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Crown_Nyx
Crown_NyxLv131yr
2023-07-27 06:30

he story is great, my only complaint is the information dump at some point. I suggest removing it and slowly revealing it as the character reaches that level. Other than that a great overall read.

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Replies3
RavenCorella
RavenCorellaAuthor

Thanks for the input <3

Mauritany_DL
Mauritany_DLLv4

Meh, they were warned.

RavenCorella:Thanks for the input <3
RavenCorella
RavenCorellaAuthor

Even gave a TL:DR :sad:

Mauritany_DL:Meh, they were warned.
Other Reviews
Mauritany_DL
Mauritany_DLLv4

This, is honestly really great. But I'll still go through the motions. Writing quality; I didn't see any grammatical errors, though that doesn't mean much if the story or world-building is garbage. The actions and reactions of the characters and the world around them are written in quite a pleasant way. Story development; The story seems to be building up well, a vampire threat appearantly, and I can't wait for some time shenanigens. Character design; Leonardo decaprio was done pretty well, though you should remember that this is semi-regressor story. The girl I presume to be his original wife is... I'm honestly not sure about her, she appearantly has some talent, which at least makes her, not, useless. If she were to get a bit to big for her britches, though, I'm sure to reccomend ways to mess with her. But if there were one complaint, the mc is pretty much just 'Generic strong-willed kid but with magical knowledge and a weird connection to a kid a year or two younger than him.' World background; This, this is great, and I'm going to only be talking about the magic system here, talk about what I know and all. The magic system has 9 sections, not elements, 'Sections'. Time, space, elements, mind, soul, ect. Now, I'm not that certain as to how it will be used yet, but I know a common pit fall; 'This element does that, and since the mage is stronger, there's more element!' Make sure to mix the sections, okay? Not just fire. But fire and mind, to make a fire that seems perfectly safe, and even comfortable, and then mix in some soul, so that the flame can burn the soul. Voila, you made a three section spell, let's call it 'Ensnaring soul fire'. Individual stars- Writing quality; 5* Stability of updates; 5* (Don't matter anyways) Story development; 4* (Due to it being slow paced at the moment) Character design; 4* (Due to there not being enough characterization) World background; 5* (You can really see that this was probably written before hand, and then adapted into a novel.) Conclusion; I'll be honest, since you won't pick up the other paths in detail, after you finish or get burnt-out by this novel, write something about another character in another time with a different path. It'd be a waste if this world only had one novel too be a door to it. PS; If anything important happens after (Chapter 12), I'm going to change this review to reflect it.

ToshiroOne
ToshiroOneLv3
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Armipotent

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HotIce · Fantasy
4.4
1915 Chs