain aspects of her character when compared to the manga/novel/anime. Everyone also suffers from dialogue being too amateurish, not leaving much distinction on who’s who at most times. If it weren’t for writing down who was actually speaking, it falls off in immersion. Writing quality needs a bit of work, a lot of telling rather than showing, makes the dialogue less interesting for sure.
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